Hello and thanks for checking out my story. Now this is my first story so I ask you to please use constructive criticism when reviewing and if you have any ideas for this story I have open ears, hope you enjoy.
I don't own or get money from this story it is only for fun.
Info: Arthur and Mordred battle at Camlann. Arthur was wounded in battle but was saved by Merlin, and Mordred died because Morgana runaway instead of following after Merlin. Merlin still revels his magic to Arthur so magic is no longer banned from Camelot and together they unite all of Albion. The story is set 5 years later under Arthur's rule. Aithusa is alive and lives with the great dragon.
Warning: fem/Merlin, slash, Merlin x Arthur, birthing, character death, Het, gender bender, Gwen x Arthur.
The Will of Magic
In a time of myth and legend there was once a great destiny that rested upon the shoulders of a young boy his name Merlin, but that destiny has long been filed by him and his other side of the coin Arthur. Who had now united all the lands of Albion under one rule and had freed magic users from being hunted from every corner of the land, just as the legend said it would be.
5 years later the people still rejoiced in the glory of Albion's golden years and under the rule of their one true king. Who leads the people with his courage to defeat any danger that comes their way, along with his most powerful wizard who used his mystical powers to bring more prosperity to the kingdoms.
The future was everything they hope for. So Merlin and his friends settled down into their peaceful lives to life out the rest of their own in glories days.
That however all began to change for them when Gwen's monthly bleeding came but was no longer a healthy heavy flow it used to be, it instead lasted barely three days.
She was told of the signs of being barren from an older maid that was assigned to train Gwen in the workings of the castle when she was nothing but a young girl who was still raw to the recent lost her mother. The woman taught her the new duties of being a servant, but she also took pity on the girl who had no one else to talk to about her body, she told her everything that she need to know about her growing body. What was normal and what was something she needs to worry about. Now as a married woman she was concerned for the older maid told her the only time a woman should run dry is when she is either old, starved or sick. So she decided to quickly seek answers to the only one she could trust to plainly give them to her. Donned on a plain looking blue dress to make her blend into the milling crowd better for when she walked outside of the castle walls and into the upper town.
It work just enough for her found a small wooded home the insides she knew to be just like a scholar's workshop that is filled with books, papers and experiments that are piled in an organized but messy fashion. Where a now retired Gaius lived with his wife Alice. She went straight inside without knocking or greeting as she quickly grabbed Alice away from the writing desk where she was about to write something down and took her to another room for more privacy to ask for her help. Being that Alice was the only physician she knew of that was a woman and that also lived within a walkable distance, she was the only one Gwen felt comfortable asking her about this. The last thing she needed was the add embarrassment of asking Gaius or their new physician Flinn, if her womanly parts still worked properly. So along with the loud thumping of her heart that was beating inside her ears and nervousness that filed her fears of what she may well know to be true, Gwen waited for the answer.
A empathic Alice delivered the news as gently as possible, she wasn't completely barren but the chance that she would became with child were slim and those chances would most likely continue to decrease, until there was no longer a possibility of an pregnancy.
Gwen asked if anything can be done to fix her, with a firm shake of her head Alice said, "I can only give you potions that would increase your chances of convincing but it won't stop the changes that will make you losing your ability to make life."
"What about magic?" Gwen asked, still holding out for hope for a better chance of a solution then the one Alice words was suggesting. "With Merlin's powers surely he can easily perform any spell we needed, there could still be a way around this!" she continued, growing more hopeful as every word spilled out of her mouth.
Alice wither at her queens words and said, "The only spell that could create a child where there cannot be one is the spell that Uther use to give life to Arthur. At the time people were testing the limits of magic and nature, so a spell to make a person fertile without trading someone's life was something everyone wanted to create especial the nobles. People tried everything, mostly using healing magic to try to return what had been lost but even when bodily functions returned back to normal there was never an offspring from those people." Alice looks off to the side in though and muttered, "It was as if nature itself refused to bend for any one will no matter the power they held or how much the parents wished for the child."
All hope was crushed in Gwen, like a stronghold castle that had withered to dust by the passage of time and the pieces blown away in a great wind so that nothing remain on that piece of land but emptiness. Tears came into Gwen eyes and flowed down her cheeks, Alice leant towards the Queen and gave her a shoulder to lean into and a comforting hand to rube her back with while Gwen gravely sobbed into her neck.
For not only had she failed the whole of Albion and it people that she loved dearly. But most importantly she had failed Arthur and herself, for she would never became a loving mother, never make Arthur a father whose child would look up to him. A child that had Arthur's leadership or braveness and Gwen's kindness, they would never experience a baby first steps or words; they would never even know the happiness of loving a child. Gwen knew Alice said that she still had a small chance, but this feeling of uselessness that came over her when Alice told her the truth made her feel as if fate decided that she would be childless and she has no choice but to play the part.
Gwen POV
Arthur tried to be the strong one for her, when she told him later that same day, but she knew her husband was trying to cover his true emotions, to try to play the strong leader and husband that could get them out of any problem they faced. But when she told him Alice said that she wasn't completely barren it made Arthur still hang on to the small hope that they could still have an heir. But something inside Gwen was still telling her that it wouldn't work, that this is her fate to accept. Maybe it was the tragedy of it all that made her give up hope, but that feeling never left her in the days that come.
For every night for a month Arthur would desperately, but lovingly try to get Gwen with child, making love into the night until early the next morning. Both of them didn't get much sleep that month. Gwen would have enjoyed that more if she wasn't reminded why Arthur was doing all this, but it would always hit her after their daily lovemaking. She would look to her left to see a sweating, naked Arthur looking at her with a hopeful sparkly look in his ocean blue eyes. Then the feeling of uselessness came back, dragging along with it the feeling of pointlessness of it all that would drain her of any happiness she have had when she looked back at him.
Gwen never said a word about her feelings to Arthur, he would just think that she had giving up the last hope they had. He then would work harder to try to prove himself right for her sake. Then the second week of the next month came, making them realize that her normal bleeding cycle hadn't come as usual.
At first she rejoiced along with Arthur. She was busting at the seams with joy, like a small dress that had be fitted over a too large body, to the point that she truly would have be skipping up and down the halls like a young girl again who had just been kissed by her crush, not the respected queen she was.
But then on the inside she knew she didn't feel like one should when you are with child. She didn't feel sick or crave food, nor did she feel dizzy and her breasts wasn't getting any bigger. She felt fine, like it was any other day. She tried telling Arthur this, so he be prepare for the worst as she was deep inside. But Grinning as he walk her down to Flinn, he refuse to listen to a word she said, feeling high off of the victory of believing he had beaten nature itself. That would just make the news into a harder blow for him to take, when Flinn official dubbed her that horrid word, barren.
He then turn desperate in front of Flinn just as she had before Alice and then he thought of the same answers that she had. Hoping magic could help him he asking advice from both Gaius and Merlin, but it had ended up with the same horrible conclusion that Arthur would never do, even under threat of death. So that night Arthur finally accepted it, as she did and they held each other crying of their loss together. They grieved for so long that they fall asleep on their bed, still in their clothes, clinging tightly to one other.
So that the next day they had the misfortune of appearing before the court red eyes and weak spirited, as Arthur hoarsely told the courtyard of people that they could not make them an heir to look for future leadership of Albion. Many condolences were given to them that day, especial from close friends and Gwen's brother. They tried to make her feel like it wasn't her fault and she was so grateful to have true friends who would speak those words to her, but even with the words of encouragement came to her ears she could feel nothing but being a failure. Maybe as time passed this wound would heal and she could accept her friend's words as the truth someday.
A least the court left them mostly alone, giving them time to grieve and leaving them be for another month. But after that some of the people in the castle were giving them small concerned looks whenever they were together, in the meetings or when they were walking down the halls of the castle. When Gwen saw those looks she would hear a small voice whispering inside of her, "they want to know what you are willing to do for the future of the Albion." The staring people never said a word to her, but the look in their eyes said what they wanted, even when their mouth didn't.
Gwen knew could not be truly angry with them for worrying about how this was going to impact their own future. She knew how it felt to have everything you loved balanced on the wills of others, that don't know you or may not even care about what happens to you and how truly scared you felt down to your core off that one person who could destroy you with just whisper of a word. Gwen had felt just the same, before she really got to see who Arthur was, but the people knew that they were better off than in any other royal reign. They knew their rulers would almost do anything for the prosperity of the kingdom. Besides that the people, they thought, weren't showing signs of being extremely concerned, so they assumed that the people would be willing to wait for them to make a plan in maybe a few years. So Gwen brush off the looks.
But they were wrong about that, blinded from the kindness of others at that time, but it didn't show until a few months later at a round table meeting. A middle aged adviser suddenly stood up, when Arthur was about to dismiss the court and demanded in a loud voice so all could hear him saying, "Your Majesty I know it is unbecoming of me to speak of this since it is only be but a few months since you discovered the news of your queen. But this is a matter of state and being king you are the only one who could chose the path we walk, so I ask you to reveal any plans you have for finding an heir for the great Kingdom of Albion."
Arthur barely hides his annoyance for the boldness of the adviser, for hitting a still sore spot in such an underhand way. He replied back, using a firm but authoritative tone, "As you say it has been only a few months, so I have not thought of an alternate solution for getting an heir and I wish to speak no more of it until I see it fit to."
The adviser didn't sit back down, but continued speaking, trying to make his king see sense, "I am sorry sire, but this is too great a concern to ignore. Your throne is too powerful not to draw the likes of Morgana, through trickery, war, or force. Not appointing an heir will have people arguing if whether the throne is rightfully his to take, which will leave the kingdom in civil war if you allow the people to decide in your place. The best way to keep peace within Albion is to have an heir through your bloodline. I advise you earnestly sire to seek a consort…"
Arthur slammed his hand down on the table making an ear splitting sound that echoed across the room, firmly silencing the adviser. Arthur looked at the adviser with dark calculating eyes, a look that he obviously learned from his father and spoke in the most chilly but calm voice that the council had ever heard come from him, "I said there is to be no more talk of this matter, and when a king gives an order he expects it be followed or your loyalty will start being put under questioning."
The adviser quickly sits back down and Arthur dismissed the meeting with a quick exit. No one dare try to bring it up again, but the words where already out there fluttering around in the air giving more fear to the people, who already stared and whispered in worry to begin with. The man's words did the same to Gwen, they were like a fly buzzing around her head she couldn't see, so no matter how hard you try to bat it away you can't stop it and all you can do is sit there listing to the insanity as it echoed in your head, never to stop. His words could drive a person to dark places of fear, but they also showed how right he was.
Their kingdom was now at peace after years of battling those who hated the uniting of the lands and the freedom of magic. But it wasn't hard to see someone becoming power hunger, when Arthur becomes too old to fight off his enemies. Then his people would start to look for new leadership, to replace the one who was going to die someday. Gwen knew many people would love to sit on the throne that Arthur now sat upon. She can see now why the man risked the king rage, for this hard win peace and this great land they have now. No one wanted to see it not carry on to the next generate correctly or see it be giving to the wrong person that could destroy many future lives.
The Queen would not let that happen, because she wanted to keep her husband to herself and let her emotion devour her. Those feeling that wouldn't let her do what is right for her people, who she vowed to take care of when she married Arthur. She swore she will not be the reason people spilt each other's blood over Arthur throne or be the key that broke apart the land.
If years of being queen had showed her anything it's that sometimes she must take matter in to her own hands instead of waiting for the help of others, who might not have the right intentions for the kingdom. She would take this matter into her own hands as well before others did for her. She decided that she will find the perfect consort for the kingdom, because if she had to share her love with another then she can at least gain a little bit of comfort that it's a woman that she can approve of and one who will give the heir many benefits that could make the child into a great leader as its father is.
In the days that followed Gwen made a list of even single child bearing age woman that she knew off, both personally and long distance people who she could trust to be very loyal to Arthur. She did this secretly from everyone else, especially from Arthur, knowing her husband wouldn't ever want for her to do something like this for the kingdom nor would he help her in seeking another. Like his father did to his own mother, an action that broke his family apart and nearly destroy all else he held dear. So she made it her mission to keep this from everyone else until she found the perfect person. Besides she wanted to base her pick on logic alone and not emotions, biases, greed or other influences that could make her chose the wrong person. She wanted to pick a woman without regret haunting her all her days.
After completing the list that contained the whole of Albion women both noble and peasant. She immediately started marked off the ones who she know to be barren like her or the ones with any illness, then took off the ones that were loyal but hadn't the right personality. She loved her husband but she knew his flaws of being arrogant, stubborn and the tendency to distant himself by hurting others when he was emotionally hurting himself. So having a mother with a personally that at a least balanced some of Arthur flaws was one of her goals. As well as someone that showed great leadership skills, which could make the child life much easier then what Arthur's life had been when he was growing up into the king he is today. Being spoilt as a prince with no real consideration on how to lead his people had resulted in a childhood with a great many hardships that made him have to polish into something great, but she did not wish the same for any ones child.
But even though she marked the list down quite a bit as the days passed, the list still nearly extended across the room, the time it took to go through every woman flaws, education, routine, bad habits, society circles took up weeks and she barely taken even one half of the list off.
As the days turn to weeks others begin to notice her change in behavior and the long amount of time she spend in her bed chambers. As well as her time spend outside the walls of her room asking for information about other woman. Some even began to ask if she wanted to talk about what was wrong, then a new fear grow inside her. Would someone watching her discover her plan, before she could reveal it at the right time? With the stuff she was asking about it could be possible. So she became more careful by hiding the list in her old ballroom gowns chest, the big gowns would cover the long list nicely and she was always getting new ones made so no one would bothered taking out the old dresses. It was a better place to hide it than in her bedroom draw. She only toke it out of the chest when Arthur was out doing his duties and her handmaid had left to do her other chores.
But that didn't make the solution any clearer and Gwen could feel the worried gazes of her people as she walked the halls, could sense the tensioned of the council at the round table when her husband call upon a meeting. This made her anxious more the ever. That anxious sat in the back of her mind clawing at her confidence on finding the perfect person and speaking to the chosen women, before others did something before she could even truly begin to set her plans into action.
To say she became obsessed with it was only the half of it, but the other half was the want to badly fix the problem of the doubts in their peace has quickly as possible. So she was always thinking about that list, to the point that a whole day would pass without her thinking about anything else but of finding the perfect mother.
She was still thinking about it when the celebrations for the 2nd anniversary of Albion peace came around. They celebrated it with a festival ever year around in every city and town throughout Albion. As well as a great feast that is held with in the halls of Camelot castle where they had invited the other royals that helped rule Albion with them, so they could show their gratitude for the support of their reign.
Many have thought that they would cancel the feast, in light of the recites news. But not wanting to over shadow the celebrations of what they achieved with their own personal tragedy they still both attended the banquet, to enjoy the meal for themselves, after all this feast was an award to their people for all their help in making peace across the kingdom. Cancelling the festival would be like them saying they were scared of the future and that they were not grateful for the peoples own efforts for peace. And Gwen mostly wanted to reassure the people, rather than enjoy the meal itself, that peace will still continue. So they gave speeches of encouragement for the future that were made at the beginning of the feast by the king.
As she sat there watching her husband she admire the hall that is decorated beautiful with all the crests of the royals on banners that helped to co-rule the lands of Albion on show being hang around the room, the biggest hanging in the front of the room above the throne was of course Camelot's proud golden dragon on a red banner. Candles were lit, flowers covering ever surface that wasn't going to be used. People who would be selling their wares along the streets, a circus had come to entertain the people along the street and inside the hall during the feast, with has an magical show to go along with it.
Their best wine was served, a clear wine that tasted of honey and spices that held a very strong smell to it, which floated across the room once it was brought up from the cellar floor. Roast pork glazed in honey that made it shine bright and brought the smell of sweetened meat that mixed well with the others smells of the room. They also served rabbit and poultry both having a delightful mustard sauce smothered on top of them. Along with many different cheeses and fruits which were served by there side. All the food delicious and the people merry, some a little too much from the honey spice wine.
So they easily ate the delicious foods that sat in front of them, Arthur sitting on the left of Gwen and her best friend Merlin sitting on the right with all the other knights sitting close around joining in on the fun. But even with all her loved ones close by to bring her into the conversation, her happiness never lasted very long for she would just give a few short clipped words before her mind was dragging back up into the clouds by that list again. After a while they give up on trying to engage their Queen in conversation and left her in peace with her thoughts. The others kept the mood light, by telling stories of some of their adventures, but as the night became late and they got drunker the weirder and funnier the tales became, it almost became a contesting for them of who could tell the most ridiculous story, Gwen wasn't really paying much attention to them until she heard the words.
"But no one could ever top Merlin turning himself into a woman!" Arthur nearly shouted across the table, from the redness of his face and the way he had little control of his own voice Arthur was on the edge of drunkenness makes a person lose control of themselves in the funnies ways.
Merlin's face was red as well, but Gwen guess was probably not from the wine. He pointed his finger at Arthur, like a wife scalding her husband, and said in a defensive tone, "It was either turn into the old woman or get arrested. I couldn't use Dragoon anymore because he was more than likely to get arrested on site and I doubt you would let me do what I needed to do if I had told you the truth."
After years of working together to overcome Merlin's trust issues and Arthur past of hating magic users they had come to accept the past as it is. Now that they were no longer hurting from it they laugh about it now. Which is what Arthur and the knights did when they remembered Merlin old woman. Some almost falling out of their chairs with laughter, probably more from the drink then the funny situation Merlin keeps putting himself into. Gwen could almost envision it now, not the old woman for she had never seen her, but a younger version with long straight black hair that run pass her pointed jaw line with curvy hips and breasts. He would have make a pretty, kind, smart girl Gwen thought. Gwen then grew curious, did Merlin truly turn did into a complete girl, or was it a trick?
Gwen leant over to him, since the others drunken laughter's became too loud to talk normally and asked, "Did you use an illusion spell to make yourself look that way?"
Merlin smiled at her, happy that she had join in with them, even if the topic was about one of his more embarrassing stunts. So in what she learnt now was his teaching voice he said, "Nope, complete transformation into the fairer gender, since the only way you can make an illusion to make you look different is to steal another person's face. But then there is the risk running into somebody who could tell you are not who you say you are or if goddesses forbid if the person themselves shows up." Merlin cross his arms and signs before he said, "Then there a way to see through the illusion all together and that the caster reflection. For the reflection isn't effect by magic and always revels the truth."
Gwen still founds it hard to believe when she learn that a force that can bend the world around to the needs of a single person can be ruined by a flaw like a simple reflection.
"Is that why you use a transform spell? Because you were worry that someone would accidently see through to the truth?" she asked.
Merlin points his finger at to her and says, "Or get someone else into trouble by using their face."
The drunken Arthur not quite done making fun of Merlin asks him mockingly, "How was it being a girl?"
Merlin decided to make light of his friend teasing by answering him with the truth, "Well Arthur I felt the someway I did when I was an old man, sore and tire of trying to dragging around a whinny prat. So he could seem like he was the hero who saved the kingdom once again."
Arthur pouted, his way of telling Merlin that he did not approve of his mockery of him and Merlin simple chuckled back. Gwen don't listen to the rest of teasing because there was a thought growing in her head and it refused to be dismissed from her mind, a crazy thought, but one that could solve her problems. She calmly asked Merlin another question, one that would be key to completing her crazy idea, "couldn't you just turn yourself into a young girl instant of an old woman?"
Merlin shrugged his shoulder looking a little bit sleepiest and said, "I don't want even chance of being recognize, so I figure we all look different when we are older and it was a better use of the spell so I could get away with my plan."
"So you could have made yourself into a real young girl?" She said and Merlin nodded to affirm, he looked a little confused on why she questioning him so much about him changing his gender, but was quickly distracted when one of the other knights pulled him into another conservation.
Gwen just kept looking at Merlin, seeing him as a girl that she envisaged earlier, rather than the man now sitting next to her. Technically if what Merlin said was the truth he may be able to conceive a child like any other normal girl his age.
Merlin would make a perfect mother, with his kindness that shines through even at the darkest of times, he was great leader as shown when he helped bring back magic using peaceful displays to show magic is not evil and rules so none could misuse it again. Then there Merlin's dragon lord bloodline, which should be passed down since Merlin is the last of his kind, even if there were only two dragons left in the world and they wouldn't be reproduce any time soon. But as least the dragon lords wouldn't became existent if the dragons do make the next line. And being poor once himself he would want to make sure to install in his child the gratefulness in what it is given. Much like when he showed Arthur how to be a better ruler when he was just a manservant by his side. There is no question of Merlin's loyalty to do the right thing for the people and if his power is inherited by his child the magic community would be put at ease about not having another purge or misunderstandings again. After all who would most likely be the person the magic users would follow, someone who was appointed to the throne or their Embry's child. With all that she was sure that Merlin would be a great parent to any child and she would feel better about the whole consort thing if Arthur was with someone they both knew as a friend, instead of a stranger. The best part was he would give them, the kingdom and the child all she hoped for the future if Merlin was the mother of Arthur's heir.
Gwen felt relief, and even a little bit excited, to finally have a chance of preserving their kingdom for future generations. But that feeling was dampened by the thought of Arthur's reaction when she told him of her plans; it made her nervous, giving her a flutter in the pit of her stomach. So she decide to wait to tell him until tomorrow, so Arthur could enjoy the celebrating today and so she can figure out how to tell them properly with as little as conflict as possible.
Now she was going to take her own advice in enjoy the rest of the feast and not worrying about a single thing till another day.
Gwen did enjoy that night, as the others didn't suspecting anything from her sudden change of mood and was just happy that whatever was on her mind earlier has left her so she could finally be merry with them.
As she and Arthur were going to bed that night she calmly asked, so as to not hint at the blow she was going to give him, "Arthur can I talk to you tomorrow about something important."
Arthur was still was a little drunk from the feast, so he thought nothing of it and shrugged his shoulders saying, "I can reschedule the tax meeting tomorrow to the next day, to have some free time in the afternoon."
She smiled in approval and nodded her head.
She slept peacefully that night, because she didn't fall asleep with the thoughts of names and faces swirling around her head for the first time in months. That was the first good thing that came from her plan and Gwen had a feeling that it wouldn't be the last.