p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"Hey guys, /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"First of all: I'm sorry to let you down again. I was really planning on continuing writing this story and I was looking forward to it, since it took me a few years to update. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"First thing I did was to read my own story again. Now, I find myself incapable of reconnecting with the teenager who wrote that story. When I started to write, as a 16-year old, fanfiction was a safe place, where I could explore my own imagination, my own dreams for the future or simply spend the day thinking about my favorite tv-shows, movies and books. And like probably most OCs, some aspects of my OC Rebekah represented who I wanted to be. Don't we all like OCs who are courageous, beloved, beautiful? /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"When I write fanfiction, a part of what's going on in my life is reflecting on the world I create. Reading old fanfiction, well – that's just like meeting my 16-year old self again. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"What really shook me, is what I pictured Bronn like. He was supposed to be desirable. He was supposed to make all my readers dream about a character that would have deserved some more screen-time. He was supposed to be likeable and make you sympathize with him. The same applied to Loki in my other stories. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"I made my fair share of experiences. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"-TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual assault, rape - br /br /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"Almost two years ago, I got stuck in a toxic relationship. I was deeply in love and he took advantage of me in many ways. He abused me emotionally over and over again, and I continued the relationship anyways. When he was drunk, he got out of control. He raped me during this relationship, and when I found the strength to end it, I was a completely different person. I struggled with anxiety and panic attacks. Now after some time, I feel okay again. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"Yet my perspective has changed. When I read my stories, I realize that I was romanticizing a lot of characteristics that in real-life turned out to be quite toxic, if not dangerous. Even though I tried to depict all characters with flaws, my male characters' flaws somehow worked for their advantage./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"To name a few examples: Bronn keeps crossing lines. He keeps disrespecting Rebekahs wishes, doesn't really care for consent, makes comments about her that are actually just disgusting. So does Loki in my other stories. They use tactics of intimidation, care little about any of the female characters' boundaries and to keep it short: They mostly act like assholes. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"I know that GRRM writes about a medieval world, and I know that my characters would probably have acted the same in the books. Bronn was never meant to be perfect and that he's part of a fictional world where violence and oppression towards women is normal. br /br /Bronn may still be an intriguing character. But my point is: I never realized at what point I was romanticizing his behavior. The chapters where he held Rebekah too close, where he intimidated her – it was supposed to be hot. It was supposed to be romantic and passionate. /spanspan lang="EN-US"And I failed completely at showing how wrong he acts in my stories, because I simply didn't see it myself. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"When my boyfriend abused me, I defended him at every turn. I lost a few friends just by defending him again and again, putting his abusive behavior into categories that would make it acceptable, even likable. I preferred to call him misunderstood, passionate or damaged instead of calling him out for what he really was: Aggressive, manipulative and an alcoholic. br /br /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"Let me tell you something: Apparently, some of us don't just learn to accept abusive behavior, we learn to make it into something desirable. And that can become truly dangerous in reality. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"And it's not just me. I read so many fanfictions in which the male character stalks, threatens, blackmails or aggresses the female character, and it's never seen as something despicable, yet as something endearing. But a man who stalks a woman because he's in love is not a romantic, he's dangerous. I think twilight is a good example for the point I'm trying to make. I'm quite sure that none of us would actually want Edward for a boyfriend. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to shame any of the writers here on fanfiction. After all, it's human to fantasize about stories we would actually hate if they were real. It's one of the things that fascinate us about book, movies and tv. All stories have a dark side. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"But for me, the consequence is that I need to find a new voice. I need to rethink on how I want to portray my characters. I need to think about what I was putting into the world unknowingly and what I want to put out there in future. Yet I can't reconnect to my previous stories. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"I'm telling you all this, because us writers and readers should keep this perspective in mind./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"So thank you for reading and for your understanding. br /br /br /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"Hey guys, /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"First of all: I'm sorry to let you down again. I was really planning on continuing writing this story and I was looking forward to it, since it took me a few years to update. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"First thing I did was to read my own story again. Now, I find myself incapable of reconnecting with the teenager who wrote that story. When I started to write, as a 16-year old, fanfiction was a safe place, where I could explore my own imagination, my own dreams for the future or simply spend the day thinking about my favorite tv-shows, movies and books. And like probably most OCs, some aspects of my OC Rebekah represented who I wanted to be. Don't we all like OCs who are courageous, beloved, beautiful? /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"When I write fanfiction, a part of what's going on in my life is reflecting on the world I create. Reading old fanfiction, well – that's just like meeting my 16-year old self again. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"What really shook me, is what I pictured Bronn like. He was supposed to be desirable. He was supposed to make all my readers dream about a character that would have deserved some more screen-time. He was supposed to be likeable and make you sympathize with him. The same applied to Loki in my other stories. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"I made my fair share of experiences. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"-TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual assault, rape - br /br /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"Almost two years ago, I got stuck in a toxic relationship. I was deeply in love and he took advantage of me in many ways. He abused me emotionally over and over again, and I continued the relationship anyways. When he was drunk, he got out of control. He raped me during this relationship, and when I found the strength to end it, I was a completely different person. I struggled with anxiety and panic attacks. Now after some time, I feel okay again. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"Yet my perspective has changed. When I read my stories, I realize that I was romanticizing a lot of characteristics that in real-life turned out to be quite toxic, if not dangerous. Even though I tried to depict all characters with flaws, my male characters' flaws somehow worked for their advantage./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"To name a few examples: Bronn keeps crossing lines. He keeps disrespecting Rebekahs wishes, doesn't really care for consent, makes comments about her that are actually just disgusting. So does Loki in my other stories. They use tactics of intimidation, care little about any of the female characters' boundaries and to keep it short: They mostly act like assholes. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"I know that GRRM writes about a medieval world, and I know that my characters would probably have acted the same in the books. Bronn was never meant to be perfect and that he's part of a fictional world where violence and oppression towards women is normal. br /br /Bronn may still be an intriguing character. But my point is: I never realized at what point I was romanticizing his behavior. The chapters where he held Rebekah too close, where he intimidated her – it was supposed to be hot. It was supposed to be romantic and passionate. /spanspan lang="EN-US"And I failed completely at showing how wrong he acts in my stories, because I simply didn't see it myself. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"When my boyfriend abused me, I defended him at every turn. I lost a few friends just by defending him again and again, putting his abusive behavior into categories that would make it acceptable, even likable. I preferred to call him misunderstood, passionate or damaged instead of calling him out for what he really was: Aggressive, manipulative and an alcoholic. br /br /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"Let me tell you something: Apparently, some of us don't just learn to accept abusive behavior, we learn to make it into something desirable. And that can become truly dangerous in reality. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"And it's not just me. I read so many fanfictions in which the male character stalks, threatens, blackmails or aggresses the female character, and it's never seen as something despicable, yet as something endearing. But a man who stalks a woman because he's in love is not a romantic, he's dangerous. I think twilight is a good example for the point I'm trying to make. I'm quite sure that none of us would actually want Edward for a boyfriend. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to shame any of the writers here on fanfiction. After all, it's human to fantasize about stories we would actually hate if they were real. It's one of the things that fascinate us about book, movies and tv. All stories have a dark side. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"But for me, the consequence is that I need to find a new voice. I need to rethink on how I want to portray my characters. I need to think about what I was putting into the world unknowingly and what I want to put out there in future. Yet I can't reconnect to my previous stories. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"I'm telling you all this, because us writers and readers should keep this perspective in mind./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"span lang="EN-US"So thank you for reading and for your understanding. br /br /br /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p