Aria held the book lightly in her hands, almost as if holding on any tighter would make it disappear into thin air. She stared at it for a long time not quite sure what to do with it, still trying to figure out if she was just dreaming or if the book she held in her hands was really one written by the person she once (and, despite not being able to admit it, still) held closest to her heart. It was short; it couldn't have been more than one hundred pages or so. It looked more like a journal than a novel and the outside was blank except for the small block printing along the spine: MISTAKES by Ezra Fitz

She had to admit seeing the word struck a kind of sadness in her. Sure, she was well aware of the trouble she had caused him along with the clear problems with the legality of the majority of their time together, but the last thing she ever expected to see was him calling her a mistake. Even if it had been four years since she saw him there was always some part of her that wished they could meet again. Maybe they could start over now that she was done with high school and more importantly, Alison, the girl who made everyone think she was the victim when in reality it had been her calling the shots all along. Aria wanted to blame Alison for what happened to Ezra but she knew that wouldn't be fair, in the end there was only one person to blame and that was herself.

Alison... the thought made Aria's stomach churn especially as she looked down at the book she was holding in her hands. A sudden shot of panic ran through Aria as she wondered if maybe the story she held wasn't hers. He had already been working on Alison's, what was to say he didn't finish it? It was understandable. Aria and Ezra's story wasn't much of a thriller; it was tragic, or as he maybe put it, a mistake. Alison, as manipulative as she was, had a story worth telling. So, as Aria slowly lifted the cover page she held her breath, unsure whose story she was about to read.

Dedication

Four years ago I made a promise.

To nearly everyone reading this, the number B26 will mean absolutely nothing. But it means something to her. At least it used to.

It was a typical Saturday afternoon. Ezra was dressed in only his sweatpants and Aria wore pajama shorts and his oversized Hollis sweatshirt. Aria sat quietly on the couch with her elbows on her thighs, not actually reading the textbook she had spread across the coffee table. She stared at the floor stuck deep within her thoughts as the steady sound of Ezra's keyboard ticked away in the background. They were slowly but surely returning to where they once had been. Ezra's wound was now mostly healed and so were many of the cracks in their relationship. She knew it would be awhile before she could fully trust him again but she was getting there. However, Ezra was once again unemployed. His injury forced him to leave Rosewood High and they had replaced him quickly, not sure when he would be able to return. His chances with Hollis were still slim and he knew the opportunity to return to Rosewood High wasn't going to be coming back anytime soon. His only reason for staying anywhere near Rosewood was the petite woman sitting on his couch. The girl he would literally do anything for. Aria thought about how much he had gone through all for her. All because of her. Sure she couldn't quite trust him like she used to, but that didn't change the fact that he risked his life to help her friend even after they were over. It broke her heart seeing him without work or purpose before, she didn't know if she would be able to do it again.

"Ezra?" Aria called out softly as she snapped herself out of her own head.

"Hmm?" he responded, turning his head slightly to the side.

She stayed silent still struggling with her thoughts. She tried to talk herself out of the path she was going down in her mind but she couldn't. He was too important to her. It hurt her knowing that she was the reason for all of his problems and although he always disagreed, he deserved better. She knew exactly what he would try to say to argue with her. He would tell her that he brought it on himself getting involved, that he didn't deserve her or her forgiveness because of what he'd done and a part of that was true. He made mistakes and kept secrets that alone would surely destroy any relationship, but in the end, many of those secrets had only been to keep her safe, even if he had to lie and sneak around to do it. No matter what he'd done, Ezra risked everything he had in his life to rid her of her demons.

Ezra waited for her to respond and when she didn't he looked back over his shoulder. He saw her staring at the floor and closed his laptop before standing and walking to her. She felt the weight on the couch shift as he sat down beside her and placed his hand gently on her chin.

"What's wrong?" he asked with concern and lifted her face so he could look at her. He immediately noticed her watery eyes as she bit down nervously on her lip. "Aria? What is it?" he asked again.

Aria let out a shaky breath as she looked at him and a tear began to fall from her eyes as she glanced down at his bare chest and stomach. It wasn't completely healed but now it was mostly just a scar. A reminder to the pain he suffered because of her and this godforsaken town. She lifted her hand and lightly brushed her fingertips over the marked skin before looking back to him. Several more tears were already making their way down her face and he wiped them off with his thumb, desperately pleading with his eyes for her to speak.

"I think we should break up," she whispered softly. He stared at her with a look of confusion and heartbreak and Aria quickly dropped her eyes again.

"Wh—What are you talking about? I—I know I made mistakes, Aria... I know I fucked up, I know how much damage I've done to us but I—" he stammered, trying to figure out where this had come from.

"The damage you've done?" Aria asked in shock as Ezra lowered his brow in question, "Look at you! That isn't a birthmark, Ezra!" she said angrily, pointing towards the healing scar on his stomach. "You were shot! You almost lost your life and it's all my fault!"

She broke down, finally submitting to the cries that were now taking over her body.

"What? Aria, stop!" Ezra said sternly. "Nothing is your fault! You didn't shoot me, okay? Some coward in a hoodie did," he told her trying to make her believe it. He pulled her into his arms and held her close as she cried into his chest.

"But you don't get it," she said softly through her sobs. "The only reason you were on that roof in the first place is because of me!"

"I don't care Aria," he said pulling back and cupping her face in his hands. "I love you. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you."

She scoffed, "Exactly."

"Exactly what?"

"I'm holding you back..." she explained sadly. Ezra opened his mouth to protest but Aria continued, "No, don't fight me on this. Please. You've lost jobs because of our relationship and you almost died trying to protect me. You've sacrificed everything for us, Ezra. For me. For fuck's sake I just, I—I can't keep watching you give up your life for me."

"Aria..." he pleaded. "You're graduating in a few months. We can leave this place; we can live the life we always talked about. Just a few more months and we'll be done here."

"A lot can happen in a few months, Ezra..." Aria whispered. "We still don't know who shot you, what if they're still out there just waiting for a chance to finish what they started? Every second you spend here with me you're putting yourself in danger. You can't risk your life to stay in Rosewood. I won't let you. And what happens after? Are you going to follow me to college? Push all of your potential and ability aside just to stay with some stupid teenager who doesn't have a clue what she's doing? You were supposed to be done with high school drama when you graduated and I just dragged you right back into it. It's time for you to move on, Ezra. You've been ready to take the next step in your life ever since you graduated Hollis and you almost did before I got in the way. I'm not going to stand in your way anymore. Honestly, I don't understand why you haven't already left..."

"I don't want to leave. I want to stay. I don't care what happens as long as I'm with you," Ezra said, brushing away a few hairs that had fallen in front of her face.

"I care!" Aria snapped, but Ezra didn't jump back. "I don't know what I'd do if you got hurt again. At least if you're away from me you'd be safe. I'd go to sleep at night knowing that somewhere you'd be waking up without a death threat hanging over your head," she choked out.

"Aria what are you saying?" he asked softly through the lump forming in his throat. He couldn't believe this was happening, not after everything he'd done to get her back. He would do it all over again if she asked him to. Why couldn't she see that?

"I think you should leave Rosewood. You should go and write or teach or do whatever it is that you want to do because there isn't anything here for you anymore..."

"You're here. That's enough for me. That will always be enough for me," he whispered. Ezra was crying now too. His tears were scarce and his cries were silent but it was his heart that was screaming, crying out for Aria to understand.

"But it shouldn't be! You're young and brilliant and you have the world at your fingertips. You don't belong here anymore. I can't give you what you need I—" he opened his mouth again but she immediately jumped in, shaking her head before he could interrupt. "Don't tell me that I'm what you need because that's bullshit and you know it. You're better than me, Ezra. You're better than this whole damn town."

"Aria, please..." Ezra said weakly.

He wanted to say more. He wanted to beg her to stop pushing him away but the words never came. He couldn't bring himself to admit it but somewhere deep deep down he knew she was right. Not about being better, because truthfully Ezra could never forgive himself for all of the lies he told and all the people he hurt, no matter how good his intentions were, but she was right about the path he was on before Aria. Before he fell so deeply in love that he would give his life for her without having to spend a split second thinking about it. Ezra came to Rosewood as a young, hopeful, and driven aspiring author. He had goals and plans for his life, none of which included giving up his job or risking everything he'd ever known for a high school student. By now his younger self had planned to be a best-selling author/professor living in a big city with a steady paycheck. But as Ezra thought about it again, not living up to his old expectations had never once bothered him. Sure he wasn't as successful as he'd hoped to be but he didn't care. He wouldn't trade his time with Aria Montgomery for anything. She would be something he would never regret.

He was about to tell her that he wasn't going to leave, not in a million years, but the more he thought about it the more Ezra realized just how undeserving he was of Aria. All of the things he'd done and all of the times he failed to solve the 'A' puzzle began filling his head. He sacrificed his character and his loyalty but for what? He used to believe it was to find out the truth and to end the torture being received by the person he loved most, but each time he got close enough to figure it out he ended up walking straight into a wall. What good is doing the wrong things for the right reasons unless it actually works? He was a terrible person. Maybe Aria refused to believe it but Ezra knew it was true. Yes he would die for Aria, but he also knew that his feelings would never be able to take back his actions, and his actions made him a terrible person. Even if Aria forgave him he would never be good enough for her. He always knew that but now he couldn't ignore it. His silence falsely confirmed Aria's suspicions. She knew eventually, if given the time to think about it, he would be able to see all that was waiting for him beyond the Rosewood town limit. Eventually he would understand that the only way for him to achieve everything he'd ever wanted was to leave.

Aria smiled sadly. "Well, wherever you go..."

She didn't need to finish for him to catch what she was trying to say. They stared at each other, sharing the same look of longing in their eyes as both their minds flashed back to the moment when he was fired from Hollis. The night she thought she was losing the only guy she'd ever truly loved. This time she actually was losing him. The realization that he was really leaving hit Aria hard. All of a sudden her selfishness was prodding its way back into her head, screaming at her to tell him to stay. She quickly reacted to prevent her thoughts from becoming words and gently pressed her lips to his. The kiss immediately became desperate and filled with need. Ezra pulled her hips towards his closing the space between them and she pulled his face towards hers in an attempt to deepen the kiss, if that were even possible. She helped Ezra remove his shirt before removing her own. He lifted her up and walked to the bed, laying her down softly on the mattress and crawling on after her.

Some time later Aria's body lay entangled with Ezra's covered by a single sheet. Her head rested on his bare chest and he ran his fingers lightly through her hair. Neither of them wanted to say anything. Saying something would lead to a conversation, and that conversation would have to have an end, and after the end...

Aria unintentionally chuckled to herself. "What is it?" Ezra asked, breaking the silence.

"Nothing I was just thinking..." she laughed again. "Goodbye sex is always the best."

"You know, just because you were one out of a million to have a good first time experience doesn't mean you have to go rubbing it in everyone's faces," Ezra teased.

"Someone thinks awful highly of himself," she teased back. The light-hearted humor was almost enough to let her forget that she was about to lose the most important person in her life. Almost.

Ezra chuckled and shook his head playfully but soon after he frowned and creased his brow. "What makes you think I won't come back this time like I did before?"

Aria swallowed the lump forming in her throat because she knew this time would not be like the last. "Because you're choosing to leave this time, Ezra. You're choosing to leave because you know it's the best thing for you. A couple years from now you are going to be a famous, best-selling author. Maybe even a professor too. You're going to make friends, ones you can actually talk to in public. You're going to meet someone new. She obviously won't have my sense of style but she'll have so much more," Ezra laughed at her dry humor but there was a kind of sadness lying underneath it. Tears began to pool in Aria's eyes and her voice dropped significantly in volume, "Maybe every now and then you'll think of me or Rosewood. You'll think back to this time in your life and you'll smile because you know somewhere out in the world I'm reading your newest book, imagining your voice as the one in my head. You'll remember this conversation one day as you walk past your book in the window of a shop. You'll understand why you made the choice you did and you're not going to regret it. You're going to be happy, Ezra. Eventually the memories of me will fade. The picture of me you have in your head will change and you'll start to wonder how you could have ever gotten caught up in such a mess. That's why you won't come back, Ezra. You won't want to."

"That's impossible, Aria. I could never forget you. No amount of time in the world could erase this from my mind. I love you, and that will never change. I am always yours, Aria. You will never be a mistake," Ezra choked out, trying hard not to cry. She was right. It's his choice to leave so why would he? How could he feel so heartbroken over something he was causing? Because contrary to what Aria thought, Ezra was not leaving because it would be best for him. He was agreeing to leave because it would be best for her.

Aria rolled on top of him so her chest was flush against his. Ezra's fingers were still mindlessly brushing through her hair even as she shifted. She planted a soft kiss on his lips and then his cheek and finally placed her mouth to his ear. "If you won't forget me," her mouth twisted into a smile, "Then you better write about me. About us."

Ezra was done fighting and he let the tears in his eyes flow freely down his face. "I will."

"Promise?"

"I promise, Aria." They stared at each other for a long time through tear-filled eyes. "I love you so much. I didn't know I could love anyone this much," he said quietly.

"I know, Ezra. I love you, too. I will never stop loving you."

Mistakes by Ezra Fitz

This story can be summed up simply by my own mistakes. The first was falling love with her. The last was leaving her.

Dear B26,

I can remember the day I met you like it was yesterday. I was an asshole. See, I never intended to be with you. I was a ruthless, ambitious kid looking for my big break, and I was willing to do anything to get it. I talked to you that day with the sole intention of using you for my story. Like I said, I was an asshole. I didn't know I was going to see you at the bar that day, and when I did see you sitting two stools away from me in that paisley print dress (Yes, paisley. You taught me that word when you wore the dress again for your birthday. You said I should learn the proper name for it instead of calling it floral. I told you I would never have a use for it, but I should've known that you were always right) it seemed like the perfect opportunity. I remember looking at you and thinking how beautiful you were. Your dark brown hair draped perfectly over your shoulders and around your face, framing it like the priceless piece of art it was. Is. There was something mesmerizing and mysterious about your eyes. Were they brown? Hazel? I couldn't be sure, but something, and not my ambition, made me want to get close enough to find out. I had to remind myself why I was going to talk to you, forcing all the previous thoughts out of my head. I ignored the thoughts that came to mind when I found that your eyes were indeed a stunning hazel. I ignored the way my heart skipped a beat when I first heard the sweet, warm voice I now know so well. I ignored the gentle curve of your lips as you spoke, and I especially ignored the way I seemed to melt when you told me about your writing. The way you talked about literature reminded me all too much of myself. I ignored all of these qualities about you until I couldn't stand to anymore.

I tricked myself into believing you were someone else. Even when your unique and melodic name finally passed through your irresistibly soft lips I found myself denying my reality. You couldn't have been the girl I was looking for originally. You couldn't have been the one I was trying to be selfish with. There were lots of people in the world, couldn't you just share the same name? Along with similar appearance... But coincidences happen, right? Wrong. I was so desperate to get to know you—actually get to know you aside from some stupid story—that I had convinced myself you were someone else. Someone I could be with. Someone I could fall in love with. And so that was my first mistake. I held on dearly to my delusional hope that you weren't who I thought you were, because from the moment my eyes met yours I had already fallen for you. It wasn't gradual either; it had been so sudden and unexpected that it hit me like a ton of bricks. You told me about the journal you wrote in your free time. You were so passionate and full of light, the complete opposite to my bitter and loathing self at the time. The moment you first looked into my eyes, and I mean really looked, you told me you wanted to know more about me too. The air was stolen from my lungs and the words ripped from my tongue. What else could I have done but hope?

Hope, as it turns out, isn't worth shit. You were, in fact, the girl I was supposed to never, under any circumstances, fall in love with. Then again, we had a thing for breaking rules didn't we? I suppose there's beauty in the idea of something so wrong feeling so right. What we had was special; a kind of intimacy built between two people who shut themselves out from the world and routine that's become impossible to break. I had vegan takeout the other day, and It Happened One Night was on TV... I had to turn it off halfway through, although I still couldn't stop shifting uncomfortably in my seat. The couch is too big; I should have bought an armchair instead.

I remember the day you first came to my apartment. I was nervous. I wish I'd never gotten comfortable with the idea of you being there. When you were gone it didn't feel like home anymore. I thought by moving away I could rid my things of your smell but I found quickly that distance, no matter how far, cannot erase your touch. I cannot lay in this bed, no, our bed—why I decided to keep it I have no idea—without feeling your shadow wrapping itself around me like a blanket, suffocating me until my chest collapses and I am numb with exhaustion. I cannot look at my old, dusty typewriter sitting as a paperweight on my desk without seeing your perfect fingers dancing along the keys. I cannot get dressed in the morning without a heavy sigh as I look in the mirror, because I know that I will never wear my shirts as well as you do. It has been four years since I last saw you, and it has been four years since I've had a good night's sleep. I don't think I will ever get used to emptiness that occupies the space beside me at night.

So, why did I leave you? On our last night together you told me you thought I deserved better. You thought I could still live up to the potential of the ruthless and ambitious kid I was before we met. You also thought that this was the reason I left. I left because I thought it was you who deserved better. Because you were everything that was good in the world, and I was, well, an asshole. I was a jerk, an idiot, a fool. I wanted to be the man you thought I was, and I thought maybe after everything was over I could be, but you don't deserve someone who could be. You deserve someone who is. So that is why I left you. And I suppose not much has changed about me. I am still selfish for now calling it a mistake. I know that you are better off without me in your life and I know that I should be happy for you, and I am, but I wish I hadn't been so damn heroic. I wish I had been selfish and stayed, because I miss you and I think I've lost myself without you.

You're probably wondering why something as pathetic as this minuscule book took me four years to write. To tell you the truth, I must have written and rewritten this book over a hundred times just to get it right. To get us right. It had to be perfect, and though I can guarantee you that this is not perfect, it's as close as I'm ever going to get. There aren't enough adjectives in the world to describe what we have—had—...have? Or perhaps I'm just not smart enough to know them. Nevertheless, if I wanted to capture everything good about you this would have taken me twenty years. And I guess a certain selfish part of me wants to save some of those things for just me to know. I hope you'll forgive me.

One time you told me that you didn't believe in soul mates. I guess I don't either, but I'd like to. I'd like to think that we are soul mates who just happened to meet at the wrong time. I want to believe that our story doesn't end the moment I finish this book. This is not some story about the loss of love, because I still have love for you—the kind that I only care to admit at three in the morning when I'm still awake and staring at the ceiling. This is our story. One that deserves to be told and remembered for what it was; the passion, the tears, the angst, the pain, all of it. This is the story of how I, Ezra Fitz, accidentally and irrevocably fell in love with you, and how that love grew more and more with every passing moment.

Chapter One

It isn't often you find someone who makes you forget how to breathe. When I'm near her I feel every cell in my body ignite and light up with a passion I've never felt before. She sparked something in me that day at the bar, something that still burns in my body and runs through my veins...

Aria wiped the tears away from her cheeks with the back of her hand, trying to prevent them from spilling onto the page but with no success. Damp circles spread themselves across the words she was reading, slightly blotching the ink. She closed the book, her eyes too blurry to see out of, and laughed. It was a hysterical laugh, the type usually done to prevent from sobbing. Aria wasn't sure how she was supposed to react. A part of her wanted to feel angry, mostly at herself, for pushing Ezra away from her. There was no denying now that she was still helplessly in love with him. All the feelings she'd buried in the past years had been uncovered, suddenly bursting to the surface in a way that took her breath away. She wiped her eyes once more and took a deep, shaky breath before opening the book again.

A/N

this will be probably be a two-shot, possibly more. let me know what you think! either here, my tumblr (ezrafitzgerld) or my twitter (ezriab26). reviews are so helpful for me because I know this story is a little different so let me know if you like it and whether or not you would want to see any of ezra's book in the second chapter. i was going through a very unsatisfying writing period but ive had this written for months and i just want to get it out there. An update for Our New Beginning will hopefully be coming soon along with another story i've been working on as well. thank you guys, you're truly amazing!