Sumia's POV
"Hi, Sumia," Robin greets me tiredly as she sits down next to me. "Did you sleep well?"
I study Robin for a second. Her entire posture is slumped, her hair is in a disarray, and those bags under her eyes definitely didn't come from just losing one night's worth of sleep. Her brown eyes stay glued to the table in front of us, refusing to meet my own. She looks so...sad. There's no real other word for it. Knowing Robin, though, she probably would deny being upset, so I'll just address how tired she looks...for now.
"Better than you, obviously. I hope you didn't stay up all night, Robin; we have a full day ahead of us," I respond after a moment, biting my cheek to keep from saying anything that might possibly upset her more or set her off.
"Its nothing, really. I just had a lot on my mind, but I'll be fine," Robin sighs.
I look at her doubtfully but drop the subject anyway since I know she'll just deny everything. Besides, I might know what's wrong. Rumors have it she got in a huge fight with Frederick the Wary over her allegiances a few days ago, and she hasn't been the same since. If that's true, then I'm not going to pry into their business. That's between the two of them.
I get up and hold my hand out to her. "Come on, lets go get some breakfast! If we don't hurry, Stahl might eat it all!"
A small smile forms on her face, and she chuckles lightly. A grin creeps up onto my face. I'll consider that smile a victory for now. As we walk over to the barrack's mess hall, I almost forget that Robin was upset. Almost.
After breakfast, she seems almost okay. She jokes with Vaike, laughs with Lissa, and just generally acted like she normally does. Maybe I was just looking to deeply into how tired she was this morning. Nevertheless, as I go outside to go through a few lancing drills, I pick up a flower and start a flower fortune.
Robin will be happy soon. Robin will not. Robin will be happy soon. Robin will not.
The next time I talk to Robin, it's late the next day. I finally managed to catch her as I was leaving the stables. Her sleeves are rolled up to her elbows, and for once, she doesn't have her tactician's cloak on. I excitedly run up to her...only to trip over my own feet and fall right on top of her. Why do I have to be so clumsy...?
"Sumia!" Robin yelps.
"I'm so sorry, Robin!" I apologize hurriedly as I scramble to get off of her.
As I manage to right myself, I catch a glimpse of Robin's arm. Angry red lines cover the underside of her forearm. It's only a glimpse, so maybe I'm just seeing things. I hope to any deity willing to listen that I'm just seeing things...
Robin quickly unrolls her sleeves before standing up straight. She gives me a weak, obviously forced smile, and I look away. Her unrolling her sleeves proves it; those cut marks were not my imagination. I can't look at her in the eye; I can't even imagine why she would do this...
"Sumia?"
"I...uh...Hi, Robin," I stutter out.
For a moment, we just stare at each other in silence, not knowing what to say. My eyes flit over to her arm a few times, and each time, I swear she shrinks in on herself a little more.
"...Robin, why?" I whisper so softly that for a second I wonder if she can even hear me.
Robin finally looks me in the eye and chokes out three words. "You don't understand."
I open my mouth to say that I can understand if she just talked to me, but she turns away and runs into the barracks. I'm just left outside, not sure what to do, so I do what I always do. I find a flower, pick it, and start my flower fortune.
I can help her. I can't. I can help her. I can't...
The funny thing about living in the barracks is that it's almost impossible to avoid someone for long. I just wanted a day to think about how I could help Robin. I got twelve hours. We just ended up running into each other in the hall, me on my way to my room, her on her way outside. We freeze where we stand when we see each other.
Unsure of what to do or how to act, I shift uncomfortably. What do I even do in this situation? I wish I knew, but flower petal fortunes never predicted that I would be in this situation. I'm not prepared for this; I don't think I can ever be prepared for this!
After a moment of looking determinedly at anything but me, Robin moves to go around me. Subconsciously, I block her path with my arm. Both of our eyes widen. I didn't mean to do anything; I was just going to watch her leave!
Robin clears her throat. "Erm...is there anything you need, Sumia?"
Before I can stop myself, I blurt out, "I really need to talk to you!"
Robin seems to deflate a little but nods and motions for me to follow her. She leads me to her room and sits on her bed before looking up at me apprehensively.
I absentmindedly glance over her room. It's like how I remember it, a cluttered mess with books strewn about just about every available surface. It's so normal for Robin that I can't help but smile sadly. I'd never be able to tell something was wrong with her by looking around-
There's a knife on the table. I grab it gingerly, as if it'll bite me if I hold it too tightly. I think I'll just confiscate this...
"Put it back."
I turn to Robin is now standing up and sporting a stern look. "Put it back right now, Sumia."
I take in her intimidating stance, narrowed eyes, and determined frown, and I immediately make my decision. "No. You don't need this, Robin."
"You don't know what I need, Sumia!" Robin growls. "Now spit that knife back on the desk!"
I take a stop back in surprise at Robin's uncharacteristic change in attitude but keep a hold on the knife. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I know I can't get there if I give into her demands. Still...I don't like conflict, and that's exactly what I'm getting. No! Now is not the time to be weak. I shake my head no at her.
Robin lunges at me, and I stumble back. Is this going to turn into a fight?! I don't think I can beat her in a fight without my pegasus, especially if I have to fight on foot! I could trip any time, and that's when she'll win. Still, I push her back and try to get my footing. Now I can't help but curse Robin for littering the floor with so many books. I'll never be able to keep on my feet!
And a book just flew past my head. So now they aren't only hazards; Robin is using them as weapons! Great, that's just great.
"Give. It. Back. NOW!" Robin punctuates each word with a book thrown at my face. Despite being a sword user, she has a really good aim. Then again, she does use tomes...
I hop to the side to dodge a particularly thick book when I trip over something. As I land on my face, the knife in my hand sinks into my side. I look at the blade protruding from my side in disbelief for a second before the pain finally sets in, and I curl up into a ball.
"Sumia? Sumia!" Robin cries out. "Oh dear gods...I just...let me get Lissa! I'll be right back!"
Hours later, or maybe minutes? Robin comes back with Lissa in tow. A numbing sensation washes over the area the knife is embedded in. I sigh in relief. Thank Naga for healing staves. Not finding it in me to haul myself to my feet, I stay on the floor while listening to the conversation going on above me.
"Thanks, Lissa."
"No problem, Robin, but what happened here?"
"Oh, Sumia was just getting me a knife for a project I'm working on, and she tripped."
"Poor Sumia...well I'm glad I could help! And tell Sumia to be more careful!"
"Will do, Lissa. We'll see you at dinner."
"See you guys later!"
Footsteps and a closed door indicate that Lissa finally left. She's probably going to go bother Chrom...
"Sumia?" Robin whispers. "I...I'm really sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just saw my knife in your hand, and I just...snapped."
I push myself up to a sitting position. My side protests with a dull ache, and I groan inwardly. Way to go with tripping over that book, Sumia. As if being a klutz in any normal situation isn't bad enough...
"Sumia, I..."
"Robin, stop it," I interrupt her. "I don't want apologies...I want to talk to you."
"...Well, I don't suppose you wish to only talk about normal things?"
"Is cutting yourself a normal thing?"
"..."
"Robin."
"Lets talk about this after dinner."
"Dinner isn't for another hour!"
"...I do not want to talk about this right now."
With that, Robin edges around me and walks out of the room. She has to be spending time with Lon'qu. There is no other way she could have learned to be so cold; she never acted like this before...
The sun is still up, so I guess there is time to do one last thing before dinner and turning in for the night. I saw a patch of flowers growing not too far away earlier...A quick flower fortune couldn't hurt, right?
I can finally get Robin to talk to me, I cannot, I can finally get Robin to talk to me, I cannot...
Robin hasn't talked to me since the incident. Whenever I see her, she walks the other way, and she won't even looking me in the eye when assigning me my position on the battle field. Unlike that day though, she doesn't seem ashamed or upset anymore. She just seems...angry. But...she's not angry at anyone, if that makes any sense. She doesn't snap at people often or lash out, but she still seems angry all the same. The other Shepherds have started to notice too, and everyone's concerned about her. She just seems to get angrier every time someone tries to talk to her about it though.
The only people she really talks to now are Chrom and Lissa. She's just shut everyone else but the royal siblings out. Even then, it looks like she's really curt to them a lot...I miss the old Robin. Maybe I should tell Chrom and Lissa about the marks on her arms and have them confront her about it so that they can help her...
Oh look, a daisy. It couldn't hurt to just let it help me decide...
I'll tell Chrom and Lissa. I won't. I'll tell Chrom and Lissa. I won't...
I couldn't tell them, not with the Exalt's death. It was so sudden. One minute, it looked like we were going to save her, but then there were Risen and bows and dying pegasus knights. The siblings are already under enough stress and grieving; I can't pile onto that. As it was, I could barely get Chrom to rest after Lady Emmeryn's...death. Imagine if I told him that Robin is cutting herself...
"Useless! So...useless!" a voice sobs out.
Huh! This part of camp was supposed to be empty, but then again, I bet whoever is yelling thought so too. My feet carry me toward the snow-covered trees. What else do I find but Robin hiding behind a bush. Her eyes are red, her nose is running, and she's shivering in her tactician's cloak. Oh Robin...she looks so pitiful. I bend down and pull her into my arms. She just sobs louder.
"No...get away from me! GET AWAY! I'm don't deserve any comfort! She's dead! I let her die; I failed as a tactician!" Robin wails.
"You couldn't have predicted-"
"I SHOULD HAVE PREDICTED! It's my job to think of all possible outcomes and strategies, but Risen weren't even a possibility in my mind! I don't deserve comfort or happiness or anything! I don't even deserve to live..."
"Don't you dare talk like that, Robin. If you die...We couldn't handle it! The Exalt's death is bad enough, yeah, but you dying is just as bad. We all love you!" I respond sharply.
"...It was bad enough just being responsible for the Shepherds' lives. Now...now I'm the one responsible for the death of the Exalt. Sumia, I can't do this. I can't..." Robin whispers hoarsely.
"You can and you will, Robin. Just let us help you!" I beg her. "You don't have to keep all this in, I promise!"
"...I can't burden anyone more than I already-" she stops herself when she finally looks up into my eyes. "I...okay. But before I do that...can I just stay here and cry a little more?"
"Sure, Robin," I say. "Take all the time you need."
As she cries into my shoulder, I can't help but give a small smile. She is letting me back in, and she promised to let people help her. She's nowhere near being the Robin I met all that time ago, but this is a step forward. Maybe one day, we can get her back...
There aren't any flowers this near Ferox, start that doesn't stop me from doing a fortune with a few leaves on a twig near me.
Robin will finally get better. She won't. Robin will finally get better. She won't...
I can't help but smile as I finish the fortune.
Robin will get better.
AN: This is dedicated to a friend of mine who has been battling depression for a long time. Remember that we got your back and are always willing to help you however we can.