Hey there folks! And my eternally starved followers. *Caution long A/N slash rant ahead*

Yes. This story is exactly what is says on the tin. Gehenna+Rin=Satan's adorkable evilness.

I've seen plenty of fics where Rin either gets stuck in Gehenna or kidnapped—this is what generally happens—and then is brutally tortured into being a mindless, and spineless puppet—and evil. Can't forget evil—by the soulless monster that is Daddy dearest.

This fic ain't that. So if that was what you were expecting then sorry but it ain't happening. This is what I believe would happen should Rin ever actually end up in Gehenna against his will. Some people just ignore the fact that Satan has this corny, and absolutely adorable evilness to him and instead completely vilify his character—not that it isn't justified, he is an evil bastard.

I intend to showcase this.

Which includes but is not limited to: Shenanigans, battle royals and endless games of tag, hugs from an attention starved father, and the harassment that ensues just from being born the youngest in a giant family. If a general aura of silliness does not wet your appetite then have no fear there will be plenty of badassery via the Demon Kings and evil doom from Satan to keep those who enjoy "Darker and Edgier" things entertained.

Enjoy.

(Ah, you need not have watched the movie to read this. A quick heads up though, this will follow a mash-up of manga and anime with a dash of head cannon. *I have done some very extensive research and now fully believe the year to be 2013 in the AnE world, if you would like to ask how exactly I came upon such enlightenment then simply PM me or I'll just type it next chapter, whatever floats your boat*)

Small recap: Rin wakes up late and runs to meet Yukio and Shiemi at a train platform. Then is informed that they will be exorcising a "Phantom Train" that eats hapless people who accidentally board it. It is kin to Samael Demon King of Time via the official Tankoubon. Rin and Shiemi decide to save the ghosts of those people in its "stomach." This causes problems.

Daddy's Little Boy

Summary: Movie AU In which, Rin didn't make it off the runaway Phantom Train in time…and ended up in Gehenna. The Grigori was not amused. Satan on the other hand- "Aww, come on, smile for Daddy~" "Urusei, baka-Ossan!"

Warnings!: Really just language at the moment.

Chapter One-On the Highway- I Mean Train Ride to Hell

11:56 PM; November 23, 2013; True Cross Academy Town; Phantom Train...

"You're wrong Four-eyes! An Exorcist's job is to help others!"

Teeth gritted in annoyance and anger the navy-haired teen glared at his younger twin but was soon interrupted by the tendrils of pinkish red goo that shot past them. The Phantom Train they were on seemed intent on making them its dinner.

Rin's argument with his twin would have to wait. Kuso! Holding his sword's red-colored fuduka out in front of him he swung, bashing the strands trying to either knock him off the top of the train or clasp onto him—probably to squeeze him to death.

"Yukio!" Unfortunately, he saw the pistol his brother was shooting go flying over the side of the train and down to the depths below them. Without hesitation, he lunged in front of his twin, Kurikara at the ready. There was no way he was letting the bastard Demon train hurt his brother!

Pulling out his other handgun Yukio aimed ahead while replying with a breathless yell, "It's still early. This is happening because you did something unnecessary!"

A sharp pain like a knife digging into his chest caused the young ExWire to grip his sword's fuduka tighter. It wasn't unnecessary dammit, he wanted to shout, but instead the front of the train rearing up captured his attention.

And it was one ugly son of a bitch. The paper with "Gehenna" written on its nose—that was what the front of a train was called right?—was almost completely covered in the reddish-pink mess that probably constituted as skin for the ugly bastard. Its smile just made the blue-eyed male want to knock its teeth out. What in the-! Eh… It looks hungry…

The overhead line and its pantograph started to spark as it was stretched and forced against the electrical wire creating an off-putting crackle to the already thunderous screech of train wheels mashing against the rails below them.

Annoyed at the constant barrage of feelers Rin yelped, "What the hell is this?!" More clumped vines attacked, forcing Rin back away from the head of the thing that had appeared out of the front of the train. His fuduka was starting to rip and shred thanks to him using his katana as a baseball bat.

"It's getting violent because the ghosts were taken away from it!" The sound of the brunette's gun firing echoed in the already loud commotion-filled air. The shriek of the wind whipping past them made it even harder to hear.

He reloaded and kept firing, only pausing at the voice of their blonde-headed friend, Shiemi.

"Rin, I'm done here!" Holding on to the Japanese Lantern and her tiny Greenman, she peeked past the growing mass of Demonic flesh from the cabin below.

Rin and his brother whipped around staring at the girl but the gummy, cord-like tendrils attempting to harm them both soon distracted the older twin as he deflected whatever came their way.

Yukio on the other hand, seeing the Demon advance towards the girl also, shot down at the opening of the passenger car, causing the mass to splinter and explode slightly into purple, bloody chunks. Jumping down he continued to fire, backing up into the train car with his student behind him.

She huddled with her summon and the captured ghosts in her arms only speaking when the mass clawed closer to voice her concern. "Yuki-chan-"

He turned slightly, gun still held at the ready, a grim look plastered on his face even as the bulk of the Phantom Train covered the front passenger door. "This is an emergency. Let's hurry back to the railcar!"

Right before they were cut off he yelled up towards his older sibling, "Nii-san, you hurry up too!" Then the opening was fully blocked and he resumed firing.

Rin watched them retreat out of the corner of his eye, still able to hear the "bang, bang" of the taller male's gun going off below. However, he didn't have time to respond to his brother because the oozing Demonic blob that was trying to kill him had enveloped the rest of the front car. "He said to hurry, but at this rate…"

Realizing he needed to get out of there or Exorcise the Phantom Train Rin struggled with the strands of goo before one wrapped around the front of his Koumaken rendering him practically immobile. He had to get his sword unstuck. Son of a-

That was when the ugly face of the Phantom Train turned its attention to him fully. A swarm of Coal Tar swirled around the headlight that looked like a grotesque parody of an eye.

Ripping his sword from its confinement—and letting Kurikara tear completely free of its bag—he clasped the hilt, growling, "I guess I just gotta cut this thing down." He moved to jump off and into the air but the unstable mass below him gave away, causing him to slip.

It didn't waste a second in trapping him within its grasp and he fell forward, arms dipping slightly into the gooey exterior of the Phantom Train. Sitting back up he quickly found to his horror that his foot was stuck and slowly sinking into the bulk of the Demon train. "Ugh! Shit, let go!" Hand still on his sword he ripped it from its sheathe; or at least tried to, but found when he braced himself for the fall forward that his hands and Koumaken had been dragged under as well.

One foot submerged and his sword hands now useless Rin began to panic. He only succeeded in causing himself to fall further downwards; the glob of flesh rising to engulf what was left of his free leg to the hip and pinning his tail to his side.

Chest restricting at the feeling of being buried alive, a snatch of memory from that one fateful night appeared, reminding him of his own powerless struggle in the pool of disembodied heads. Teeth gritting, he tightened his grip on his weapon's hilt, grateful at its solid presence below the jelly-like mass keeping him captive. Like hell-!

Shoving back against the train as best as he could he tried to rip his Koumaken free, and for just a second he felt the glob around his arms give. -I'm just going to give up!

He felt a spark of fire but then, with a lurch he felt his prison relinquish its hold on him. And then he was falling down, down, down.

Kurikara dropped from his grasp and he tumbled face first onto a solid landing, head knocking against something violently in his decent.

Sitting up with a curse word snarled from his lips, he felt whatever he was laying on heave violently and his hands came back sticky. Wiping his palms on his pant leg, he rubbed his head where he had hit something pretty damn hard on his way down and wiggled his nose, a slight whine catching in his throat. Landing on one's face huuuuurt! Ow… Vision a bit blurry from the blow to his head and his tears of pain he wondered vaguely if he had a concussion of sorts.

Squinting in the dim light, Rin's sight straightened but he noticed to his dismay that his surroundings did not. What in the world… The floor bubbled menacingly, the wood warped in impossible swirls. The walls and ceiling weren't much better, the icky reddish-purple stuff that made up the Phantom Train pulsating disturbingly around him. Where am I?!

Then he noticed the train controls. Flickering brightly he watched as levers moved on their own, twisted into disgusting-looking parodies of their usual shapes, the buttons and switches now sporting teeth and colored in toxic arrays of green, pink and yellow. A low chattering sound like teeth gnashing together buzzed low in his ears, just barely out of his ability to understand what was being said.

The operator's lone chair in the compartment was twisted like a pipe cleaner and mimicking a melting ice-cream cone, one that could have probably passed for a torture chamber device as well. The teeth sticking out of the distorted cushion made the image even worse. The way it snapped at him like the handle of the train's caboose made him glad he hadn't fallen on top of it.

Face falling into the "disturbed beyond belief" category the more he looked around Rin stumbled to his feet, feeling the not-so-minute vibration of the train tracks rushing past the train at an insane speed. Every second or so the floor would wobble almost sending the ExWire back on his face after he regained his feet. The cab? So I'm still at the front of the train?

"At exactly midnight, the Phantom Train will reveal its true form in order to return to Gehenna."

Remembering the explanation his brother had given before the mission began the Demonic teen's tail shot straight up into the air and he stumbled into action moving over to where his sword had been dropped. I have to stop this train; Yukio and Shiemi are still on board!

Catching a glimpse of the train tracks outside via the partially uncovered train window Rin realized if he didn't stop the train then it was a distinct possibility they were all headed for hell. He shifted into a low stance, drawing his sword in the confined space of the room without hesitation. Either way he was going to stop the damn train whether it wanted to be or not!

11:59 PM; Inside the Phantom Train…

"BANG, BANG!"

The train straps had come alive and were snapping at them when they came close, spraying purple salvia everywhere before the bullets penetrated their dangling bodies, causing them to disintegrate into white chunks.

Moving down the aisle awkwardly with a gun in one hand—for he was more familiar with wielding two guns at once and his other hand was partially sprained—Yukio made his way towards the railcar slowly, his gun moving back and forth between targets. In his calm panic, he glanced at his wristwatch noting the time with more than just a little hint of worry on his lips and his voice. "Thirty more seconds!"

As if sensing the Exorcist's intent the inside of the train car warped, the seats and floor distorting every which way. The pinkish-red mass surged around them intending to engulf its prey before they could escape.

"Run!" Fearing for their lives the Middle First Class Exorcist stopped shooting and ran full tilt with his student towards the small opening still left leading out of the train's caboose.

Scared and hugging the Japanese Lantern tight Shiemi ran as fast as she could stuttering out in her terror, "Nii-chan!" as if hearing her little summons' voice would give her enough of a boost to make it out of the Phantom Train's belly alive.

"Damn it!" Near the opening the spectacled boy raised his handgun and fired again, breaking though the barrier that had been about to seal them inside. Just when he and Shiemi made it out the Demon clamped down on his arm forcing him to turn around and shoot far too close to his wrist for his liking. The miasma burned like nothing else, his sleeve ragged but he was more grateful to be alive than begrudge a small injury. Even if it felt like his wrist had also been dislocated, sending a painful tinge up his arm every time he moved it.

"Yuki-chan, your arm…!" Anxiety-ridden, the shorter ExWire watched as eyes began to appear all over the hulking mass that used to be a train, shock silencing her worry about the male before her.

And then the whole train lurched violently before a harsh, grating scream rent the air forcing both of the teenagers to cover their ears.

"What on earth are you doing, Nii-san!" Yukio whispered to himself, eyes wide in incredulity. Just what had his brother done?!

It was ten seconds past midnight.

12:00 AM; In the front cab…

Rin's Koumaken stabbed down into the control panel, sparks and purple blood spewing out, a black cloud of miasma signaling that his flames were burning straight through. The Phantom Train screeched painfully, tilting sideways and then jerking as if it had jumped its track but there was nowhere for it to go inside of the tunnel they had entered besides forward.

A flash of light stunned the ExWire for a second before he could move away from the train window and he shook his head, hoping to get rid of the sunspots.

Feeling the train start to decelerate—though at the speed they had been going it was going to take a few minutes for it to come to a full stop—the navy-haired male smirked anyway, rubbing his eyes while wrenching his weapon out of the now fried controls before sheathing it. He noted how his surroundings were beginning to fade back to normal and breathed a sigh of relief. Man, too close…

He was about to turn around and make his way to the end of the train when he noticed how dark it was and wondered if they were gonna have to stay there without any light until the Recovery Squad came.

And then he peeked out the main windshield wondering what that bright light had been. Instead of the tunnel he had thought the train was in he's eyes met dark reddish purple sand that looked nearly black in the low light. It stretched as far as the eye could see to either side of the train cab to his incredible astonishment. Visibility was almost nil thanks to what looked like a sandstorm.

However, he was more concerned with the fact that sand wasn't red.

And the sky wasn't a purplish blue either. Hadn't he just been in a tunnel?!

That's when he realized why it was so dark even with the tempest raging outside. An impossibly tall wall made of what looked like black stone stood out against the horizon, seeming to stretch outwards forever. And upwards. It towered over the landscape like a hulking mountain. The railroad tracks the train was on cut through the sand leading straight to a jagged hole in the wall's mountain-sized face.

Heh? Rin blinked, hand holding his sword limply in confusion.

Was he even in True Cross Academy Town anymore?

Before that train of thought could reach the obvious conclusion at the end of the tracks several bulging eyes snapped open across the floor, walls and ceiling. All of them focused on the lone child standing in the middle of the train car.

And then the train, still traveling at a ludicrous speed entered the tunnel in the side of the impossibly tall wall, plunging him and the still alive Phantom Train into an all-consuming darkness.

The Phantom Train then proceeded to crash.

Sooo... Yep. I'm not gonna promise fast and speedy updates because Real life is being a bitch. Heh, when have I ever provided fast and speedy updates? This is just another plot-bunny that has been tormenting me and against my better judgement I am publishing it. Hopefully I can do it justice. As for my other stories, I have not abandoned them. I just need time... Eh... *Rubs back of head in shame* Sorry about that.

Review if you want but I won't drown myself in maple syrup if you don't...

Tarry a while. Thou art so fair. ~ Wild-Tama