Give me release

Let the waves of time and space surround me

.x.

'Oh I don't need to pay for someone to listen to my problems.'

Those were not words she ever expected to hear out of Amanda's mouth, never the less directed to her. The Amanda she knew who never say anything like that; especially about her therapy. Amanda knew all the gory details, every second alone with him, and she knew for more reasons than one. She also knew another Amanda, one that could not stand receiving help, one that liked to stand up for herself, one that she cared deeply for. But that same Amanda fell down a hole so deep, it seemed as if she was willing to climb over others to get back to normal.

Olivia Benson all but slowly opened her first bottle of wine. God, she hoped Amanda was okay. She had tried calling the blonde, but after 10 texts and 5 missed calls, Benson gave up. Amanda probably didn't want to talk to anyone. Not even Olivia and most certainly, not Nick. Olivia laughed to herself as she remembers Nick and Amanda's argument earlier.

'I'd recommend help, but they don't have a twelve step program for pity.'

Amaro would get over it. Amanda was on edge, they all were. Oh, she knew Fin would have to leave Nate black, blue and bloody for doing that to Amanda. But she seemed over. She seemed okay. Plus, Fin didn't have access to Nate's address. (She had a feeling the other senior detective would find it anyway) A knock at her door right as she was about to take a sip of her wine caused the senior detective to groan, wondering who it could possibly be at this time of night.

"Who is it?" Olivia asked the other side of the door. She looked through her peephole, but her hallway was too dark.

The figure cleared their throat. "I-it's me, Liv."

Cause I need room to breathe

Let me float back to the place you found me

Sighing, Olivia opened her apartment door, only to have her mouth hang out slightly at the sight in front of her. Amanda Rollins stood there in the dimly lit hallway. A small bouquet of probably 5 red roses wrapped in silver tissue paper. Clad in tight black jeans that were partially dirty, an equally dirty white blouse and black ankle length boots, Amanda received questioning stares from her Olivia. The blonde's hair was frazzled and her eyes were red as if she had been crying. It made Olivia wondered what had happened, but she didn't say anything.

"What is this?" Olivia asked, trying her best not to show her feelings. Since it was clear Amanda didn't feel the same. Amanda looked away blinking back tears and wiping them with the back of her hand. It was then that Olivia noticed the bruise on Amanda's neck.

"This is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you and saying I'm sorry for earlier tonight." Rollins confessed, trying so hard to break down, cry and tell Olivia everything. She handed the roses forward and hoped the brunette would accept them.

And she did.

They stood in silence as Olivia contemplated what exactly to say next. "Amanda, I'm not angry at you. I have no reason to; you showed you weren't interested, I should've kept my distance."

"No, Olivia. T-that's not…I can't…"Amanda stuttered as she shifted on her leg, in pain, both mentally, emotionally and physically. She just wanted to go away and never have to look back.

"Can't what? Can't accept that things can't just disappear?" Olivia wanted to know. She reached out to touch Amanda's arm, but the Southern jerked away, raising alarm. "Amanda…"

"I shouldn't have come here. This was a mistake." Amanda declared shaking her head as she turned around to leave. From the way she was walking, Olivia could tell she was in deep pain. The brunette felt as if there was nothing she could do. So she let Rollins run/walk away. Olivia looked down at the roses in her hand. What did this mean? Her phone buzzed from inside her apartment. She placed the roses in her room.

She'd never forget that night, because what happened afterwards would affect her forever.

I'll be okay