A/N: I already feel a wave of judgment coming but I'll start with this. I have never written anything like this before and as I am a heterosexual female I have no idea how accurate a lot of what I will write on here is. Be that as it may, this has been my favorite pairing for quite some time, so I'm going to go for it. Kyman FTW. Warnings: Yes, everyone is at least 16 who will be involved in anything remotely sexual. Homosexual relations abound. If this creeps you out, you're probably reading the wrong story.

Disclaimer: I own nothing and nobody. :/

Cartman sighed inwardly as he trudged home from school alone. He normally took the bus but his detention for being late (again) and his stupid forgetful mother coupled together had resulted in the 17 year old walking home. 'I do have a car damn it!'

He had been late for school for the simple reason he had hit the snooze button on his alarm yet again. 'Mornings suck.'

Unfortunately, his car wasn't working at the moment. 'Just my luck' he thought irritably as his brown eyes met the now grayish colored sky above. 'Great now it's about to fucking rain. This day couldn't get much worse.'

Meanwhile, Kyle was sitting at home, books spread out all across the table in his kitchen, attempting to do some of his massive stack of homework. He'd been home sick quite a lot from school lately and that mixed with his advanced classes didn't make for a light workload. "Ugh", he rubbed his aching head yet again as he stood up to go get yet another aspirin and glass of water. He suddenly felt really dizzy and before he could make it to his chair, fell spread eagle on the floor. Kyle blinked, sitting up, 'what the hell is going on with me lately?' He stood up, brushing himself off and realized his heart was pounding at twice its normal pace. 'What if I am getting sick again?' Not minor sick but like-no he wouldn't worry about it until he had to. It wasn't in Kyle's nature to ignore the obvious, but when he was genuinely terrified, logic tended to take a backseat. He decided to get up again, while being very careful and taking it slowly, to get the aspirin he had planned to earlier.

Besides, no one knew about his episodes as of late not Stan, not Ike, not even his mother, though she was becoming suspicious as of late. Food poisoning or a fever were only believable excuses for so long. Somehow he had managed not to have any of these health issues at school, but the spells were getting more frequent and he feared it was only a matter of time before someone found out.

Cartman groaned audibly as the huge icy hail slapped the sides of his unprotected face. "Goddamn it," he cursed aloud as he attempted to cover his face with his hat and failed miserably. He could barely see and though he was walking on the sidewalk, decided he would stop at the first person's house he got to considering that now it was lightning and even someone as cool as him knew lightning could kill you quite quickly and easily. He figured he was long past the Jew's house and gauged Kenny's to be the next house on the right. Cartman ran to the door and rang the doorbell, almost desperately. Almost because Eric Cartman doesn't do anything desperately. It was this attitude that had protected him for years; that and teaching himself to have basically an ice cold heart. The less people you let get close to you the better. He decided he would never change. EVER. The closest people to him were probably his mom and Kenny which wasn't saying much; his mom was generally gone doing whatever she did or pampering him. He knew enough to know he didn't want to know anymore than he did already about his mother's business. And Kenny was decent company, but it was easy not to get too close to him because he was always dying, hard to understand, and generally obsessed with chicks.

Needless to say, both the Jew and the fatass were equally shell shocked at who was on the opposite side of the door as it opened.

"Fatass?!" The Jew stared at him incredulously. "Ha, wrong house", Cartman said as he moved to slam the door straight in Kyle's face without another word. Just then, a huge boom of thunder and a bright flash of lighting lit up the entire South Park sky and caused both of the guys to jump. Kyle smirked, an expression Cartman hated, "You sure about that?"

"Ugh, fine fuck you Jew," he said after he walked inside, throwing his soaking jacket, hat, and schoolbooks on the couch as he entered. He glanced at the table where Kyle had all his books out. "Why are you doing schoolwork now? We just got out of school an hour ago."

Kyle sighed exasperatedly. "You're lucky my mom's not home. She wouldn't appreciate you propping your nasty wet belongings on her furniture." He chose to ignore the dig at his attempt to stay on top of his schoolwork, while cursing himself for being too kindhearted to leave Cartman outside in the storm.

"Oh really? Like I could care less what that bitch has to say." He propped his dirty soaking commando boots on Kyle's family's living room table.

"Damn it Cartman! Can you at least pretend to have some goddamn respect?!" He yelled, then with a sharp pain to the head Kyle was falling towards the floor.

Cartman couldn't react and just stared blankly as the other fell to the floor.

"What the fuck Jew." He said even though the redhead's eyes were closed, he instantly assumed he was faking. 'You've never been one to run away or back down from our fights before.'

He nudged him roughly with his boot. However, Cartman felt an icy feeling wash over him once he realized he didn't appear to be breathing and his head was tilted at a sickening angle. Swallowing the bile in his throat, he moved to a kneeling position by Kyle and placed two fingers to the other boy's neck, not really knowing what he was doing. He felt nothing. Swallowing hard again, he leaned his ear against Kyle's chest and listened for two seconds that felt like forever, finally hearing his heart beating although slowly and faintly. Right as he was going to call 911, Kyle's green eyes opened as he gasped for air; he never thought he would be so joyful his friend was alive. Whew, apparently he just sucked at trying to find someone's pulse.

"Ow," Kyle rubbed a fresh bruise under his elbow, falling on wooden floors was never fun. "Why the hell did you push me Cartman?" At this accusation, Cartman was tempted to leave, considering how worried he had been for the redhead just moments before. 'Wait, hold up, rewind, motherfucking pause. Worried? Over Kyle? He wracked his brain for another word. Nope, there wasn't one', Cartman admitted begrudgingly to himself. He finally decided it was fine to worry very little, not in a sissy way, over a friend (right?) that'd you'd known nearly 13 years if you thought he was dead. But only because you've known him so long and you're used to being the one hurting him. 'Yeah, only I can kill him.' Cartman thought to himself, not really liking the thought, but dismissing his emotions abruptly.

"I didn't push you Kyle, you um fell." Cartman was looking in Kyle's direction but his brown eyes refused to meet Kyle's green ones. Kyle rolled his eyes, "Nice try you idiot." The he realized that Cartman's eyes had held an almost worried look before they had turned icy and careless. "Wait, what happened?" Kyle was scared and embarrassed now. 'Please no, God no, did I just pass out in front of Cartman?'

Kyle moved to stand up. "Easy, Jew." Cartman said barely keeping his voice from shaking as he helped the thinner boy to the couch. He had his arm gently around him just in case he lost his balance. "Cartman, knock it off, I'm fine." Kyle shoved him off lightly causing him to almost lose his own footing. Cartman grabbed him around the waist more firmly, picked him up bridal style, and placed him securely on the couch. Before he released his arms from around Kyle, he realized how close he was to Kyle's face. He could count every single hue in his multifaceted green eyes. 'They really were like emeralds'; he noted as he leaned back resuming a standing position.

'I'm not fucking gay. I'm just worried about not having someone to rag on all the time.' Cartman thought to himself. Kyle looked incensed. "Tell me what the hell is going on. Why are you being so helpful?."

"Well, I wouldn't be acting weird if you hadn't almost stopped breathing!" Cartman burst out.

Kyle didn't say a word. "That's right", Cartman continued on a roll, "You were yelling at me, passed out and I, well I thought you were dead." Kyle's face paled. "But you weren't, unfortunately." Cartman didn't mean that part but he figured he would add it to try not to seem too concerned.

"Cartman, you're a fucking piece of work you know. Anyway, please, don't tell anyone. You have to swear not to tell a soul." He hated asking Cartman for anything or even saying please to him, but he could NOT have his family or Stan find out. Though he might pay for it later, Kyle couldn't help but be a little touched though that Cartman had been concerned.

"About what?" Cartman batted those devilishly handsome brown eyes feigning innocence.

"Just please Cartman," Kyle said he was still tired and weak from passing out but he had to try to get Cartman to keep his secret.

"Well?" Kyle pressed.

"Only if you agree to be my slave," Cartman said, "it can be just like in the 40s." he alluded tactlessly.

"As much as I want to kick you out right now, how about you stay and in exchange you don't say a word about what happened today?." Kyle said simply. He tried to stay cool and collected even though the argument/discussion was taking a lot out of him. 'Psh every discussion with Cartman is practically an argument anyway I walked right into that one.'

Cartman called his bluff, "Me and you both know you won't send me out in that godforsaken weather Jew. But since getting struck by lightning isn't high on priority list, I'll take it. I have a few more conditions I require. Here's the terms of my agreement", he continued, ignoring Kyle's irritation. "You have to do whatever I say for an indefinite amount of time, includes literally fucking anything and I won't tell anybody about your little illness. What's wrong with you anyway?" Cartman added on to make it seem like an afterthought but was uncharacteristically concerned.

"I don't know." Kyle said quietly. "It all started about a month ago but I've never passed out for that long."

"Go see a doctor Kyle. I'm serious."

Kyle opened his mouth to protest but Cartman merely spoke over him, "According to the terms of our agreement you have to call tomorrow and make an appointment because I said so or I'll blab your business all over the whole damn school."

Kyle was defeated, temporarily that is. "Okay whatever." He'd figure out a way around this eventually; he was Kyle Broflovski, that's what he did. He glanced at the time 5:30 pm. "Where is my mom? She should have been back already." Kyle shakily stands to go get the phone but Cartman gently pushes him back down, "I'll go get it," he says in a sing song mocking kind of way. 'God he's an annoying idiot' Kyle thought as he waltzed out of the room, 'but quite honestly not a bad looking one.'

'Damn my illness must really be getting to me,' he thought miserably. Thinking anything positive about Cartman? Ha, when pigs fly. Besides, Kyle wasn't gay he just had no interest in dating period. And that was that. Grades had always come first to him, before his health, before his enjoyment, actually only after his super best friend Stan and his beloved little brother. Although, Kyle thought, Cartman had grown into his build.

He was still nowhere near "buff" as he claimed to be, but his height had made his 250 pounds look stocky and strong, plus it was rumored he hit the gym a couple of times a week. The biggest change overall though to Kyle had been his attitude and hair.

After a particularly nasty argument a few months ago, he had all but quit the Holocaust jokes and hero worship of Hitler something about it being uncool or making him look lame. The argument had resulted in Kyle and Cartman insulting each other, which wasn't anything new, but for some reason it hurt Kyle more deeply that time and he had broken down and cried in front of Cartman after breaking his nose. Though Cartman had always claimed making Kyle cry would be the best thing ever for some reason this time was different. Cartman didn't apologize in so many words all things considering, but he had changed his tune at school the next day and had yet to go back to his old ways.

'Or whatever the fuck. It was Cartman he didn't need a reason and if he did it was a bullshit reason.' Obviously he still called Kyle Jew more than he did his name and did make anti-Semitic comments, but Kyle guessed it was more of a force of habit than anything else.

He now grew his soft (looking) Kyle mentally added 'it wasn't like he went around touching Cartman's hair or any shit like that,' brown hair grew to just above shoulder length which shaped his face well but didn't make him look too mature. He also grew no facial hair whatsoever, but it didn't make him look childish just fresh faced and handsome.

'Wow I just spent 5 whole minutes thinking about your rival's physical appearance and called him handsome but you're not gay, whatsoever.' He mocked himself.

"Damn thing was practically hidden under some stupid papers, I threw them all on the damn floor." Cartman tossed the cell phone to Kyle who quickly dialed his mom's number as Cartman silently mocked Kyle's supposedly prissy phone calling etiquette.

"Oh Kyle Bubbie, I was worried sick that you hadn't gotten home the weather is simply awful isn't it? Don't you dare even think of going anywhere young man do you understand me?!" She screeched into the phone. Kyle pinched the bridge of his nose, "Yes mom don't worry about me. Have you talked to dad yet?"

"Yes Kyle for God's sakes he and Ike ended up going to Filmore's house for Ike to work on a project and are staying the night there. I'm at Sharon's since we were sewing when it hit. I'm assuming you're alone over there? There better not be any girls over there."

"Actually mom uhhhh Eric Cartman is here." He really hadn't wanted to tell her that, but decided honesty was best.

"What what what?" She shouted in a deadening manner so loudly that Cartman heard her and promptly flipped the bird, whispering the word bitch close to the receiver. He then flipped out his phone to play some childish game, probably candy crush or something.

"Yes mom he came over to get out of the weather and will probably be spending the night."

Cartman raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Kyle hung up momentarily.

"That bitch," he grinned, "What'd she want? Am I kicked out?" His expression had changed a bit more.

"Nope you can stay."

"Kay. Very weird for her to agree to let me stay though, even considering the weather," he said as more lightning and thunder hit nearly rattling the frame of the house.

"Whatever, I'm exhausted I'm going to sleep. You can leave if you want but you're welcome to stay though I probably don't have any clothes that will fit you.

"Calling me fat are you Kyle?!" Cartman looked pissed.

"No for once I'm actually not. Look at our height difference and how scrawny I am, now shut up."

Cartman smiled to himself 'he doesn't think I'm fat but why should I care?'

They took turns in the bathroom with Kyle coming out last ready to flop down on his king size bed only to see Cartman sprawled across it like he belonged there watching some X rated program on his laptop.

"What are you doing? And turn that off, my parents can go through that you know."

"Dude weak. And relaxing on the bed obviously. What is that a crime now?" Cartman clicked some buttons and resumed his program. "There, I cleared the history now shut up I'm watching this."

Kyle tried again, but noticed the program wasn't really overly sexual there was just lots and lots of blood, he recognized it as a Quentin Tarantino film, meaning there were X rated scenes but the movie wasn't just about sex.

Cartman had decided that babying Kyle was awkward so he was letting him walk around now by himself but secretly keeping a close eye on him.

"I'm sleeping on the bed; there's a blow up mattress in the closet and a couch downstairs if that's not cutting it."

"No you get the mattress Jewboy."

"What the fuck. You come in my house uninvited and expect to sleep in my bed no hell no, OUT OF MY BED!"

"Actually I was invited in. You opened the door for me, second of all, this bed is big enough for two so just hop right in." Cartman laughed lightly but scooted over and made room.

Fortunately they were both sleeping in shorts and long pajama pants. The pants Kyle noticed were some he bought too large and they ended up fitting Cartman a little too well. He gulped. Kyle had almost hoped he would sleep shirtless so he could see how fat he still was, yeah that.

"You and your boyfriend Stan probably do this all the time so just don't penetrate me in my sleep and I don't care."

"Whatever. Besides that's some gay shit you and Kenny would do anyway."

Cartman burst out laughing, "Kenny has never slept in my bed or me in his what a fucking joke. I might get rats or something dude. But Jew seriously get in or sleep on the floor. And keep your Jew germs on the other side of the bed."

"Oh fuck off Cartman", Kyle said making himself take up as much room as possible, "it's my bed I'll do as I please."

Kyle was asleep in minutes obviously too worn out to argue or fight with Cartman tonight. He closed Kyle's laptop and sighed. Cartman's mind was swirling with thoughts. 'What was wrong with Kyle? Would he be okay? Why the fuck had he agreed to let him sleep in the same bed?' Cartman listned to the Jew's rhythmic breathing and turned to look at him. The larger boy had suffered from insomnia for years and it was affecting him now. 'Wow for a ginger he sure has flawless skin.' Cartman hadn't noticed he'd reached out a hand to touch Kyle's face but withdrew it immediately.

He still couldn't believe Kyle hadn't had a girlfriend in the past ten years. Cartman himself avoided women like the plague because he hated their fake flirting and obsession with physical appearances anyway. Every girl in the school at this point had tried to get with him except for Henrietta who was sort of friends with him even though he was a "conformist to the core" and Wendy who was dating Stan and had hated his guts for years. He had turned the rest down or humiliated most of them so thoroughly they either hated him or admired him from a distance, either way they told their friends to steer clear. As faggy as it was, he could admit that Kyle was beautiful plus nobody had the personality, the fire, the drive that Kyle did. He gently stroked his face. 'Hmmmm, Kyle has the softest skin.' Before he knew what was happening Kyle had wrapped his arms around Cartman and pulled Cartman's head and upper body flush against his chest.

Cartman was so surprised that he didn't move, however, Kyle's grip was strong and he knew even trying to move the boy would wake him up so he decided just to wait for him to change positions. When he didn't, Cartman became conscious of the fact he could actually feel Kyle's heartbeat against him. He blushed, why he had no clue. 'It's because of how gay this is he decided but for some reason the feeling soothed him and he too was soon asleep.'

Cartman woke up to Kyle's screaming. "What the hell Cartman?!" Cartman quickly released his hold he didn't realize he had on the smaller boy while stretching, feet dangling off of the bed. "What's your problem, God, was that necessary?"

Kyle pointed and angrily stomped to the bathroom muttering something about indency and perversion. Cartman looked down in the direction he'd pointed. 'Wow what a terrible time to have morning wood oh well he'll get over it it's not like he was turned on by Kyle or any shit.' Cartman voted to leave since the weather was no longer bad and there wasn't much point in staying. He walked out, not bothering to lock the door behind him, not his chair not his problem.

Kyle finished up his shower and registered Cartman had left, he then heard his phone going off. He answered it automatically ,"Hey mom."

"Why aren't you at school Kyle?! The weather isn't bad anymore go to school!"

"Mom calm down I just woke up but I'll head there in a bit." He hung up on her not bothering to say goodbye. He flipped through his texts. Stan: hey dude what's up? 12AM Also from Stan: Kyle my bud where the fuck are you? Bus is about to leave. Should I wait? 8:03AM Stan: If you were going to skip you should have told me btw Wendy's mad at me again. :/ Some bs about me not paying for her meal last night even though she said don't worry about it. Go figure. lol 10AM

Kenny: fuck you Craig! I fuck way more bitches than you and that's a fucking fact! 3AM Kenny: Sorry dude that wasn't meant for you btw I fucked three hoes last week. Want to hear about sucking and fucking at the same time? 8:45AM

God Kenny was fucking weird and disgusting sometimes. He raised his eyebrow at the next unread text. Bebe: Are you gay? 10:30PM 'What the hell?' He rolled his eyes. 'Bebe was retarded.'

Cartman: Hey Jew I know you wanted to keep cuddling haha fagg! but don't forget our agreement. Btw you are so doing my math and history assignments I'll drop all the stuff by today after school. ^0^ 8:46AM

'What the fuck.' Kyle grabbed his bag and checked the time 10:40AM he'd get to school in 15 min so he decided to get started now. He walked in second period about 10 minutes late and of course was called out by Mr. Garrison.

"Kyle how rude sit down I'm trying to teach. As I was saying Cher has had no plastic surgery. I can prove it with these pictures of her supposedly pre and post surgeries. Plus, just check out her mom. That woman can still get it anyway she wants."

"Hey dude," he slid into the empty seat by Stan. "Sup man." Stan looked up from his doodling. He always doodled in this class; today it was random dragons and sci fi stuff. Kyle didn't care much for that genre , but Stan's drawings looked really good. He smiled at his best friend.

"What'd I miss?"

"Not a damn thing." Kenny interjected, "But I did get some pics last night." He shoved naked pics of some random chick in their faces. "Gross dude." Kyle closed his eyes and shoved at the phone. "Wendy would kill me," Stan said irritably also refusing to look at the phone. "Fags. Cartman wants to see right buddy?"

Cartman sat a row over and had been looking in the direction not sure why though. "No poor boy, why would I want to see that when the internet exists. Besides she's just some dumb whore." Kenny rolled his eyes. "All ya'll are dick riders." Noone justified his stupidity with a response.

A/N: Just to clarify, in my story Cartman is a closer fried to the three instead of just someone who just hangs around because he feels like it. Once again, it's Cartman and South Park, it will be offensive. I have nothing against Jewish people, homosexuals, etc. So any flames regarding that will be ignored. Constructive Criticism is always welcome!