I remember being in the camp.

I remember forcing myself to stand as the White Witch had her thumb pressing down upon me.

I remember being strong.

Whatever happened between then and now, I wish it hadn't. I've never felt so weak in my life. Long before, I'd slain cyclopes, banshees, and giants among other things. Now, I can't even dispatch a feral bear without having a breakdown. What a prophecy; Annabelle the brave, Annabelle the selfless.

Annabelle the coward.

The rock that took the brunt of my kick sailed over the cliff edge. As I watched it bounce down the jagged ridges leading to the river below, I gained the urge to kick more over. Kicking things won't solve anything, though. I sighed and brought a hand to my face. The cool mist springing from the running water below brought a chill up that nipped my hands. It took away any warmth that could comfort me.

For just a couple moments more, I ran my calloused palms over my face and hoped that they'd coerce the hidden spirit of my past to the surface. What little time I had wasn't enough, and I knew that I had to keep going. The Pevensies and Trumpkin were already very far ahead of me. From here, I can hear their laughter. It's shaky, at best. Edmund and Trumpkin stopped and looked at one another before looking back to Susan and Lucy. Whatever the joke or offense had been, I missed it.

I gave one last look to the river before I started towards the others. They kept walking without a glance, as if they hadn't noticed my absence.

Maybe I could have stayed at the cliff.

The thought rattled around in my head, and I shook my head to try to get it out. If it worked, I didn't notice.

Soon, we walked away from the cliff and into a path weaved between trees and rock. In the back of my mind, I could remember where this led. But, with the overgrowth and changes, I couldn't recognize it at all. My memory was walking, and it caused me to trip over a stray branch. The small falter went unnoticed by all the others besides Edmund. He gave me a look, but it was one I could not decipher so I just stared back at him. Evidently, the blank stare unnerved him, so he looked forward quickly.

It was all I could do to not try to catch up to them. I wanted to match my stride with Peter. However, I know that that is something I can't do. Not now. The little reserve of strength in my mind took a hit, but after the steel reinforcements I built around it, nothing deteriorated. My left hand rose to my arm and I began to scratch as if I had an itch. The sensation soothed me, but it couldn't do much.

We came upon an area that contained a rock wall. It caused Peter to stop walking, and as he was leading, we all did as well. The confident stance that he'd adopted when we arrived had faltered the slightest bit when he muttered something about not being lost.

"No." Trumpkin jumped down from the rock in the path.

Peter turned, and in his eyes I saw the beginnings of a challenge. My brown furrowed. What was happening? He'd been so calm at the start, and now he's developed this sense of righteousness as if his every word was law. There was a time when that was true, but it was left behind with the ruins of our home. He's began to change. I stopped scratching when I realized that I had no room to talk.

Trumpkin moved towards Peter, "You're just going the wrong way."

The tension flooded the air, and I honestly had no care for it.

"You last saw Caspian at the Shuddering Woods," Peter drove at Trumpkin, as if he were trying to push down his own insecurity by pushing down the dwarf. "And the quickest way there is to cross at the River Rush."

I perked up at the foreign name. Telmar roots, obviously, I knew that from listening to the conversations that were being shared between the Pevensies and Trumpkin. Whoever this Caspian was, he had Susan's horn and it was him who caused us to return. I didn't know whether to thank him or slap him across the face. Smiling slightly at the thought, I resigned to lean against one of the walls of rock. The sky above held my attention more than my husband. Isn't that a sad thought?

They continued to argue. It was petty, it really was. If he'd listen to Trumpkin, we'd be at the Shuddering Wood by now. But no, we had to follow outdated information. I ground my teeth. I shouldn't be thinking this way. Peter is my husband, my love no matter what. Even if he's being a particularly big fat-head right now. The clouds couldn't occupy my mind for long, especially since the sun was beginning to fry my retinas.

"That explains it then, you're mistaken."

I moved my attention back to Peter quickly.

"Hey," My voice sounded dull. Amazing. "Cut him some slack, he's been here."

If there was a time for me to gain sudden eloquence with my speech, it should have been before I uttered that ugly sentence.

Peter focused his attention on me. The look behind his eyes caused my heart to ache, but I only gazed back without interest. I could see it; the betrayal and wary apprehension. Whatever trust that he'd held in me, it's been reduced dramatically. If Lucy had turned around, I know that I would see the same look in her eyes. There were times when he'd been angry with me, but this goes past anger. It's the type of feeling that makes your stomach turn when you see that person. You wonder if you can trust them anymore, and each time you do you suddenly get sick because you know you've made a mistake.

Those baby blues weren't protecting me now, they were the ones throwing the wet blanket over my head.

If he'd had anything to say, he must have decided against projecting it because he only shook his head and turned. Without a care, I lifted off the rock and began to follow as he led. I wonder if this will always be my life.

For the second time today, I found myself staring over a rock edge and into a rushing waterway below. This time, it wasn't only me. I stood a distance from everyone as they gazed in shock at the river. This is where the pass should have been, would have been if we hadn't come back a thousand years after everything happened.

Once again, the savage little mist jumped up at me and chilled my legs and arms. It was all I could do to cross my arms. However, the small movement caused my wrist to be on full display. A surge of anger burst through my body. Too bad there aren't any rocks at this cliff.

That boulder over there does look particularly pushable-

"Oh, shut up." Peter growled.

Rude. Oh, I didn't say that out loud.

A look over gave me all that I needed to know. Susan had clearly said something smart, as she always does.

"Is there a way down?" Edmund asked, leaning over the edge.

"Yeah," The snark in Trumpkin's voice was immediately obvious. "Falling."

You know, I could test that theory. It's not like I would die if I fell. Not that it wouldn't be painful. I resumed my scratching of the non-existent itch while the others continued to talk. It doesn't feel like I have words for them, and they clearly don't have any for me. I can't blame them.

At last, I heard something about a Ford near Beruna, and everyone began to turn. There was a quiet that fell over everyone and I glanced at Lucy as she turned towards her brothers and sister. She hadn't spared me a glance this entire trip. It hurt, of course. Lucy is easily my best friend. Though, I can't blame her for being put off by my very presence, I was the one who attempted to take her life.

A quizzical expression flooded my face when she suddenly stopped and tensed. She couldn't tell that I was watching her, could she? Unlike she would do if she knew I was watching her, she actually relaxed very quickly and spun around. Something had washed over her and it was reaching her from the other side of the valley, and when she saw it her eye were suddenly wide and excited.

"Aslan!" She shouted in glee. "It's Aslan! He's over there!"

The name brought a sensation of warmth over me along with the smell of clipped grass and rain crisped apples. After a beat, though, the warmth turned to a bitter cold and the grass and apples turned to rot. My chest hurts. As I turned, I had to bring a hand up over my heart, clenching at the slightly damp dress covering my flesh.

Nothing was there, even when she pointed, it didn't reveal the lion we all knew and loved. A pit opened in my stomach. Lucy turned back from her siblings and soon faced the disappointment awaiting her. She stopped talking and looked on at the cliff in confusion. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who didn't see him. The pit grew just a bit smaller.

"Do you see him now?"

Once again, Trumpkin's snark-ridden voice lilted into the air. In that moment, I think he angered everyone in the group. As if we were all in a dance, we turned towards Trumpkin with glares set on our faces. It's one thing to doubt our validity, but to doubt Aslan is another. Though, I'll admit, I couldn't see Aslan either.

"I'm not crazy." That was the first time I'd seen Lucy with a genuine sneer on her face. "I think he wants us to follow him."

I threw a glance to the side opposite to ours. It's much too wide to jump. Only I could make it, and I would have to shift. That's not something I'm willing to do, not now.

"I'm sure there are any number of lions in this wood, Lu."

I didn't miss the look Peter threw me as he spoke.

The young girl threw her brother the most incredulous look I'd have ever seen on her and stepped back away from him. Involuntarily, she stepped towards me and the action caused my eyebrows to raise.

"I think I'd know Aslan when I see him."

The tone she took on was nothing less than deadly. I almost felt bad for Peter. Almost.

"Look, I'm not about to jump off a cliff for someone who doesn't exist."

And with that sentence, Trumpkin caused everyone to want to throw him off the cliff. Not believing in Aslan, that's just ignorant. How could you deny his existence? He slew the White Witch, he's saved our lives more than I would care to admit. It struck me then that there had to be a reason for the lack of faith. I thought back to what I'd heard on the boat.

"Aslan?" Though his eyes soft, his voice did not match. "He abandoned us when you lot did."

Of course they don't believe in Aslan. He hasn't been there for them in over a thousand years, just as we hadn't.

I looked around the forest and to the river below. Aslan had brought life to each and everything in this world, he'd given them the air to breathe, and the will to live. Why would he abandon the beauty he created? It hardly made sense, why disappear when there's a paradise to behold? It's sort of sad, honestly. The river is the second prettiest shade of blue, the first being Peter's bright eyes, the ones that were currently shining out from the shadow of the tree he's under. The grass a rich green that could never been seen in our world. Even the rocks managed to hold an earthly beauty, Narnia is a world of beauty. I can't imagine anyone leaving it behind.

But, I did.

The thought sickened me as soon as it appeared.

"You know," Edmund demanded attention despite having a soft voice. "The last time I didn't believe Lucy and Annabelle, I ended up looking pretty stupid."

It wasn't necessary for him to tell us what he was talking about. When we'd visited Narnia for the first time, no one believed us, and then Edmund fell into the snow right with us. But, it wasn't that that was most important at the moment. Though Edmund meant for his loudest message to be that we should give Lucy a chance, the one that must have struck the hardest within the others was the one that could have only been there with one word.

The others looked at me. I'm not sure if he meant to elicit this reaction or if he'd just added my name because he hadn't believed me so long ago. Either way, it caused Lucy to look at me for the first time since I attacked her. I'll have to remember to thank him later.

"Why…" It felt hard to talk with everyone looking at me now. "Why wouldn't I have seen him, Lucy?"

She looked at me, then, really looked at me. And then she broke my heart.

"Maybe because he didn't want you to see him."

My lips turned thin as wire as she punched me in the stomach with her words.

"I'm sorry, Lu." Peter interjected, dissipating the awkward air.

With those three words, they all turned away and I suddenly felt like garbage personified. I sighed, held myself tighter and carried along with them, feeling more out of place than ever.

Bile rose further and further into my throat as I watched the Telmarines at work. Tree after tree fell and with them fell the spirits inside of them. It's terrifying, watching hundreds of souls die before you. I've witnessed it so much that I've become a little less sensitive to it. I don't think the others realize what the falling trees symbolizes other than the creation of more war machines. There were around ten complete catapults now, but more are being built. Along with the catapults there's a bridge being built.

There are so many men. I can't imagine the bridge will bring good tidings.

Just as Trumpkin was about to say something, a few horses whinnied beside us. It was as if it were warning us that there were people coming, and we didn't take it likely. We jumped down quickly. Due to the urgency of the situation, I had to move quickly and without thought. My face was only a few inches away from Peter's. I wasn't the only one who noticed the short distance either. There was a steel resolve in his face, but his eyes scanned my face slowly. I'm not sure if he's trying to find something or if he's just doing it without realizing it. Whichever, I tried to communicate my apology through my eyes. If he'd look at them, he'd probably see it.

"Maybe we shouldn't have gone this way." Susan broke the tense silence.

My leg grew tired under the weight of the awkward position I'd ducked into. I forced myself into a new position, one that didn't involve staring down my husband.

Despite it being a terrible thing for us, I couldn't help but admire the efficiency of the work. Back in our world, everything is done by machine. Here, it takes everything you've got. It's kind of amazing to see the tools they're using. It's impressive. I turned away, feeling as if the thoughts were traitorous.

Where could we go now? There aren't very many ways to go to get to the Shuddering Wood. Well, there were, but they're gone now. Think, think.

I think he wants us to follow him.

That's it!

"Peter," I whispered urgently. "We've got to go back to the cliffs!"

I didn't even wait for a response before I bolted quickly from the area. The crunching of twigs behind me was enough to keep me going. It wasn't a far walk, it'd take less than an hour. I picked up my pace, feeling the lioness inside wanting to spring through the wood like she used to. Unfortunately, I can't let her, I have to avoid another incident.

After a while of pure running, I broke the tree line at the cliffs.

The Pevensies and Trumpkin followed shortly after, panting heavily. They can run as fast, but not nearly as long as I. I couldn't wait, though.

"Lucy, where did you see Aslan?" I asked, walking to the edge.

"Why?" There was a defensive tone in her voice.

Such a tone brought me out of my excitement and had me looking at her with pleading eyes. Had I really destroyed our relationship? It wasn't my fault… But, to them, I had gone out of my way to try to murder their little sister. That's a crime worthy of hatred. It's something they just can't understand, though. I didn't attack Lucy, something deep within me did. Something I can't control.

Something that isn't me.

"Yeah, why do you need to know where she thought she saw Aslan?" Susan perked up.

I looked at her then, with her arms crossed and eyebrow raised. Susan would be the one who would not only forgive me, but slyly attack me. She'd been that way before. That was before we'd even gone to Narnia. I could only sigh, but before I had to explain, Lucy had turned on her older sister.

"I wish you'd all stop trying to sound like grownups!" She openly glared at her and the others. "I don't think I saw him. I did see him."

Trumpkin looked at Edmund and muttered something about being a grownup before focusing his attention back on Lucy. We all watched as she moved closer to the edge and it was my own instinct that caused me to follow at a close distance. It seemed that she was attempting to calculate just where she'd seen the lion.

"I think it was right-"

Her vocal thought was cut off by the ground below her creaking and snapping. I instantly moved forward and lunged toward her as her screams rang out. Behind me, I could hear Susan screaming as well. Susan didn't matter to me right now, though. As she fell, Lucy threw up her arms and I threw mine out in my lunge. It didn't take me a second to grab her wrist. It did take more than a second to realize that I didn't have anything to keep me from falling with her.

We both fell, but I ground my nails into the dirt wall.

It turned out that it was all for nothing.

Lucy and I landed softly onto a rock just a few feet below. I felt so stupid now.

We brushed ourselves off quickly and Lucy laughed nervously before looking up and finishing what she was saying to the others. Then, she looked at me and the stupidity I felt faded slightly. I was blushing furiously and I'm sure I'd accidentally wiped dirt on my face from trying to keep us up. She just smiled at me. There was a sparing look in her eyes.

"You tried to catch me?" Her voice was soft and disbelieving.

I smiled weakly and gave her an affectionate look.

"Of course I did," I said quietly, yet strongly. "You're my best friend."

She didn't hug me or anything, but the look in her eyes told me I was on the path of forgiveness.

~Hello my lovelies, I don't typically add author's notes to this website, so this will be a once in a blue moon thing, haha. I feel I need to explain a few things about Annabelle's character at this point. She's been whining and crying a lot through the story line so far, but there's a reason behind this. You've got to imagine just how messed up Annabelle is at the moment. She grew up in an emotionally abusive and almost neglect-ridden household (Macreadie did mostly raise her). Now, she's been in a massive war, she spent time in a camp where she was forced to murder several people, and now she's been plagued by nightmares for over a year. Just imagine how much ptsd that could cause a person. However, there is more to it that will be revealed in the chapters to come. Goodbye, my dearies, see you next time!~