Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect or any of the characters!

A/N – I've had a really sad and tough week, so apologies if this chapter was posted a little later than I intended. My kitty is dying and my husband and I have been spending as much time with him as we can, so I haven't had a lot of time to write. Thank you again to the people who reviewed this last chapter and for the people who are silently reading along and (hopefully) enjoying reading it!

Kaidan woke up slowly and let himself adjust to the darkness in the cabin, it was strange not to wake up in the cramped and noisy crew quarters where there was always someone talking or working. The Commander's cabin was silent aside from the steady hum of power running through the ship. He looked up and realised that there was a transparent canopy over Zillia's bed; he could imagine her waking here with a velvety blanket of stars over his head instead of the dull view of the Citadel's docking ring. Although he had to admit that while the docking ring wasn't exactly the most inspiring view in the galaxy, it was reassuring to look out the window and know that life was going on out there.

Zillia was still sleeping next to him on the bed, her head pillowed on one of his arms while the rest of her was curled into a ball; at some stage in the night he'd stolen most of the blankets and she had been left with only a sheet wrapped around her. Looking down at her, with her red hair falling messily across her forehead and her face softened by sleep, Kaidan thought that this was probably the best view in the Galaxy. She was so beautiful and strong; it was hard to believe that someone as ordinary as him had been lucky enough love her.

He stretched next to her and carefully tried to remove his arm from under her head, but Shepard gave a slight jerk in her sleep and her face, that had been so peaceful, abruptly became fearful and she whimpered. Kaidan stilled and realised that she was having a bad dream – something that he had had plenty of himself since the Reapers had attacked.

"No." The word, clear as day, was filled with such fear that Kaidan felt chills go down his spine. Shepard twitched again, this time her entire body seeming to move as he eyes flickered rapidly behind her eyes. "Not like this…"

She was falling through space, tumbling with such velocity that she knew she would never be able to stop herself. Her view, as she spun helplessly, was of the Normandy breaking apart, of terrifying black space, of a dark planet looming into view and then of the Normandy again. The same horrific images came spinning into view over and over and over with only her hammering hard and the ragged sounds of her breathing to keep her company. Then she head the hiss and saw the faint white vapor in front of her visor and realised that her suit was leaking air; depressurising slowly but surely.

"No!" She tried desperately to find the leak; struggling and kicking as she frantically tried to find the the holes and plug them. She was panting with exertion but it was useless and slowly, her head spinning from lack of oxygen she felt the coldness of space beginning to leak into her suit. The fear was overwhelming and Shepard knew she crying as she struggled uselessly to save her life. The planet loomed closer and parts of the Normandy were streaming through the air around her, she knew she was going to scream, knew that it would do her no good and would probably kill her faster…but she didn't want to die like this…not like this...

"Shepard!"

A gentle hand was suddenly on her shoulder and for a confusing moment the dream tried to keep going and she felt someone grabbing her suit, then the dream fractured apart and Shepard knew she was in her cabin and in her bed. She whimpered as she woke up and lay still for a moment, her head still filled with visions of Alchera looming towards her and of the Normandy scattered in space around her, before she let out a shaky breath and tried to calm herself down. It wasn't often that she dreamed about the original Normandy's destruction and her own death in space, but when she did it was always horrible. No, horrible wasn't a strong enough word for it; the dream was always absolutely terrifying.

She'd never felt such fear before or since – not on Akuze, not on Ilos and not even when she'd woken up in the Cerberus labs; alone and confused. The mind-bending horror of realising she was going to die alone in space, and that she was helpless to save herself, had been all consuming. The new dreams of running through shadowy trees and chasing the ghostly boy were strange and off-putting, but they didn't have the horror of her death dream.

"Shepard, you were having a nightmare." Kaidan was there, his warm presence in the bed comforting as he scooted closer and held her to the reassuring solid wall of his chest while she slowly brought herself back to reality. "It's okay now."

She let herself rest in his arms for a time and then slowly pushed herself into a sitting position, aware that she'd been crying in her sleep and her cheeks were wet with tears. Embarrassed, she wiped them away and tried not to look like the nightmare had affected her as much as it had. She felt fragile and hated herself for it; she hated showing any sign of weakness but she especially hated crying.

It had just been a dream!

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kaidan carefully avoided touching her as she sat up. It was as though he could sense her self-conscious tension in the air and knew that if he gave her sympathy she might snap. He knew her well enough to know she never responded well to sympathy when she was embarrassed.

"I…I don't know." Shepard couldn't bring herself to look at him while she still had tears in her eyes. She'd never told anyone about the dreams; not even Miranda. They were far too personal and far too frightening for her to share them with her friends or her doctor, but maybe talking about them would help her distance herself from them…and of course Kaidan had been there. He knew what had happened to her.

"I dreamed I was dying again." She determinedly kept her eyes off Kaidan as she spoke. Focus instead on the models of the ships hanging in her cabin. "Over Alchera," She clarified when he didn't say anything, "When the first Normandy was destroyed."

"You...remember dying?" Kaidan sounded surprised and troubled at this revelation. She sensed him moving closer and it was only with a super human effort that she didn't pull away from his touch and let him gently put an arm around her, so she was resting in the crook of his arm.

"Oh, I remember." She nodded slowly and kept her voice emotionless as she talked. "The dream is always the same…I suppose because it's my memories rather than a real dream. I get Joker into the escape pod and then get knocked out of the ship by an explosion. I'm tumbling through space and I can see the Normandy breaking apart around me, and I can see the planet below me getting closer. I know I'm going to die alone and there isn't anything I can do.'" Kaidan's arm tightened around her at these words. "And then I realise my suit's been damaged by the explosion that knocked me into space and its leaking air. I try to hold the breaks in the suit closed but it doesn't do any good; there is too many of them. My suit is depressurising as I start to hit the atmosphere of Alchera…I'm I'm so scared. I know I'm going to do and I'm fucking terrified…"

Kaidan made a sound like a wounded animal and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him and burying his face in her hair as he tightened his grip on her until it was almost crushing. With a start Shepard realised he was crying as he held her close. "I'm so sorry Shepard. I'm so sorry I didn't stay and help you."

"It's not your fault, Kaidan. If you had stayed you would have died too." Zillia twisted slightly in Kaidan's hold so she could wrap her arms around him too, burrowing into the strength of his body and resting her head in the space between his neck and shoulder, breathing in his familiar smell.

"I didn't know." He sounded almost broken as he pulled back and looked at her with fresh despair on his face. "I didn't know you were alive when you got knocked out of the ship. I didn't know you died out in space alone..."

Shepard could feel tears welling up again at the sight of his and at the sound of his pain, and determined not to give into them she leaned forward and kissed Kaidan. She kissed him deeply and passionately, wanting to drive the thought of her alone and cold in space from his mind. She was here now; alive and warm. Dwelling on the past was useless, especially when it contained memories that she didn't want to remember anymore.

When she drew away from him, she looked into his honey brown eyes and gently bumped her forehead against his. "I'm okay now. I try not to think about what happened and I focus on the fact that I came back from that."

"Yeah, but…"

"No buts, Kaidan. If I think about what happened on the Normandy that day I'll go mad." She kissed him again, and let herself rest against his chest. It felt so right having him here again; he was so strong and familiar. Last night had been amazing; they'd made love three times throughout the night. Twice before they'd fallen asleep together and then once more in the middle of the night, when Shepard had been woken by Kaidan's hands and mouth moving over her body; and she'd responded almost without waking up properly; they'd made love slowly and sleepily.

Last night, she had been certain that she would regret her drunken actions, or that he would, and that the morning would be awkward and uncomfortable, but it felt right to have him here. Except of course that they still had to work out what they were to each other and decide where they wanted to go from here. For all she knew Kaidan didn't want to continue their relationship; one night might have been enough to remind him why he'd kept away from her for all those months when she'd been grounded on Earth…

Yeah right! Kaidan's been in love with you since before Ilos…you know he still loves you.

"Kaidan?" Shepard drew in a deep breath and straightened herself to look at him, knowing that before they talked about the future, they had to straighten out a few things from the past. She met his eyes with all the strength and force of will she had. "We do need to talk about us, and I know you said you wanted to move on from it, but I need to talk about what happened on Horizon."

Kaidan froze and the expression on his face instantly sharpened, as though he was gearing up for a fight or preparing to hear bad news. "Shepard, I told you in the hospital that I was sorry. Our fight on Horizon was my fault…I said some horrible things to you. Things which I'll always regret saying."

"You did, but it's not just what you said that hurt me, Kaidan. You didn't even listen to me." Zillia pushed her hair out of her eyes, unaware that they had filled with hurt as she remember Horizon. "You were the first person I thought about finding when I woke up…and when I finally found you, you were cruel to me. You acted like I was the bad guy, as though I had done something wrong and something bad."

"I know, I'm sorry…"

"No, please let me finish." Shepard took his hand as she interrupted him. "I'm not blaming you, okay? I just need to say this to you because all I thought about after Horizon, and after that stupid email you sent me, was how unfairly you treated me. I have to get this out or I don't know if I'll be able to move on, so just let me finish." When Kaidan nodded, his eyes troubled, Shepard drew in another deep breath and continued, "I know that you spent two years without me, but when I woke up it was as though the accident, my death, had only happened the day before. Everything was new to me – including coming to terms with the fact that everyone thought I was dead and everyone had moved on. When I saw you on Horizon if was as though we'd only been apart for a few weeks, not years."

She looked away from him and squeezed his hand gently. "I hated you for you said on Horizon. I hated you because you broke my heart. I tried to get over the hurt and the pain but every time I tried I would remember the way you looked at me and the way you spoke to me…and…I have to know that you won't hurt me again."

"I'm sorry." This time Kaidan interrupted her, his voice gentle and he took her hand. "I regretted everything I said to you as soon as I walked away. I tried to apologise in the email but I was still trying to justify my actions, and I know I came across as being a defensive asshole in it. I'd take back everything if I could, you have to know that." He tilted her head up, forcing her to meet his eyes. "I love you Shepard. I've loved you since I first met you and I've never stopped. All I've wanted to do since I came back on board was make things right between us."

He loved her.

Shepard's mind had frozen over those words. Yes, he'd said them last night when they'd been making love, but hearing them in the cold hard light of day made it more real. It was as though a big knot of tension was slowly unraveling inside of her and all the pain and hurt was uncoiling and falling away.

"I wanted you so much last night." He rubbed the back of his neck, a gesture which Shepard knew meant he was feeling uncomfortable and awkward. "At Purgatory all I could think about was how beautiful you were and how I had ruined everything between us, but then you asked me to dance with you and…the way you moved against me, the way you looked at me, it was then that I knew you felt the same way." His eyes were hot when they flicked up to her face, "I know you were drunk last night, and so was I, but I know I didn't imagine the connection between us. Last night was amazing and I don't want to put any pressure on you…but you have to know that I love you. You have to know that I want to be with you as often as I can."

"I want to be with you too." Shepard admitted with a smile as she kissed him, pushing him back onto the bed and then cuddling up to him again.

It was adorable the way he wore his heart on his sleeve. She had always found it so much harder to express her emotions so honestly; it was one of the reasons why she hated crying and one of the reasons why she had never been the first person in a relationship to say 'I love you'. She gently rubbed her face against his, enjoying the oddly intimate feel of his stubble against her smoother cheek. She had missed so much about him: the way he tasted of peppermint, the sexy cologne he wore and the way he always knew how to hold her just right. There was something about being wrapped in his arms – the feel, the taste and the smell – that drove every thought out of her head. He made her feel so peaceful.

"I could stay like this forever." She murmured to him, and Kaidan tightened his grip around her as one hand slowly began to trace down her body. She shifted her weight restlessly, pressing closer to him when, on the bedside table, her alarm starting going off: warning her that she had to report for duty soon. Shepard groaned and pulled away slightly as the alarm disrupted her peace and Kaidan laughed in an amused but frustrated way as he turned it off and then sat up.

"I wish we could stay here all day too, but duty calls." He prodded her gently in the side until she sighed and rose up onto her elbows, glaring at the alarm for disturbing what would have been a very pleasant interlude.

"Duty always calls." She complained and reluctantly sat up and stretched, giving Kaidan another silly smile. "I'm really glad we cleared the air."

"Me too." His eyes were the colour of warm toffee as he tussled her hair and then dodged out of reach when she tried playfully to slap his hand away. "Careful Commander," He grinned at her, "You might start something you can't finish."

"Oh, I'd finish it Alenko." She purred at him as she slid out of the bed and strutted past him towards the bathroom, aware that she looked good in her bare skin and not above flaunting it. "I'm taking the shower first, although if you want to join me…feel free." She disappeared inside with the sound of Kaidan's masculine chuckle echoing in her ears.

He followed her into the bathroom but to her disappointment he only leaned against the door and watched her. "If I join you Shepard, we're not going to make it downstairs in time. That would give Vega even more to gossip about."

"Oh no…" Shepard winced at the thought of Vega gossiping about them as she stepped under the water and began soaping her skin and hair. "Vega always was a dreadful gossip on Earth, it was useful at the time, but...do you think he actually saw us leave last night?"

"Yes." Kaidan grinned at her dismay. "He and Liara were both still at the bar when we left and I'm pretty sure they watched us go. Somehow though, I doubt they're going to be reporting us for fraternisation."

"I don't think anyone is worrying about soldiers hooking up now that the Reapers are attacking." Shepard muttered, half to herself, as she finished washing her hair and stepped out of the shower, pausing to kiss Kaidan as she wrapped a towel around herself. "I'm going to get dressed and head downstairs while you shower. I'll catch up with you later, but I just wanted to say that last night was amazing." She kissed him again, harder, and felt his arms begin to circle around her. "You were amazing."

Kaidan chuckled and pulled back, giving her a gentle shove out the door. "Get out of here Shepard or neither one of us is going to make it downstairs in time. Oh, and Commander?"

"Yeah, Kaidan?" She paused outside the shower, watching with a small smirk as he vanished into the shower, his voice drifting after her.

"Next time we're on the Citadel let's go out on a proper date, okay? Wine, flowers and good food; let me show you that I can be a gentleman."

"A date? That sounds perfect." Shepard closed the bathroom door behind her and quickly dressed in her battle uniform.

It was amazing that one night could change so much, but suddenly things didn't look so dark. For the first time in weeks she felt the first flicker of hope that maybe there was a chance for the rest of the universe. If the Krogans and the Turians could put their differences aside, and she and Kaidan could make up, then surely there was a possibility of the rest of the Galaxy uniting in the fight against the Reapers? If nothing else, for the first time in months she wasn't facing the future alone. Last night, somewhere in between her first drink and her last dance, she'd found what was missing in her life.

With a small smile Shepard finished dressing and left her quarters, closing the door behind her and heading back downstairs where the rest of the galaxy was waiting.

The End

A/N – There we go: my first ME fanfic! I've had a lot of fun writing it and I think I'm probably going to dabble in a few more fics over the next few weeks and months. Probably a few one shots since I'll be back at horrid work and dreadfully busy! Anyhow, let me know if you liked this via a review or a message! Thank you very much to the people who have been friendly and supportive while I wrote this fic – I've appreciated your feedback and comments.