The Engagement

(Because this ship needs more humour and I am incapable of writing anything in between 'utter despairing depression' and 'complete nonsense crack'.)

Staying home with a cold = no class = hour of fanfiction.

(No this has nothing to do with my sasunaru crack fic.)

Of all the emotions that were directed Madara's way after the founding of Konoha, hate was one of the most common. Disapproval ranked a little below that, followed by a kind of sinking feeling every Konoha citizen felt in their heart when he stood next to Hashirama during the village's legal proceedings. "If we ever get him as Nidaime Hokage, we're doomed," they all whispered to each other. "What a war-monger. I bet he doesn't even brush his hair. I bet it only shines like that because it's nourished with the blood of his enemies."

And so Madara, even with his superior looks and stunning hair, scared off every Konoha citizen that came within meters of him, and frankly he was somewhat pleased by this because not everyone needed to have a procession of admirers like Hashirama did.

So when an elaborate-looking scroll appeared that evening, carried by one of the Uchiha messengers and delivered in Madara's hands, he looked down at it blankly. It seemed to be some kind of personal address to him. He wondered if some poor clan was attempting to wheedle war-repair money out of the Uchiha.

"Give it here, Madara-sama, I will inspect it," Hikaku held his hand out, and Izuna stood beside him, looking on with his bandaged empty eye sockets.

Madara handed him the scroll.

Hikaku skimmed through it with Izuna peering over his shoulder and trying his best to hear the words he was mouthing silently. Around them, the members of the clan remained in a sort of silent agitation, wondering if it would be bad news, and if they would have to walk quietly around their leader for a week or two. Minutes later, Hikaku raised his eyes from the scroll, looking at his clan leader with some sort of disbelief.

"It's... a request for omiai," he said slowly. "The Hyuuga clan's heiress... wishes to perhaps consider a join of our two clans..."

"Is that it? Then no. The Uchiha clan has always stood alone, and it will do no good for it to submit to another now," Madara said.

"Not like that, Madara-sama. She means... marriage."

Madara blinked. He considered telling them that he had an affinity for men, and that the Konoha civilian men he invited into his room almost three nights a week weren't just sent to stand in the corner for decoration. He then realized that maybe it wouldn't be wise to crush any lingering hope of an Uchiha heir in front of his entire clan, and held his words in. Instead, he told them, "I have no interest in marriage right now. Inform the Hyuuga of this."

But Izuna, who knew that his intimidating brother probably wouldn't get married in any other way, took this moment to speak in his frail voice that drudged up all the pitying looks he was capable of receiving.

"Nii-san, I don't think it's wise to dismiss this so quickly. The Hyuuga are a clan that Konoha has been attempting to ally itself with for many years now, and perhaps you could facilitate that by meeting with her," he said. He then said, in a softer tone, "oka-san would have wished for you to produce strong heirs."

Madara stood by his 'no', and made it clear with his lack of response, silently glaring around at anyone who would dare to say otherwise.

"It would also aid Hashirama-sama, who has been having trouble with their clan for months," Izuna supplied.

"...I'll spare one evening for this girl, then." Madara acquiesced.

~x~

Senju Hashirama received the news early the next morning,

"...then I'm going too!"

"Of course, nii-san. He asked for you do come, after all. For diplomatic purposes. Since you're the Hokage. You and Hikaku-san will accompany him," Tobirama sighed into his paperwork.

And the Shodai Hokage sat up stock straight with every inch of courage he could muster, prepared to make an utter fool of himself if it could only convince this poor, misdirected Hyuuga girl that Uchiha Madara was not the greatest catch alive.

(Because he was!)

~x~

The omiai started, as all omiai do, with a suffocating blanket of utter silence that strangled them all with the awkwardness it was drenched in.

The two participants of the meeting noticed none of this in favour of silently evaluating each other with their eyes. Madara kneeled on his seat opposite Hyuuga Hana with Hashirama and Hikaku on either side of him. The Hyuuga heiress sat with two matching Hyuuga guards behind her, dressed in the same plain shade of beige that somehow managed to bring out her eyes. Hashirama disapproved of this greatly, and took to glaring at the poor guards, silently blaming them for not having discouraged her earlier. Hikaku sipped at his tea. The Hyuuga men looked utterly confused. Everyone waited for someone to speak.

"I hear you inherited leadership of your clan at the age of fifteen," Hana spoke up, looking across at him with her blank eyes.

"I did."

"Did Tajima-sama fall ill? My father knew him."

"He was killed in battle."

"A pity. Though a worthy-sounding death."

"Perhaps."

They were perfect. Damn perfect. Hana wasn't pretty like most girls her age but she had the fierce look of an heiress, which was ideal for someone like Madara, who hated all pretty women for some odd reason that may or may not have had to do with an Oedipus complex. They even spoke in the same aggravatingly monosyllabic voice that made everyone around want to rip their hair out. Hashirama felt his insides withering away to die.

"I know only what I've heard of you, Madara-sama," Hana said. "Is there anything else you do in your spare time apart from training, now that peace has been established?"

"I tame falcons," he said absently. "A small hobby of mine, though they are useful to convey messages. It is a skill that has been passed down through the Uchiha clan for generations."

The Hyuuga girl looked utterly charmed. Hashirama attempted to break the moment by tipping over his cup of tea, and wincing as it clattered onto the floor with a crash.

"Oh. Haha. My mistake. I'll pay you for that one," he said in a voice almost an octave higher than his usual deep, self-assured tone. He shifted aside as one of the branded Hyuuga servants came to sweep together the remains. Madara turned to frown at him briefly.

"It's fine, Hokage-sama," Hana said icily. "We have to great need for money at the moment. We are a self-sustaining clan, after all."

Hashirama laughed weakly. Very weakly. The palpable thickness of the tension in the air was beginning to make even the confused Hikaku splutter.

"Really?" Madara asked, oblivious to the amount of tension between the Senju and Hyuuga clans. "Well I don't see how this arrangement will work if your clan is unwilling to join our village."

Hana elegantly tipped her head to one side. "'our' village? I had assumed that I was dealing with the Uchiha clan, not the Senju."

Said leader of the Uchiha briefly closed his eyes, feeling the urge to massage his temples despite himself. "Well, seeing that we have founded a village together, it would make sense for my clan to be associated with the Senju clan," he explained patiently. "Therefore, seeking an arrangement with me would inevitably require moving to Konoha, wouldn't it?"

"...I was not aware that you were co-founders. Hashirama-sama seems to be the one in any semblance of a leadership position, after all."

Madara clenched his teeth audibly. "Perhaps this will not work."

"Perhaps not."

"I'll be going, then."

"I'll have some guards escort you out." She didn't say the words 'it seems that looks aren't everything', but she did seem to almost emit them.

Hikaku cast one last worried glance at the Hyuuga heiress before following his leader and his Hokage out of the compound, wondering how much hell Izuna would put him though for having missed this chance to get his brother married.

~x~

The tension didn't cease on the way back, even through Hashirama's spirits were back to being elated. "Go on ahead and inform your clan of the result," he told Hikaku. "We have some other matters to discuss." And Hikaku nodded and left.

Then there was just the two of them, pattering silently through the forests of Fire Country. Madara seemed to have a permanent wrinkle in his brow.

"You should have informed me of any political tension beforehand," he hissed. "Instead of allowing me to make a fool of both of us."

"Doesn't matter now," his Hokage shrugged. "Everything was settled nicely, though I'm sorry for the loss of your engagement status," he said, looking positively thrilled about that particular loss.

Madara raised an eyebrow. "I never wanted marry into her clan. Why would I? Have I ever shown interest in women? I was trying to use the situation to propose that the Hyuuga join Konoha."

"Oh that's a lost cause," Hashirama waved a hand dismissively. "We'll wait for her daughter to become head. Then maybe things will be easier."

"Isn't it true, through, that most of the smaller clans have no idea that the Uchiha are co-founders of the village?" Madara pointed out. "That is a disturbing thought."

"You can educate the public however you like when you become Hokage, Madara. However you like", came the reply, oblivious to the inevitable mental disintegration of half of Konoha's working force that was sure to happen.

After all, it took them three hours to get to Konoha at their leisurely pace and they barely noticed when they'd started holding hands.