AN~ MORE Young Wizards fanfic! Can you tell what I'm rereading right now, guys? (Expect more in the future- probably some Kit POV for the early books. There's not enough of that.)

This could be Tom/Carl if you squint, but it wasn't my intent when writing.

Disclaimer: Diane Duane writes her own fanfic-ey things over on her blog. Go read them; they're pretty awesome. She also doesn't ever look at fanfiction because she doesn't want to accidentally steal ideas. Thus, I'm not her, and my ideas in no way represent what actually occurred in the books.

The problem, Tom reflects, is that Carl feels too deeply.

Tom is the one the kids turn to, most of the time. He's the one who answers the door, the one who's home (not off in some Manhattan office building), the one who does the research. But it's no accident that Carl isn't around quite so much (after all, there are no accidents).

Because there's no denying that Carl cares about every wizard that enters their yard. And sure, Tom cares too (cares so much he's afraid it'll kill him sometimes), but he doesn't care like Carl. Tom's learned to distance himself just a little, to look at the big picture, to understand that this is what needs to happen, and he knows how to cope with another boy who won't come back from his ordeal, another woman lost on errantry, someone they had dinner with, someone they talked to.

Carl isn't so good at that. He can put up a brave face when he needs to- he wouldn't be a senior if he couldn't- but inside it hurts him so much more than it hurts Tom.

So when Tom comes home from his meeting and sees the mess that's been made all over the kitchen floor he knows something's happened. The dogs and Peach are nowhere to be seen- a bad sign. Normally Peach would be snapping insults at Carl and the dogs would be trying to comfort him. If they're gone, what's happened must be worse than usual.

He starts to clean up without saying anything, without looking for Carl. He already knows where his partner's gone. This has happened before.

Carl comes in halfway through Tom picking up a pile of wrenches. This is new, but Tom doesn't react. It might be a good sign.

"You know you're increasing entropy locally when you have little fits like this," is all Tom says. It's not the first time he's said it.

"Nita's the Silent One," Carl answers. His voice is hoarse. "In the Song of the Twelve. She called you."

Oh dear.

They haven't known Nita and Kit long, in the scheme of things. The two have only been wizards for a few months. But they've come over quite often. Maybe it's just because they live in the neighborhood. Maybe it's not. But still, Tom and Carl have gotten to know them pretty well. And the two had quite an explosive ordeal. They've only done relatively minor interventions since then, but they're like all wizards: brilliant, inquiring, eager to learn. Tom sees a lot of himself in Nita.

He thinks this might be why Carl's this upset. It's been a while since the last tantrum, but most of the others who've... gone since then weren't like Nita. And, by association, weren't like Tom.

By the Powers, what's this going to do to Kit? Those two kids were alone before this started. Both bullied, friendless, and lonely. And now he's going to be alone again, so soon after finding a friend who might have been there for him his whole life. This is going to destroy him.

"I wish there was something I could do," Carl says. "And I can't, and I had to stand there and tell her to her face- tell this thirteen-year-old kid that I have to sit back and let her die, because she did what had to be done before, because they never know what they're getting into on their ordeals, because she agreed to do it, because someone has to. And I had to tell her that the biggest way she can save the world is if she wants to do this."

This is, of course, what Tom would have done in the situation. What Tom should have done. But the Powers had it happen today. And he knows better than to argue with their decision. This was for Carl. Carl, who is normally the steady one. Carl, who is rarely without a smile on his face. Carl, whose journey as a wizard has been one long trip to accepting that there are some times when even a wizard can't do anything.

"You know what it says in the oath," Tom says softly, putting the last of the tools back in the box.

Carl nods. "I will put aside death for life- when it is right to do so," he says, echoing the words in the beginning of every wizard's manual.

They both know that it's not right to do so this time. That Nita's one death will prevent thousands of others. That saving this child will destroy the entire northern Atlantic.

It doesn't make it hurt any less.

But there is nothing they can do about it. Saving Nita would destroy thousands of other lives. And they know wizards have to have perspective. So they sit back and begin their mourning early, getting it out of the way so they can be ready to comfort others, when the time comes.

Because this is all they can do.