Title: No Regrets

Rating: T

Pairing(s): Hotch/Reid

Warnings: slash, very slight, implied sexual content, spoilers for season 4 and 5

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em - not making any money off 'em. Dern it.

Summary: Reid doesn't want to have any regrets, so decides to finally be honest.

Word Count: 1,311

Feedback: Yes

Spencer stares at his mahogany dresser. He stares unseeingly, if that makes sense. To Spencer's genius brain, it does.

His phone rings. Morgan's name flashes across the screen. He doesn't answer. If there was a case, JJ or Hotch would be the one calling. Morgan is just checking up on him. It's words he'll never say, but Spencer knows Morgan has been worried about him, ever since he was infected with anthrax.

Spencer knew he withdrew almost completely from the team, but he couldn't help it. He thought for sure he was going to die. He doesn't want to die with regrets, and he knows if he was to die today, there would be regrets. The biggest one being that he wasn't honest with himself where his heart was concerned.

A handsome face flashes through his mind, and he sighs forlornly. Something needs to give... and soon.

When Spencer goes to the BAU the next day, he ignores Morgan. Thankfully Morgan doesn't have the chance to confront him because the team is immediately called in the conference room to brief a case. The team heads to Detroit soon after, and they end up going to Canada to follow the trail.

Spencer doesn't have time to think about his feelings or regret.

After the two unsubs are killed, and a man goes to jail avenging his sister, Spencer is back to thinking about regrets. His eyes are drawn to Hotch who seems troubled. Considering this case, Spencer doesn't blame him. He had a feeling it wasn't going to turn out good, and his intuition had been right.

When they get back to headquarters, Spencer decides he needs to know. Morgan comes to his desk. "You okay, kid?"

Spencer nods.

"Do you need to talk?"

Spencer bites his lips. "Yes, but not to you."

Spencer gets up and goes into Hotch's office. He lightly knocks on the door, alerting Hotch to his presence. "Can we talk?"

"Of course. I wanted to apologize anyways. I was a bit short with you during the case, and you didn't deserve it."

"It's okay. Considering the case we were dealing with, everyone was a bit on edge. I wish my intuition had been off, though.

Hotch nods. "Me too."

"There was something I really wanted to talk to you about."

Hotch nods. "Of course."

Spencer scratches his neck. "Okay, after the whole accidental exposure to anthrax, when I really thought I was going to die –"

"Reid, we weren't going to let that happen," Hotch smoothly interrupts.

"You know better than me that you might not have been able to prevent it. Anyways, I realized I never wanted to regret anything of my life. I might not like my foray into Dilaudid, but it helped me grow and I think become a better profiler, so I don't truly regret it."

"I'm glad to hear it, but where are you going with this?"

Spencer looks outside of the office. "Can we take this somewhere else? I'm not sure this conversation should be held here."

Hotch stands up. They end up going to Hotch's apartment. Spencer swallows nervously as he walks inside. He had never been there before, and it makes him antsy.

Before they can sit, Spencer pauses. He thinks he hears something, and Hotch puts a hand on his gun, as if sensing Spencer's unease.

There's movement and Hotch has his gun out and pointed, with Spencer following suit.

"Show yourself," Hotch demands.

The Boston Reaper comes out with his gun pointed. "You should have made a deal."

Spencer narrows his eyes. "It's two against one; you don't stand a chance."

The Reaper quickly points his gun at Spencer, and Hotch fires just as the Reaper does. Spencer attempts to move out of the way, but the bullet lodges into his shoulder. He sees the Reaper fall, hand covering his leg.

Hotch is immediately on him, grabbing his gun and checking for a knife. Spencer stands up on shaky legs and calls 911.

He then calls Morgan before finding something to put pressure on his shoulder

The police arrive quickly, followed by Morgan who comes to him. "We need to get you to the hospital."

Spencer nods.

He passed out on the way, managing to whisper no narcotics.

"I promise, I'll make sure the doctor knows," he hears Morgan whisper before slipping into unconsciousness.

When Spencer wakes up, he feels groggy. His memory slowly comes back to him. He drifts back to sleep. When he wakes up again, he sees Hotch. "Hi," he whispers.

Hotch stands up. "How do you feel?"

"Tired."

Hotch nods. "Not surprised. You're going to be in a sling for awhile, but the injury would have been a lot worse if you hadn't moved."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, he was focused on getting rid of you first. He wasn't expecting two people, and it threw him off of his game. He's in custody, and this time they're taking extra precautions so he doesn't escape."

Spencer nods. "No narcotics used, right?"

"Right. Morgan made sure of it."

"Good," Spencer whispers. "When I feel more with it, I still need to talk to you."

"We'll talk later."

The long overdue conversation happens a week later when Hotch comes over to his apartment to check up on him. Spencer was told to take two weeks off to recuperate. It was only his shoulder, and he wanted to get back to work, but he knew he wouldn't be allowed to.

"Hotch, especially now, I don't want to have any regrets. After being put in the hospital for the second time in a very short amount of time, I know I need to tell you this."

"Go on."

Spencer meets his eyes, trying to silently convey his emotions. "I know it may be unrequited, but I need you to know that I care for you. I care for you in a way that isn't based on friendship or the supervisor-supervisee relationship."

He sees Hotch swallow heavily. "Reid –"

"I know you don't feel the same way," he interrupts. "I just had to tell you. I'm not expecting anything to come from my admission, except being able to sleep easier because I know I was honest."

Hotch takes his hand. "I try to always live my life honestly. And if I'm perfectly honest with myself, I'd have to say that I'm attracted to you."

"Really?" Spencer asks hopefully.

Hotch nods. "I still don't think that should change anything about our relationship, though."

Spencer felt tears prickle behind his eyelids when he closes them. It's one thing to know that Hotch might not feel anything for him, but it's worse when he admits to having feelings, but still wants to keep their relationship strictly professional.

"Reid, I still love with Haley, and I need to think about Jack. Not to mention what Chief Strauss would do if she found out about a relationship between the two of us."

"It's okay. I understand," he says, but he really doesn't. "Can I ask for one thing, though?"

"Of course," Hotch says.

"One kiss."

"Reid –"

"Please," Spencer says, letting Hotch see the undisguised need in his eyes.

Hotch cups Spencer's face and leaned down so their lips touch. Spencer presses harder and pushes his tongue insistently against Hotch's firm lips. He whimpers when Hotch's mouth opens. Spencer's hand caresses Hotch's stomach through the shirt and trails down to rest on the bulge showing through the pants. He lightly squeezes, feeling emboldened by Hotch's obvious desire.

That wakes Hotch up and he moves off of the couch.

"Reid, that can never happen again. I'm sorry."

Spencer nods. He refuses to meet Hotch's eyes. He hears the door open and close, and he knows he's now alone.

He's not sure how he's going to get over Hotch, but it seems he's going to have to.

Notes: It was supposed to have a happy ending. I may have to continue this story.