Chapter 4
It isn't clear if you can snog with the messenger so, instead, just make him deaf with your love song
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"THANKS, A! NOW I'M A GIRL AGAIN!"
"Oh, c'mon, don't make it bigger than it is-"
"YOU MADE IT SHORTER!"
"I didn't do it on purpouse; just wanted to see-"
"You sneaked up to see me pee!"
A coughed in her fist. "I did no such thing. My intention was to see the goods, not the product, thus the crime you accuse me off was not my doing, but rather yours."
"Ah, no, no, no! Don't you DARE make THIS my fault! You surprised me and I had to zipp up because it's embarrassing for someone to see your… I mean, Naruto's... oh my (G)Oda..."
"There, you said it yourself - it's not yours, so I don't see why should that be embarrassing."
"Well, A, do take notice that this," S pointed at h- I mean, Naruto's crotch, "is mine now. And I'm not letting you see it."
"Fine, fine... Let's meet halfway, then; I won't see yours but you make one of the clones and-"
"NO!"
And with that a fierce staring contest began. On the other side, though...
"イタチいいいいいいい~"
"Will you please listen?"
"ほおおおおおおおおおお~"
"I have to tell you-"
"パンツを見せてもらってもよろしいですか。 よほほほほ〜," G said, her fingers intertwined, eyes hopeful and starlike.
Itachi could only cock his head slightly to the side. His confusion was understandable, since the... girl possessing that young man's body was not only running around the clearing like a deflating baloon, but also talking on some strange language.
Maybe choosing this girl to approach wasn't the best choice. But, then, it was a miscalculation to expect that she would be easier to convince in truthfulness of his words than the other two because she was infatuated with him. And, well, seeing her reaction, it was no doubt she'd believe anything he said...
"いいいいいいい~"
...Now, only if she would listen to him, everything would be fine.
Itachi let out a long sigh, and put a hand to his forehead; this whole mess was starting to give him a headache.
"Please, listen, the sitation concerns you and your friends-"
"Facepalm タチ d'awwwwwwwww~" G squaled happily.
Itachi's patience was runnung thin. Wasting time wasn't one of his fortes, but being careful was. His head was now really starting to hurt, since he was straining himself to watch all of his surroundings. He needed to be watchful for the return of possessed Naruto and the pink haired girl, Sakura. If they came suddenly, this mess would only drag on endlessly; or so it seemed to him.
Taking a big intake of air, Itachi frowned and stared at the squealing boy.
"You will stop this nonsense immedietely."
G stopped so suddenly Itachi thought that she went to that frozen state again, but that thought quickly left him when the boy stiffly turned.
"はい〜" He grinned with a hand raised in the air. Not dropping the smile, he skipped all the way back to Itachi and sat down on in front of him. By the way the boy's eyes glinted, Itachi could swear he looked like a dog returning to his master.
Damn, he could even imagine him wiggling his tail happily.
"タチだんなああああ~"
If anyone else was in his shoes right now, he'd say "paw" just to test it out, but Itachi was a pround Uchiha... Which meant he just watched expressionessly at the wide-eyed smiling boy at his feet, uncertain what to do next.
Will this girl even listen to what he has to say?
Back on the other side, there was another girl that didn't listen to words or reason.
"Then you measure it and I'll take notes."
"No."
"Oh, c'mon. I've already promised I won't look. Here, tie me up and go there behind-"
"No."
"-that rock and do your thing, and just measure it. Like, how long and thick it is in..."
"A, I said no."
"I'd call it 'relax mode'. Then, maybe later you could experiment a little further - on your own, of cou-"
Naruto looked like an impersionation of spring storm, dark and merciless, with ice falling and freezing all the progress of nature back to the winter standstill.
"Okay, you don't have to jerk off."
"..."
Another side-look made A close her mouth shut.
Not for long though.
"But, will you at least tell me how it feels?"
"It's a bit heavy," S answered before smacking a hand over her mouth.
"Hooo~ Is that so..." A smirked croockedly; Naruto blushed and cursed silently, walking at an even quicker pace now. "Heavy in means of weight or, you know, like a weight you haven't had earlier and now just feels funny?"
S changed direction suddenly to her right, and A was just a step behind, quiet now but still waiting for a response. In the meantime, she was analysing Naruto's height, body type and the pieces of visible skin, taking all of it in and saving it safely on the empty slot in her mind, now dubbed 'Naruchanhowt'. She needed every single piece of info she could grab, scratch and fish out of her tsundere-ish friend... All for the sake of art, of course. Certainly not for perverted pleasure! Definitely not for daydreaming about the blonde letting Sasuke do him on the ground, while eternal fires of the raven's Amaterasu hid them from view of others, but did nothing to muffle the hot, steamy moans inside the ring of flames.
"It's the other."
"Huh?!" A caught her breath, and almost chocked on it when whispering, "I need to think about interesting plots, so what if I enjoy-"
A stopped herself whe she saw Naruto was now looking at her, one brow raised in question.
"What are you even-" S just sighed and shook her head before turning left. "I mean, it's odd... having male parts."
"..."
"And, well, it's also strange not having boobs... And, Gods, how I have this strange craving for ramen right now..." S mumbled more to herself as she took another turn to the right. "I think I'd kill for that hardboiled egg from Ichiraku's beef ramen- Oi, are you even listening to me?!"
"Ah, that's very interesting, but... I think I saw that rock before. Where are we?"
"Where are we?" Naruto grinned smugly, half-turned to pink haired ninja, and ran his hand through golden locks. A sparkle shined at his teeth that would even put Gai-sensei to shame. Roses and bubbles that always seemed to flow around hot guys in anime appeared around him too… until they burned to the crisp at the 180 degree mood change depicted by crimson flames of rage flaring in the background. "WE'RE LOST, THAT'S WHERE WE BLOODY ARE!"
Half an episode of jumping throught tree tops to the south…
"What is your name?" Itachi Uchiha proved, yet again, that he had a patience of a saint.
"WAIFUです~"
Itachi felt proud of himself and gained some confidence that this might work. Crouching down so he was at the same eye level as the possessed boy, Itachi told him:
"We need to talk, Waifu-"
What followed was a high pitched squeal, which made Itachi jump futher away, prepeared for an attack-
But none came. Boy smiled widely, crossed his eyes and fainted, not even uttering a sound.
...And Uchiha was, for the second time in a rather short amount of it, left speechless and uncertain.
"I'll wait for the other two. If they prove as unaccountable as this one, I'll find someone else to deliver the message," Itachi spoke aloud while standing up and scanning his surroundings. Confirming there was indeed someone coming from north, he turned so that he faced them, but moved closer to the outline of trees if the need for dodging an incoming attack ever came.
Two heartbeats later he cought on a sight of not one, but four separate flashes of orange color, which strangely made Itachi both sigh in relief and bring his defenses up. His eyes flickered to the unconscious Waifu on the ground; yes, he couldn't relax around them, not for even one second.
On the seventh heartbeat, Itachi leaned on the tree, ready for the arrival of the possessed Naruto.
On the ninth heartbeat, a swarm of clones suddenly changed direction, now rushing to west. The boy on the ground let out a happy whimper, now looking as though he was asleep. Itachi's headache became worse.
Fourteenth heartbeat collieded with the sound of earth cracking. If it was to judge by the angry screeches of frightened birds and clouds of dust, the pink haired girl was on a rampage.
"G!" The scream of dozens of clones spilled through the forest. "If you hear me, scream like you got to see Law strip-tease for Kidd!"
"THE HELL'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!" Another thunder-like sound followed by a ripping sound, and something heavy falling.
"SHUDDUP, A! SHE KNOWS WHAT I MEAN," a chorus of voices replied. "G!"
"TWO CAN PLAY THAT GAME! G! G, SCREAM LIKE ITACHI MADE YOU CHILDREN!" A yelled before knocking down another tree.
"SCREAM LIKE YOU DID WHEN HE MADE YOU THAT CHILDREN!"
"NICE ONE!"
"THANKS!"
"SCREAM LIKE YOU'RE GIVING BIRTH TO THEM RIGHT NOW!"
Itachi massaged his temples. This whole mess was getting ridiculus. He was warned beforehand, yes, but now it seemed unsufficient and as if he was tricked.
"G, SCREAM LIKE THEY'RE TWINS!"
"THERE IS NO GENE IN THE UCHIHA FAMILY THAT WOULD MAKE HER BEAR TWINS, A!"
"THAT'S WHY I SAID 'LIKE'! STUPID, DON'T RUN AROUND IN CIRCLES! WE WENT PAST THAT FUCKING ROCK THREE TIMES ALREADY!"
"NO, WE DIDN'T! Wait... That's the rock we passed when we went first! We're close!"
"Yeah, right! WHY ISN'T SHE ANSWERING THEN?! G!"
Treetops came to life as brunches swayed under the weight of countless clones that were now gathering on the clearing.
"A! FOUND HER! SHE'S ASLEEP, THE IDIOT SON! Oi, G-"
"AAAAAAAAAAA~" One after the other, clones started screaming and moving away from one of the trees. S, in the body of the original Naruto was kneeling and shaking unconscious G, so it took her a moment or two to see the figure sitting on the tree's root.
Bodies parted and she saw Itachi Uchiha, more or less in the same time as the clones started squealing his name.
"ITACHIIIIIIIIIIIII~"
G's unconscious form was left to drop on the ground unceremoniously as S got to her feet. A appeared just then on the edge of the clearing, screaming almost fanatically, "WHERE?"
"Itachi Uchiha..." Aura around the original was dark and treathening as he moved through the crowd of orange and yellow. "Did you knock Sai out?"
"No."
"Let me rephrase. Did he violate you so you had to knock him out?"
"No. Will you now answer my question?"
"Sure. Now mine, since we're playing this game."
Itachi frowned because he didn't expect for the girl to give a retort in such a manner.
Yes, he needed to be very careful indeed.
"I'll warn you not to lie to me. In this form I could deal you some serious damage before you succeed in taking me down, and I will attack you if you told anything but truth. This also applies for me, of course. Even in the state your eyes must be in," Itachi's frown deepened, coming to an understanding that this Naruto knew much more about him than the previous. "I'm sure you see far more than any average human. Thus, I shall not lie."
"I can agree on such terms." Relief washed through Uchiha as he let his body relax a bit more against the tree. "Now, what is your question?"
Earth shuttered and at least two dozens of clones went up in smoke as an desperate voice cut through the air like a whip-
"WHERE IS SASUKE?!"
S was clinging to the lowest branch of the tree under which the Uchiha still sat more or less relaxed, while the other was obviously terrified out of her, I mean his shoes… or sandals. Are those ninja footwear thingies sandals? They look like regular shoes with toe part cut off. It just can't be comfortable to wear, or safe, as the matter of fa- You know what? Never mind, let's just continue to the A letting her hormones run wild.
"A, YOU AND YOUR FUCKING SASUKE!"
"I WISH HE WOULD!" Scream came from a dishelved pinkette as the dust cleared. S couldn't care less what she did next, as long as-
"Oi, other me's! Is G okay?!"
"Sure thing, boss," two or possibly three voices replied. Letting out a sigh in relief, original climbed up to sit on the branch, and after dusting himself off, crossed arms across his chest.
"A, do try to contain yourself."
"Brother-in-law-sama!" She ignored and pushed forwards to get closer to Itachi. "Would you happen-"
"Shadow clone jutsu! Hometown derby edition!"
"What? WHY-"
"Hold her tight!" Possessed Naruto jumped down from the branch before turning to the Uchiha, sudden gush of wind shaking the golden locks that shadowed intense aquama- ok, fu*k it, blue eyes. "Now. Could you tell me where Madara is?"
"YOU SELFISH HYPOCRITE! YOU TRY TO CONTAIN YOURSE-"
"Chill, A, and shut up. You and I both know that in our current disposition I have more chance to score with an Uchiha than you do."
The scream that came acussed S of being a co*beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* - okay, you might not have heard that, so… Let's say "highly promiscuous" - which in return not only made her and Uchiha cringe away in fear of going deaf, but had also woke G from her unconsciousness.
"Dadaaa~" Four clones turned to look at the lazy smile Sai wore so... uncharacteristically.
"What is it, son?" Asked one, while others stood alert for another rampage from pink beast.
"I had the funniest dream just now... Itachi was in it and he was all black and beutiful... oh, his eyes, Dada... Like pools of.. of..."
"Ketchup?"
"The hell, S?" G chuckled gently. "No, like dusty rubies under weak light..."
"You love-sick baka," clone muttered under his breath.
"He called me waifu... Gyaaaaaa, I melted just then and there~"
"OI! ORIGINAL ME!"
"WHAT?! DON'T YOU SEE I'M PLAYING 20 QUESTIONS WI-"
Oh, I did that too. 'Tachi-san's good at that game. Must be 'cause he's a male gemini… Such sneaky bastards they are… Obssessive too.
"THE PRINCE OF TOUNTING LITTLE BROTHERS INTO DOING EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE WHAT HE WANTED OF THEM TO DO HAS CALLED G WAIFU!"
"It… wasn't a dream?"
"YOU LIE!"
"NA-HUH!"
S turned to look again at the man exhuding now an even grimmer aura, as it slipped, "You did?"
"Yes." Well, original's jaw just dropped to the ground. No biggie. "Will you let me explain your situation to you so I can return to my original mission?"
"Sure, but-"
"IT WASN'T A DREAM?!"
"WHERE. IS. SASUKEEEEEEEEEE~"
"ITACHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII~"
"Eh, I don't hear you very well," Naruto crossed his arms over his chest with a silent 'tsk'. "Plus, you still haven't answered to my first question about Madara's-"
"Look into my eyes."
"NO! You look here mister- Oh…" As soon as he turned to clash his glare against one of the previous world champions of 'dark stares', the world spiraled around the blond ninja and all colors drained, leaving it splashed only in black and red. "Pretty."
S seemed to live up to *beep* -imoto's Naruto as "the number one hyperactive, knucklehead ninja", jumping around and even breaking one of crimson red branches of an dead tree nearby and poking various black blobs here and there with it. Small gasp tore out from his lips when one of the blobs moved, so he excitedly turned to the creator of this wonderland.
"Tsukuyomi is awesome! I can't wait to tell G it looks like Tim Burton's wet dre- Uh, sorry. You shouldn't use this for too long, right?" S stood up and approached Itachi, but not too close. His appearance in this strangely long R.E.M. episode was… intiguing.
"I'm here to inform you and your friends how to go back to your own world," he said finally, ignoring the last comment. "The matching game you played with your friends before coming here, do you remember it?"
"…Yeah, vaguely. Why do you ask? No, better say how do you know we even pla-"
"Do you remember what was written in the first row?" A shrug came as an answer; it was sufficient, however, and Uchiha just went on. "Then I shall refresh your memory. You wrote my brother's name, Sasuke, then 'rock' and 'talking'."
"Yeah, I remember now! A wrote that since it was decided she would start."
"…"
"But, wait, what does this have to do with anything?"
"It has everything. After playing that game, you were forced into the world where the name owner lived – in this case, Sasuke – so you could fulfill the request and pass on."
"Pass on?"
"I guess it wasn't only one row of similar writing on the paper, so your 'jumping' through worlds won't stop here. You'll have to go through the whole list before finally returning to your home."
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