A/N: I have not read Allegiant yet, so this will only encompass the first two books. This is a crack fic, so this is all in good fun. And it's meant to be a joke, not taken seriously. Hope you enjoy! And don't spoil things for me, because my sister has worked super hard to keep it a secret.
COMING SOON:
DETERGENT: THE MUSICAL!
Its like Grease, but cleaner!
Featuring songs from all five factions!
DAUNTLESS: It's time to try defying gravity, and you won't pull me down!
ERUDITE: Be prepaaaaared!
AMITY: Everything is awesome! Everything is cool when you're part of a team! Everything is awesome! Living on a dream!
CANDOR: Say something I'm giving up on you
ABNEGATION: Singing is self-serving.
Okay maybe only from four of them.
BEATRICE: Who is that girl I see?
Staring strait
Back at me,
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
When will my reflection show
Who I am insiiiiiiiiide?
ABNEGATION: No singing! Singing is self-serving!
BEATRICE: Crap. I'll never fit–
ABNEGATION: Complaining is self-serving!
BEATRICE: Shoot.
TRIS: I choose Dauntless!
Don't let them in, don't let them see, be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know
Well now they know!
Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, Let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care what there going to say
Let the storm rage on,
*takes off jacket*
The cold never bothered me anyway!
Four's Big Number!
FOUR: Let's get down to business to Defeat the Huns
ERIC: *pokes Peter* Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons?
FOUR: You're the saddest bunch I've ever met, and you can bet before we're through
ERIC: Mister I'll
FOUR: Make a man
ERIC & FOUR: Out of YOOOOOU!
And don't forget Jeanine!
JEANINE: Wonderful, they call me wonderful
TRIS: uh, That sure sounds wonderful
JEANINE: Trust me it's fun when you are Wonderful...
And of course Fourtris makes up ninety percent of the story.
FOUR & TRIS: Every moment
As long as your mine
Come be how you want to
And see how bright we shine
They say there's no future
For us as a pair
But we're the only two who'll make it through Allegiant
So there!
As long as you're mine!
FOUR: What is it?
TRIS: It's just, for the first time I feel... Dauntless.
FOUR: I'll be Four and you'll be Six.
NIGHTSTAR PHOENIX: Yes! Six and Four make ten! Ten is a multiple of five! My inner Artemis Fowl need is appeased!
TRIS: Who the heck are you?
NIGHTSTAR PHOENIX: Someone that Veronica Roth can't kill off. Bye.
VERONICA ROTH: Here Tris, take this gun.
TRIS: ?
WILL: *zombie walks on stage*
TRIS: Squeeal! *shoots Zombie Will* OH NO I KILLED WILL!
VERONICA ROTH: Happy is what happens when my characters's dreams are CRUSHED.
TRIS: Hey Tobias you want to build a bivuac?
FOUR: What did you DO to her?!
TRIS: do you wanna build a snowman?
AMITY: Uh... Peace serum?
TRIS: Everything is awesome! Everything is cool when you're part of the team!
FOUR: Tris, snap out of it.
TRIS: I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream...
FOUR: Seriously Tris.
TRIS: I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss
FOUR: If you don't snap out of this soon I'm gonna shoot something.
TRIS: But that's not very nice!
FOUR: That's it, I'm locking you in your room until this wears off.
TRIS: Just wondering when will my life begin?
And of course, the all important FERNADOOOO! He has like fifteen understudies because the play simply can't go on without Fernando if the flu bug goes around backstage. Tris we can live without.
FERNANDO: Everything is awesome! Everything is cool when you're part of a team- *drops sunglasses*
[BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM]
FERNANDO: *falls over, shot*
TRIS: No! Fernando!
FERNANDO: *jumps up* I'm okay!
[BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM]
FERNANDO: *falls over shot*
TRIS: ...
CHRISTINA: ...
CARA: ...
TRIS: Oh well.
CARA: some things are meant to be,
FERNANDO: Hey, I thought I was going to be an important character! I mean, I title-dropped the book-
[BAM BAM BAM BAM]
FERNANDO: *falls over shot*
TRIS: Let it go, let it go
Nobody cares anymore
FERNANDO: you guys know I can still hear- *gets shot in the head*
TRIS: Tobias!
FOUR: He was buggin me, okay?
AUDIENCE MEMBER: *covers child's eyes* You said this was CLEANER than Grease!
VERONICA ROTH: Screw that. Fourtris forever, everyone else must die. Or be emotionally scarred. *shoots Fernando's dead body*
FERNANDO: If I die young-
VERONICA ROTH: You don't get a song, Expenpenble! *shoots FERNANDOOOO again*
And we felt the need to make them sing something from The Hunger Games...
KATNISS: Oh no, you've already stolen enough of my fans. *shoots Fernando's corpse*
TRIS: Why is that still on stage?
KATNISS: Te real question is, why are YOU still on stage?
TRIS: what is this feeling, so sudden and new?
KATNISS: I felt the moment I laid eyes on you
TRIS: My pulse is rushing
KATNISS: My head is reeling
TRIS: My face is flushing
BOTH: what is this feeling?
Fervid as a flame
Does it have a name
Yeeeess
Loathing
unadulterated loathing...
And, as a grand finale, a kick-line to Lana Del Ray's "Born to Die"
Choose your last words, this is the Last Time
Cause you and I
We were born to die
I'll just let you imagine that awesome for a moment.
Don't forget to see Detergent: The Musical!
Tickets are $8,000,000 each, but only $4 if you've read the series.
To be released on Pi day. Because we feel like it.
A/N: Thanks for your time! Reviews are, of course, optional, as I do not control your lives, and my self-esteem does not depend on reviews either. Constructive criticism would be will probably be more after I read Allegiant.
Songs Used/Referenced in Chapter 1:
"Defying Gravity" from Wicked
"Be Prepared" from The Lion King
"Everything Is Awesome" from The Lego Movie
"Say Something" by A Great Big World
"Reflection" from Mulan
"Let It Go" from Frozen (as preformed by Idina Menzel)
"I'll Make A Man Out of You" from Mulan
"Wonderful" from Wicked
"As Longs as You're Mine" from Wicked
"Thank Goodness" from Wicked
"Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" from Frozen
"Once Upon a Dream" from Sleeping Beauty
"True Love's Kiss" from Enchanted
"When Will my Life Begin?" from Tangled
"Some Things Are Meant to Be" from Little Women
"If I Die Young" - The Band Perry
"What Is This Feeling?" from Wicked
"Born to Die" - Lana Del Ray