How to Lose a Guy in Ten Minutes

by Oxnate

Disclaimer. Do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Summary: Xander visits Faith's room and this time Angel isn't there to screw everything up.

A/N: After years and years of rewatching Buffy episodes as research for writing Buffy stories, I've come to the conclusion that Angel did the most damage to Faith's psyche by separating her from those who could have supported her and planting the ideas that she was evil and had a taste for killing. Let's see what happens if he doesn't barge in uninvited.

Faith sat alone in her room watching some crappy program on her crappy TV when a knock sounded from her door. She wasn't expecting anyone and was annoyed that someone was interrupting her TV time, crappy as it was. She opened the door to find Xander there. "What?" she asked impatiently. She knew she shouldn't have fucked him. Now he was going to be like some little puppy she couldn't get rid of, just following her around everywhere she went. She had seriously overestimated this guy's maturity about sex and stuff. Just because he was some kind of super demon hunter didn't make him as mature as she was about sex.

Xander couldn't have been more awkward if he'd been hopping on one foot. "I just, uh, came by to see how you are, actually."

"I'm sick of people asking me that, for one thing." Faith said tersely. B musta squealed. She would have to leave pretty soon. It was only a matter of time before the cops heard the 'rumor' that she killed someone now. And she wasn't taking the fall for this.

There was a long moment of uncomfortable silence.

"Can I come in? Just to talk. I promise." Xander asked.

Faith scoffed. "Like you could make something happen if I didn't want it to?"

"Hey, yeah. Got me there." Xander chuckled. "Pretty much not gonna try to... take you under any circumstances. See, here, feel that. Probably like a wet noodle to you, huh?"

Faith stepped aside just to make sure he wasn't a vamp or something. "Five minutes."

Xander stepped into the room. "That's all I need. For talking! And conversation. I'm, um, quick as a bunny." he babbled nervously.

Faith turned off the TV. "Clock's running." She just wanted to get this over with and get on with her life, short as it might be.

"It's just, uh..." Xander began nervously. "I heard about what happened, and I thought you might need a friend."

Faith knew exactly where this was going. He wanted her to confess so he wouldn't have to think that his precious Buffy was a murderer. "So then, go talk to Buffy. She's the one who killed a guy."

"Yeah. I heard that version." Xander said without any belief.

"Version?" Faith let herself get angry. She had to stick to her story or they'd all turn on her.

"Either way, it sounds like it was an accident, and that's the important part." Xander countered.

"No, the important part is that Buffy is the 'accidental murderer'." Faith even made air quotes around the last two words.

Xander sighed. "Faith, you may not think so, but I sort of know you. And I've seen you post-battle. And I know firsthand that you're, um... like a wild thing. And half the time, you don't know what you're doing."

Faith smiled at the thought of their post battle 'don't know what you're doing'. "And you're living proof of that, aren't you?"

"See, you're trying to hurt me. But right now, you need someone on your side. What happened wasn't your fault. And I'm willing to testify to that. In court if you need me." he said.

Faith was a little incredulous. What was he going to testify to? He wasn't there. Sounded like a setup to her. "You'd dig that, wouldn't you? To get up in front of all your geek pals and go on record about how I made you my boy toy for a night."

"No. N-n-n-n-no, that's not it." Xander denied.

Faith decided it was time to end this conversation. "I know what this is all about. You just came by here 'cause you want another taste, don't you?" she said sensually.

"No! I mean, it was nice. It was great. It was... kind of a blur. But, okay, some day, sure, yay, but not now. Not like this." Xander wanted her to know that he cared about her as a person. Not just for sex.

"More like how then? Lights on or off? Kinks or vanilla?" Faith pulled him towards her and started rubbing her hands over his body. Oh yeah, that was why she fucked him. Boy was ripped under those baggy clothes.

Xander pulled away. "Faith, come on. I came here to help you. I thought we had a connection."

Faith couldn't help but laugh at that. Connection? With a boy? With a human? They'd just let you down. That had been pounded into her in Boston and reinforced again and again in Sunnydale. She threw him on the bed and climbed on top of him. She started rubbing herself all over him. That was all the more connection she needed, she told herself. "You wanna feel a connection? It's just skin. I see... I want... I take." She kissed him hard. "I forget."

"No. No, wait. It was more than that." Xander couldn't believe that what they shared had meant so little to her.

Faith kept kissing and rubbing on him. "I could do anything to you right now, and you want me to. I can make you scream." she nibbled on his bottom lip. "I could make you die." With that she started applying pressure to his neck.

Xander felt the pressure on his neck. She certainly wasn't an expert on choking someone out. First of all, she was going for the air choke and not the blood choke. Even though he didn't get to take a deep breath before hand, it was going to take over a minute to choke him out versus about ten seconds if she'd used a blood choke.

There was really no point in fighting back. She's a Slayer. She wouldn't feel it even if he did. So after a little random flailing, he tried something from the soldier memories. He tapped out.

TAP-TAP-TAP

He'd seen Buffy and Faith train. Memories of the two girls practicing Jiujitsu on each other had provided many a night's masturbatory fantasies. He was hoping that the tapping would cause her to instinctively let up just like in training. But it didn't. He tried again.

TAP-TAP-TAP

Still nothing, but she is looking slightly less crazy and slightly more annoyed. A good sign... he hoped. The lack of oxygen was starting to affect him. He wondered if she really will kill him or just be satisfied choking him out. Then again, a simple flick of her wrists right now and he'd be gone for good. But before he went, he wanted one last joke. He started tapping the William Tell Overture on her arm. Then everything faded to black.

He woke up and Faith was off of him, stuffing clothes from the dresser into a duffel bag. She looked over at him and scowled. "Thought you'd be out for longer."

"I'm not going to do anything." he assured her, not moving from the bed.

"Damn right you're not." Faith spat.

"Mind if I ask why you're leaving though?" he craned his neck back and forth. It was a little sore but nothing was broken. Which was particularly amazing considering her Slayer strength. She must have kept said strength tightly under control.

"I ain't taking the fall for this murder rap." she didn't pause in her packing.

"What fall? I'm not going to let anyone fall." he insisted.

"Do you live in some sort of TV show or something? In the real world, cops are going to find someone to blame this on and it ain't gonna be me." Faith insisted. She zipped her bag closed and tossed it over her shoulder.

"Before you go, can I at least teach you the proper way to choke someone out? I realize it might not be important when fighting vamps, but I had time to tap out the William Tell Overture on your arm." Xander didn't move from the bed though.

"That what that shit was?" Faith asked. Now that he said it, she could kind of recognize it. She looked at the door. The freedom of the road called. But the dork had taken way too long to choke. It might be a useful skill to have. "How'd you learn how to choke someone out?" she wondered first.

"Magic spell." Xander replied with a cocky grin.

"If you didn't want to tell me-" Faith turned back to the door.

"It's the truth!" Xander insisted and sat up. The first move he'd made since he woke up. He ignored the headache and the spots in his vision that movement caused. "Last Halloween, there was a spell that turned everyone into their costumes. I went as a soldier. I still have a lot of the memories, including Close Quarters Combat training in how to choke someone out."

Faith turned back and dropped her bag. "If this is a trick..." she warned.

"You'll have your hands in position to break my neck." Xander finished for her.

Faith cautiously approached.

Xander stayed seated on the bed. "Okay, put your hands on my neck like before. A little looser." he said hoarsely as the same pressure was applied. It slackened. "Thank you. The pressure you want isn't on the trachea- the wind pipe. Cutting off the blood supply to the brain is much faster. The pressure comes from the thumbs. Just don't press too long. No, back a little farther." Xander slowly reached up and moved one of her thumbs. "There." A few seconds later, he fell back on the bed unconscious. A few seconds after that, he opened his eyes again. He saw that Faith was still there but he was too lightheaded to sit up again. "Good job. If you have a few minutes to wait for me to recover, I can teach you how to do that from behind too."

Faith smirked. "You'd like that wouldn't you?"

"Again, I'll have you practice on me. I trust you."

"You should stop doing that. It'll get you killed one of these days." Faith said seriously.

"Not trusting anyone can be just as dangerous as trusting the wrong people." Xander quoted. He wasn't sure who he quoted, but he was pretty sure someone else said it better first.

Faith didn't have a reply to that.

Xander decided he could sit up again without the world trying to spin off its axis. "Nothing like being knocked unconscious to clear your mind. I think I said this badly before. I don't care what happened. I don't care who killed who or why or even if there was a why. I know you. And I trust you. And I'm willing to put my life in your hands. So, are you ready to learn the choke from behind?" he stood up. He took a second to make sure he didn't get too dizzy. "It's called the rear-naked choke, but it's usually done fully clothed." he joked then turned his back on her. "Thread your arm around my neck. Okay, just like last time, you're not going for the windpipe, you're going for the blood vessels on the side of the neck so move your forearm forward. I know it seems counter intuitive, but you actually want your elbow in front of their throat. There, now squeeze gently."

And he was out again.

Faith scooped Xander up and laid him down on the bed gently. No one deserved to be laid on that floor.

Xander blearily opened his eyes. "That was good."

Faith scuffed the floor with her boot. "Glad I didn't kill you." She picked up her bag and put it over her shoulder again.

"You're really going to run?"

She just nodded.

"Well, you know where we are if you change your mind. Give us a couple months and we might even turn Wesley into a real human. You shoulda met Giles back when we-"

Xander was interrupted by a knock at the door.

Faith went to get it. She was surprised to find Wesley and several goons there. Wesley had a gun. He pulled the trigger and a red-tufted dart appeared in her chest. She looked at him with eyes that were getting kind of hazy. "What the?" she said as she pulled the dart and looked at it. She staggered backwards into the room and the four men followed her.

Wesley pulled a pair of handcuffs out of his coat. "By the order of the Watcher's Council of Britain, I am exercising my authority and removing you to England, where you will accept the judgment of the disciplinary committee." he snapped the cuffs on her wrists.

Xander was not at his peak form just then. He had a pounding headache from being knocked unconscious multiple times in the last half hour. But anger and adrenaline are powerful motivators. He launched himself at the nearest of the goons. His punch drove the man's head through the drywall and out of the fight. He'd used up the element of surprise though and the other two goons were ready for him then. One threw a net over him and the other readied a crowbar.

Faith felt great. Like the best shit she ever scored. She didn't even mind the cuffs. The watcher liked the kinky stuff, it turned out. He'd seemed too straight for that, but then again, he was really too straight not to cut loose too. It wasn't until the guy raised his crowbar to strike Xander that the reality of what was happening sunk in. She moved to stop him, but it felt like she was moving through molasses. The first blow landed before she could get there but she was able to grab the crowbar before the second strike. She pulled it out of the guy's grip and the momentum of her pull sent her elbow right into Wesley's solar plexus as he had apparently been behind her. Wesley fell to the ground gasping for breath. She saw Xander kick out from under the net and send one goon to the ground clutching his knee.

That just left one. The one she'd taken the crowbar from. In her haze, she hadn't even seen the punch coming. The crowbar disappeared from her hand and suddenly, she was the one being pummeled by it. Dazed from the punch, she only just got her arms up to protect her head from the metal bar. And even through the haze of the drugs in her system, she was pretty sure she felt her arm break. She swung for the guy, but addled by the drugs and hampered by the cuffs she was still wearing, she was too slow and he ducked under the punch. He wound up for another strike with the crowbar when he dropped to his knee with a kick from behind.

Xander was still on the floor and still tangled in the net, but he was also still lashing out. Doing what he could to protect her.

Faith wound up her own punch and this time she connected. The guy fell back and landed right on Xander. An "Oof!" sound was heard, though she couldn't tell who from.

Using her good arm, she helped move the large unconscious man off of Xander and untangle him from the net. It was hard as her arms were still handcuffed in front of her and one was broken.

"Are you okay?" they said together once he was untangled. Xander walked over to a groaning Wesley and punched him out before he searched his coat for the key to the cuffs.

Faith wanted to rub her wrists, but her arm hurt too much. "What are you doing?" she asked as Xander knelt down to continue to search the fallen man.

Xander came out with a wallet and smiled.. He pulled out all the cash and tossed it on the bed. He went to put the wallet back but stopped. "You're going to need a cast on that arm." he pulled out one credit card but left the rest. He slipped the wallet back where he found it. "Least the council can do is pay for it." he tossed the card on on the bed with the cash. Then he went over to the man whose head he put through the wall and checked that he was still alive. "Good. It would be ironic to ask you to help me dispose of a body when I came here to help you not feel guilty for not disposing of the body better."

"Huh?" Faith's head was clearing a bit. Slayer constitution was nice. But she was still foggy.

"I heard what happened in the alley. And the only thing you did wrong was to not deal with the body better. I mean, this is Sunnydale. I know three demons within 2 blocks of this motel that would be more than willing to get rid of a body for you. And if you really wanted to hide your tracks, you could just Slay the demon later." Xander said. Being attacked had left him in a rather dour mood. He took the cash out of the wallet of the man in the wall and went to the man that Faith had knocked out. He did the same there.

"Want, take, have. Never figured that was your schtick." Faith said, mildly impressed. Every time she thought he couldn't be more dorky, some big bad had to come by and make him show his true colors. If her arm didn't hurt so much, she would have given him another roll right there and then.

Xander frowned. "I heard about the sporting goods store too. And it's not my schtick. This is weregeld. They attacked us and broke your arm, they get to pay for that." He focused on the conscious man still clutching the knee Xander had kicked. The man took out his wallet and tossed it to him. Xander knelt and set the wallet between them. "Let me see your knee." After a quick examination he gave the man back his wallet without taking anything and stood up. "He's going to limp for a good, long while. We'll call it even between us so long as this doesn't happen again." he explained to the man and Faith. "Is that enough money for you?"

"For me?"

Xander looked over at the man on the ground and Wesley before he spoke. "You were leaving, right? I assume you need money for that. We get you to the hospital for a cast then we see a man about a bus ticket?"

Faith got defensive. "I don't need your charity."

Xander sighed. "Fine. If it makes you feel better, we can split it 50/50. I just thought you'd need it more urgently than me. I can always rob Wesley again later." a sly grin slid over his face.

Faith chuckled then grimaced as the jostling hurt her arm.

"First things first, we need to fix that arm of yours."

"It's fine." Faith insisted.

"Faith, it's practically leaning at an angle. It's not fine. 'Sides, Wesley's paying." he waved the credit card.

Faith scowled.

Faith kept waiting for Xander to leave. She tried making him leave several times but was hampered by her broken arm. And by the time she had her cast on, the entire, stupid gang was crowding the waiting room. She paused behind the door where she could hear without being seen.

"He- he- he-!" Giles stuttered then growled. "That complete prat! How is she?"

"Broken arm. He shot her with a tranq dart from this." Xander said. Apparently, he'd taken Wesley's gun too. "She seemed clearer headed by the time we got here."

"And emotionally?" Giles asked.

"I don't think Wesley's going to be on her list of favorite people for a while." Xander said.

"She's not going to, you know, Slay him, is she?" Willow asked. Of course that would be Willow's first assumption, Faith frowned.

"If she doesn't, I might." Giles said angrily, surprising Faith just a bit.

"Let me know if you need help disposing of the body. I know some guys." Angel said, surprising Faith. That was two guys that had offered, fairly seriously, to help her hide a body.

"Or we could just make it look like a random vampire attack." Xander suggested.

There might have been some innuendo Faith couldn't see because Angel growled out something too low for Faith to hear.

"Xander." Buffy said sharply as a warning. Then she changed to a questioning tone. "Why were you at Faith's anyway."

"Offering to help her deal with the next body."

"That's not funny, Xander." Buffy warned.

"I wasn't joking." Xander said seriously.

Faith decided to enter the room before they came to blows.

A/N: This story is in response to reading one too many story where Faith 'tried to kill' Xander. I don't know why everyone thinks that Faith was trying to kill Xander and somehow failed. She was a Slayer. If she wanted him dead, he would have been dead. Similarly, there's no evidence that Faith was going to be summarily executed by the council (the first time, before she joined the Mayor) – it's far more likely they simply wanted her away from Buffy otherwise it makes no sense to drag her all the way to England. Even the second time, they still captured her (body) alive and tried to take her to England. If Buffy-in-Faith had been more cooperative, it's likely they wouldn't have tried to kill her even then.

A/N2: There is no way that Wesley was able to do anything to Faith without drugging her first.