Title: Drinking Leads To

Author: Evil_Little_Dog

Rating: Teen

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with this.

Summary: Tony's high on something. (Pre-movie series.)

Pepper recoiled at the sheer smell of him. "Ew."

Beside her, Rhodey shuddered. "I think he's dead."

"Not." Tony peeled open a very bloodshot eye. "Dead."

"All right, zombified," Pepper said, curling her lip. "Mr. Stark, I'm not coming any closer until you've showered. At the very least showered. Preferably in Pine Sol or Comet. Maybe bleach."

"Definitely bleach. Maybe some Lemon Pledge, too," Rhodey offered helpfully.

Tony tried to get up from the work bench, only to sprawl back in the chair. When it rolled, he screamed, flailing his arms. Overbalanced, he tipped the chair, landing on the floor. "Ow."

Rhodey winced. Pepper sighed. Butterfingers rolled a little closer. "Ow," Tony repeated, louder.

"Can I get you anything, buddy?" Rhodey asked.

Belching, Tony sat up. Slowly. "Tony no function booze," he spun his fingers in the air, getting entranced by the motion. "Well without," he finally said.

"Oh, God," Pepper said, shaking her head. "He's hopeless. You're hopeless."

"No, not hopeless, Pepper." Rhodey patted her shoulder. "He's just…Tony."

"I'm not going to be the one feeding him booze for the rest of his life." Pepper walked up to him, squatting down to be on his eye level. She wondered just how many of her Tony saw. "Do you understand, Mr. Stark? You have to stop all this. You're too smart for this."

"Am not," he grunted, peering at her out of eyes with pupils so dilated, she could barely see any color around them. Catching hold of a strand of her hair, he giggled. "It's so…red."

"That's it. You, Mr. Stark, are hitting the shower. Now. A good hot shower. Afterward, a pot of coffee. And you're detoxing for however long it takes for this…stuff to get out of you."

"C'mon, buddy," Rhodey said, joining them on the floor. He hauled Tony's arm over his shoulder, smiling when Pepper did the same. They stood up, Tony dangling between them. "Let's get you cleaned up, and back in the real world."

Tony giggled. "Gotta better idea. Why don' we all shower together? Nice, soapy, hot water."

Pepper rolled her eyes. She'd drop Mr. Stark now, but she needed the idiot to head Stark Enterprises. Kind of. "No," she said, firmly, "shower, coffee, detox. Afterward, we'll send you on your merry little way, back to the starlets and bimbos you're so fond of."

"I think she's mad at me, Rhodey."

"I think she has a right to be, Tony."

She ignored them both.

~ end ~