DISCLAIMER: Do I really have to put these in with every bloody chapter?

Also, at the suggestion of Arelia Miles, y'all might want a tissue or two. . . Maybe I'm just judging emotions wrong lol.

Chapter Sixteen: Glass Hearts Breaking

How am I supposed to see through your eyes

When you never saw the stars falling at your feet

How am I supposed to hear what you can

When you never heard the sound of our glass hearts breaking

—Of Mice & Men, "Glass Hearts"

It was Wednesday. And for the third week in a row, I was skipping school.

To be honest, I just didn't see the point in it anymore. None of the other Shadowhunters seemed to ever attend and it wasn't like a shitty education was going to rip me out of IHS and transport me to paradise. I was long past any dreams that going to school would get me out of this place. So, instead of wallowing along the halls like a zombie and dully listening to every boring word that escaped the professors' mouths, I usually went and hung out with Will. Sometimes Cecily joined us. But either way, it was like our own little grief group over Ella where we could all drop the "happy" fronts we wore around other people.

I reached our typical meeting spot: the highest turret in IHS. A winding spiral staircase twined up to it, and one elaborate, Gothic window adorned the easternmost wall. It was quiet and serene; a easy place to reflect on whatever you felt like. Nobody ever came up there besides Will and I. On the other hand, I always found myself thinking too much in the silence as it grew and grew.

When I peered out the arched window, my gaze could sweep the eastern quarter of the grounds from the emerald, perfectly manicured lawn and the gnarled trees surrounding the edges to Magnus throwing glitter all over a poor flower while Alec looked on with something like horror and Cecily talking to Tessa.

"Hey, Clary."

Will's voice caused me to spin around in surprise. When I saw it was him, I breathed out a sigh of relief. "Hey."

He ran a hand over his dark hair and grinned at me, his blue eyes lighting up like strangely colored stars. "Was that intake of breath for my beauty?"

"Oh, yes, Will," I said sarcastically as I plopped down onto the floor. "Sweep me onto a horse in a princely manner and take me out of here by daybreak tomorrow."

Will laughed and sat down, putting an arm around my shoulders. I leaned into him, listening to the steady sound of his heart. "I always knew you wanted me."

"You caught me. Send me off to jail, okay?"

There were a few moments of comfortable silence that lay between us. I gazed out the window. The sky finally seemed to fit my mood: stormy and gray, with smoky clouds rolling across the horizon. Outside, Magnus threw handfuls of glitter all over Alec, but I couldn't find it in myself to smile.

"How are you, Clary?" Will's dark violet-blue eyes probed mine.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?" I retorted. Talking about things like state of minds, emotions, or the past had become excessively painful and made me feel wretched.

"All right," Will begrudged. "I'm doing fine for today, but you don't have to concern yourself with what I feel, Clary."

I was shaking my head before he finished his sentence. "Will, you idiot. You can't just expect me to not—to not care!"

"You can't concern yourself with me," he repeated stubbornly. "I mean it."

"You're my best friend!" I insisted. "What I can't do is throw you aside. I haven't even known you very long, but when you get to know everything about someone, you can't just—"

The abrupt sharpness of tears pricked my eyes. This conversation was so reminiscent to everything with Ella, to every word I had said to Ella: she was always begging me to let go, yet I held on until her bitter end. But then again, everything relates back to Ella these days.

"I understand, Clary, I really do," Will told me quietly. "Do you think it doesn't hurt me to have watched Ella destroy herself? Do you think it doesn't hurt to see you headed down the same path?"

"But that's exactly what I'm trying to say!" I cried. "If we don't keep talking to each other, we'll all end up like Ella in this hellhole."

"In spite of selflessness, we also have to think about ourselves," replied Will. "I'm telling you this because. . ."

"Spit it out," I demanded quickly when he hesitated, dread rising in my stomach.

"I'mnotgoingtobehere," Will exhaled in one breath that sounded like a long stream of vowels and consonants.

"Please repeat that slower," I requested, pulling away to look at him. His eyes shone with a combination of apologies and longing, and that was when I knew that what Will had to tell me was going to break me into smaller pieces than Ella had.

"I'm not going to be here."

"'Here' as in this turret or. . . ?"

"This school. This place of torture. I'm not going to be here much longer."

"Why?" I asked him, all of my escalating sadness buried in that one little word.

"I can't stay here," he explained tiredly. "There's too much of Ella that lingers in these buildings. It drives me mad; thinking every hour that if I hadn't been so drunk I could've done something and if I had that she would be standing next to me and laughing. . . There's also Tessa and Jem and. . . I can't do it any longer, Clary."

"What happened with Tessa and Jem?" I questioned unthinkingly and then flushed. "I mean, I'm sorry—you don't have to tell me anything."

"No, I want to tell you."

"Okay, but I have to tell you a story in retribution."

"Fine, Clary." Will grinned at me before his face slowly became more somber. "Tessa and I used to be in love until I fucked up. A lot. When my family started falling apart, I would push Tessa away whenever I had the chance. . . My madness was a curse. She was too beautiful to see it in action. When we broke up, Tessa went to Jem, and they found true happiness in each other." Will tried to smile, but it came out twisted and remorseful. "That's the long story made short. Your turn, Clary."

"My parents hate Jon and I. Well, me especially, because Jon was always 'good' in their eyes. I never wanted to be the daughter they saw me as. They were practically jumping at the chance to ship us over to this boarding school with empty promises that they'd call and write every day, but the only words I've heard from Valentine and Jocelyn were when Valentine threatened me through text. Other than that, nothing at all." I looked at the floor. "It hurts time to time, but not as much as I expected."

"I wish your parents accepted you for who you are."

"Me too, but you can't change the past, and that's where their opinions are set."

"Tessa and Jem are just another reason I have to leave, Clary," Will said beseechingly after we were quiet for a minute. "Tessa. Jem. Ella. God, I just want it to end."

"Do you think you're the only one who wants to run away, wants the pain the end, Will?" I asked rhetorically. "We all want an out, but you don't see Cecily packing her bags at a moment's leave, or Aline and Helen buying the soonest ticket to another continent."

Will laced his fingers with mine in a gesture of comfort as he leaned forwards. "First of all, Cecily and Aline and Helen—they aren't in the Dark Circle—"

"The Dark Circle?"

"At IHS, there are two groups of exiles, almost: the 'light' one and the 'dark' one. The larger group is made up of exiles like Tessa, Jem, Gideon, Gabriel, Maia, Jordan, Aline, Helen, Cecily, Alec, Magnus, Sebastian, and Sophie: they have the most potential to be accepted back into the Clave. Then there's the second smaller circle: you, me, Jace, Isabelle, Kaelie, Jon, Camille, and Jessamine. We're the ones who are truly lost in our own separate darkness."

I nodded. "Right."

"And," Will took in a deep breath, "nothing extraordinary or good is going to happen to me if I'm always in this school's shadow. Don't you see, Clary? I have to get out."

In a way, I knew what Will was speaking of. What he said was true to everyone at IHS was trapped by the Clave. And that was why I knew I'd have to let Will go.

"Clary?" He brought me back to the present.

"Sorry, I just was thinking."

"Are you—"

"No, I'm not angry," I whispered. "I can't be angry at you for wanting freedom, Will. Never."

"Thank you, Clary." He kissed my forehead softly and I closed my eyes at the contact. "I want you to know that just because I'm leaving doesn't mean I'll forget what happened at this school, which is good and bad. I'll never forget my alcohol dependence or Ella's death, but I'll also never forget you, Jace, Sophie, Gideon, Gabriel, Isabelle, Cecily, Tessa, or Jem."

"Of course you'd never forget any of us

When are you leaving, Will?"

"A month and a half."

"Where are you going to go?"

"I don't know," he answered immediately. "Anywhere. Everywhere. Far away from here. That's all I know."

"Do you want me to come and say goodbye the day of?"

"No." Will's eyes closed for a second and then shot back open, the dark blue taking away whatever semblance of control I wielded. "Because you're the only thing that could convince me to stay. If I look at you before I walk away, then I'll be coming back."

What was left of my heart shattered, the tiny shards piercing my lungs. I couldn't breathe without pain, but I didn't know if I wanted to breathe. And then, the more I kept thinking about Will and how much I wanted to go with him, the more something in my chest felt like it was tearing and broken, the more sadness that cascaded over me, the more I felt like I was drowning in a room full of people who were oblivious and breathing, talking, laughing, and living.

And somewhere around that point, I felt the tears gather, but none of them would fall. The great emptiness inside my mind grew and festered on my misery until I was nothing but a blank sky at night, devoid of the light of stars and full of clouds that blocked out the moon.

And then I understood everything Will had said while we were in the turret.

I am such a horrible person. Firstly, for not updating until exactly a FREAKING MONTH later and secondly for Will. Yeah, feel free to verbally murder me through your reviews. I suck at happy endings; it's practically a proven fact. Also, I expect that I'll receive many reviews being all 'BUT YOU SAID THERE WOULD BE CLARILL IN THIS BLOODY CHAPTER!' yes, yes, I did, but did I ever clarify the degree? Oooh loophole.

Aside from my many apologies, thank you to each and every one of my readers, reviewers, followers, and favoriters! If I had the power to do so, I'd stick y'all in a turret with Will. . . heh heh.

This is a really short chapter but I promise to make the next one longer (and up much faster too)!

And what do y'all want to see as the next update? I've updated City of the Fallen, Game of Mirrors, and Elusive Scarlet so far, so that leaves Clockwork Academy, Dark Clarity, I'm Falling to Pieces, Fractals, Matching Shadows, and Clockwork Enigma (which I'm probably going to delete). It's like a Christmas Updates thingy from faeriegirl12 :D

Alyssa: Oh my God, believe me, I get so many feels from just writing this goddamn story. Ella Death Scene: that was me sobbing in the background and all over the poor laptop. This Chapter: me wallowing in the feels with my brain yelling me to stop writing this fic. Thanks for the review :)

fanfic-addict17: Oh gosh, thank you so much! That makes me super happy to hear that :) I was aiming for the depth and a good plot, so I am so freaking relieved to learn that's what you think! And Sebastian is pretty normal. . . for IHS at least. I haven't gone into too much 'life-story' with Sebastian, but in case you're curious, his is that the uncle he stayed with abused him so he developed depression and PTSD. Also, thanks for the song suggestion! I love 'Chandelier', and you're right: it fits this story very well indeed. Thanks for the awesome review!

Alexa: I've heard a lot of good things about Skillet, so I'm gonna go check it out on YouTube after I upload the new update! Your song suggestions are going to be super useful for a few chapters arriving in the near future :) Thanks for reviewing!

Guest: Haha, glad to entertain you with my weird-arse vocabulary! Thanks for the review :)

Fly On Maximum Taylor Ride: Well, I like to think of it as a multi-ship story. . . There's Clace, there's Clarill, and I haven't decided which ship will triumph.

Musical Dream: You flatter me! Thank you so so much; I'm honestly thrilled that COTF has (so far) had a positive reaction! I know what you mean about shabby work, and the amount of it irritates me when all I want is a good story, so I've tried to do the best job I can on my fics. I hear ya about Clace and for more Clace to happen, Jace has to become less of a jackass, so I'm working on that. . . as slowly as a fucking tortoise or something, but it's coming along :) Thanks for the review!

cabreragonzalez: Thanks! Good to know I got the pace right :D And thanks for reviewing!

harpreetjudge10: I love Clace too (omfg OTP alert) so I'm trying to incorporate more Clace into COTF (and failed so far because Jace has been 200% tactless douchebag lol). I've revealed the Wessa backstory, but who knows, I might "edit" that a little. . . Is it weird that when people tell me they cried at Ella's death scene I feel extremely happy because that tells me I got the scene right? Don't worry though; I was crying too. . . water stains still live on the homework that was in the waterworks' rampage. Hope you enjoy the update and thanks for reviewing!

Arelia Miles: Haha I'll take that into account for future chapters that may induce waterworks :) I really liked Ella too! She was definitely one of my favorite characters to write in this entire story, and it made me sad to kill her (which sounds positively psychopathic out of context). About Looking for Alaska though. . . THAT DAMN BOOK. Ruined anything with 'Alaska' in it for life in my mind, at least. What do you think of the update? Thanks for the review :)

Auriel: I know right?! Chp.15 made me feel super happy inside to write because CLACE OH MY GOD. Sorry, fangirl attack haha. No, thank you for reading! And thanks for reviewing too :)

Cheery Tropay Venturi: Thank you, you're awesome too because you review :D I love Will too and always have so I wanted to make him a little OOC because I didn't want him to be as. . . explosive towards Clary. But for now, I'm sort of making Jace chase Clary more. . . at least in my head. But writing Jon like that pissed me off! All he was trying to do was protect Clary, but it's like c'mon, Jon, no one likes their older brother spitting in their face. . . Thanks for reviewing :)