Summary: Eponine and Enjolras was a lovely couple until they had a huge fight and Enjolras did an unforgivable thing. He could not let her go; he refused to let her go. Could Eponine forgive him? Could they fix this seemingly broken relationship?
Disclaimer: I do not own Les Miserables but it's awesome and I wish I can write something just as awesome.
Broken
Eponine ran into the apartment she shared with Enjolras and slammed the door shut. She locked it and slumped into the floor, breaking into hysterical sobs. I am never going to believe in anyone ever again, Eponine said to herself. She had no one to blame but herself. She's the one who got herself into this mess. She's the one who trusted too much, loved too much. Enjolras was her soul mate, the love of her life and she used to believe that they would spend the rest of their lives together. However, it's all ruined now.
She should have known that she could trust no one and she cursed herself for falling in love and letting her guards down. Didn't she learn enough from Marius? Didn't she swear that heartbreak is the worst feeling one could ever feel and she would never let herself go through another one? Nothing good ever came when she fell in love. She was always the one who ended up hurt, not anyone else and she wondered why she kept doing that to herself.
Eponine Thenardier was so deep into her self-loathing moment that she didn't hear the knock on the door. It was until Enjolras knocked the door harder and called her name that Eponine was brought out of her reverie.
"Eponine! Please open the door!" called Enjolras from outside.
"Leave me alone Enjolras! I … I have absolutely nothing to say to you," said Eponine and she sounded so small and dejected that Enjolras' heart clenched. He wanted to just break the door and held her in his arms to comfort her, to tell her how much he loved her and how sorry he was that he hurt her. He made a big mistake and he was afraid that she would never forgive him for this. The thought of losing her was almost too much to take. He must try to get her to forgive him. They could make this thing work. They're Enjolras and Eponine; they could get through anything when they're together, right?
"Eponine, please," pleaded Enjolras, in a voice that used to make Eponine's heart melt but now it did nothing but hurt her even more. Should she open the door? Should she listen to him?
"Eponine, please, open the door. We need to talk about this," he also sounded like he was on the verge of crying himself.
Talk? Talk? What was there to talk about? He cheated on her, he slept with someone else and he wanted to talk? What could he possibly have to say for himself?
Eponine opened the door. Standing in front of her was Enjolras. His eyes were red and he looked ghastly. She glared at him and Enjolras could not help but to feel a little bit scared of her. Her eyes were so icy and cold that Enjolras had to take a step back because he had never seen Eponine like that. She used to look at him with so much admiration and love and now there were nothing in her eyes but anger and hatred.
Eponine was never the one to get mad easily. She only got mad when someone really screwed up. He knew he screwed everything up this time and now he was going to lose her forever and he could not deal with that. He refused to accept that. He could not lose Eponine. She was the love of his life, she was everything that mattered to him. If he let her go, he didn't think he would live, he didn't think he would ever be happy again. He had to convince her to stay. Their relationship was too precious for him to lose.
"You wanted to talk? Talk," said Eponine. She was shaking and tears still stained on her cheeks. Enjolras opened and closed his mouth like a fish, he was speechless and his ever admired ability in making talks and speeches was gone as she stared at him. He did not know what to say. What do you say when you messed everything up but you're not ready to lose everything you have?
"Please, let me come in,"
Eponine turned around and got into the apartment, leaving the door opened. Enjolras breathed a sigh of relief and followed her in. He was closing the door and was turning around when Eponine kicked him hard… in his crotch. God, Eponine was strong. The pain was unbelievable.
"Ow! What the hell, Eponine?!" he looked up to see Eponine, who with crossed arms, raised an eyebrow, "Okay, I guess I deserved that," whimpered Enjolras. He was trying to recover from the blinding pain in his crotch when Eponine slapped him across the face. She was about to slap him again when he asked her to stop.
"Please, stop!"
Eponine stilled. She was silent but somehow Enjolras preferred if she started to scream at him. Her silence meant she could not care anymore. Her silence meant she could not care less about what Enjolras would do anymore. Her silence meant he had lost her.
She walked towards the living room and Enjolras stood up. Suddenly he saw a vase coming right at him and he ducked just in time, avoiding it from hitting him square in the face. He barely got a moment to breathe when one, two, three books were thrown at him and one hit its aim, which was Enjolras' shoulder. He yelped in pain and decided he could not take it anymore. When he said that they needed to talk, he didn't mean him getting severely injured. Enjolras took five long strides towards Eponine and caught her hands in his before she managed to grab anything else to throw. She shouted obscenities towards him, calling him all sorts of hurtful names she could think of as she tried to release herself from Enjolras' grip.
"Eponine, calm down! Please! Calm down!"
"NO! You fucking bastard! I cannot even look at you right now. You can go to hell because I have nothing to say to you and I want to hear nothing from you! We're over, Enjolras! We're over and I want you out of this house now! I don't ever, ever want see your face again!" she cried as she said the last sentence and Enjolras released her from his grip. She sat on the couch and sobbed.
It's over? Was that it? For five years they were together and that's it? No. He refused to accept that.
"Eponine, I made a mistake and I regret it. I love you and that night with that girl was nothing more but a drunken mistake. I was so upset because of our fight and …"
Eponine scoffed.
"You can't be serious. We had one big fight, Enjolras and we fought because of something that we both could discuss when we have calmed down. I had known you as a reasonable man, Enjolras and I can't believe that you would think…"
"What was I supposed to think?" Enjolras started.
"Gee, I don't know. Maybe give me some time and believe that I am going to always want to be with you? Or… I don't know, maybe not go the bar and bang the first girl you see?" Eponine said sarcastically, she still refused to look at him but Enjolras was quite relieved that she was calmer. It's easier to reason with Eponine when she's calm.
"I am sorry. I am so, so, so sorry and I cannot even begin to tell you how sorry I am right now. I love you, Eponine and I don't want to lose you," Enjolras kneeled in front of her, holding her hands tightly. He could not bear the thought of losing her. She was the only woman he had ever loved, the only one who truly understood him, who accepted his flaws, who loved him just as much as she argued with him, who got into his heart just like she got to his nerves. She was the one who proved that he was more than just the ever flawless marble man like his friends said and he could not imagine having to live without her.
"Please… please don't leave me"
"You know what hurts the most?" she said, and their eyes met, "It is that you didn't believe that I would say yes. You did not believe that I love you because if you did, you wouldn't do what you did. When I got into Musain this evening, I was happy because I finally made up my mind. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and I didn't care about any difficulties that we're going to face because we're invincible when we're together. I was about to say yes. I was about to say yes before you told me…" she choked, "before you told me that you slept with someone else"
Eponine started crying again. Her heart was broken. She was about to lose the love of her life. She did not want to let him go but could she ever trust him again? Trust is the foundation of every relationship and with that broken, she did not think that this relationship could survive. She could never trust her Enjolras again and that hurt so badly.
"Enjolras," Eponine started, Enjolras looked up hopefully but Eponine said something that broke his heart into millions of tiny pieces, "you can have the apartment. I am going to Cosette's house," Eponine got up from the couch and went to the bedroom, leaving Enjolras devastated listening to the finality in her tone.
…
"Hey there pretty boy. Are you alone?" a gorgeous woman in miniskirt and tank top approached Enjolras at the bar.
Enjolras ignored her and continued drinking his Vodka. His mind wandered back to Eponine. He had ignored her calls and texts all night after their big fight. Enjolras and Eponine always fought but this had to be the worst fight they ever had. They both realized that they wanted different things. Enjolras wanted to get married but Eponine wanted to take her time with their relationship. Enjolras wanted to have babies and move to suburbs but Eponine could not imagine herself raising a child because she was too afraid that she would turn up like her horrible mother. They both wanted different things but both were too stubborn to compromise. Enjolras felt like he was in a relationship that led nowhere and he could not have that. In the end, he asked Eponine whether she would want to settle down with him someday and she kept quiet. With that, Enjolras stormed out of their apartment and went to this bar.
"You wanna dance?" the woman asked again. She wiggled her eyebrows at Enjolras.
"Why not?" Enjolras let her take his hand and led him to the dance floor. He didn't really feel like dancing but he needed to get Eponine out of his mind. He needed to forget this sinking feeling in his chest.
They danced for God knows how long. Everything was blurry but he remembered that the woman was fun to dance with and when they're done dancing, she leaned in and kissed him. He kissed her back.
…
Enjolras woke up in an unfamiliar bed. He turned and saw the woman from yesterday sleeping beside him. A moment of panic struck him when he realized that they're both naked. He rushed to pick his clothes and ran out the door. Yes, the girl managed to get Eponine out of his mind last night and after all that he did with her, he might be going to have Eponine out of his life too, and he realized that that was far from what he wanted.
…
"No, not another fight! God, you two are infuriating!" Cosette exclaimed. In front of her right now was Eponine and she looked like a total mess. She could not sleep, she could not eat and she spent her entire night trying to reach Enjolras. She had never seen him so upset with her. She was terrified at the thought that he was going to break up with her. She loved him too much to let him go.
"Cosette, it was horrible," Eponine sobbed "I have never seen him so angry and now he's nowhere to be found and I'm afraid that he might do something stupid. I can't lose him, Cosette, I can't!"
"Eponine, this is Enjolras we're talking about. He's not going to do anything stupid, he's far too wise and too boring to even get drunk. Don't worry, once he has calmed down, he's going to come home," Cosette tried to comfort her distressed best friend.
Eponine wiped her tear and attempted to compose herself. She succeeded in the first few seconds but then she cried again. Cosette rolled her eyes and put her arms around her, trying her best to comfort her.
Cosette was never a fan of Enjolras. She thought that Eponine deserved better. Eponine had a rough childhood and even a rougher time growing up. Compared to her, Cosette felt little because she knew that she was not strong enough to go through anything that Eponine went through. Her best friend was a strong woman, a woman she looked up to and grew protective of and when Eponine first got together with Enjolras, Cosette gave him a fair warning.
She told him that if he hurt her best friend in any way possible, he was going to have to deal with her wrath. Not the Les Amis' wrath, not Marius' wrath but her, the so-called sweet and innocent Cosette Fauchlevant and she swore that she was going to make his life a living hell. Enjolras scoffed at first but Marius gave him a look, and he realized that Cosette was not kidding. He then promised her that he would never break Eponine's heart and assured her that he was going to take a good care of Eponine. Cosette was comforted.
As she was trying to console Eponine, Cosette cursed Enjolras under her breath.
Once Eponine calmed down, Cosette got up and made her a cup of hot chocolate. Eponine gratefully took a sip and there were colour in her cheeks again.
"Alright, now would you tell me what happened?"
Eponine sighed.
"I was reorganizing our wardrobe and in his drawer, I found… I found an engagement ring," Cosette gasped. Eponine nodded her head and continued, "Yes, he was going to propose! And I panicked. I didn't know how long had I been staring at that ring and when I turned around, I saw Enjolras already standing behind me."
"I asked him about the ring and he confessed that he was going to propose and I freaked out. I told him that it was too soon and…"
"What do you mean, "Too soon"? It's not like you've been going out for 5 months. It has been 5 years" Cosette said. She could not believe that she's taking Enjolras' side in this.
"I know but I enjoy things the way they are. I don't need to be married to show that I love him and only him. Why does he have to make things complicated?!"
Cosette sighed. She may not like Enjolras but she could see how much he admired Eponine. She was happy to hear that he wanted to take things with Eponine further and she could see that although they always fight, he made Eponine happier that she had ever been. She held Eponine's hand in hers and looked straight into her eyes, "Honey, do you love him?"
"What do you mean? Of course I do!"
"Honey, he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. This is Enjolras, who was an asshole who cared nothing but his cause to make this world a better place, until you came along and showed him that there are more to life than just his cause. This is Enjolras, who was the jackass who made fun of my boyfriend for falling in love but in the end fall so hopelessly in love with you and wants to make you his. It is obvious that you're the only one for him, Eponine and he wants to prove that by marrying you. Why are you so freaked out? If you love him, you wouldn't react like this!"
Eponine took her hands away from Cosette's and glared at her.
"Because, Cosette, it is my nature to screw things up! What if we get married and I become a horrible wife like my mother? What if I make his life miserable? What if we have a child and I fucked up? We are perfectly happy right now, Cosette and I am afraid that by taking things further, everything we have built for five years will come tumbling down. I can't have that!" Eponine cried.
"For fuck's sake, woman, get your shit together!" Cosette exclaimed and Eponine jumped. Cosette was never the person who cursed a lot and she was never the one to raise her voice at Eponine either. However, right now, she looked so frustrated and tired of her problems, as if she had enough of it.
"I've had enough of this. You and Enjolras are perfect together. Yeah, it's a surprise as it came from me," she added when Eponine looked at her as if she had sprouted wings, "but you guys love each other so much and the love that you guys share is beautiful. And you are not going to screw up, Eponine. No. You have grown so much and you are nothing like your parents. You took care of Gavroche and he turned out to be such a lovely boy. Your past should stay in the past, don't let it affect your future. You love Enjolras, and he loves you. And I know, deep down, you want to commit to him but you're afraid to do so."
Eponine kept quiet. Too many thought were occupying her mind. She thought of Enjolras and how hurt he looked when she told him that she didn't want to get married. Did she want to get married actually? Could she see herself as a wife?
Then, she pictured herself standing at the door of their baby's nursery, looking at Enjolras trying to put their daughter to sleep. He looked up and smiled at her, his smile made her heart flutter and even after years, she realized that the same smile would still give her butterflies in her stomach and she knew no one could ever make her feel like Enjolras did. Yes, she wanted to be with him and only him and if he wanted to take things further, she's going to follow him.
"You're right… you're absolutely right. I need to find Enjolras," Eponine said and suddenly stood and reached for her handbag. Cosette smiled as Eponine fumbled with the contents of her handbag to find her phone.
She got her phone and sent a text to Enjolras to meet her Café Musain. She turned to Cosette and said, "Thank you,"
…
"Enjolras," Eponine said breathlessly as she was just running to the café. To her relief, Enjolras was already there. He looked solemn but she thought she could put a stop to that. She was about to kiss him when Enjolras took her hand and signalled her to sit next to him. She was about to say something when she realized that Enjolras was in tears.
"Enjolras, what's going on?"
She had known Enjolras for a long time and she never saw him this vulnerable and scared. He was shivering and his eyes were red. His hair was dishevelled and he looked so out of place. Eponine was beginning to get really worried.
"I did a really, really bad thing" Enjolras said.
Eponine wondered what he did. This was Enjolras and although he's also human and made mistakes, his mistakes were never too big to turn him into this mess of a man. Eponine took his hands in hers and cupped his chin, making him look at her.
"Enjolras, it's me. You can tell me anything"
If she was trying to comfort him, it wasn't working. Enjolras took his hands away from her and buried his head in them. He shook his head, as if he wished that this was all a dream, a nightmare and he would wake up and be anywhere but there.
After a few minutes, he looked up and saw Eponine still staring at him. She looked concerned and worried, making him feel even guiltier. He had to tell her, he had to. This beautiful woman in front of him deserved the truth. He was afraid to lose her but hiding the truth from her was not a choice. If he truly loved her, he would be honest with her.
"Last night, I… I slept with someone else" Enjolras confessed.
His words were like a slap to her face. She was shocked. No, no, not her Enjolras. She looked around. Was this some kind of sick joke? Would Les Amis suddenly jumped out from the counter and said "Ha! Gotcha!"?
And then she looked into his ocean blue eyes and her heart shattered into pieces. Enjolras never lied. He's telling the truth. He knew how much she loathed cheaters and he promised her that he would never cheat on her. Montparnasse cheated on her and he beat the shit out of him. Now, he's the one who cheated on her, he's the one who slept with someone else. It's like Montparnasse all over again except that this hurt much more because she actually loved the man in front of her. Before she knew it, she started to cry. Enjolras moved closer to her but she swatted his hands away.
"Stay away from me," she hissed.
"Eponine, I'm sorry. I… I feel terrible. I don't want to lose you. Please, please don't leave me,"
Everything that he said was like a dagger in her. And she thought about Enjolras with this girl. Who was this girl? Did it matter anyway? Now, she looked at him and she could see nothing but betrayal. She could not see anything but him with this stranger in a mass of tangled limbs. His lips kissing this stranger, forgetting all about her, not caring about her feelings. Did he even remember her? Did he even remember what they had? Honestly, did it even matter to him?
"I have to go," Eponine said and dashed out of the café.
…
Enjolras' mind was spinning. He heard Eponine moving in the bedroom, closets opened and closed, drawers opened and shut and he knew that in a few minutes, she was going to walk out of their apartment and he would lose her forever.
What would he do without her? Being with her was the best time of his life. He had never laughed so much. He had never been so happy. Eponine was perfect and he wondered whether anyone would even come close to replacing her.
Replacing her? No, there's no replacing her.
He thought about what could have been. If he let her out of the door, it's official that they would be broken up. She would start to move on with her life. After some time, she would start to date someone else. The thought of Eponine dating someone else made him sick in his stomach. Seriously, could he even handle seeing her with someone else? What if he treated her better than he did? What if she fell deeper in love with that guy? What if they got married?
Would they still be friends? Would he still be friends with Les Amis, really? Would they forgive him for cheating on Eponine? Cosette never would, he thought. She was going to make his life a living hell, as if it wasn't bad enough because Eponine was not in it.
"Enjolras, I'll leave my key on this table. If I had left anything, just put them together in a box and I'll get them some other time" Eponine said quietly. She had finished packing and she looked sadly at the dejected man on the living room's couch.
Enjolras lifted his head. Eponine was looking at her feet, looking as though it was killing her that she had to leave and Enjolras got up and strolled towards her. He had nothing to say to justify his actions but he needed to prove to her how much he loved her. So he pulled her to him and kissed her with all that he has got. She kissed him back and he melted under her touch. She fit so right in his arms and he did not want to let her go. He could not let her go. He couldn't.
Eponine suddenly pulled back.
"I… I can't, Enjolras,"
"Why? Eponine, you know that girl meant nothing to me. I love you and only you. Please, please don't leave me. I don't know what I would do without you," he kneeled before her, hugging her frame and was sobbing uncontrollably right now. She's slipping away from him so he held to her tighter.
"No, this is all ruined, Enjolras. We're over. I used to see you as someone who would never, ever hurt me. And now, you would be no one but the only who betrayed me. I can't be with you anymore, Enjolras," she sniffled.
"This… this is goodbye," she added and Enjolras felt like he was punched in the gut. In fact, it was worse. He felt like he was punched repeatedly. It hurt. He knew that he lost her forever now and it hurt.
Just like that, she grabbed her bags and walked out of the door. She's gone. It's all over.
Enjolras sunk to the floor and wept. Everything fell apart because of him. He had a perfect girl whom he loved but he fucked it all up. It's all because he was too stupid to not believe that Eponine loved him. And now… she's gone forever and there's nothing he could do to bring her back. He should've said no and came back to her that night. If he did, he would not feel as terrible as he was feeling. The guilt and remorse were killing him and he could have done nothing to stop it.
Nothing, absolutely nothing.
A/N: So…. what do you think? Writing an Enjonine fan fiction is not easy but I love this pairing so much and I tried my best. Anyway, this story started as a one-shot but I am thinking of making a multi-chapter fic. What do you think? Is it good enough to be turned into a multi-chapter fic?