AN: Tumblr prompt from amouretutresdemons. Turned out way angstier than I planned. No big shocker there. Going to try and keep each section 1K words or less. I wish Tumblr hadn't eaten my first version of this last night … that one was a little more raw and detailed than this one. Hope you enjoy! Part 1/6.

I.

The first time Felicity slaps Oliver Queen, it is just seconds after Slade Wilson has breathed his last breath. Felicity had known how the encounter would go down, because Slade had spent considerable time telling her, in excruciating detail, exactly what he was going to do to her, and how Oliver would hold himself responsible. He had told her all about Shado, and all about Oliver on the island. He told her all of it, while they waited for him to come.

She didn't doubt that he would come for her. But she didn't see how he could stop Slade. The mirakuru coursed through his veins, and he was so intent on his revenge that he failed to see reason.

All too soon, Oliver was standing before her, flanked to the left by Dig. The rooftop was cold and wet under her knees as she watched him, his face hidden by the shadow of his green hood.

"Let her go, Slade," Oliver growled. "This has nothing to do with her." She could hear the edge of desperation in his voice.

Slade's hand touched her shoulder, making her jump. "Of course this has nothing to do with her. Just like Shado had nothing to do with Ivo or Sara. But she died anyway. Because of you." Slade grabbed her pony tail, pulling her head back. She heard the sickening, distinctive sound of a too-long blade being pulled from its sheath. Oliver stepped forward as she cried out, coming into the ring of light thrown from single solitary lamp on the roof. She could see his face then, and felt the tears flood her eyes. Because it was obvious, from the misery etched into his face and the tortured expression in his eyes, that he already believed. He already believed everything Slade had said. He blamed himself for Shado, and he would blame himself for her. She wanted to tell him it was ridiculous, but instead she closed her eyes. She knew what came next because Slade had told her, and she didn't want to watch his face as it happened. So she closed her eyes, feeling the tears fall, and waited for the blade to end her.

Except it didn't. There was a flurry of movement and sound, and suddenly her hair was released. She could sense Oliver next to her, cutting the binds on her arms. But when she opened her eyes, it wasn't his face she saw. It was Slade Wilson's, lying on the wet rooftop in front of her, eyes staring into space. Dig would tell her later that it was Roy who dealt the final blow, using his strength to end Slade once and for all, but in the heat of the moment Felicity didn't see him there. Oliver moved between her and the grotesque sight then, cupping her face in both his hands as he said her name. She brought her hands up to grasp the cool black leather that covered his wrists, allowing him to ground her. He was alive, and she was alive, and she hadn't expected either of those things to be true just a few moments ago.

But when she looked into his eyes, she was shocked by the pain and torture that she still saw in those blue depths. She let her hands drop, unable to believe that Slade had won after all. Before she realized what she was doing, she raised her hand and slapped him.

He took a step back, shocked. His hand came up to his face, and he shook his head in disbelief. "Felicity …" he began.

She interrupted him, unable to let him finish. She knew she wouldn't be able to hold herself together much longer. "How could you Oliver? How could you let him win?" He was stepping toward her again, and now it was she who took a step back. "How can you believe what he said? It isn't your fault. Shado wasn't your fault, and I wouldn't have been your fault." She reached up and tried to wipe the tears running down her face, but it was pointless, because they just wouldn't stop. Her hands were shaking; she knew the adrenaline was gone and it was only a matter of time until she lost it completely. She needed to get away as soon as possible. Away from Slade Wilson's disembodied head, away from the rooftop where she had come to accept her own death, and away from Oliver's tortured eyes. She was alive, and he still looked tortured.

Dig must have seen that she needed to get away, because he was suddenly there, incasing her in his protective embrace and pulling her toward the stairwell. He didn't say anything as he pulled her along. She managed to hold it together until he stuffed her into the back seat of the Mercades and started driving. She finally let her tenuous grasp on control go as they drove the dark streets of Starling City. She sobbed for Shado, whose life had ended too soon on an island hell. She cried for Oliver, who would always blame himself. She cried because even though he was dead and she was alive, in a way Slade Wilson had still won.