Disclaimer: Gensomaden Saiyuki and its characters belong to Minekura-
sensei. We've done nothing to gain profit from this little fic. Well,
nothing financial that is, just the rippling warmth in our hearts when we
set these guys in yaoi scenes...
Warning: Before you read it, please be warned that this fic has a very dark tone with twisted angsty plot and sexual abuse content. Don't read if you don't have a heart to read these kinds of stuff or to see the characters in distress and pain.
Heal the Healer
A fanfiction of Gensomaden Saiyuki
Plotter: Yoong
Writer: Sumeragi Sakura
Part I : Light and Shadow
She smiled lovingly. Under the torrent of the pleasure gasps that were ripping her breath out of her throat, she cast a smile at him. A smile distorted by her silent scream, broken occasionally by her hoarse whispers of his name. She trashed her head to the side, gripping the bed sheet in sweet agony, trying to breathe still, while swallowing the moans from escaping her mouth. Her brown hair dampened with sweat, framing her face like a dark veil of the night embracing the pale moon.
He traced his hand over her glowing, damp skin. Tasting it with the tip of his fingers, mapping his territory over her. With eyes droopy with lust, he watched her writhing under his body, gasping his names in little moans and sobs.
He calmed her with his kisses. Hot and passionate were the lips that swallowed her swollen lips in tender caress. But what he did only turned her even more and when she raised her hips upwards, he could feel his arousal being gripped inside her wet, tight body.
Hot.
It was hot.
The kind of heat that could suffocate you to nothingness if you'd ever surrender yourself to it.
He did. He surrendered.
And it was hot. He closed his eyes, feeling flesh meeting flesh, clashing, moving, spasming in the maddening rhythm of pleasure. He let her took him. Dragging him to the point of madness, sucking him into a blissful oblivion. He let her rolled on top of him and she took him in. Throwing his head backward, he bit a loud groan back into his mouth.
She wrapped her heat around him. Hot and hard, she took him in, taking him into a world of pleasing sensations. He watched her threw her head backwards, opening her mouth for a silent plead. He could feel the little soul he had in him sucked away with every thrusts he rammed into her body.
He threw her pulsing body on the bed once more, riding her rolling hips roughly. He took her into his arms and panted his breath on her neck. She gripped his hair with one hand, while the other one was scorching bloody traces on the surface of his back with the nails.
It was hot. She was moving against him, sometimes slowly, sometimes roughly, like a graceful dance frozen in time. Her arms were all around him; her lips grazed his lips in a passionate kiss.
It was a soul-killing kiss, poisoned by lust, threatening him to lose himself in it. All the meanwhile, she kept moving, rolling and writhing, caressing him with her heat. She snaked her hands around his waist, pulling him deeper into her, adding more pleasure with every thrust.
He screamed a strained scream. As if the bestial animal inside him was struggling to be free, to escape from the confinement of his slender body. Like something new being born, exploding his body in a most pleasing way.
It was hot. She took him deeper and he lost himself in the depth of the pleasure, completely abandoning all reasoning, all courtesies, all common senses. Nothing mattered anymore, nothing except for the maddening throb in his groin where his body met hers. He took her hard, thrusting deeper and deeper, until he thought he would stabbed himself into her soul and locked himself in it.
Deeper...
Deeper and deeper, he surrendered himself into the pleasure.
His soul.
His body.
Together, their two bodies arched, riding the peak of sensations, howling each other's names to the heated air.
And then he woke up.
Thunder struck. From beneath the thudding sounds in his head, Cho Hakkai could vaguely hear its striking roar. He opened his eyes and saw nothing but darkness. The thunder struck again, flashing its silvery light into the dark room, making surrealistic shadows of objects to dance on the pale wall.
He could hear the panting of breath, heaving loudly in the heated air. It took him some moment to clear his head and realized that those were his own. He raised his body off the dampened bed, rubbing his sweat-soaked forehead with a trembling hand.
His mind was still bedazzled but his body instantly remembered.
A dream.
It was a dream.
The kind of dream he'd never thought he would be having anymore. Not after what had happened. Not after all of those painful years of forgetting and denying.
But his body never forgets.
And hence his mind succumbed to the deepest, darkest desire his heart buried inside.
Hakkai stroked his sweat-slicked hair backwards, hands messaging his temples. He couldn't be having these dreams. It had been so long. He had succeeded in getting over it. Getting over her. At least, he thought he had succeeded. The fact that he was still having these kinds of dreams was a proof that he had not.
It was more bearable at daylights. With things to do and people to meet, it was easier to forget her. But when the night fell, especially rainy nights like tonight, there was no place on earth where he could hide from the painful memories of her. Of her smile, of her voice. Of her touch and embraces.
He buried his face on his hands and cursed himself. Outside the window, the thunder struck again. His shoulder shuddered involuntarily, betraying his own feelings. I really should stop torturing myself, he thought. I really should stop.
But the stirring arousal in his pants wasn't helping. He felt it swollen and he groaned desperately, throwing his needful body back on the bed. Some vaguely muffled sounds were streaming through the wall of his room, crossing the room to reach his ear. He turned his head slowly to the wall and stared at it emptily.
"Gojyo., oh God! GOJYO...!"
The stifled screams reverberated through his room, shaking the still air as if the air was a fragile surface of glass and the screams cracked it to pieces. Hakkai turned his face away, trying to pretend that he wasn't hearing the intimate moaning from the next room. But then the wall thudded in a steadily fastening rhythm, an added orchestra for the symphony of lust performing there, with the sounds of the dropping rain acted as the perfect harmonizing background.
It was very much like Gojyo. Another night, another wench. He could tell really well, for the moaning voice was different with the one last night. For every night they had to spend in this run down inn in this godforsaken town, he had to listen to his friend ramming his ego into different girls. Every night.
Gods..
Enough is enough...
This was probably what had caused him to have that dream tonight. The dream of Kanan. Of her warm passionate love and her even warmer passionate touch. He had to groan, for when he remembered about his dream, he couldn't help to get aroused again.
That was just perfect...
He wouldn't be able to sleep again tonight.
And it wasn't because of his arousal.
Nor it was because of the lustfully delirious moans from the next room.
Nor it was because of the sounds of the pouring rain slapping on his window, nor because of the dead-cold air.
It was because of the fact that he had to face the truth for the rest of his life. The painful truth that Kanan would never ever be in his arms anymore .
+ + + + +
Today, Gojyo was feeling quite cheerful.
He walked out of his room with his hands in the pocket of his pants and his lips whistling a chipper tune. He walked down the inn's hallway in bobbing strides, a habit he always do whenever he was feeling light-hearted. Like today.
Oblivious to the major restless feeling of the rest of the Inn's, he swung open the door to the dining room in one spiritful blow and made his entrance.
"Good Morning, People," he threw a wide grin to the room.
A pair of dangerously slanted eyes glanced at his direction from behind the folds of a newspaper. Sanzo was reading the newspaper, ignoring his breakfast on the table. From the look on his face, one could easily tell that the Houshi-sama wasn't in one of his good moods. His scorching, yet cold, eyes never left Gojyo, who insensitively threw his happy butt on the chair across the holy monk, still whistling as happily as a lark.
A lark that had just enjoyed a whole night of hot, satisfying sex.
"So, what's for breakfast?" he lighted his cigarette and threw the cigarette box casually on the table, next to his breakfast plate.
"Your ass?" Sanzo's respond was quick and dry, still holding the newspaper across him.
Gojyo shot an eyebrow up. "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
The cold eyes behind the newspaper slanted even more dangerously. "Not the wrong side of the bed. Just the wrong part of the inn. Should've rent a the farthest room from yours."
"What's that suppose to mean?" Gojyo grumbled, while scratching his hair, eyes darting around the dining room. "Hey, where the hell's that waitress lady? A man needs his breakfast now and she's not around to serve him?"
"Isn't she still on your bed?"
Gojyo cracked a laugh. "Nay, I'm not interested in widows, even though she's still looking hot. The one's still on my bed is some wench I picked up from the bar. Hey, what's with your attitude this morning?"
"You tell me."
After grumbling so, Sanzo went back into burying his head behind the newspaper he was reading before Gojyo walked into the room. Gojyo frowned his brows, shooting a questioning look at Hakkai who had been sitting quietly eating his breakfast through the whole conversation.
"He didn't get much sleep last night," Hakkai told him, with a smile cast on his face.
"So?"
"He thinks it's your fault."
"Really. Why?"
"Well, let's just say, you weren't being very quiet last night."
"Not being very quiet? Hmph!" Sanzo snorted. "He could wake the people in the whole town. And I don't mean this town. I mean the people from the next town. You were practically banging her on the wall, I thought you were planning to tear down this inn."
Gojyo laughed. He wouldn't be laughing if he weren't feeling quiet upbeat today.
"Well, since I'm feeling too cozy to respond to your bitter remarks, Sanzo, I will let them pass. Besides, I don't think it's completely my fault that you couldn't sleep well last night. If you did what I did, I mean get yourself a hot chick to get laid with, you wouldn't even notice what I was doing in the next room. Just admit it, oh Sanzo-sama, you're just jealous that I was having all the fun and you didn't."
It only took a second to happen. Only Hakkai who clearly saw what happened. Gojyo hadn't even closed his mouth yet when Sanzo took out his gun from the fold of his robe, pointed it at Gojyo and pulled the trigger. The bullet dashed through Gojyo's magenta hair, missing his mouth a few inches away and hit the wall far behind him. A waitress who happened to be walking behind Gojyo screeched when the tea-pots on her tray was broken into pieces by the bullet. Everybody in the room stared at them, then at the hole on the wall made by the bullet.
The waitress girl fainted on the spot.
Hakkai ran to help the girl while repeatedly saying to the room that he was sorry.
"Ch, I missed. Must be because I haven't eaten yet," grumbled Sanzo casually.
Even Gojyo didn't know whether Sanzo deliberately did a miss-shot or not. "Or perhaps because you haven't had sex in years, huh, Sanzo?" sneered the red-haired epitome of obscenity. "Look, I'm just saying that it's a man's nature to occasionally relief himself. It's a healthy thing. And just so happen that I always find the right girls to help me in the process. Sorry about the noises, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, right?"
"Do what?" asked Goku, who had just entered the room and sat next to Sanzo.
His big, bright eyes were innocently blinked at Gojyo.
"Ah, our monkey has awaken!" grinned Gojyo.
Goku knitted his brows, which made him look even more like a cute, pouting, baby monkey. "Don't call me "monkey", Perverted Kappa! Now, what were you talking about? What's a man gotta do?"
"To get a good laid with every hot girl in town, " Gojyo said it matter-of- factly.
"You're a disgusting sick bastard," hissed Sanzo, in the same matter-of- factly tone too,
Goku frowned even harder. "I don't get it. Why are you always thinking about that? And I don't get it, why are you talking about it over food? Speaking of food, WHERE'S MY FOOD? Sanzoo, where's my breakfast? I'm starviiiiing.."
A thick vein of anger had popped up on Sanzo's temple and started to throb. His initial reaction was to reach for his holy fan and hit Goku's head with it. It was a reflex he thought he couldn't be blamed with, after years of putting up with the boy's irritating whining. But the boy shut his mouth the moment he saw Sanzo's untouched breakfast and started to eat it. Deciding that he'd rather loose his breakfast than to deal with Goku's whining so early in the morning, Sanzo didn't protest.
Hakkai went back to the table, sitting next to Gojyo. He resumed to his breakfast again, while eyeing Goku who was eating like he had never eaten before. There was not a single trace of restlessness and sleepiness on the boy. His eyes shone brightly, his skin looked puffed and fresh. He looked like someone who had just have a good, long, nice sleep last night,
Which was a wonder, since his room was also the one next to Gojyo's. Even Sanzo, whose room was two doors away from Gojyo's complained. But how could someone whose room was exactly next to the King of Obscenity's slept through the night peacefully?
Feeling intrigued, Hakkai decided to pursue the matter.
"Goku, did you sleep well last night?" he asked smilingly.
"Yeah," answered the boy without even looking up from his plate.
"You weren't disturbed? At all?"
"Oi, oi, Hakkai, are you ganging up on me too? I said I'm sorry, okay? I'll try to keep it down the next time," Gojyo shot his best friend a wounded look.
Hakkai smiled again. "No, no, it's not that. I'm just wondering why he could sleep well, since his room is right next to you. My room is also right next to you, but I couldn't sleep a wink."
"Why couldn't you sleep, Hakkai?" Goku blinked at the man.
The three other guys on the table turned and stared at the boy. Even Sanzo. Hakkai raised both of his eyebrows, completely amazed by this boy's naivete.
"You mean..you. you didn't hear the noise from Gojyo's room last night?" Hakkai asked again, more in disbelief than curious.
Goku shook his head. "No. What noise?"
Gojyo let out a laugh, shaking his shoulders and banging the table with his hand. Sanzo rubbed his temple, unsure of whether he should feel frustrated or relief.
Hakkai stared at him silently, bewilderment was clearly shown in his eyes.
Goku turned to look at both of Sanzo and Gojyo. "What? I didn't hear any..."
He froze, then turned slowly to look at Gojyo. "Gojyo, you brought a girl into your room again, didn't you?" accused him.
Gojyo shrugged, after recovering from his laugh. "Like I said, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Besides, I don't understand why some people will reject the warmth or the female kinds. It's a total loss, I tell ya! So, Sanzo, do you want me to set you up with another girl I met in the bar?"
While Gojyo and Sanzo fell into a discussion, or more of a quarrel, about the set-up of a blind date, much to Sanzo's disagreement, Goku resumed to his breakfast. Hakkai saw how the boy shook his head before he began to eat again, as if he was dismissing the thought out of his head.
As easily as a shake of the head.
How did he do this?, Hakkai frowned. How could this boy be this innocent? It was not like he had never exposed to such things. Being a travelling companion of Gojyo, spending those long hours on the Jeep listening to him talking about sex and all the girls he had been doing it with, couldn't make a boy to stay THAT innocent! It was not like he didn't know anything about it.
He just chose not to care.
And not just about the sex. He didn't seem to care so much about any romantical things. Or emotional things. How convenient, Hakkai thought with a bitter smile cast on his lips. Then, Goku would never know how painful it was to love someone and be loved so much, that it would tear you apart to lose that someone. Goku would never know the dark, empty feeling that had been torturing his heart for years, like an old wound that still bled. He would never feel the longing and the yearning, the aching sensation that crawls all over your skin every single night spent in lonely reveries. Chasing empty dreams that had long died but never disappeared from the mind. Neither consciously nor subconsciously.
Simply because he chose not to care.
How convenient.
How envious Goku made him feel.
If only, if only his life too could be that simple.
+ + + + +
Yoong's Note: It's been over a year since the last time I posted my Saiyuki fanfic here. And this is my first attempt at yaoi! Well, you may figure it out from the title, yep it's a Hakkai-centric fic. However, I'm not the biggest fan of Hakkai. Those who read my earlier fics might have known already who's my favorite character. I just thought of how to dig under Hakkai's usually placid smile to find his selfish-helpless side, which resulted in appearance of this fic.
Before you read it, please be warned that this fic has a very dark tone with twisted angsty plot and sexual abuse content. Don't read if you don't have a heart to read these kinds of stuff or to see the characters in distress and pain.
Lastly, thanks to Sakura, my dear teammate for her cooperation in making Heal the Healer!
Sumeragi Sakura's Little Rambling: This is the first time I co-write with anyone. Ever. I even do my school paper alone. But Yoong tricked me to like her plot and make me write it for her. *grins* Kidding. I love her plot. I would never have thought that Hakkai could be like..this. Oooh, if I say anything more, I'll spoil the plot. ^^;; Okay, this make all three of my Saiyuki fics angsty. Why's that? 0__o?
Warning: Before you read it, please be warned that this fic has a very dark tone with twisted angsty plot and sexual abuse content. Don't read if you don't have a heart to read these kinds of stuff or to see the characters in distress and pain.
Heal the Healer
A fanfiction of Gensomaden Saiyuki
Plotter: Yoong
Writer: Sumeragi Sakura
Part I : Light and Shadow
She smiled lovingly. Under the torrent of the pleasure gasps that were ripping her breath out of her throat, she cast a smile at him. A smile distorted by her silent scream, broken occasionally by her hoarse whispers of his name. She trashed her head to the side, gripping the bed sheet in sweet agony, trying to breathe still, while swallowing the moans from escaping her mouth. Her brown hair dampened with sweat, framing her face like a dark veil of the night embracing the pale moon.
He traced his hand over her glowing, damp skin. Tasting it with the tip of his fingers, mapping his territory over her. With eyes droopy with lust, he watched her writhing under his body, gasping his names in little moans and sobs.
He calmed her with his kisses. Hot and passionate were the lips that swallowed her swollen lips in tender caress. But what he did only turned her even more and when she raised her hips upwards, he could feel his arousal being gripped inside her wet, tight body.
Hot.
It was hot.
The kind of heat that could suffocate you to nothingness if you'd ever surrender yourself to it.
He did. He surrendered.
And it was hot. He closed his eyes, feeling flesh meeting flesh, clashing, moving, spasming in the maddening rhythm of pleasure. He let her took him. Dragging him to the point of madness, sucking him into a blissful oblivion. He let her rolled on top of him and she took him in. Throwing his head backward, he bit a loud groan back into his mouth.
She wrapped her heat around him. Hot and hard, she took him in, taking him into a world of pleasing sensations. He watched her threw her head backwards, opening her mouth for a silent plead. He could feel the little soul he had in him sucked away with every thrusts he rammed into her body.
He threw her pulsing body on the bed once more, riding her rolling hips roughly. He took her into his arms and panted his breath on her neck. She gripped his hair with one hand, while the other one was scorching bloody traces on the surface of his back with the nails.
It was hot. She was moving against him, sometimes slowly, sometimes roughly, like a graceful dance frozen in time. Her arms were all around him; her lips grazed his lips in a passionate kiss.
It was a soul-killing kiss, poisoned by lust, threatening him to lose himself in it. All the meanwhile, she kept moving, rolling and writhing, caressing him with her heat. She snaked her hands around his waist, pulling him deeper into her, adding more pleasure with every thrust.
He screamed a strained scream. As if the bestial animal inside him was struggling to be free, to escape from the confinement of his slender body. Like something new being born, exploding his body in a most pleasing way.
It was hot. She took him deeper and he lost himself in the depth of the pleasure, completely abandoning all reasoning, all courtesies, all common senses. Nothing mattered anymore, nothing except for the maddening throb in his groin where his body met hers. He took her hard, thrusting deeper and deeper, until he thought he would stabbed himself into her soul and locked himself in it.
Deeper...
Deeper and deeper, he surrendered himself into the pleasure.
His soul.
His body.
Together, their two bodies arched, riding the peak of sensations, howling each other's names to the heated air.
And then he woke up.
Thunder struck. From beneath the thudding sounds in his head, Cho Hakkai could vaguely hear its striking roar. He opened his eyes and saw nothing but darkness. The thunder struck again, flashing its silvery light into the dark room, making surrealistic shadows of objects to dance on the pale wall.
He could hear the panting of breath, heaving loudly in the heated air. It took him some moment to clear his head and realized that those were his own. He raised his body off the dampened bed, rubbing his sweat-soaked forehead with a trembling hand.
His mind was still bedazzled but his body instantly remembered.
A dream.
It was a dream.
The kind of dream he'd never thought he would be having anymore. Not after what had happened. Not after all of those painful years of forgetting and denying.
But his body never forgets.
And hence his mind succumbed to the deepest, darkest desire his heart buried inside.
Hakkai stroked his sweat-slicked hair backwards, hands messaging his temples. He couldn't be having these dreams. It had been so long. He had succeeded in getting over it. Getting over her. At least, he thought he had succeeded. The fact that he was still having these kinds of dreams was a proof that he had not.
It was more bearable at daylights. With things to do and people to meet, it was easier to forget her. But when the night fell, especially rainy nights like tonight, there was no place on earth where he could hide from the painful memories of her. Of her smile, of her voice. Of her touch and embraces.
He buried his face on his hands and cursed himself. Outside the window, the thunder struck again. His shoulder shuddered involuntarily, betraying his own feelings. I really should stop torturing myself, he thought. I really should stop.
But the stirring arousal in his pants wasn't helping. He felt it swollen and he groaned desperately, throwing his needful body back on the bed. Some vaguely muffled sounds were streaming through the wall of his room, crossing the room to reach his ear. He turned his head slowly to the wall and stared at it emptily.
"Gojyo., oh God! GOJYO...!"
The stifled screams reverberated through his room, shaking the still air as if the air was a fragile surface of glass and the screams cracked it to pieces. Hakkai turned his face away, trying to pretend that he wasn't hearing the intimate moaning from the next room. But then the wall thudded in a steadily fastening rhythm, an added orchestra for the symphony of lust performing there, with the sounds of the dropping rain acted as the perfect harmonizing background.
It was very much like Gojyo. Another night, another wench. He could tell really well, for the moaning voice was different with the one last night. For every night they had to spend in this run down inn in this godforsaken town, he had to listen to his friend ramming his ego into different girls. Every night.
Gods..
Enough is enough...
This was probably what had caused him to have that dream tonight. The dream of Kanan. Of her warm passionate love and her even warmer passionate touch. He had to groan, for when he remembered about his dream, he couldn't help to get aroused again.
That was just perfect...
He wouldn't be able to sleep again tonight.
And it wasn't because of his arousal.
Nor it was because of the lustfully delirious moans from the next room.
Nor it was because of the sounds of the pouring rain slapping on his window, nor because of the dead-cold air.
It was because of the fact that he had to face the truth for the rest of his life. The painful truth that Kanan would never ever be in his arms anymore .
+ + + + +
Today, Gojyo was feeling quite cheerful.
He walked out of his room with his hands in the pocket of his pants and his lips whistling a chipper tune. He walked down the inn's hallway in bobbing strides, a habit he always do whenever he was feeling light-hearted. Like today.
Oblivious to the major restless feeling of the rest of the Inn's, he swung open the door to the dining room in one spiritful blow and made his entrance.
"Good Morning, People," he threw a wide grin to the room.
A pair of dangerously slanted eyes glanced at his direction from behind the folds of a newspaper. Sanzo was reading the newspaper, ignoring his breakfast on the table. From the look on his face, one could easily tell that the Houshi-sama wasn't in one of his good moods. His scorching, yet cold, eyes never left Gojyo, who insensitively threw his happy butt on the chair across the holy monk, still whistling as happily as a lark.
A lark that had just enjoyed a whole night of hot, satisfying sex.
"So, what's for breakfast?" he lighted his cigarette and threw the cigarette box casually on the table, next to his breakfast plate.
"Your ass?" Sanzo's respond was quick and dry, still holding the newspaper across him.
Gojyo shot an eyebrow up. "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
The cold eyes behind the newspaper slanted even more dangerously. "Not the wrong side of the bed. Just the wrong part of the inn. Should've rent a the farthest room from yours."
"What's that suppose to mean?" Gojyo grumbled, while scratching his hair, eyes darting around the dining room. "Hey, where the hell's that waitress lady? A man needs his breakfast now and she's not around to serve him?"
"Isn't she still on your bed?"
Gojyo cracked a laugh. "Nay, I'm not interested in widows, even though she's still looking hot. The one's still on my bed is some wench I picked up from the bar. Hey, what's with your attitude this morning?"
"You tell me."
After grumbling so, Sanzo went back into burying his head behind the newspaper he was reading before Gojyo walked into the room. Gojyo frowned his brows, shooting a questioning look at Hakkai who had been sitting quietly eating his breakfast through the whole conversation.
"He didn't get much sleep last night," Hakkai told him, with a smile cast on his face.
"So?"
"He thinks it's your fault."
"Really. Why?"
"Well, let's just say, you weren't being very quiet last night."
"Not being very quiet? Hmph!" Sanzo snorted. "He could wake the people in the whole town. And I don't mean this town. I mean the people from the next town. You were practically banging her on the wall, I thought you were planning to tear down this inn."
Gojyo laughed. He wouldn't be laughing if he weren't feeling quiet upbeat today.
"Well, since I'm feeling too cozy to respond to your bitter remarks, Sanzo, I will let them pass. Besides, I don't think it's completely my fault that you couldn't sleep well last night. If you did what I did, I mean get yourself a hot chick to get laid with, you wouldn't even notice what I was doing in the next room. Just admit it, oh Sanzo-sama, you're just jealous that I was having all the fun and you didn't."
It only took a second to happen. Only Hakkai who clearly saw what happened. Gojyo hadn't even closed his mouth yet when Sanzo took out his gun from the fold of his robe, pointed it at Gojyo and pulled the trigger. The bullet dashed through Gojyo's magenta hair, missing his mouth a few inches away and hit the wall far behind him. A waitress who happened to be walking behind Gojyo screeched when the tea-pots on her tray was broken into pieces by the bullet. Everybody in the room stared at them, then at the hole on the wall made by the bullet.
The waitress girl fainted on the spot.
Hakkai ran to help the girl while repeatedly saying to the room that he was sorry.
"Ch, I missed. Must be because I haven't eaten yet," grumbled Sanzo casually.
Even Gojyo didn't know whether Sanzo deliberately did a miss-shot or not. "Or perhaps because you haven't had sex in years, huh, Sanzo?" sneered the red-haired epitome of obscenity. "Look, I'm just saying that it's a man's nature to occasionally relief himself. It's a healthy thing. And just so happen that I always find the right girls to help me in the process. Sorry about the noises, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, right?"
"Do what?" asked Goku, who had just entered the room and sat next to Sanzo.
His big, bright eyes were innocently blinked at Gojyo.
"Ah, our monkey has awaken!" grinned Gojyo.
Goku knitted his brows, which made him look even more like a cute, pouting, baby monkey. "Don't call me "monkey", Perverted Kappa! Now, what were you talking about? What's a man gotta do?"
"To get a good laid with every hot girl in town, " Gojyo said it matter-of- factly.
"You're a disgusting sick bastard," hissed Sanzo, in the same matter-of- factly tone too,
Goku frowned even harder. "I don't get it. Why are you always thinking about that? And I don't get it, why are you talking about it over food? Speaking of food, WHERE'S MY FOOD? Sanzoo, where's my breakfast? I'm starviiiiing.."
A thick vein of anger had popped up on Sanzo's temple and started to throb. His initial reaction was to reach for his holy fan and hit Goku's head with it. It was a reflex he thought he couldn't be blamed with, after years of putting up with the boy's irritating whining. But the boy shut his mouth the moment he saw Sanzo's untouched breakfast and started to eat it. Deciding that he'd rather loose his breakfast than to deal with Goku's whining so early in the morning, Sanzo didn't protest.
Hakkai went back to the table, sitting next to Gojyo. He resumed to his breakfast again, while eyeing Goku who was eating like he had never eaten before. There was not a single trace of restlessness and sleepiness on the boy. His eyes shone brightly, his skin looked puffed and fresh. He looked like someone who had just have a good, long, nice sleep last night,
Which was a wonder, since his room was also the one next to Gojyo's. Even Sanzo, whose room was two doors away from Gojyo's complained. But how could someone whose room was exactly next to the King of Obscenity's slept through the night peacefully?
Feeling intrigued, Hakkai decided to pursue the matter.
"Goku, did you sleep well last night?" he asked smilingly.
"Yeah," answered the boy without even looking up from his plate.
"You weren't disturbed? At all?"
"Oi, oi, Hakkai, are you ganging up on me too? I said I'm sorry, okay? I'll try to keep it down the next time," Gojyo shot his best friend a wounded look.
Hakkai smiled again. "No, no, it's not that. I'm just wondering why he could sleep well, since his room is right next to you. My room is also right next to you, but I couldn't sleep a wink."
"Why couldn't you sleep, Hakkai?" Goku blinked at the man.
The three other guys on the table turned and stared at the boy. Even Sanzo. Hakkai raised both of his eyebrows, completely amazed by this boy's naivete.
"You mean..you. you didn't hear the noise from Gojyo's room last night?" Hakkai asked again, more in disbelief than curious.
Goku shook his head. "No. What noise?"
Gojyo let out a laugh, shaking his shoulders and banging the table with his hand. Sanzo rubbed his temple, unsure of whether he should feel frustrated or relief.
Hakkai stared at him silently, bewilderment was clearly shown in his eyes.
Goku turned to look at both of Sanzo and Gojyo. "What? I didn't hear any..."
He froze, then turned slowly to look at Gojyo. "Gojyo, you brought a girl into your room again, didn't you?" accused him.
Gojyo shrugged, after recovering from his laugh. "Like I said, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Besides, I don't understand why some people will reject the warmth or the female kinds. It's a total loss, I tell ya! So, Sanzo, do you want me to set you up with another girl I met in the bar?"
While Gojyo and Sanzo fell into a discussion, or more of a quarrel, about the set-up of a blind date, much to Sanzo's disagreement, Goku resumed to his breakfast. Hakkai saw how the boy shook his head before he began to eat again, as if he was dismissing the thought out of his head.
As easily as a shake of the head.
How did he do this?, Hakkai frowned. How could this boy be this innocent? It was not like he had never exposed to such things. Being a travelling companion of Gojyo, spending those long hours on the Jeep listening to him talking about sex and all the girls he had been doing it with, couldn't make a boy to stay THAT innocent! It was not like he didn't know anything about it.
He just chose not to care.
And not just about the sex. He didn't seem to care so much about any romantical things. Or emotional things. How convenient, Hakkai thought with a bitter smile cast on his lips. Then, Goku would never know how painful it was to love someone and be loved so much, that it would tear you apart to lose that someone. Goku would never know the dark, empty feeling that had been torturing his heart for years, like an old wound that still bled. He would never feel the longing and the yearning, the aching sensation that crawls all over your skin every single night spent in lonely reveries. Chasing empty dreams that had long died but never disappeared from the mind. Neither consciously nor subconsciously.
Simply because he chose not to care.
How convenient.
How envious Goku made him feel.
If only, if only his life too could be that simple.
+ + + + +
Yoong's Note: It's been over a year since the last time I posted my Saiyuki fanfic here. And this is my first attempt at yaoi! Well, you may figure it out from the title, yep it's a Hakkai-centric fic. However, I'm not the biggest fan of Hakkai. Those who read my earlier fics might have known already who's my favorite character. I just thought of how to dig under Hakkai's usually placid smile to find his selfish-helpless side, which resulted in appearance of this fic.
Before you read it, please be warned that this fic has a very dark tone with twisted angsty plot and sexual abuse content. Don't read if you don't have a heart to read these kinds of stuff or to see the characters in distress and pain.
Lastly, thanks to Sakura, my dear teammate for her cooperation in making Heal the Healer!
Sumeragi Sakura's Little Rambling: This is the first time I co-write with anyone. Ever. I even do my school paper alone. But Yoong tricked me to like her plot and make me write it for her. *grins* Kidding. I love her plot. I would never have thought that Hakkai could be like..this. Oooh, if I say anything more, I'll spoil the plot. ^^;; Okay, this make all three of my Saiyuki fics angsty. Why's that? 0__o?