Authors Note: A drop into Middle Earth fiction piece *winks* but trust me to say that if this were a Mary Sue, I would rather shoot myself than be part of such an embarrassing and completely damaging venture. Just because I have included a minor female character in a story does not mean it is a Mary Sue. *stares at all readers straight in the eye* Now look at me…me Vana, loyal supporter to Anti Mary-Sue Legomances and wars against said girls with perfect hair, purple eyes and glowing skin…the fact they can fight with ease and are much better than any elf. Now as I say this, do you really think I would dare do such a thing? I have a Mary Sue story, I do…it is tucked away on my hard drive and no one is allowed to see it…or do you dare me to *squints at you*…thought not. Anyway…these people said in here are real, my two OC's are actually two good friends of mine of whom the girl is actually a martial arts Blue Belt. And she is damned good so there is no Mary Sue stuff ok, unless you want to insult her intelligence. This authors note I place here after getting some bad responses from ff.net …this is because I was becoming discouraged and was getting the inkling that people merely read the first word and labelled it 'Mary Sue'. As I say again…she is minor…the main character is a MAN for crying out loud…and I'll be damned…I have actually been told by a flippen EXPERT that he is no Marty Stu…in fact the whole story has been given the thumbs up by quite a few professional fanfic authors *is a bit chuffed* and I have been reassured that though I do need to work on a few literary factors…there is no risk of MS anywhere here *holds up the cyanide pill* I swear, I would rather die horribly than write one. The only romance I have ever written is Slash…got that...Slash. I'm too scared to write a Legomance…*shudders* far too risky for self-insertion. And I'll tell ye all something else…I have a great respect for book Legolas and Orlando Bloom, am no longer the screaming fangirl I once was *shudders yet again* and I vow never to insult either Tolkien's creations or the young man himself. *wipes brow* Now, after that quite lengthy A/N…I hope you all get the idea and I might get a bit more respect as I have a feeling that the open rejection and several flames coming through the mail have been part of the cause for my emotional turmoil lately.
Ok…be well, live life…don't crash (a Vana saying)
Disclaimer: I make a vow right now…to never own any of the great Tolkien's creations nor his world and ideas. I do not own anything apart from obvious OC's, inserted objects and all AU events. *bows respectfully* I say this is as a loyal Tolkienist and Scholar in Training…and I mean it.
Summery: The adventure begins at the 3rd chapter…but to put it as bluntly as possible…he drops into Middle Earth. *stops and stares, saying nothing more and forcing people to read to know anything else*. This is AU in some places, Avon is also the name of a beauty company in Australia who's lingo is "Ding Dong, Avon calling"…and the fact that Mel and I used to be Avon sales-persons ourselves did not help the matter as the boy Avon always got the brunt of the joke…poor guy, but he always laughed so it was good. This is Bookverse, the small mentions of the movie are so small they are almost invisible. (I actually have a few of the objects described here so there is no pun).

Very well…on with the story.

* ~ * ~ * ~*

CHAP 1: The Visit
She was upset again, it was obvious to no one but him, and that was only because he had known her for over 10 years. She looked a bit lost, standing there with the sign, his name plastered over it and he laughed inwardly, wondering how many people had come up and asked her what exactly did she mean by it. His name was not that strange when he was born, the other meaning hadn't even been invented yet, but as he grew, it became his curse. His past was not necessarily a dark one, just not a light one either, and they both shared it.

He plonked his heavy case on the ground and stood merely meters away from her, waiting to see whether she would see him amongst the crush of people about them. He hated airports; they were on his 'Most Likely To Sue' list, next to airplane food, having to sit next to triplet toddlers and 13 hours flights. She had been convincing enough, pleading with him for endless weeks, months and years to simply come over and pay her a visit. It was his studies, always his studies. They had seemed so important until now, but as they were circling over the patchwork quilt of the flat landscape below, he realized just what he had been missing.

He hitched his backpack on his shoulder, waiting for some sign of recognition as her eyes travelled over to him. They locked eyes, simply staring each other in a silent battle of strength. This was an old game, they used to play it when they were younger, so many years ago and it had always ended with them collapsing on the floor in laughter, their friends looking on in bemusement. His eyes took in the clothing she wore, perfect for winter as it was cold enough for that over here, even though it was only early autumn. He shuddered a little at the thought it would get even colder within a week. Her thick downy jacket hung open to reveal a black turtle neck sweater, a casual pair of blue jeans and hiking boots basically completed the look and he tried hard to keep his mouth from dropping open in disbelief. She was so slim, it was incredible, the point she had been making all this time in her letters about having no car so she had to bike-ride, and getting fit for backpacking, seemed to be plastered in front of him. He thought it to be a joke, he knew she had been fit before leaving, that was for sure as they used to wrestle, but she always had carried extra weight. She never seemed to be able to drop it and had always joked about size 16s having all the luck.

Himself? He was a stick, always had been, and always would be.

The silent battle of their eyes suddenly melted as her voice screeched over every other in the humongous hall, the lost look disappearing in seconds.

"AVON!!" He cringed a little but laughed as she dropped the sign, dashed under the rope separating them and literally jumped on him, grabbing him in a tight hug that he was sure would suffocate him if nothing were done.

"Hi Mel!" He said, loosing her hold around his neck. She did so readily and scowled.

"You don't see me for 6 years and all you can say is 'Hi Mel'?

He nodded and she grinned again.

"I've missed you so much." She hugged him again before reaching down to his case.

"No! I can…" He trailed off as she easily lifted it with one hand and literally skipped down towards the exit. He stood still for a moment, a little stunned before she turned around and waved to him.

"Come one! You'll get lost in here otherwise, they say there are more than 50 different exits." She grinned as he struggled to catch up, trying not to push too many people in his haste. He finally joined her and they walked together, chatting gaily about anything that came to mind, as they used to.

"Sooo, how do you like it here?" A feeble excuse for a convo starter, but Avon didn't have much of a clue as to how to start a conversation; Mel had been doing all the talking up until now.

"You know I love it, I wrote all the time." She was acting again, the pout was so convincing he had to stop in order to laugh without falling.

"I KNOW that, but I still don't know how much you like it here, and why, face to face." He calmed down a little and proceeded to walk alongside her again. She grinned as they reached the sliding doors.

"This is why." She pushed him in front of her and the doors opened, letting a bone-freezing gust of wind pour around him.

"Holy…Oh my go…shi…" He couldn't form any words; he had never felt this cold in a freezer. He turned around to make a dash back into the relative warmth of the airport but was stopped by a very firm hand.

"Nah ah, we gotta catch a train buddy." She pointed behind him and he turned slowly, teeth chattering and hands tucked firmly into the pockets of his jacket that he draped over his arm before, and was now inadequately covering him. A small shuttle bus stood in the bus zone, waiting to pick up people like them and take them either to another bus port, or to the central train station.

Avon simply nodded and ran, making it to the doors long before his friend and was about to hop on, when a kindly young man held out his hand and stopped him, smiling.

"Heb je een kaartje?"

Avon simply stared in shock.

"I, umm…What?"

"Oh, you from England!" The man grinned wider, happy to show off his English skills.

"No, no I'm from Australia." Avon was a little flabbergasted, Mel had warned him about this and even though he had tried to learn Dutch from his last girlfriend, it just was not coming to him easily enough.

"Oh Australie, it is very hot there sometimes?"

Avon nodded; he kinda liked this guy, even if the biting wind made him want to stand in a fire. The driver seemed to be totally unaffected by it.

"Yeah, er…Ik have…umm…en probleem wit de koud." He stammered, trying to dredge up some knowledge of this impossible language.

"Yes, it is a bit cold. But you'll get used to it, promise." Avon turned and saw that Mel had caught up with him and was now handing the driver a few coins, she motioned for him to come forward.

"Show your flight ticket and you get a discount." She whispered, picking up the case once more and handing him some money.

He did as she asked, thanked the driver and boarded the bus, flopping down next to her in exasperation.

"You came here for the winters?" He looked at her in disbelief as she nodded.

"Of course, you know how bad I was with the heat, and anyway, I like snow." She gave him 'The Look' and he shut up, saying nothing more on the situation as the bus rumbled to life and took them to their destination.

* * * *

"Double decker?" Avon stared in awe at the train, the lower windows were large and square, taking up most of the height. But along the top there were wide, short windows that presented the fact that there was another level to the electric beast.

"Yeah, but you gotta pay extra to go up there. Maybe next time." Mel grunted a little as she pulled the case behind her, Avon had enough.

"Look, I'll take it. You don't have to show me how strong you are, I think I've still got some bruises from last time." He snatched it away from her and she grinned up at him, her grey/green eyes sparkling with the memory.

They had dated once for about a month, but it hadn't deterred them from having the occasional wrestle. One had resulted in him laying in a crumpled heap in the small space between the wall and couch as they played 'Pod Racer'. It had hurt but all was forgiven when he was showered with kisses and apologies, she had promised never to do it again, 3 minutes later he was on the floor once more in even more pain.

He frowned, they had definitely had real chemistry back then, but it had dissipated into friendship again, at least for him. He knew she had harboured feelings for him, but the gem that now had a place on her finger said otherwise.

A promise ring.

"So, how long till we get there?" he asked as they settled down into the chairs, facing each other across the small gap between them and casually chucking bags and coats on the empty spaces.

"About an hour, you can sleep for a bit, you've been zoning again." She smiled and he laughed back, zoning had always been his and her specialty and they took special pride in it.

Somehow they had so much in common, and yet they were still a little distant. The time apart had taken a toll on their friendship and he wondered if they could rekindle the little spark that made it all worthwhile.

It seemed only moments later when he was roughly shaken.

"Wake up. We gotta go." He stood up abruptly, banging his head on the steel mash of the baggage tray and flopping down again, groaning into his hands.

"I said 'wake up', not 'knock yourself out'." Mel grinned with a bit of pity in her eyes as she helped him up again. He rubbed the top of his head lightly and grimaced.

"Yeah whatever." He looked up and peered out the frosty window. "We there?"

She nodded, very excited and he couldn't figure out why until he was dragged out of the train by his elbow, she had hold of his case yet again and he was left with the small travellers backpack. He stood on the platform for a moment, trying to gather his wits when a large shout came from one side of him.

"AVON!!" He gasped and trained his eyes on the huddled mass of humanity gathered a few meters away, they held a long banner and on it read:

'Welkom in Nederland Avon'

He looked down at his friend and gave her one of his worst evils. She shied away for a moment before the recognizable grin spread over her face.

"Welcome to my family!" She waved her hand over the group which then converged on the two, nearly crushing him in their midst as questions poured over him and hasty introductions were made.

"That's Jean-Pierre, his mum Henny, Jan, Jan and Jan…" She pointed to three different men and went onward. His head whirled, he knew of the fact that the Dutch side of her valued the name John as though it was irreplaceable, and it was far too confusing for him.

"…Jaque, Tante (Aunty) Matina..." She pointed to her small, old red-head aunt who's face lit up as she shook his hand vigorously, speaking in her halting English.

"…Marjan, Pieter, Ans, Krÿstle, Jos, Rÿnika, Hans, Bep and Hank…" She continued, by this time his arm felt like it would drop off, his cheeks itched from the traditional 3 kisses and his head felt like it would explode with all the information. So far the Dutch pronunciation of the Johns and her Aunty were the only things staying in his memory bank, everything else flew out the other ear to make room for more.

Finally she ceased and grinned once more.

"Iedereen! Dit is Avon."

He groaned, understanding the words perfectly. As if they didn't know already who he was, but she was only fooling and the small laugh that rippled through the 20 odd people standing there lifted his spirits considerably. They were VERY happy to finally meet him.

But then his smile faltered, where was her father? He looked down again and she read his thoughts.

"He's sick."

His mouth formed an O and he was hurried along once more, the relatives pushing him from each side, each one trying to gather him into a convo which was impossible. Their accents were just too thick to hear all at once.

Finally he was herded into a car, Mel hopped in next to him and her Aunt took the wheel. Avon was a little worried, from what he'd heard about her, it was not the driving that was important, just the 'looking good' part and he braced himself for a very hazardous ride.

* * * *

He gaped at his surroundings, seeing it truly for the first time. Mel said goodbye to the last family member (or was it another neighbour) and closed the door, the click was heard down the hall and in the living room in which Avon was standing in that very moment.

Stunned, it was the feeling of paralysis that was stopping him from even speaking about the sight. Surely she couldn't have been THIS involved?

Mel walked up and stood next to him for a moment, admiring it all with her own eyes as if she never tired of it, which was probably true.

The bookcase was filled to overflowing with fantasy and sci-fi books, mostly though were of Tolkien and untouched collectibles. There was solid oak furniture everywhere in the smallish space, from cupboards and side tables, to couches and decorative beams on the ceiling. Soft filmy blue curtains hung on the bay window and a two display cabinets stood on either side, both containing miniature helms, busts and fine jewellery set up on stands and back boards. In one case a whole shelf was devoted to a lone statuette, standing about 30cm high, the stance unmistakable of a blond elf with his bow drawn loosely and eyes piercing out at the room. She had told him about that one two years ago and hadn't shut up about it for ages, he couldn't see why. The guy who had played him was in his thirties now, getting old and was taken, for the third time by his last count. Who was he? Oh yes, Orlando…flowery name something.

The walls, though, held his eyes the most. She had somehow painstakingly painted in fine, flowing script, the elvish writing she so adored. It ran in a long strip on the wall around the entire room, along the skirting board near the ceiling. She had painted the skirting brown and had made it seem as though it were old wood, the writing was then done in golden gilt. It was beautiful, especially with the touches of flowers and vines creeping through the design. Even a butterfly made its appearance, suspended in motion forever.

Then of course were the VERY obvious things. Framed photo of…oh yeah, Orlando BLOOM and his autograph. Same with Elijah Wood and…hmm, Viggo Mortensen. There was also one of Cate; she had even added a little message… "To Mel, best of luck with your future career. I hope to see your work on the shelves very soon. Cate Blanchet".

A stand with rolled up posters wrapped in plastic stood directly beneath them, her prized Lord Of The Rings posters that she only took out to look at once in a while. A jar holding a rock, a piece of the set that she called "a chunk of Middle Earth" was on the window sill and above that to the right on the wall, her most prized possession, though he still didn't get it.

The golden band had somehow been mounted behind glass in front of a black velvet background, seeming as though it was suspended in mid air. It was cleverly done and he wondered how she was able to get the money for it all. She even had the deed for the mould for a pair of elven ears; it was shaped so it could even fit her if she got the consistency of the gelatinous substance right. She was still, as she had been the last 7 years, the biggest Tolkien fanatic he had ever known.

"So, what do you think? Was it as you expected?" She smiled and turned away, making her way to an archway that led to the small kitchen.

"Um, not really. I thought you had Gandalf himself here, you know, looking after you and all." He grinned and ducked as a cushion sailed over his head and hit the wall harmlessly.

"Oh you." She laughed and he followed her into the kitchen, stopping at the arch and waiting for the inevitable.

"Ding dong." He sang.

"Avon calling." She answered and they laughed again, it had been ages but the old joke was worth it.

He leaned against the arch and watched her passively as she prepared dinner, taking in her appearance once more. Without the jacket she looked even slimmer, almost boyish. Her short, cropped, copper hair emphasized her long, swanlike neck and the gentle curve of her spine. As she leaned over, her necklace hung loose and the mock golden ring dangled over air, the inscription decidedly faded from years of wear. From what he had heard, she never left the house without it round her neck, like a lucky charm or something.

She wore a red tight top with a modest neckline, he didn't expect anything less as she was very conscious of the "modesty" expected of her, she had never even worn hipsters.

"Ah crud." He tried not to smile as she dropped the packet of mince on the floor, was she expecting to have a feast of only two people? She stood for a moment, staring at it with a contemplative expression; finally she looked up at him.

"Frites?" He had no idea what she just said and she smiled.

"Chips, would you like to go out and get chips?" He nodded his head in agreement, and she cleaned up a bit before running back down the hall to grab her coat once more. Avon shook his head as he pulled on his shoes (she had forbidden anyone to wear them in the living room), would he ever get a handle of the country? If he was staying for a month, he'd better get a grip, and fast.

The cold air hit him once more and they walked out into the night, chatting again about menial things and food, like how much they would get, who can eat the fastest, who can eat the most…it continued. Just like the old days.


Tbc…



A/N: Tante is Dutch for Aunty, Jan is the Dutch spelling for John and frites is actually a Dutch way of presenting chips, it has mayo sauce on the side (non-salad dressing mayo…this stuff is creamy and soft and smooth) and for me it is heaven to eat. He he...er…I think that is about it. Review please…I really need some new reviews and maybe check out some of my other stories on ff.net? *hopeful look*. Ta ta.