Chapter 9: The Door

All sound faded from the world. Anna stood frozen, deaf to Kai's continued commiseration. She didn't feel his hand on her shoulder, the only object in the world that she could comprehend was the crumpled note in her hands. She didn't want to see the words any more, but her brain refused to stop. Helplessly she read them over and over. Lost, with all hands. Lost, with all hands. Lost. Her father was gone. Forever. Slowly her senses returned. Kai gave her a reassuring squeeze, and Anna looked up at him. Her voice was soft and tinged with panic. "What should I do now?"

"Cry." The butler answered, with a choked voice. "You have to cry."

Tears streamed down her face. "Oh. Ha ha. Yes, it's so simple. I should have thought of that." She turned into the faithful servant's embrace and cried. Sobs wracked her body as she clutched his outer jacket with both fists, and the sounds of her sorrow echoed through the otherwise silent hall.

Elsa fell to her knees in shock, one hand catching on the nightstand to hold herself up. Her heart was pounding in her ears and her mind was still trying to catch up to what she had just heard. Gone? Just like that? But he only left a few weeks ago. Abruptly she noticed white tendrils of frost begin to spread across the nightstand. Her head darted back to Gerda, who was still standing in the doorway of Elsa's bedroom after delivering the news. "Th… thank you for letting me know, Gerda. That will be all, you can go now." The maid hesitated, unwilling to abandon Elsa to solitude in this moment, but Elsa raised her voice and snapped, "I said go, Gerda. Leave. Please… that's an order." Reluctantly the maid bowed and exited, closing the door behind her. Before she had gotten all the way down the hall, however, an anguished scream emanated from behind her. It pierced the air, carrying with it the frustrations and misery of another young girl now alone in the world.

Elsa curled up after her outburst, holding her legs close and trying to contain the pain. The room had been transformed in an instant, jagged fingers of ice radiated outward from her body like a many pointed star. The walls were covered in frost, and flakes of snow fell from the ceiling like tears. Her hair hung loosely around her face, and for a moment it looked almost pure white. Elsa's whole body was shaking, but she did not cry. What should I do now, father? How can I survive without you to keep me from straying? How am I going to keep this secret?

She looked up to a picture that hung on one wall. It was her favorite possession, a portrait of the king, queen, and their first child only a year after she had been born. A thin coat of ice obscured the glass covering that she had added years ago, and Elsa rose up and wiped away most of the frost with her sleeve. Her fingers gently brushed the image of her father. And weren't we supposed to beat this together? All I wanted was to make you happy. I've been working so hard these last two years, you know. We haven't seen each other in a long time, and… now we never will. But I was trying, every day and every hour. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know. WHY WASN'T THAT ENOUGH!?

Anna stood in front of the gravestone, vaguely aware of the funeral service around her. A sea of black clothing had gathered on the grassy hill where both of her parents now rested. Even though it was still early in the morning, the sun had betrayed her. It beat down on the mourners without shame, unaware that today it was supposed to be hiding behind clouds. Anna closed her eyes and wavered slightly. No! She admonished herself and stood a little straighter. Today I represent the whole family, I have to be strong. Gods, why isn't Elsa here? How could she miss the funeral of her own father. I need her strength, this is too much to bear on my own. Wiping a small tear from one eye, she focused back on the current speaker, still except for hands that she couldn't stop from shaking.

Soon Anna herself went up to give her respects to the empty grave. Kai stood by silently but with his hand gripping hers to keep her steady. Her other hand held the locket, and the precious gift was full of new meaning today. Anna had thought of so many things that she wanted to say, but in the end none of them would come out. In a small voice, all she said was, "Dad… I love you. I'll never forget you and all the time that we spent together. I… I want you to come back so badly. But you can't. And it hurts daddy. It-" suddenly she burst into tears, unable to continue. Kai ushered her back into the crowd, and commiserating hands reached out to add what meager comfort they could.

Elsa watched the mourners returning from an upper window, her thoughts wandering. She had dressed in black, even her gloves, but the funeral began and ended without her. Truthfully, she had wanted to go, but she was afraid. Afraid that her emotions would betray her, afraid that she wouldn't be able to conceal. A wry smile touched her lips. And if this frosted glass is anything to go by, it would have happened. Now… She turned away from the now obscured window and left the empty room behind.

"Your highness, thank you again for meeting me, especially on a day like this." The duke tentatively extended his hand and bowed, but Elsa simply nodded instead of offering her own.

"Of course, your grace. I cannot say that my heart is happy to see anyone on the day of my father's funeral, but I understand why you wanted to meet as soon as we could. Please, sit." Elsa sat down on one side of a meeting table and gestured for the duke to do the same on the other side. The two of them were alone in one of the side parlors of the west wing. She continued, "I take it you wish to discuss the regency and rule of the kingdom?"

Flustered a bit by her unexpectedly cool demeanor, the duke nodded in response. "Yes, your highness. The king appointed me as regent, but the post was only supposed to last for a few months. While I could make the decision to continue on my own, I wish to respect the desires of the royal family and I hope that we can work together to keep this great nation on its feet. One of my-"

"Pardon me, ser, but let me get ahead of you on a few issues, if I may. Your chief concern is probably myself. We have never met, and you probably wish to know if my character is acceptable for rule." Elsa waved her hand at his polite denials, and the duke's body language showed his relief at not having to bring up the subject himself. "I am certainly young, and I readily admit that I cannot take the crown as I currently stand. However, I have had some training already, and in the next few years I will be accelerating that instruction to best prepare for the day that I do ascend to my father's throne. In the meantime, I want you to continue as regent, and appear as my liaison on the council. On a regular basis we will meet like this and discuss all decisions that need to be made. I want to hear the reasoning behind each decision, for my own benefit when I am queen. I must insist on retaining the right to overrule you in private, although I believe that such a need will be rare. I have reviewed your history and I can certainly see why my father chose you. I think you will find that our opinions will align quite often.

"And finally, on a different note, you might have considered approaching my sister with the same proposal. Don't. I realize that she is a much more public figure than myself and more well known to both the nobility and the common folk, but she is still nine years old. She needs to be protected and helped through this rough time, not saddled with the worries of an entire kingdom. She will remain the princess and you will funnel the necessary rulings through me."

The duke sat back, impressed, and gave a little bow in his seat as acknowledgement. "Your highness. Wow. I must admit that you have won me over. I was indeed somewhat apprehensive about the direction that I might need to go in the wake of the king's death, but I am convinced that the kingdom is in capable hands. If you don't mind, I would like to make a formal announcement that I am to be your regent from this day forward, not the regent of the late king. It would go a long way towards reassuring the populace that they still have a strong ruling family to rely on in the years to come."

Elsa nodded. "That sounds perfect, ser. Was there anything else that you wanted to discuss today? I would prefer to leave anything that isn't urgent for another day."

"Yes, your highness. Just one more thing. Since this regency will continue for a lot longer than I originally intended, my- I mean- our seat on the council cannot remain vacant. If you do not intend to attend their meetings yourself, I will need to consider moving my own seat closer to the capital."

Elsa considered momentarily. "Yes, that is a problem. I won't be sitting on the council myself, so you will need to be present. Why don't you take the second royal chambers for yourself? They are close enough to the main halls and have not been used for some time. You will have space there to bring in any staff that you need, and there is even a ballroom if you need to host any events yourself."

The duke was somewhat surprised, he had clearly expected Elsa to take the lavish apartments for herself. Well, maybe he thought that she would use her father's slightly bigger accommodations regardless of the recent death. Elsa wasn't going anywhere, however, the west wing was her domain and it was where she would remain until she had conquered her power. He got up and thanked her profusely for her generous offer, and he graciously accepted. Being able to use the castle's resources instead of buying or building a new manor inside the city would save him a huge amount of money and allow his existing estates to continue operating without interruption.

Elsa got up with him and they bade each other goodbye. She watched him go, satisfied with the way things had gone. The second royal chamber had been added after the rest of the castle, and it was mostly unconnected to the rest of the keep. It even had its own doors that opened directly into the parade grounds. She could keep the regent close and yet wouldn't have to worry about the duke or his secretaries discovering her secret.

Anna had stayed at her father's grave far longer than the rest of the funeral company. Finally, when the sun had already passed its zenith and begun to set, she returned to the castle alone. Still despondent, she wandered aimlessly through the gardens. It seemed to her that all the color had gone out of the world, and even the multitudes of normally vivid flowers seemed drab and lifeless. Without anywhere else to go, she returned to her rooms and spread out on the bed. Suddenly her eyes fell on the drawing case that Elsa had given her, and she snapped.

Anna threw her pillow across the room and yelled at the inanimate box. "She never once showed up! How can she dare to stay isolated even now? Damnit Elsa, I needed you there today! I need you every day. Where are you?" But you do know where she is. And then Anna had an idea. She jumped up, still in black, and stormed off to the west wing.

For whatever reason, the guards were gone. Maybe they were with the other mourners at supper, maybe they had been told that with the king's passing this entrance would no longer be guarded. It didn't matter to Anna, and she was grateful that she hadn't had to try to use her own meager authority to force them aside. Faced with the interior of the west wing for the first time in many years, she lost a bit of her nerve. The empty halls echoed with her footsteps as she checked each room for her sister. Anna began to feel a little scared of what she might find, and almost turned back.

Just then, like a silent ghost, Elsa exited a door towards the end of the hall. Her hair was shockingly pale against a black wardrobe that matched Anna's except with longer sleeves capped by slim gloves. The earlier anger that had driven her forgotten, an excited Anna raised her arm and called out "Elsa! I want to talk!" But Elsa herself started at the sudden interruption of her usual silence, and after a second she darted behind another door and slammed it shut.

"Wait!" Anna called out as she ran up to the door her sister had hidden behind. It was a bedroom door, white and painted with intricate patterns of leaves and flowers. "Elsa! Come out!" She shouted in vain at the unyielding wood. There was no response. Anna sank to her knees, arms pressed up against the door. Frustration at the continuing strange behavior of her sister boiled over into still raw emotions over the funeral, and tears fell freely onto the polished floor. "Elsa. Please. I know you're in there. I need you. I want to see you. Why can't you come out?"

Elsa sat only a few inches away, her back leaning on the closed door that still separated her from Anna. Her face was buried in her hands, and it was all she could do to not cry. She wanted so badly to throw open the door and hold her sister in her arms, to tell her that she was here and it would be all right. It physically hurt to hold back, but she had no choice. I can't Anna. I can't see you. I'll hurt you again, and this time there's no one left to hold me back. I'm afraid of myself Anna, and there's nothing you or anyone else can do to help. I have to do this on my own. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know. Out loud, she finally broke her silence, even though it broke her heart to say it. "Go away, Anna."

Anna collapsed as if struck. But she didn't leave. Where else was there to go? Who else was left for her in this world? No matter what she feels, I have to keep trying to get through this door. "Elsa." She choked out the words through her tears. "We only have each other. What are we going to do?"