Seems like I'm in a shippy mood, sorry. Since there will be 'Gender' again I'll once again put a big Trigger Warning for Rape aftermath.

Toes 5

He knew he was in for trouble as he saw Sinbad's face.

Of course he couldn't exactly say that was a surprise. He had been away for far too long, no messages sent because he was stuck in a cell being tortured or ignored. And although he was pretty sure Masrur must've sent a message ahead when they set sail back to Sindria, Sinbad couldn't possibly be pleased seeing Ja'far being carried off the ship by the Fanalis wrapped up in bandages.

Truth to be told, Masrur had listened to his plea to try dress him in something less revealing than the long night shirt that had been tied over his shoulder all this time, but after some struggling he had realised he was hurting Ja'far trying to work him into a proper shirt - no matter how hard Ja'far had been trying to hide it - and he had stopped immediately. So really, his state of undress wasn't hiding anything from his king's shocked and worried view.

"This is humiliating," he complained quietly to Masrur - who expertly ignored him after having listened to his complaints nonstop since Kou.

He sulkingly turned his head to check on Sinbad as they approached, slightly surprised they hadn't been jumped yet. Sinbad was giving a few sharp orders to a guard - looking way more panicked than was necessary at this point, the fool - and only closed the distance between them in a hurry when they had practically reached him.

"Ja'far! I'm so glad to see you alive and safe! I've ordered for a carriage to be brought so we take you directly back to the palace-" He reached out to gingerly touch Ja'far's cheek, and for a moment Ja'far wasn't feeling so irritated anymore. Even if Sinbad was overdoing it, seeing the man's worried face finally made him feel warm, dispelling a cold and deep fear Masrur hadn't been able to take care of. He was safe again.

"No." Sinbad visibly startled at Masrur's low denial, and Ja'far glanced up in confusion. "Ja'far is too hurt. He's not going in a carriage, I'll carry him back."

"Wait, what?" He gave Masrur an indignant look - even though he was probably right that a carriage would hurt a lot - "It wasn't enough to humiliate me by carrying me down from the ship in my underwear for half of Sindria to see? The rest of the country needs to get a view as well? I much rather go by carriage, pain be damned!"

Masrur gave him a withering glare - oh, perhaps he was getting sick of the complaining after all - and shook his head. "I'll carry you."

"Masrur, I-"

Sinbad interrupted him quickly, probably noticing Ja'far getting pissed. "Let's cover you up a little better, okay? Masrur is right, and I don't want to see you hurt even more. And I'll need you to tell me all that happened because - by Solomon - I'm going to make them pay!"

"Oh, and now you're suddenly a warlord?" Ja'far rolled his eyes, clinging weakly to Masrur's neck as the Fanalis wordlessly wrapped him up in a cape proffered by a guard. "It's not worth it to start a war over a tortured adviser, you fool. I'm sure we can find a better solution-"

"You're not just my adviser," Sinbad stated violently, barely managing to keep his voice low. "And I'm pretty sure Kouen knows about that. He had his ways to gather intelligence just as I do. He knew exactly what he was starting when he decided to- to-" he broke himself off, giving a disgusted scowl instead of saying what he knew had happened.

"Sin..." Ja'far smiled wryly, conflicted about feeling happy or angry about this. He wanted to scold Sinbad for even thinking about this sort of thing, but at the same time he as deeply touched to know Sinbad cared that much.

Which was exactly why he had refused Sinbad's advances for years before finally giving in. This deeper bond between them was a danger to their work and their people, easily exploited by the enemy.

But it was too late to change that now. For now he would just have to force Sinbad to be professional about this. React towards the Kou Empire as the country that tortured his adviser, not his lover. They couldn't afford to make a mistake like that.

"Sin," he repeated softly again, reaching out his working arm to draw his king in closer. Masrur stood unaffected, holding Ja'far gently in his arms as the two softly - maybe even carefully - met their lips together, using the broad Fanalis as a shield from the world. "It's okay Sin. I will be fine." He managed his most gentle smile, even though it hurt to call Sinbad back on this. "Rather than making the Kou Empire fall, teach me to stand again."

His king's face was hurt and horrified at the same time, and golden eyes flashed away towards Ja'far's now covered feet.

"Please Sin."

"...very well." He saw Sinbad slump, and it was a painful triumph. "In the end I'd much rather be there for you than go to them, after all."

And then it didn't hurt anymore. Because that sounded too perfect.

...

Gender 4

The tears just wouldn't stop, and he didn't know why.

Just because he was hurt and scared and confused didn't mean he should be sitting around crying, right? He was stronger than this!

But everything was hurting. His wrists and ankles where they had been caught in ice before, his lashed open back, his bruised stomach, his scratched thighs - his breasts and there between his legs.

And he was so scared. A fear that only added to the confusion of being a woman now. He shouldn't be afraid anymore, Sin was there. Sinbad was right in front of him, here to help him, hold him - avenge him? But even with Sin right in front of him he was so so scared, and he just wanted to hide from those piercing golden eyes and those hands that were itching to touch him.

He didn't remember ever crying like this. He was openly sobbing, rubbing at his eyes and his nose dripping. He was crying like a small child, and he just couldn't stop.

It was too much.

And he had scared Sinbad too. When he had called out his name, Sinbad had pulled back and not touched him since. He could see how uncomfortable his king was, wanting to soothe him yet at the same time not daring to touch him.

Because Ja'far was scared. Because he flinched away from the one man he had always trusted, saying his name with such fear it sounded unnatural.

"Please... please Ja'far, what can I do to help?"

He knew Sinbad just wanted to hold him. And he just wanted to be held. But he couldn't. Even if this was Sinbad and not Judal, he just couldn't.

He shook his head, his sobs only increasing in intensity at Sinbad's question. He wanted to be helped. He wanted Sin to help.

He wanted nothing more than Sin to save him.

But it was already too late. It had already been done. He was dirty and hurt, defiled and broken. Judal had used him as if he had taken Sinbad's best shirt, ripping it apart and smearing it with blood and dirt.

That's all Ja'far was worth now. A broken little thing that lost its function, no matter how good it had been before.

And the worst part was that he knew Judal had cast that last spell on him. He couldn't tell Sin. He couldn't tell him he hadn't just been turned into a woman. He hadn't just been raped. He had been made pregnant with a child nobody wanted. He didn't even know whether it would really be a child, what corruption Judal had put in that spell.

He wanted to tear himself open and rip these strange organs out. He didn't want to carry whatever monstrosity Judal had put in him. He didn't want anything from Judal. He just wanted Sin.

And Sinbad was so lost. It was clear in his eyes that he had no idea what to do.

Neither did Ja'far.

"Do you want me to get Yamraiha?" Sinbad's voice was tight, like he was about to cry as well.

He didn't want to see Yamraiha. He wanted Sin.

He sniffled loudly, useless as his face dripped with tears and snot, his torn robes on his lap soaked already. But he shook his head vehemently. No Yamraiha. Just Sin. Even if he couldn't touch him.

"But Yamraiha can help," Sinbad stressed. "And it won't be bad if she touches you right? She can help you get clean and care for your wounds. She can help better than me right now."

"No," he stated, his voice sounding like he was sulking through his sobs. "I-I don't want her. She can't clean me. I'm too dirty."

"Ja'far!" Sinbad barely raised his voice in protest, but Ja'far still flinched away from him, causing the king to quickly draw back as well. "Please," he begged, "you're no more dirty than the filth Judal left on your skin. It can all be washed away. You're not dirty now Ja'far, you're just hurt."

He gave Sinbad a weak glare, ignoring the tears for just a moment. "Leave me alone. Let me bathe."

The way Sinbad's face fell to disappointment and hurt was a new stab to Ja'far's chest, but he kept glaring. Pushing Sin away.

And obediently Sinbad stood, giving him one apologetic look before quietly leaving. Ja'far knew Yamraiha would be waiting outside the door when he would come out, but that was a worry for later.

For now, he just cried. Sobbing like a child. Because he was so scared it hurt.