Chapter 7: Saving Grace

Authors Note: Hey guys I'm finally back and for good, promise! I hit a rough patch in my life, but now I'm better and ready to get back to writing. I just hope you guys are still reading this thing, because I have plenty of ideas for it! This is a re upload PLUS A LOT MORE ADDED.

This chapter will focus on Santana's back story and explain more on what she's been through in Iraq. All mistakes are mine. I don't own these characters. Only Glee on Fox does. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy.

Also I want to give a special thanks to all those who reviewed and continued to review my last chapter even when an update seemed so far away and hopeless. Thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart! Okay I'm shouting up now... bye :)

Previously on Home...

"I told her about the mission and the danger of it. Then she started asking questions about who was going and so I told her you were and now she said that she has no choice but to tell Brittany and someone else, because she doesn't want you to leave this world without meeting this someone else, but it's not her place or my place to get you to meet this someone el-."

"Finn stop!" Santana told him.

"Finn I honestly have no idea what the hell you are talking about! Who is this someone else? What someone else? I'm confused as all hell right now!"

Okay. Finn realized that this tactic was getting them nowhere, so he decided to just rip to band aid off.

"Santana have you received any letters from Brittany since we've been stationed here?"

"What kind of dumb ass question is that Finn?! You know that I haven't and you know that I don't like talking about this stuff!" Santana yelled not liking where this conversation was going.

"I know. I'm sorry. It's just that I was talking to Rach and she said that Brittany said she's been sen-."

"Look Finn, I'm glad you and Rachael got your happy ending and that you guys got your sweet little video moment, but I don't want to talk about New York or anyone that has to do with it unless it's Kurt or Cedes. Now please leave me alone, and never bring up this up again! Goodnight and I'll see you in the morning. 06:00 Finn. 06:00." Santana said dismissing him and picking her journal back up.

Finn didn't want to leave it like this. He wanted to talk to Santana about the letters Rachael said Santana's been ignoring, but he knew right now wasn't the time. Overwhelming someone a day before they go put their life on the line is not smart. He wants Santana focused on the mission. Not New York, not the letters, not Brittany and not her alleged son. So he decided to just leave it. For now.

"Your right Santana. Now is not the time to talk about those things. I'm sorry. I'll see you at 06:00. Get some sleep. Goodnight."

And with a nod goodbye, Finn left leaving Santana alone with her thoughts.

Chapter Seven

Iraq: Present Day

The time for Santana and her squad to ship out was fast approaching. This mission would be their most dangerous by far and the fact that she would be leading it was more than her psyche could handle. On top of that she just couldn't shake off her conversation with Finn. Who was this someone else she so desperately had to meet and why would Finn think Brittany was writing her letters? He knew damn well that she hasn't, because she only goes crying and bitching to him every week Puck gets a letter from Quinn and she doesn't hear from Brittany. If it weren't for the weekly letters with updates that she receives from either Mercedes, Kurt, or her father, then she would just tell Puck to never check her mail box for her again, but luckily some people still give a shit about her back home. She just wished that one of those people were Brittany. Even though everything between them went to shit, for a little while she still hung on to some hope that they could maybe one day rekindle their relationship and mend what they had. And if not a relationship, then maybe a friendship of sorts, but her pride wouldn't allow her to make the first move. But one day she almost did, she wrote the letter and everything, she just couldn't send it.

It was the day after she escaped death.

**Flashback**

Iraq: March 2010

It's officially been nine months since she left everything and everyone behind in Lima, and it's been four months of being stationed in Iraq. After leaving Lima she had flew straight to her training camp in Fort Worth, Texas, which lasted an excruciating five months. It was five long months of constant 4:00 a.m. drills, mile runs, obstacle courses, and being demanded and yelled at to do things she never thought her mind or body would be capable of doing. But she did them all and she survived, she survived one hell just to enter another; Iraq.

Being shipped out to active duty straight out of training camp should be scary and unwanted for a lot of people, but Santana couldn't return home. All she wanted to do was escape and a two year contract overseas seemed all too perfect. So she signed on the dotted line and three flights later she was touching ground in the middle of a war zone.

Being on base wasn't the nightmare Santana was expecting it to be, the scariest part wasn't even the war, it was her Staff Sergeant; Sue Sylvester.

"Well hello Private Sand Bags," was the first thing she ever said to Santana. Her voice was like steel, her eyes were cold, her glare tingle inducing, and all that combined had Santana pissing herself.

"Umm... i-it's a-actually Private First Class... and i-its Lopez ma'am." Santana was never one to back down or be disrespected, so even though she stuttered her way through it, she had to correct Sergeant Sylvester.

Big mistake.

"I know who you are on paper Private! But to me you will remain Private Sand Bags until you prove to me that the title of "Private First Class" isn't just the product of your dad's nut sack! I won't be bullied into giving that title to an unexperienced, un-deserving, daddy's girl like you! I don't care how high ranked your "Papi" is or how much money he gave to the Sergeant Major under the table to make this happen! Are we clear Sand Bags?! Good, now get out of my face! You reek of un-warranted entitlement and oncoming disappointment!"

"..." For once in her life Santana was completely speechless. For the first time ever she had been out bitched and out insulted. Her high school HBIC days were official over. So she tucked her tail between her legs, flipped her hair and left, but not without slamming the door, of course.

From there things only got worse, because just ten days later she was already on the field and behind enemy lines.

The mission was supposed to be simple. They were just going to aid and feed a local village that was near the military base. The plan was to gain the trust of the locals so there wouldn't be any problems between the two when the military began to move trucks full of supplies in and out of the base through a road less than a mile off of the village. Everything was going smoothly, kids were laughing and playing, and their parents and other adults were loading up on free food and supplies courtesy of the United States Marine Corps. The lines had successfully began to blur and it seemed as if an alliance was forming.

Everyone seemed to be letting their guard down.

Huge mistake.

Looking around at the young children laughing and playing. Soldiers handing out food, blankets, toys, pots and pans. The villagers bowing and praising them as if they were heroes in thanks. In that moment Santana understood why she wanted to be here. This is why she gave up her cheer leading scholarship to Louisville, this is why her dad was her true hero that she desperately wanted to be like, because he was a part of this. He allowed and enabled her to be part of this; part of making a difference and putting these looks of joy and hope on people's faces, people less fortunate. People just caught between the fire lines.

Santana was so overcome with different emotions that a lone tear began to slip down her cheek; she was quick to whip it. Not wanting to show any weakens being the only girl in the troop.

"You play?" Asked a little village girl while holding up her new soccer ball to Santana. Santana had been so caught up in the beauty of the moment she's just realizing that she wasn't even taking part in it.

"Sure," she answered with a smile while taking the ball from the little girl and walking with her down a trail that led a little ways from the main area of the village.

The trail ended in a large dirt field that was filled with a few village children playing with their new footballs, baseballs, basketballs, tennis balls, and soccer balls.

Once they found a little area to themselves Santana put the ball down and kicked it to the little girl and waited for her to kick it back.

"What's your name cutie pie?" Asked Santana.

"F-Fadia." Came the girl's quiet response with a hint of a blush forming on her cheeks. "It mean savior. My father say I'm his saving grace. His savior." She explained, kicking the ball back to Santana.

"That's very sweet of him and a very pretty name." Commented Santana, kicking the ball back to Fadia.

"Thank you. He's my favorite!" Exclaimed Fadia with a huge gapped tooth grin. "What your name ma'am?" Asked Fadia while kicking the ball back to Santana.

"Santana, but my friends call me San."

"May I call you San?" Fadia shyly asks while looking down.

"Of course sweetie." Smiled Santana, "I mean only friends play kick ball together right?" Asked Santana while kicking said ball back to her new friend.

"Right!" Yelled Fadia, kicking the ball extra hard in all her excitement, catching Santana off guard and causing the ball to go straight by her and down a hill.

"My ball!" Fadia yelled while giving chase to it.

"Fadia wait!" Commanded Santana while running after the girl.

Santana didn't know it in that moment, but chasing after that soccer ball and that little girl saved her life, because just as she made it to the bottom of the hill a huge BOOM sounded around the village and with the cat like reflexes her training endowed her with she quickly grabbed the little girl by the arm, dragged her to the ground and covered her small body with her own.

Later on she would find out that the source of that boom came from an explosive back in the village.

No one could have predicted it, let alone prevent it.

An Arabic man, who believed in and followed the terrorist movement had strapped a bomb to his own five year old child; his son. And as a soldier handed the boy his brand new soccer ball, the father hit the detonator.

Twelve Arabic women died. Fifteen Arabic men. Twenty one Arabic children. And all American soldiers, but one.

Santana Lopez.

After the explosion Santana woke up in the hospital. The explosion was so powerful that she had been blown back her head hitting a rock and knocking her out cold. She awoke with her father by her bed side with tears in his eyes and Fadia nowhere to be seen or found. She escaped with just four stiches across her hairline. After ample begging and pleading she got it out of her father that Fadia had indeed survived, but was moved to another village. That's all the information he was willing to give, because he knew anymore and Santana would find the girl and God knows what that would lead to. With a promise to her father never to search for the girl and a kiss on the head her father left.

Two weeks later she returned to base.

**End Flashback**

Thinking of that day causes Santana to run her fingers across the name that will forever be tattooed across her wrist.

Fadia.

Her saving grace. Her savior.

Nearly dying that day made Santana reevaluate her position in life and realize that she never wanted to leave this world on bad terms with Brittany so she set forth writing a letter to her, a mends. The same letter that she held in her hands now three years later, because she was too much of a coward to send it. She hasn't even opened it in all these years and now she thinks it's finally time to do so.

Dear Brittany

Hey it's me Santana, but I'm sure you know that seeing as my names on the envelope. I know you must be pretty shocked to be receiving anything from me seeing as how we left things and what was said and done. Anyway I just want to cut to the chase and say that I miss you Britt-Britt, I really fucking miss you. I miss everything about you. Your hair, your smile, your beautiful eyes, your voice, the way you dance, but most of all I miss you being with me. I know with the way we left things and with what you did to me it must be surprising that I'm saying these things, but being up here, in this war has changed the way I look at everything. I almost died Brit. I should be dead but somehow I'm not. For some reason, by some power, or some kind of luck I was spared. I was spared and the only thing I can think about is you. All I can think about is the fact that I can't allow myself to leave this world with things being the way they are between us, so I had to write this letter and let you know how I feel and hopefully someday you'll write me back.

First and for most I want you to know that I forgive you Brittany. What you did to me should be unforgivable, but the love I feel for you is so strong that I can't help but forgive you for anything and everything. Sometimes I hate how much I love you, because this is what happens. Even if you rip my heart out, I still can't help but give it back to you. It's been that way since seven years ago when that skinny fourth grader with that fat, sorry, that "big boned" cat stole my heart and I've never wanted it back. I want us back Britt. I miss talking to you, confiding in you, holding you, just hearing from you. We've both hurt each other and I can see that now. I can admit that I played a part in us going to shit and I'm sorry for that. I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you about the Marines and that I let you believe all that time that I was going to Louisville. That was completely wrong of me. I also want to say I'm sorry for the way you found out. You over hearing Finn and me was not the way I planned for things to go down and please believe me when I say that I was going to tell you. I wanted to tell you, but I had kept the lie for so long that I didn't know how to come clean. I lied for so long, because I didn't want to hurt you and in the end that's exactly what I did; I hurt the both of us. But now I want to mend both of our hearts. I want to get back what we had. Without you I feel like I'm fighting this war alone; I feel like I might die alone and that's something I can't let happen, because I love you. I'm still in love with you and I just hope you're still in love with me and willing to give this another shot. If any of that sounds like something you might want, then please write me back. You can send it to the address marked on this envelope. I hope to hear from you Britt-Britt even if you don't want me back I still hope to hear from you. You're my best friend and if all you have to offer is friendship, then I'll take it and cherish it, because I need you in my life Brit. I need you with me. I need us to be okay.

Love Santana

Reading that letter brought back too much heavy stuff for Santana and she couldn't keep the tears from falling. For the life of her she couldn't understand or remember why she never sent the letter. Maybe Brittany actually wanted those things, maybe she would have had them by now. Maybe she could have had a video send of like Finn or a letter every week like Puck. Or maybe Brittany's off living her happily ever after with that damn Trouty Mouth! And there it is, that's why she never sent it and why she's here, in her bunk, alone and about to put her life at risk again, but this time around the possibility of dying is so much higher. There are so many ways this mission can go to shit, too many ways.

With that in mind Santana walks over to her desk, sits down, and decides to write Brittany another letter, but this time she will send it! This time she's not going to let her pride or the thought of Brittany with Sam get in her way. If they are together then that's more reason to try and get her girl back, because fuck Sam! Brittany's her endgame and she refuses to possibly die without letting Brittany know that she never forgot that.

So with that in mind she sits down and begins to write…

Thoughts? Yay or Nay? Also I was wondering if you guys want the next Chapters to continue in third person of should I switch to first person and show both Santana and Brittany's POV?

Hope you guys enjoyed the update. Also I tried to make it long as an apology for you guys. Next Chapter will be time for the big mission and I promise some Brittany and Santiago as well. Thank you for reading.