It's quiet for a few weeks after my conversation with Coin, until one day, I wake up with a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. The doctors have labeled me "mentally disoriented", so it's not uncommon for me to have sudden, emotional shifts, but I knew this day held something more cynical in store for me.

I try to shut out the negativity and fall back into my sleep, but I hear small coos coming from River's crib and I know it's time for us to start the day. I leave the bed as quietly as I can, so as not to wake Haymitch from what appears to be his first restful slumber in months.

"Hi, baby. Hi." I whisper to my daughter as I scoop her up into my arms. My baby girl smiles at me and reaches up to tug on my braid. She's growing chubbier every day and I'm thrilled. He's probably the first chubby baby with Seam blood in 100 years. Her baby cheeks, which are naturally chunky, are now nearly overtaking her little face. Her eyes have faded into a sharp, Seam grey color and her hair grows blonder with each passing day. She looks quite a lot like Haymitch, and I couldn't be happier for that fact. River is the only other blood Abernathy in the world. Haymitch deserves to have his name and his looks carried on in our little girl.

I carry her back to our bed and sit down as carefully as I can. River catches a glimpse of Haymitch and lets out a loud, shrill squeak. Needless to say, our two-month-old is already quite the daddy's girl. Haymitch startles slightly in his sleep but doesn't actually open his eyes, which is a huge improvement for him. When we first were married, he would have panicked at a loud sound and jumped from the bed, a knife clenched in one hand.

I hold my breath for a moment and let out a sigh of relief when his muscles relax and his breathing evens back out.

However, the noise also draws the attention of Pug who, prior to River's outburst, was quietly lying at the foot of the bed. He whines and jumps up on the mattress, frantically rushing to greet his little best friend. He climbs clumsily up my legs to settle his chin on River's head while she nurses. She doesn't even bat an eyelash at the added weight.

I pet Pug gently behind the ear with one hand while my other cradles River's bum. I spare a glance at Haymitch, taking in his calm features, and even though I still have a bad feeling, I wish I could pause time in this moment. My heart is so filled with love.

I would do anything to protect my family. And soon, drastic measures may be taken to do that. Coin has plans for me to help with her rebellion; refusing to do so would be a death sentence for everyone that I love. Though she never said those words, the threat is evident during every conversation we have.

It's not just me that she is forcing to participate in her efforts. Once his prosthetic leg is ready, Haymitch is expected to be an active member of Coin's council. It was one of many conditions that Haymitch had to agree to before Coin would order us rescued from the bunker. He doesn't like to discuss all of the stipulations, but he cooperates to keep us safe.

"Gimme the baby," I hear grumbled from the other side of the bed. Speak of the devil. Haymitch's eyes are half open and his arms are out toward River.

"She's almost done eating," I laugh, "you can have her when I'm finished."

He grunts at me and wipes the sleep from his eyes before leaning over to plant a firm kiss on my lips. My body responds to him immediately and I yearn for more. I lean in for another kiss and he obliges. We only break apart when Pug decides that he wants in on the moment.

"Damn dog," my husband mutters before lifting River out of my arms, "Good morning, sweetheart," he coos at her.

Haymitch Abernathy, a notorious drunk, District 12's only living Hunger Games victor, the richest and most feared man in our hometown, is now a cooing, baby-talking, diaper-changing daddy who snuggles with his baby girl before he even has a chance to fully wake up. It's beautiful and sometimes hard to wrap my head around. I couldn't have asked for a better man to help me bring life into this world.

River screeches with joy and a large, toothless smile overtakes her face. Haymitch holds her up in front of him, cradling her head with one hand and her bum with the other, and she reaches forward, grabbing his unkempt beard and tugging it, making tons of gibberish sounds and drooling all over her clean shirt.

Unfortunately, a knock on the door interrupts us a few minutes later. I open it just a few inches and peek out. It's Prim.

It's then that I remember a promise I'd made to my sister a few days prior. I agreed to take River and Haymitch to the cafeteria and eat breakfast with her and Gale's family. Truthfully, we haven't seen much of anybody in the last 8 weeks. I hear about all of them through Prim, but don't see or talk to them in person. Gale is very involved in the rebellion, my mother is working in the hospital when she is able, Rory is training as a soldier and Hazelle is working in the laundry rooms. Everyone seems to be adjusting to living in 13, though I know the loss of Vick is weighing heavily on them all. I think about little Posy, who I haven't seen in months, and how hard it must be for her to adjust to losing her big brother. I can't imagine her pain.

"Still coming to breakfast? Everyone wants to see the baby!" Prim exclaims. I chuckle nervously and nod my head before promising to meet her in the cafeteria in 15 minutes. Even though I want to keep my baby in this room and not let her out into the big, bad world, I know that it's time for us to take this small step.

We make our way to the cafeteria and find a large crowd of District 12 survivors waiting for us, as well a group of Victors whom I remember from my visit to the Capitol. I keep my head down and hand my daughter over to Prim. She knows that I trust her.

Haymitch grumbles something from his wheelchair. He looks embarrassed; I realize that the Victors are waiting for him. Almost none of them have seen him since he lost his leg. Chaff, who I know to be one of Haymitch's closest friends, walks over and slaps him lightly on the shoulder.

"I'll be damned, Haymitch Abernathy in the flesh. How've you been, you old drunk?" he chortles.

Haymitch lets out a genuine laugh and responds, "Old and sober. And one-legged. My body has seen better days."

Chaff nods and chuckles. He motions for Haymitch to follow him and my husband behind him. Happy to see him socializing, I turn back to see Prim and River surrounded by people from 12. I grab two trays of food and set one in front of my sister before taking a seat next to her. Suddenly, questions and greetings are shot at me from all directions. I choose to focus in on Gale.

"How've you been, Catnip? It's been awhile."

"I'm alright. The baby keeps me pretty busy," I politely tell him. The words feel weird coming out of my mouth. It's almost as if I have forgotten how to talk to other human beings. I was never great at idle chit-chat; now I'm somehow worse.

"Motherhood suits you," he smirks. Coming from Gale, that's a compliment. I smile and bring my focus back to my tray of food. Seconds later, Gale snatches my wrist gently and inspects the band on it. The words, 'mentally disoriented' are written on the bracelet in bold, black letters. His face falls and I know that he is remembering the day he found me in the boiler room. He thinks I'm crazy.

Before I can even stop myself, I jump into an explanation about my medical problems. Everyone around me stops talking. They are all listening to me. I tell him about the conditions that I've been diagnosed with and how they make me feel and how I have a hard time doing normal things. I just want them to understand that I'm not avoiding them. Gale's family is my family. If being a mom has taught me anything, it's that family is everything.

"It's okay, Katniss," Hazelle chimes in. There is a strange tone to her voice, but I don't question it, "The baby blues are hard. You went through a lot."

"But so did you. All of you have been through a lot. Everything that happened and-and Vick… I'm so sorry." I whisper, tears flowing out of my eyes.

Hazelle nods and a few tears fall out into her oatmeal. I wish I hadn't agreed to this breakfast. This was a terrible idea.

"I'm sorry for bringing it up." I tell her.

She shakes her head and assures me that it's okay, tells me that Vick died a hero and he died to make the world a better place. She tells me that she feels his presence, that she believes he is now in a better place, with his father… and his sister.

"His sister? What do you mean?" I question her.

And that's when the world stops.

When Gale looks at me in confusion and chokes out Posy's name, whispering that she died months ago, my heart crashes to the ground.

I think of the sweet little girl that so closely resembled Gale, with big, grey eyes and long, dark hair that curled slightly at the ends. She was energetic, even for a hungry Seam child. When I visited them, she would hug me and hold on to my legs until Gale had to pry her off. She was full of life; I can't believe she is gone.

Gale, Hazelle and Rory are all suffering. I want to comfort them, but I can't seem to remove my eyes from my tray. I can't speak. My chest hurts.

Posy is gone. Dead.

And then I hear the word, 'starvation', and I think about all of the food I ate while I was pregnant, how Haymitch and I lived in a huge, beautiful home with everything I could ever want and need, all of the needless luxuries that I enjoyed… All of that while Posy Hawthorne starved to death. And I was too wrapped up in myself to even notice.

I'm shutting down, just like my mother. I can't move. I hear Haymitch call my name but I'm too far gone to answer.

!

When I come to, I'm in our bed. I don't know how I got here, but I'm not alone. Haymitch is next to me, holding me to his chest. He whispers sweet nothings in my ear and I am instantly at peace.

"Welcome back, little mother."

"How long this time?" I ask him, my voice trembling. I hate this. I don't want to be so weak.

"5 hours. Could have been worse," he tells me, "they wanted to admit you into the infirmary, but I took you home instead. Prim has the baby."

"Thank you." I lean up and kiss his cheek. He pulls me closer to him and I relish in the feel of his warm skin.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks me, clearing his throat uncomfortably.

I pause for a moment, debating. I'm terrified that conversations like this will trigger me into some fugue state and I won't be able to get myself out.

But I have to know.

"Did you know?" I ask him, though I think I already know the answer.

He shifts me a bit.

"Yes."

I take a huge breath before whispering back, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tried to keep the stress away from you, sweetheart. It was bad for you and the baby," he explains. His arm tightens around my shoulders.

"I know… But what else have you kept from me?" I question, though I'm not even sure if I want to know.

He doesn't say anything, but he places a gentle kiss on my temple. I guess that is my answer. My intuition was correct about the day. And it only went downhill from there.

!

Later that evening, during a meeting in Command, I am told that I have to go to District 8 to shoot propaganda films. Haymitch immediately loses his mind and screams at Coin. She orders him to quiet down and threatens him with arrest. He is taken into custody by 13's guards. Horrified, I watch as they lift him out of his wheelchair; it takes 4 of them to carry him out of the room. I'm frozen in fear as I watch them drag Haymitch away.

As the doors close behind him, he yells to me, "Don't do anything stupid to help me. River needs you."

"Please let him go. You have to let him go. Please," I beg of her, putting every ounce of my desperation into my voice.

"We will only hold him until he calms down. He was interfering with government business, Katniss. You understand that is a serious crime, yes?" She responds calmly.

"He was trying to protect me! He's my husband! He just wanted to protect me!" I scream back at her. Hot tears stream down my face. I'm panicking, "I need him. Don't take him from me. Please don't take him from me! Our daughter needs him. I'll go to 8. I'll do anything. Just let him go. Please let him go."

Coin appraises me for a tense moment before motioning for one of her guards to come forward. When he reaches her side, she says, "Instruct them to take Haymitch down to the training room. I believe Beetee has prepared his prosthetic. Tell him that his wife has appealed on his behalf and we will give him leniency this time. If he has another outburst, he will be jailed for 100 days. And please clear the room. I need a few moments alone with Katniss."

She waves at the man dismissively and he rushes off to free my husband. I still hate Coin, but I'm incredibly grateful that she has spared Haymitch from imprisonment. Though now I have to wonder if that was always her intention, if she was just manipulating me to agree to her mission.

After everyone leaves the room, Coin motions for me to sit next to her. I oblige wordlessly, wiping the fresh tears from my cheeks.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Katniss. But there is a lot that you don't know about your husband. I think it's time that you are told," Coin reaches under the table and pulls out a file. I see Haymitch's name on the upper tab. "Your husband has been highly involved in this rebellion from day one. He was our main contact in 12 during the post-marriage reaping period and was instrumental in orchestrating the revolt during the Quarter Quell." She pulls out a disk and pops it into a computer. At this point, she will not make eye-contact with me, "Haymitch had very specific instructions on the day that Peeta Mellark was whipped. He was to make sure you were in the square. I'm not proud to say this, but you were never meant to survive that encounter. You were to be a martyr for our cause. Haymitch came up with a plan. He recorded a video that would be used to ignite anger in the districts. He knew the districts would rise against the Capitol if they aired the murder of a pregnant woman."

I shake my head at her and gasp, "Haymitch wouldn't do that. He loves us. He would never let anyone hurt us."

Suddenly, the image of Haymitch pops up on the screen. He is sitting in our home in Victor's Village, a flask gripped in his left hand and a grimace on his face.

"My name is Haymitch Abernathy, victor of the Second Quarter Quell. Days ago, you witnessed the horrific murders of my wife and unborn child…"

I cover my mouth to hide the gasp of pain that escapes. In the video, Haymitch goes on to describe me as a, 'loving wife and excited mother-to-be' who would have been a, 'wonderful mother.' He talks of the child he would never get to meet, the family that was stolen from him by the Peacekeepers in 12. He calls the audience to action, urges them to fight the Capitol and the marriage reapings. A few false tears even leak out of his eyes as he pretends to mourn us. I can't believe what I'm seeing. This is the greatest betrayal I've ever felt.

A timestamp on the bottom of the screen tells me that Haymitch recorded the video 3 days before Peeta was whipped. I think back to that time. That was when we started to care about each other. I remember my feelings for him were growing, much to my own surprise. I was confused and afraid, but he brought me peace. I think of River, who was only a small little thing at the time. I was 11 weeks pregnant. Around the time he recorded the video, I had a very small baby bump. I was terrified. We both were… But now I know he really wasn't afraid, because he had no intention of meeting our baby. Haymitch was going to let me die. He was going to let us die for the rebellion. His love was an act. I feel as though someone has punched me in the stomach. I bolt over to the nearest garbage can and vomit violently into it. I'm shaking uncontrollably.

I fell in love with him; all the while he was plotting my death and the death of our baby.

"Obviously, he didn't go through with the plan. As I'm sure you remember, he jumped to your rescue before the Peacekeeper could carry out your execution. Initially, we were angry at his insubordination, but we quickly realized that you were more valuable to us alive. Something about you and Peeta Mellark was very appealing to the districts. And that is why we decided to capitalize on your relationship to motivate the rebels in the districts… I understand this is difficult to hear. We needed a symbol and Haymitch saw how much people latched onto you. He knew your death would incite anger."

This woman was going to have me killed. It was Haymitch's idea. It was all a setup. And now I know that human life means nothing to them, because my daughter's life means nothing to them. She could kill any of us at any moment without remorse. I must tread lightly.

"I suppose I understand your reasoning," I choke out, using all of my strength to keep my voice steady, "Thank you for telling me this. I will prepare for my trip to District 8. May I leave now?"

Coin gives me a sympathetic smile and nods. As quickly as I can, I rush out of the room.

My daughter will never be safe with Coin alive. I will have to kill her. As soon as I have a chance, I'll put an arrow through her skull.

And Haymitch… If I have to, I'll kill him too. Nobody is going to hurt my daughter. Not one hair on her head. I rush down to the training room as quickly as I can. I'm shaking so hard that I can barely press the buttons on the elevator. Adrenaline rushes through me and I'm suddenly freezing cold and burning hot at the same time.

When I see him, my heart breaks even more. He's limping around on his prosthetic, walking for the first time in over 8 weeks. He's clearly in pain, and I feel a twinge of sympathy for a fleeting moment. Then, I remember everything I saw on that tape and I remember the crocodile tears Haymitch shed over my 'death'. Once again, the rage seeps into me, suffocating me.

I storm over to him and my loud steps catch his attention. He smirks and makes some joke about having two legs, but I can't hear him. My ears are ringing and, as soon as I'm close enough, I bring my fist up as hard as I can to meet his nose. The impact knocks him on the ground and his fake leg falls off. Blood gushes from his face and he puts his hand up to catch it. It immediately coats his uniform. He stares right at me, his face not angry, but guilty.

"Coin told you," he says.

"Stay away from us," I cry, the words burning my throat as they spew out, "River doesn't need a father who wants to kill her."

"It's not like that, sweetheart. I couldn't do it. I loved you both too much," he moans. I can tell he is close to breaking.

"And if you hadn't started to love me, she and I would both be dead. You are an evil man, Haymitch. You are just as bad as Snow. You were going to kill your daughter to start a rebellion," I seethe, "You plotted our deaths. You set the entire thing up."

"I know, but I couldn't do it. I never would have followed through," he tells me, frantically, while trying to stop the bleeding with a towel, "Don't do this. I love you and River. Don't take her from me."

I begin to sob and walk away from him.

"You're too dangerous. I can't trust you around her. I love her too much to let you be in her life." The words hurt me so much, but I know I have to do this. I have to keep her safe. And for now, that means keeping her away from her father.

This chapter was pretty heavy. I really hope there are still readers on this. Hayniss shippers, you still out there?