FanFiction

CASTLE

Kate Beckett & Richard Castle

& the whole cast

Set after 5x10 (cannon up to there)

Back in Time

Beckett left Castle after he kissed Meredith in front of her. This is the story about what will be five years after that. And some about what happened in between ;)

Characters belong to their rightful owners.

2013:

Meredith, the way she is, kisses Castle hello, who is dumb enough to respond to the kiss. If only for a second, but it is enough. Kate stood only a few feet behind him and is now marching out of the still open front door without looking back. The tears start running down her cheeks until they drop off her face and stain her shirt.

She is standing in the elevator on her way down to the lobby, slumped against the wall. She wanted to trust Castle, but she never really could. Especially after the case with the weather girl. When she found Castle lying on his back and that bitch kneeling on top of him, stuffing her boobs into her partner's face. That is not an image you get out of your mind easily. It just really confused her. Was it not enough for Castle to have her? Did he need the adventure with other women?

She couldn't trust him anymore.

And now that scene with his ex-wife was too much. How could he kiss her? Did he resolve old feelings for the mother of his child? Did he never not feel for the woman who gave him his wonderful daughter?

She pushes herself off the elevator wall when the bell rings, announcing the arrival in the lobby.

Kate hurries out of the building, through the front door onto the streets, not even hearing the nice words Eduardo speaks, complimenting Beckett on her outfit, not stopping. Not giving herself a chance to hesitate and maybe turn around. Or wait for Castle to follow her. What she is sure is exactly what he is doing right now. If he noticed that she left. Maybe he and Meredith are - . No, Kate, don't do that to yourself. Just forget about. He's not worth it. She thinks to herself. But it's all a lie. Of course he's worth it. The only one she ever thought of as being worthy of everything she can give.

Beckett turns left at the next corner where she had parked her car. The ride home will be a blur once she arrives at home. She won't remember any details, it just happened without her really paying attention.

2018:

Lanie invites Kate over for a talk, after she read the article about Castle's divorce and how he was in love with another woman the whole time. Tries to talk some sense into Kate and wants her to understand that this is all about her, that she's the woman he still loves after 5 years with totally no communication. Except for the one time the day she had left him standing in the middle of his living room with his then-ex-wife-soon-to-be-wife-again leaning comfortably against his side. Castle had tried to call her countless times that day. She only had answered the phone when it was already close to midnight, when she finally had managed to ease the sobs and calm down a bit.

She had answered the phone with a very harsh "what?" and hadn't said much after that. Neither did he. She told him that "it was clear this would never work" and that she "will be better of without him, without something holding her back from focusing on her career". There was no yelling involved in their break up. But she did yell at him afterward. At the back of his book covers. She yelled, she screamed, she cried, threw the book across her living room just to pick it up and softly let the tips of her fingers glide over his picture as she started sobbing again and let herself fall to the ground where she would stay for minutes, hours. It happened a couple of times, this whole procedure, but suddenly it stopped. It stopped when she didn't feel the pain anymore, when she started to feel nothing at all. In that time period she did more sparring at the precinct with Esposito and sometimes Demming, who luckily didn't ask question, just helped her with her training. Everyone noticed the change from angry-as-hell to not-feeling-anymore. Kate ate even less, got even thinner and spent even more time at the precinct. More than in her first year after the academy. Now it wasn't about finding her mother's killer, but about everyone else. The more time she could spend helping others and poking around in their lives, the less she had to think about her own.

A/N: I've started writing this story about a year ago, forgot about it, found it, loved it, decided to publish what I have so far ;) I'll hopefully update this story some time soon!

Thanks a lot for reading :)