A/N: This is the alternate ending I said I'd try out if there was interest. And yay, there was! This picks up about halfway through the last chapter. It begins after Katniss, Johanna, and Cashmere get back from the Capitol after killing Coin. Enjoy!

I awaken in a chair in the hospital section of Thirteen, my hand clasped with Cashmere's just as it was on the hovercraft. I don't know how they operated on her with me attached to her like a siamese twin, but she's breathing so that's all that matters. I slide the rolling chair over toward her head, gazing down at her sleeping form. My neck is sore from being leant over her bed for god knows how long, but I don't care.

The machine next to me beeps intermittently to tell me she's alive. She's fucking alive. For the upteenth time this woman has put her life on the line for me. Not just me, but also Katniss. I stroke her hair gently, entwining my fingers with her thick blonde locks. My thumb rubs the creases in her forehead that appear as she slowly begins to awaken.

"Mm Johanna," she whispers in a voice as light as mist. I can't help but smile sadly. I watch her eyes flutter open, straining against the bright lights above her head. Her eyes are slow to recognize where she is, but when she does her eyes roll in frustration. Her head rolls to the side and she finally takes me in. A genuine smile appears on her features, then her eyes narrow as she scrutinizes my appearance. I'm still in the assassin outfit, covered in her blood. "Your face is bloody."

"The rest of me doesn't look so bad though, right?" I say, giving a nod down at my outfit. Cashmere peers at me and smirks.

"You're insufferably hot even when you're a bloody, tired mess. It's fucking annoying." I blush and duck my head and I hear her chuckle. She winces painfully as the short movements must hurt her wound. I lift up her hospital shirt to inspect the bandages. "Don't go getting any ideas, Mason. I'm not in top form."

I raise my eyebrow at her and shake my head, looking at the bandage. They must have been able to remove the bullet and help heal her skin. There's not even blood on the white gauze. My fingers trace her skin around the gauze, eliciting goosebumps all around her stomach. I watch her fine abdominal muscles twitch beneath my touch. Her skin is much paler than I remember, probably due to the blood loss, no doubt.

"Tease," she whispers finally, bringing my attention up to her face. Her lips are set in a grin, her green eyes focus on me. Her raised eyebrow comes down as she takes a look around. "Where's your better half?"

"Katniss?" Cashmere rolls her eyes like I'm an idiot. "I don't know. I came with you into the operating room and she went back to her compartment, I guess?" Cashmere looks confused. I smile as I drag my hand down her stomach and clasp her hand in mine again. "I haven't left you since we got off the hovercraft."

The blonde looks at me with wide eyes, unable to stop the glistening of tears in them. She wets her lips with her tongue, looking away from me and up toward the ceiling. "You're making this hard for me."

"Making what hard for you?"

She lets out a sigh, still not looking toward me. "Because I'm in love with you and I want to be the bigger person. I want to step aside and let you be with Katniss. I want to find solace in the fact that you're happy and loved and protected." She tucks her upper lip between her teeth and then lets it go. "But I can't do that unless you let me go."

I know she's right. I don't want to string her along emotionally and just drop her off when I'm tired of her. I'm at such a crossroads that I don't respond. I simply continue to rub over her knuckles with my thumb. The first thing that pops into my mind, I say out loud. "What if I don't want to let you go?"

"Good morning Cashmere!" a dreadfully cheery nurses whips back the curtain that separates Cashmere from the empty beds in the hospital. She for a moment appraises our closeness with raised eyebrows but then returns them back down toward her eyes. "How are you feeling today, dear?"

Cashmere doesn't at all attempt to hide her annoyance at being interrupted. "Like I got shot in the stomach."

The nurse rolls her eyes good-naturedly and I move my seat back to allow the nurse to take Cashmere off the bed. "Is it okay if I take her for a little bit?"

It takes me a moment to realize she's talking to me and I smirk. "As long as she's back in one piece."

As the nurse goes to roll Cashmere out Haymitch walks in the room. "Cash! And how are you this morning?"

"Dandy, Haymitch, thanks for asking."

"Good to hear." He steps aside and lets the two women out, then faces me as he enters the room. "And how about you?"

I lean back in the chair, letting my breath out in a huff as I look at the blue-eyed older man. "Pretty good, considering. Did all go well with the transfer of power? Everything right in Panem once again?"

Haymitch pulls up a seat and sits in in backward, resting his arms on the back of the chair. He nods in affirmation, but the uneasy way he's sitting makes me suspicious. Something about the way he's looking at me is spreading a dread in my stomach. "Johanna, Katniss went back to Twelve."

While I'm upset she didn't say good-bye to me, I'm not entirely surprised. I figured she would go back to Twelve with her mother and Prim, and I'd either move my things there, or she'd move her things to my house. We hadn't exactly had a chance to talk about it yet. "What are you really trying to say?"

Haymitch clears his throat, shifting in his seat like it's made of hot coals. "It's not my place to get involved. She just said she wanted time alone. To tell you that she would talk to you soon. And not to follow her."

Not to follow her? What happened to if you go, I go? My whole world is tethered to her; anything else is unthinkable. I must look lost because Haymitch reaches forward over the chair to rest his hand on my leg. "I know this is hard for you, but that's what she wanted and I think you should respect that."

"Why?" I ask, trying to blink back the tears in my eyes.

"I don't really know. If I were to make an educated guess, I'd say it had something to do with how, um, devoted you are to your friend."

Anger begins slowly replacing sadness in my veins. "Are you kidding? Because of Cashmere? She really is fucking brainless."

"Johanna, can you blame her? That girl has saved your life a lot, she's clearly in love with you, and you haven't left her side in two days." Two days? I figured it had been a couple hours but apparently it's been two days since we got back to Thirteen. I stand up from my chair, pacing around the room anxiously.

"You know what? Fuck that. I'm not going to stick my tail between my legs because she's a little jealous." I storm toward the door as Haymitch grabs my wrist. I narrow my eyes at him. "I'm going to Twelve. She doesn't get to just run away from her problems. We didn't work this hard for this to end because she's being a fucking child."

I arrive in Twelve just a few hours later, still filled to the brim with my anger. As if anticipating my mood, dark thunderclouds form overheard and begin washing down hard droplets of rain. I pull the hood up of my assassin outfit that I'm still wearing (almost three days in a row now) and make my way toward the Victor's Village. A lot of Twelve is decimated, but the Victor's Village stands curiously unharmed. As if the Capitol didn't want to ruin something they had built themselves, to hell with everyone else.

I slam my open palm against the door when I get to the threshold. "Katniss!" I yell, smacking my palm against the door again. I continue smacking the door until my palm is red and raw. I know she's home. She wouldn't be out hunting in the rain. She's home and she's ignoring me. Very mature.

Finally the door opens as I pull my hand back to smack it again. I lower my arm to my side as Katniss reveals herself in the doorway, a flash of concern in her eyes as she sees how thoroughly soaked I am from standing in the rain for the last five minutes. "What do you want, Johanna?"

I pull my hood down, letting the rain pelt my hair and the face on my skin. I'm sure my make-up, if it hasn't already been ruined over the last two days, is now a mess. "What do you think, brainless? You left me in Thirteen without saying goodbye!"

Katniss closes the door behind her, staying beneath the cover of the awning above the door. "I told Haymitch to -"

"I know what you told Haymitch. What did I do, Katniss, hm? What did I do?" Tears begin mixing with the rain on my face as I stare into her grey eyes. "I can't think of a single moment where I didn't put you first. I have protected you and loved you since the day we met. I don't even know how to do anything else anymore. So what, please fucking tell me, did I do that you needed to get away from me?"

I hate how pathetic my voice sounds, but I can't do anything to stop it. I want to hide my desperation but it leaks through. "I'm sorry. I just..." Katniss inhales a shaky breath, her own tears glistening in her eyes. "I saw you with her and I sort of lost it."

"Saw me with Cashmere?"

Katniss nods. Her eyes drop down to the wet cement below my feet. "The way you look at her. Johanna, you're in love with her." The way she says it, with such finality, takes me by surprise.

"I love you," I say softly, lifting my hand to touch her face. Katniss takes my hand and puts it back next to my side. A sudden realization hits me: she didn't come here to give herself space. She came here to break things off with me. "Are you serious? You honestly think that I am capable of loving anyone else?"

"I do," she says sadly, one soft sob emitting from her throat before she clears it. "You care much more than you let on, I've always known that. You have a huge heart, hidden beneath all this attitude. I wanted to be the only one who could possess that big heart."

"You are," I insist.

"No, I'm not." Katniss shakes her head, stepping out into the rain with me. She brushes the hairs that are stuck to my cheeks behind my ear. "You do love her, that's clear. And I think you are in love with her, even if you can't admit it to yourself. You even said it; you haven't thought of anyone else but me since we met. I don't think you can clearly see that you have feelings for her."

"So that's just it? I don't even get a chance to make things right?" My voice is so high, so shrill, that it sounds totally unlike me.

"What do you want me to do, Johanna? Sit here while you go off and decide whether or not you're in love? I can't do that." She cups my face, her body shaking hard with sobs. "I love you so much. But if I'm not the only one in your life, I can't do this."

I want to shake her. I grab her shoulders and stare into her eyes with as much determination as I can muster. "You are the only one."

"No I'm not Johanna!"

"Yes you fucking are!"

"You can't stand here and tell me you don't love her! You're an awful fucking liar! I saw you! Nobody looks at their friends like that, Johanna! Just say it." Her voice cracks with tears as I slide down to my knees, wrapping my arms around her legs. She looks down at me, pushing my head back from her thighs. "Just say it," she whispers.

But I can't. I can't say it because if I say it, I know it will mean the end for us. All this time, all this fucking time we've spent fighting for our lives just to have a shot at a life together. And now that all the harm that could have befallen us is removed from the world, she wants to bail. "Please don't give up on me." I get myself to my feet, trying to regain my bearings. I can't believe this is happening. This is the kind of thing that happens in my nightmares before Snow walks in and kills Katniss.

"I know you love me. I never doubted that. But if you were truly in love with me, you never could have fallen in love with her." I want to throw up. I want to throw up and then stick a gun in my mouth and blow my brains out. "I just don't think I'll ever stop wondering if you still love her. I want you to be happy, and I want to be happy. But I don't think I can be happy with you if I'm constantly worried you're thinking of someone else. Especially if that someone else loves you as much as she does."

I clear my throat, rubbing my face on my sleeve. "So this is it? I never see you again? Katniss, I can't..."

She runs her fingers through my damp hair, getting tangled in my messy, wet locks. "We'll see each other again, I promise. I just need some time."

"No amount of time is going to erase how I feel for you," I say, shaking my head.

"I know. But you mean too much for me just to cut you out of my life."

"But you have to." Her eyes lock with mine, filled with sadness. "I don't know if I can see you again if I can't love you."

A long silence falls between us as Katniss considers this. I see her chest jerking with silent sobs, her hand rises to cover her mouth. She lowers her hand to her chest and sighs. "Then this is goodbye, Johanna." She takes my face in her hands and steps forward, kissing me fiercely but chastely on the lips. "I love you. And I hope that ...someday, you'll want to see me again. I'll be here."

I nod my head numbly and back away from her door. As I walk away from her door, I can't help but look over my shoulder at her. She looks so broken. I want to fix her but I'm the problem. Me and my stupid heart. I want to tear it out of my chest and just die. Without Katniss, I don't know who I am. All of what has shaped me in the past two years has been her.

Without her love, I don't know what to do.

I somehow make my way back to Seven. I don't even remember the trip. Maybe a train or a hovercraft, but I'm at my house sometime after seeing her, still in my outfit. I don't even know how long it took. In fact, I think several days have passed because I definitely don't smell good anymore. I smell like rain and the outdoors and sweat. And alcohol, apparently, as I can smell that coming out of my pores. I don't even remember drinking. But now that I'm aware of it, there's definitely a sluggishness to the way I'm walking.

When I arrive I smell coffee, and I immediately assume I must be dreaming. Have I really gone that far off the deep end? I open the door to my house and the smell of freshly brewed coffee is so overwhelming I nearly faint. The scent of coffee is so strongly tied to my father that I'm almost half expecting to see him in the kitchen when I finally make my way in there.

Instead I find Cashmere, sitting at my kitchen table, reading a newspaper with her glasses on as she sips coffee. She looks so comfortable there that I almost begin to think I'm in the wrong place. She looks up from her newspaper and smiles at me. Her smile turns serious as she takes in my appearance. I haven't seen any mirrors or any windows recently, but I imagine I look like hell.

"Holy shit Johanna." It's uncommon for Cashmere to use my first name unless she's being very serious (or that time we slept together) so I blink in confusion. "You are carrying a distinct odor."

"What are you doing here?" I haven't used my voice in a while and it's scratchy like my vocal chords are covered in rust.

Her head ducks down, her gaze faltering. "Haymitch told me what happened. I thought maybe you could use a friend."

"He told you what happened? What exactly did he tell you?" I don't stop the anger from edging my voice as I stand in the doorway of my kitchen, staring at the former Career.

She looks surprised at my tone and speaks cautiously. "Just that Katniss had up and left to Twelve and you had gone after her. I figured after you guys talked, you might want someone to talk to. Or at least, not be alone." I'm staring at her so hard she shifts in her seat. "Is it my glasses? I know they're dorky but I need them for reading..." She moves them self-consciously off her face and places them on the table.

I want to scream at her. This girl who infiltrated my life and crept up on my heart without my noticing. This girl who unintentionally ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. But it isn't her fault. All she did was love me and whether I knew it or not, I loved her back. I don't know to what extent; Katniss seems to think I'm in love with her. I haven't exactly had a great grip on my emotions as of late so I don't know if that's true.

I don't know how it happens but I end up with my back against the wall, sliding down on to the floor as I crumble into tears. Cashmere's eyes widen with alarm as she drops her newspaper and skirts around the table to come to my side. Through my hard, choked tears I manage, "She broke up with me." Cashmere takes me into her arms, in spite of the fact that I probably smell worse than ten Haymitchs on a bender in a garbage can.

My mind is working about ten minutes behind reality as I don't remember climbing the stairs to my second floor bathroom. But suddenly I'm stripped of the uniform I've been in for over a week, and I'm underneath warm, soapy bathwater. I slide below the water line, submerging myself in the water. I stay under as long as I can, until my lungs are bursting and I come up, gasping for air.

"Jesus, Mason, you scared the shit out of me. Are you trying to drown yourself in the tub?" I finally become aware that Cashmere is next to me, lathering my hair with conditioner. I close my eyes and lose myself in the sensation of her gentle touch. I relax into her ministrations on my head, leaning forward as I bring my knees to my elbows.

"Thank you," I whisper as Cashmere uses the shower head to rinse the conditioner out of my hair.

"Hey, this is what friends are for, right? Don't worry about it. You've done a lot for me. The least I can do is get this stink off of you." I roll my eyes and smile half-heartedly. I don't know when I'll stop owing this girl for her kindness. If you had told me only a year ago that the person washing a week's worth of dirt out of my hair would be a Career from One, I would have laughed in your face.

...

I dress in my pajamas and give Cashmere some of my clothes to wear. I'm a little bit more petite than her so my tank top just barely reaches the top of her shorts. She ushers me into my bed, lighting the candle on my beside table. I take her hand as she drops the match on the table. I don't have to say anything because I think she can feel the desperation in my touch. I don't want to be alone.

She nods her head and slips under the covers with me, wrapping her arm around me and placing a kiss on my shoulder before laying on the pillow. After the exhausting week I've had it doesn't take me long to fall into a deep sleep.

We spend the next six months like this - I go hunting in the mornings to clear my head, she stays home and reads some of my mother's books. It still hurts my heart to think of Katniss; I don't know that will ever change. Cashmere was right - I did need a friend. Every day she is there with a helpful ear, cooking meals, cleaning the house, giving me shit when I try and wallow when the depression becomes a little much.

Slowly, I begin to see what Katniss saw so clearly. Every morning when she greets me with coffee and asks me how my night was (on the rare occasions one of us doesn't scream and the other sleeps with her) I feel my heart opening. And when I do, a little bit of her sunlight leaks in there and warms me from the inside. She makes me smile in a way I haven't since before my father died. Her love, that she gives so readily and without question, is more than I deserve.

In spite of how she feels about me, she's never tried to touch me. It hasn't been awkward, though. It's comfortable. Even though sometimes... it's been difficult. She'll come back from a run, sweaty and exhausted, her hair delightfully tousled. It takes a lot of strength for me to not push her against the wall and taste the sweat on her skin. We'll share a long glance and I know that she wants to kiss me. And slowly, I begin to wish that she would.

I guess all that pent up frustration has gotten to me because one night I have a particularly vulgar dream about her and I wake up in a sweat. I must not have been restless or yelled because she's not in the bed. As I squint and look out the window I realize that it's midday; she wouldn't still be sleeping anyway. I should just take a cold shower and cool off, but I do not. Instead I go downstairs, where she is leaning against the kitchen counter, taking a big bite of a sandwich.

Her hair is down and rumpled around her face. She has her glasses - dark, thick-rimmed ones that she wears sometimes at night when she reads or to the market. Right now they've completely turned me into a horned-up monster. "Nice of you to finally join us in the land of the living and awake," she quips as she swallows her food. I don't respond, I simply cross over to her and take the sandwich from her and toss it on the counter behind her. "What the hell?" I grab the sides of her face and pull her in for a deep kiss. I use the moment she gasps in surprise to push my tongue into her mouth, pressing her body further into the counter. I move my hands from her face to each side of her body, gripping the counter and pinning her in place.

She tastes like strawberry jam and I feel the sweet sugar on her tongue. Her hands brush across my skin, across my hips, my stomach, my arms like she can't figure out where to go. She decides to rest her wrists on my shoulders, gripping them hard with her fingertips. The frenzied kiss slows down, becoming much deeper, much more meaningful with each touch.

My hands move on their own accord as I unbutton the top of her jeans and quickly pull down her zipper. I waste no time in sliding my hand underneath the fabric until my fingers move against her sopping wet sex. I groan into the kiss. "Fuck, you're so wet, C. I barely touched you," I tease against her lips, grinning.

In between the hitches of her breath she slowly opens her eyes and glares at me. "You don't even have to touch me and that happens." I growl at that piece of information, taking her lips in another kiss as I move the tops of my fingers against her clit. Her hips move against my hand as I coat my fingers in her wetness, my hand pressed tightly against her beneath the restrictive feeling of her jeans.

She pulls away first, my eyes still closed as I breathe in and out of my nose to control my breathing. "Johanna?" The softness of her voice takes me by surprise so my eyes snap open. I stop the movement of my hand and remove it slowly from inside her. She exhales a shaky breath as I do so. I finally see how she looks: confused, but blissful.

"I'm sorry." I look down toward our stomachs which are still pressed against each other and her fly unzipped, then I drag my eyes up her chest and to her face. "Actually I'm not."

"Well, I mean, neither am I, but like... what was that for?" She doesn't move her hands from around my neck, rubbing the small hairs beneath my hairline. It's things like this, these small touches, that are part of the reason why I love her. She's like me - we can be okay with words when we want, but we're more girls of action. We need this physicality.

"I want you," I reply in a low voice, looking at her beneath hooded eyes. She bites her lip, her chest still rising irregularly from our kiss. She looks unsure of me, or my words, and I sigh. "When Katniss left me, do you know why?" She shakes her head. Of course she doesn't. We haven't talked about it; she never asked. I think she didn't want to know. "Because she thought I was in love with you. She didn't want to be with me if my heart was elsewhere."

Cashmere looks surprised. "Why would she think that? If I even thought for a second you were in love with me, I'd have been on that."

I smirk, but my mouth falls into a line as I regain my seriousness. "Because when I thought you were dying in the Capitol I almost lost my mind. And I didn't leave your side for two days. Because she saw how I looked at you and she knew. She knew what I didn't know. That I am in love with you."

She sighs, gently pressing her lips against mine before pulling away to stare into my eyes again. "I've never been in love before. When I realized I was in love with you, I thought it would go away."

"When did you realize that?" I ask, genuinely curious. I know she wanted me before the Quarter Quell, she made that pretty clear by pinning me against the wall and inviting me to her room.

Without a beat she answers, "I liked you the day I saw you get reaped. I wanted you the second I saw you in the arena when I was a mentor. And I loved you from the moment we met." I'm so shocked I can't answer her. I just stare into her eyes as her cheeks flush with embarrassment. I had no idea she'd felt that way about me for so long. In my defense there was a lot going on.

"I thought it was fleeting like some kind of passing crush. But you stuck inside me. I felt you in every inch of me, always. And seeing you with Katniss killed me. But I guess being in love means being selfless sometimes, because when I saw how happy she made you, I had to feel better. I wanted you to be happy. More than that, I wanted to be the reason you were happy. Since I wasn't, I figured I'd just settle for hopefully still being in your life."

"And when we had sex? That didn't fuck you up?" I ask, raising my eyebrow. I haven't been able to forget that night. I had told myself I was doing it for her. I was trying to help her through her feelings for me. Lying to her. But as I've begun to look over my actions, there was a lot of love present that night, whether I would admit to it or not.

"The single best night of my life," Cashmere responds, smiling. "You were the first person to touch me like that... like I meant something. I knew you didn't love me, not in the way I love you. But you did it anyway. You cheated on the only girl you ever loved just to make me happy. Sure, it broke my heart a little. I gladly take that pain in my heart for just a piece of your love."

I can see the restrained hope in her eyes. It's actually kind of adorable. "But you still love her."

I nod. "A part of me always will. I can't deny that. I won't deny that." I reach my hand up and move her hair behind her ear, tracing her jaw with my fingertips. "But I am here with you. And I want to be here with you. And if you'll take it, I'll give you everything I can."

Tears begin to glisten in her green eyes, sparkling like emeralds as she looks at me. Her mouth moves into a lopsided smile as she presses her lips against mine. "Even if you gave me half, it would be more than enough."

I grin at her, pulling my head back. "I'm a Mason. We don't do anything halfway."

Her eyebrow raises in challenge as she takes my hands in hers and begins pulling me toward the doorway. When we're halfway up the stairs she grins. "Well if you don't mind I'd like to test that theory." She drags me into the bedroom and slams me against the door. For a moment she looks worried, like she hurt me, but when she sees the unbridled desire I have inside me she grins.

She kisses me hard, grabbing the sides of my neck and trying to convey all of her emotions at once with every kiss. It's overwhelming and wet with tears and saliva and hot and my heart is beating hard out of my chest. She goes to take her glasses off and I still my hand over hers. "Don't." Her eyes flicker up at me with uncertainty. "I like you just as you are."

"You don't have to lie to me, I'm already in love with you." She smirks at me and pulls me in for another kiss, and I pull her away from me.

"I told you, I'm not a very good liar."

A/N: Thanks again for reading! Let me know what you guys thought. I wanted to do justice to Joniss but not take away from the evolution of Jo and Cash. I can't say it didn't absolutely break my heart to break up Joniss though.

Not sure when/if I'll get around to writing another fic, so thank you all again for your amazing and totally undeserved reviews.

IN THE MEAN TIME please hop over and read my good friend Holly's new AU Joniss piece "The Girl Next Door." It's awesome already. And of course read her non-AU fic "There's Nowhere Else I'd Rather Be" if you haven't. GET TO IT.