I am sorry. But this scene had tortured me for a few days now, and I needed to write it down to get it out of my head.

They had found the diner, and they had paid for a room for the night. Roland and Marian were asleep. But he couldn't. His heart was hurting too much for sleep.

He had tried to stay away. He had tried to not come back here, but the pull had been too strong. Too strong to resist. Even if it almost killed him to stand here.

The town line.

He knew it was here. He knew it should be here. But nothing happened when he crossed it. Of course not. Regina had told him there was no way back.

His stomach hurt, his heart hurt. Everything hurt. He was hardly able to breathe, because taking in air hurt too.

A life without her?

He just couldn't imagine it. He had tried to stay away from her when Marian was under the freezing curse, but he couldn't. Because he loved her too much. With body and soul. And everything he had. He had tried to unlove her. But he wasn't able too.

He stumbled into the forest, hoping the smell of the trees and moss would soothe him, would calm the turmoil in his soul.

Dropping down on a fallen tree, he buried his face in his hands. He couldn't breathe. It was too hard. He couldn't believe it. Didn't want to believe it.

She was gone. He would never see her again.

"Regina?" he whispered into the darkness, holding his breath, hoping for an answer he knew wouldn't come.

His throat closed up, tears welling up in his eyes, and he couldn't stop it any longer. He was alone, and the heartache was killing him.

"God, Regina."

The first sob tore through his throat, and he tried to keep control over his emotions, tried to not break down, but he didn't succeed. The sobs just didn't stop, wracking his body as he mourned what could have been.

He didn't know how long he stayed there, the dampness was already seeping through his clothes, but he didn't care. Standing up slowly, he stumbled through the forest until he came to the spot where he had found her all this time ago. When she shared the letter with him.

His fingers smoothed over the fallen tree she had been sitting on, his heart breaking all over again.

"God, I don't know how to live without you."

Of course he had to go with Marian. It had been the right thing to do. The only thing he could do. Regina had told him it was the only way. He had known it was the only way. He had to go.

But it hurt so much. Ripped his heart apart.

Here now, in the darkness, the pain was even stronger as when he had said goodbye to her. Now, as he had the time to think about the consequences, think about his future … he was alone. She wasn't by his side anymore. She never would be again.

The tears were burning in his eyes, his whole body and soul was screaming with pain. He just wanted to stay here. Here, where he felt her as if she was sitting right beside him, as if she was really here.

But he knew he couldn't stay. He knew he needed to stand up and go back to the diner. But he hesitated. Wanted to draw it out as long as possible.

"I love you, Regina," he breathed into the silence surrounding him. "I will always love you."

He listened, still hoping he would maybe hear some kind of answer, a whisper in the trees, anything. But there was nothing. Inhaling a deep breath, he forced himself to stand up and walk away.

With every step the weight on his shoulders grew, but he embraced it, knowing the emptiness in his heart would never leave him. Would always stay with him. For the rest of his life.

He was walking away from her physically.

But his heart … his heart stayed behind.

Stayed with her.

Forever.