Another story. This one got all dark and scary on me because I got to visit lots of old houses and castles last month. I hope you like it ok.

Oh, and I don't own the Mighty Boosh or any of their ideas or characters.

Something was wrong. More specifically Howard had gone wrong, and Vince didn't like it. It had happened when the morning mail arrived. Usually there were bills for Naboo (which Howard sorted out) and fan mail for Vince. But this morning there'd been something different.

Vince had pounced on the letters the second they had fallen through the slot, flicking the bills at Howard's head (just to annoy him) as he walked toward the Nabootique counter and ripping into his own until, at the bottom of the pile, he'd noticed another letter, addressed to Howard, with a strange crest embossed in the corner.

"This one's for you, Howard," he'd said as he slid it carefully across the counter. Howard picked it up with equal care. No one wrote him letters. He'd sorted things out with student loans so it couldn't be them, and he had a restraining order against Old Gregg so he didn't receive dead fish in the mail any more; so who could it be from?

Vince had watched as Howard gingerly tore the envelope open and removed the single sheet of thick, expensive-looking paper. He'd waited patiently for twenty whole seconds before he'd tried to read the letter over Howard's shoulder.

"Get out of it, you nosey parker!"

"Well, what's it say then?" Vince whined.

"It's... nothing." Howard replied, his face pale and his hands shaking just enough to be noticed. He folded the letter away and pushed it into his back pocket, looking like some sort of Jazz zombie.

"But it can't be nothing, Howard! It was on fancy paper and all. And that crest thing looks familiar too. What's it all about? You been pissing off the gentry again?"

Vince smiled encouragingly but Howard wasn't buying.

"If you are in trouble, Howard, you should probably let me know, though, right? So can be supportive and shit. And 'cos when something happens to you it usually happens to me too. So I've got a right to know, don't I?"

"I'm not in trouble, Vince. It's just some bad news," Howard sighed but Vince wasn't about to let it go. He lunged for Howard's back pocket and the letter poking from the top of it. Howard yelped and tried to side step the attack but Vince had been known as 'The Shrew' for a reason and had his fingers in the bigger man's pocket within seconds. He wriggled his hand, trying to get a grip on the letter but Howard was twitching all over the place and nearly yanking Vince's arm out of its socket, trapped as it was in the corduroy prison of Howard's trousers.

'Fine,' Vince thought as a wicked grin spread across his face. 'You want to make things difficult...' And without warning pinched the flesh under his trapped hand.

Howard's squawk was so loud it even made Vince jump but after a moment of extreme spasming he went completely still with a classic case of Howard Moon Chokes. Vince grabbed the letter and removed his fingers, smiling triumphantly at his victory. Realising that this opportunity was not to be missed he took a good long look at Howard's backside before freeing him from his Chokes with a firm smack on the bum.

"Vince!"

"What?"

Howard span around to glare at the younger man.

"You know what. You can't do that to a man."

"Do what, Howard?" Vince teased, cocking his hip and grinning up through his fringe, knowing that Howard wouldn't want to discuss the pinch or the smack.

"Vince..."

"Oh, come on, Howard," Vince whined adorably. "We've been going out for two whole months now! How can you still be so medieval about me touching you?"

"You're right, Vince. I'm the weird one," Howard conceded, rolling his eyes. "But you can't go stealing people's letters. That's a federal offence. You could go to prison."

"No I couldn't," Vince scoffed. "No judge would send me to prison. I'm too pretty."

Howard rolled his eyes again.

"Just give me back my letter please?"

"I don't think so," Vince scoffed as he backed away from Howard toward the stairs. "Not after the effort I put in to getting it off you in the first place."

Howard made no move to follow him so Vince eagerly unfolded the letter and began to read. After several long minutes of Vince sounding out words under his breath and scowling, Howard sighed and walked forward to snatch the letter back.

"It's from my school, Vince," he said tiredly. "They've invited me back for some sort of reunion."

"It said 'top pupils'."

"Yes, it did."

"It called you a member of the Old Aristocracy."

"Yes."

Vince scowled. Howard was worse at giving out information than a clam.

"What's a 'bygone'?"

"What?"

"A bygone," Vince huffed. "It said the letter they wanted to 'let bygones be bygones. What's it mean?"

"It means they want us all to forget the past and just move on and be friends," Howard told him through gritted teeth and Vince could see he was trying to keep calm.

"Well, that sounds nice, doesn't it?"

"Yeah."

Vince was confused now. Howard had never really talked about his schooling, and despite the stories they liked to spin about their upbringing together, he hadn't actually met Howard until he he'd been fourteen and wandering around the Zooniverse while skipping school. He didn't really understand how this was bad news and told Howard as much.

"You're right, little man," he replied, moving around the counter and slipping the offending letter inside a Dizzy Gillespie album cover, where Vince wouldn't dare to retrieve it from. He grinned manically and tried to look casual. "I just won't go. Simple as that. Put the kettle on for us, would you?"

Howard always looked tragic when he was trying to hide his emotions and Vince wanted so badly to give him a hug, even though he knew Howard would just stand there all stiff, waiting for it to be over. He put the kettle on, because tea always cheered Howard up a treat, but he also thought as hard as he was able to about what he could do to cheer Howard up and find out why he didn't want to go to his reunion.

"Howard?" he asked as he approached the counter with their mugs of tea.

"Yes, Vince?" Howard sighed, looking out at the empty shop with a scowl.

"Why don't you want to go visit your school, Howard?"

"Because," replied Howard, running his hand down his face and making the skin stretch strangely as he did so. "It wasn't a nice place."

"What?" It was Vince's turn to squawk. "No way, Howard. I've seen your blazer, you gave it to me remember, when I was going through that posh phase. Your school uniform was well upper-class. Stands to reason your school was too. Mine didn't even care if you wore your whole uniform or not, as long as you had a bit of it on with your normal gear. I used to wear me tie, it was-"

"The school was very elite, yeah," Howard interrupted. "But that doesn't mean it was a nice place to be. It was horrible and I have no desire to go back there."

Vince felt bad now. He'd made a resolution to be nicer to Howard since they'd gotten together. He usually failed miserably but he was getting better at it. Eventually he reckoned Howard might be able to forgive him for being a twat for the whole year before they'd finally climbed back onto the roof to repeat the switch-flicking kiss.

"Did you get bullied, Howard?"

Howard glared so furiously Vince actually blanched.

"What do you think, Vince?"

"Well, I dunno-"

"I still get bullied now! At the age of thirty-three! By you!"

Vince bit his lip.

"Yeah... Sorry about that..."

"You-" Howard blinked. "You're sorry?"

Things had now become well uncomfortable and Vince couldn't look up at his boyfriend, for fear of the ridicule he would see.

"Yep. Sorry."

"Oh, sweetheart-"

"But I still reckon you should go to your reunion." Vince pushed on, though he didn't try to stop Howard as he put his arms around him. Giving hugs was good practice him.

"You know, to exercise your demons and stuff."

"Exercise? Do you mean exorcise, Vince?"

"Maybe. Could help."

"No. I really don't want to talk about demons, Vince, " Howard shuddered. "Besides, I left the school in disgrace. They said I was wasting my life."

"So, go back and show 'em that you're not."

'That's actually not a bad plan,' Howard thought, until he caught sight of himself in one of the Nabootique's many mirrors.

"How exactly are we going to do that, Vince?"

"Just leave it to me," Vince grinned, looking up at his boyfriend with a glint in his eye that made Howard shiver with anticipation.

"I have a plan!"