Inspired by this post on Tumblr: post/80119833480/anonymous-hun

Story title from Brand New "Jesus Christ"

Chapter title from Hollywood Undead " A Bottle and a Gun"

The next chapter and all chapters after will be a slightly different style, since Castiel will no longer be just watching Dean from Heaven. Also I will be spelling "Cas" as "Cass" since that is the supposed spelling, I apologize if that bothers anyone.

Disclaimer: While I am from Ohio, Supernatural is all Eric Kripke, I'm just borrowing the characters for a bit.

You stand with the gun in your hand
staring at the wall with a look so sad
and thinking about who really cares
and will they even notice if I just disappeared now?

"Beautiful" P.O.D.

January 24, 1979 was the date that Castiel's existence was forever changed even if he didn't realize that quite yet. For that cold Wednesday in January, Dean Winchester was born; the boy with the brightest soul that Castiel had ever seen was assigned to him. He would watch over Dean, until Death came, then he would usher that brilliant soul to Heaven. It was also the closest that most angels got to humans; no angel was allowed to reveal their presence or intervene with the natural order. Guardian angels only served as a guarantor that a specific soul would reach Heaven.

"Ugh, I don't know how you can stand Guardian Angel duty." Gabriel announced his presence as Castiel stood in the doorway of Dean's room unnoticed, watching the young boy play with his toy cars. He bit back a comment on the archangel's impatience, it had only been four years since Dean was born and that small amount of time was like a drop in the ocean to him. Although, Castiel normally didn't like being so close to his charges, but there was something different about Dean other than his bright soul that made him feel the need to stay close even if he would never be allowed to reveal his presence for any reason.

"Of course you wouldn't, because it's still considered work which you seem to be allergic to."

"That's no way to talk to your big bro, kiddo." Castiel resisted the urge to roll his eyes and focused his attention on Dean once more and couldn't help but smile as Dean rushed past the two angels upon hearing his mother call.

"Why are you here, Gabriel?"

"I just wanted to check on you, Heaven is buzzing about the snot-nosed brat that has you on Earth nearly every waking second." The look on his face must have been a better response than actually saying something because Castiel had never watched Gabriel back pedal so fast. "Okay maybe it's not every second, but ever since that kid started talking and walking you've been spending more time on Earth than most Guardians. It's kind of worrying; I know we were told to watch over humanity but we're not supposed to interfere and by you spending so much time I'm afraid you might get a little tempted."

Castiel's pleasant mood went from simply being interrupted to being completely shattered, blue eyes narrowed at the shorter man who simply raised his hands in surrender. "I don't appreciate what you're implying."

"I know, but humanity is why we lost so many of our siblings already; Lucifer, Lauviah, Berith, Salikotal, and Marou are just a few that fell because they got too close to humanity and I don't want to lose any more of my family even if I can't stand most of them."

"I understand your concern Gabriel, but I am nothing like them. I know my orders and my place."

"They did too, but a split-second decision in a moment of desperation can change everything." The two slowly found themselves in the kitchen watching Dean nibble at a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (no crusts) concern in his large green eyes as he listened to his mother talk on the phone. "He's a cute kid, probably be a real lady killer when he grows up. Too bad he'll be dead before thirty."

Castiel tried to ignore Gabriel's comment when Mary hung up and Dean moved to hug Mary and tell her that he loved her, but found he couldn't.

"What do you mean he'll be dead before he's thirty?"

"A kid with a soul that bright? He'll give everything and anything to make sure the people that he loves are happy and safe, I can already see it." There was a note of pity in Gabriel's voice and somewhere in Castiel's being he knew that the archangel was right. "Dead before thirty. Come on bro, you can watch him from Heaven like other Guardians watch over their charges. It'll be easier that way, trust me."

For a moment Castiel did wonder if it would be easier and he didn't have to stay on Earth to watch over Dean. He watched the two for a moment longer (Mary moving to get her son a slice of fresh apple pie) and wondered briefly if Dean would develop a lifelong love of pie before following the archangel's advice, even if he wasn't entirely happy about it, but it was for the best. As odd as it seemed, Guardians weren't supposed to get attached to their charges and Castiel was not going to follow in the footsteps of his infamous siblings.

However when fire broke out in the Winchester home, Castiel had nearly fallen, wanting to be the one that pulled Dean out of the house. It had only been Uriel's scathing glare that kept him in place and made sure he did nothing more than watch the house go up in flames while Dean sat tucked against his father's side as he held his baby brother, frightened and completely unprepared for the life that now laid before him.

It was also Uriel's threats that kept him from going to Dean as the boy was forced to grow up, take care of Sam because their father was too busy getting drunk and dragging them across the country in search of work. He felt sick watching the boys grow up in seedy motels, getting spotty education, but it was more painful watching Dean give everything he could to make sure that Sam was well taken care of.

Every instinct told him to comfort Dean when he couldn't sleep due to hunger pains, because it was more important that Sam ate that night as well as the night before that. Or when John came back to the motel drunk out of his mind and verbally tore Dean up one side and down the other for leaving Sam alone for more than a second. Of course the worst night had been when Sam had snuck out and Dean was left with bruises for a week. Castiel watched the vicious cycle continue for just over decade, which should have seemed like nothing to him, but instead watching Dean suffer felt like millennia.

And even if Dean's soul never showed any sign of tarnish and never seemed to glow less bright, Dean's vivid green eyes seemed to grow dimmer through the years. Which was why Bobby Singer was a godsend, he took one look at the boys and told John that enough was enough it was time the boys got to have a real life.

Of course John hadn't agreed easily, but in the end with a few threats from Bobby the boys began to put roots down in Sioux Falls and Castiel didn't feel a constant worry or at least not like he used to. John visited for a few days every couple months at first, but those few visits trickled down to even less.

And Castiel was content to watch Dean from Heaven once again; the child he had been assigned to was now 22 and any sign of a hard and bitter childhood was gone except for the bowing in Dean's legs. A small detail that didn't take away from Dean's good looks (Gabriel had certainly been right about that) in fact, Dean looked a lot like his mother. Only Dean was more than just a pretty face, he was also smart and good with his hands proven by the fact that he worked as a mechanic for Bobby and had yet to come across a car that he couldn't fix. Even John seemed to be impressed when he last stopped by nearly five years ago and gave Dean the Impala before disappearing in a beat up truck.

It was also during those years that Castiel found he loved watching Dean work on cars and other side projects. He loved knowing all the little details about him, like how Dean loved to cook, hated a messy house, loved all pie, although his favorite was pecan followed by cherry then peanut butter silk, and how he had a lovely singing voice only choosing to go off key in front of Sam. At the thought of Sam, Castiel felt another rush of pride, even if he wasn't the younger Winchester's Guardian he was still happy to see Sam leave Sioux Falls to attend Stanford, mostly because Dean was happy to see that Sam grew-up just fine.

It seemed that life for the two Winchester boys was perfect, which was why Castiel felt sick four years later as he was once again forced to watch Dean's life fall apart. It began with Sam losing his girlfriend, Jessica Moore, in a fire and dropping out of college as a result. Something twisting inside of Castiel as Dean struggled to comfort his brother who was on a downward spiral with no signs of turning around.

Only it didn't end there, within a year Sam met Ruby and ran off with her, but not before a fight that ended with words that neither of them would ever be able to take back and Dean falling asleep with an empty bottle of whiskey in his hand. Months passed with no word from Sam, slowly turning into a year and Castiel was forced to watch Dean slip further a further into himself, green eyes dull unless he was drunk enough to start crying. It was painful to watch, something twisting inside Castiel that he couldn't find words for. So instead he continued to watch Dean eat less and less, but drink more and more while blaming himself for everything that had gone wrong even if he had no control over any of it.

Then Sam returned, but only after an accidental overdose that left things between the two brothers tenser than ever and Dean more broken than before. He watched Bobby try and fail to convince Dean that it wasn't his fault that it happened. Which paired with Dean unable to do more than take Sam to therapy and check his room created a very heavy atmosphere, the only silver lining seemed that Ruby was out of Sam's life for good.

It was little comfort as Dean sat unmoving, face buried in his hands as Bobby once again tried to get through to him. It had weeks and Dean's initial anger born from worry had quickly changed into self-blame and loathing. "I know you want to help but you can't." Gabriel's voice was soft as he joined Castiel to watch the scene unfold.

"Fuck Bobby, this is my fault. I pushed him away, pushed him into leaving with Ruby. The things I said to him…fuck…I just…"Dean broke sobs tearing through his chest and Castiel spread his wings ready to leave, only stopped by the archangel grabbing his arm.

"It's not your fault, boy. You had no way of knowing that this would happen." Castiel's heart broke as Dean shook his head, unwilling to believe that there was no way to prevent what had happened.

"I don't want to hear it! Christ, just leave me alone." No further words were spoken as Dean stormed out of the house the keys to the Impala already in hand. Castiel stood silent and tense as Dean drove for hours, finally stopping on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere. Even Gabriel seemed uneasy as Dean got out and sat on the Impala's hood with a gun in one hand and a half-empty bottle of whiskey in the other. "Hey God, it's me Dean Winchester," a bitter chuckle escaped him, "I don't even know if I actually believe in you to be honest. It's a little hard to believe since my life has pretty much sucked ass and this is stupid." Dean ran a hand through his short brown hair, taking a long swallow of whiskey before continuing. "But I don't know what to do; all I think about is how much better everyone would be without me since I'm nothing more than a useless fuck-up. And- I don't want to die, I just don't see another option and I'm tired. So fucking tired of feeling like this…I just...want it to be over." Dean was crying now, silent tears falling down his cheeks, "I'd be nice if you could send a sign or a little help before I finish this bottle, because I think it'll give me just enough courage to pull the trigger before I fuck anything else up."