New Moon Rewound

Disclaimer: All the characters in the story are the property of Stephanie Meyer. I have borrowed them for my entertainment and (hopefully) your reading pleasure. I make no profit from their use.

Chapter 50: Decision

I am almost done with my latest composition in honor of Bella, "Sun in the Darkest Night." It is probably the most complex piece that I have even written. It begins slow, solemn, and sad, giving voice to my hopeless fear that I would spend the rest of my existence alone and without the love and devotion that I saw surrounding me. My parents and siblings were irrevocably bound to "another," somewhere to share this endless night with.

When I first met Bella, I likened her to a shooting star or comet passing through my night. But that was not truly what she was. My recognition of her as "the one" felt transient, something that could temporarily light the black sky, but never last. But she did last. No, the better metaphor is that she was like a new moon, her outlines scarcely visible at first.

But day after day, week after week, month after month, she gradually emerged, slowly revealing herself to be a full moon, forever orbiting me, the dark planet, lighting by reflecting the sun that could never fully shine on me. And we were bound together, gravity holding us together with invisible strings through empty space. And so, the music gradually picks up its pace and mood, as my eternal night is illuminated by her glow.

But most important of all is that I am no longer alone. Where had she been hiding all these years? Had she been aimlessly wandering through space, a satellite without a home? Had I been looking for her? No, I had not been looking for her or even out for her. I was resolved to exist within this permanent state of being or not being, whatever the case may be.

Initially, I tried to push her away, to avoid her for her own good. But she was tenacious. Once she realized that I was the planet she was looking forms by finding me her aimless wandering was over, she refused to fight the pull she felt towards me. She knew before I did that we needed each other to survive this endless night. Now that she had entered my orbit, the only way for her to leave was through her destruction.

An odd thing has happened over these past weeks living together here in the cold and barren place. The longer that I have spent in her presence, not doing anything other than enjoying each other's company in the simple pleasures of life, the more attached to her I have become. I cannot exist without my reason for being.

And stubborn thing that she is. She refuses to be a satellite anymore. She wants a full place in our partnership. She wants to be equal to me and no longer my subordinate. But that won't happen until she is like me. At least she has gotten over her latest temper tantrum. Of course, I know better than to call it that in front of her. It's just so difficult when there is such a large age gap between us not to view her as a child.

Alice had warned me several times that we are headed for a huge argument over that issue if I don't cut it out. She sees it coming, clear as day if I didn't mend my ways. And if Alice sees it, then I can see it as well. But what can I do? She's so fragile and vulnerable. I can't even think of what I would do if anything happened to her.

She sits beside me now, listening to her lullaby, so close and yet so far. I want nothing more than to grab her and make love to her as passionately as I can without breaking her. Yet until she is turned, I can't give in to those desires withoit breaking her. Alice has seen that too. And so, when I hear Carlisle's thoughts as he is racing back to the, I don't fully believe it.

"What? Really?" I yell as Carlisle runs in the room.

"I just got off the phone with Sam," he says.

"I know! I know!" I reply impatiently. "You're thinking too quickly for me to follow. What did he say? What does this mean?"

"Calm down, Edward," he answers as Bella rushes over to me.

"What's wrong?" she asks fearfully.

"Nothing," he answers. "But I want both of you to sit down and listen carefully."

And it's better if I take my time and tell it properly, Edward. Don't interrupt me or her human mind won't be able to absorb it. We must go about this slowly so that she can take in and process every detail.

"Can I just ask one question?" Bella says tearfully. "Is Charlie okay?"

"Yes!" Carlisle and I say together.

"This has nothing to do with Charlie," Carlisle assures her, giving me a glare. "In fact, he doesn't even know it happened."

"Victoria?" she whispers.

"Yes," Carlisle says patiently, as I keep my mouth shut. "Now please let me tell you the story."

Bella nods and sits quietly beside me on the piano bench. I automatically put my arm around her, even though I know that what we are about to hear is good news.

"I just got off the phone with Sam," Carlisle repeats. "It looks like they have destroyed Victoria."

"What?" she asks in confusion. "But thirteen vampires couldn't get her. How did they?"

"I had Sam explain it to me twice," he says. "After the incident with the hikers, he decided to expand their perimeter. Until then, they had had two wolves in the village and three wolves on patrol, each taking a different sector. Since they knew how difficult it would be to capture Victoria if she knew that they were on to her, Sam decided that he, as the strongest wolf, would guard the village alone. It would allow him to coordinate things if they ran into any problems.

"The other four would run in pairs. Paul and Jared were running the sector where Victoria had acted, while Embry and Jacob would run the opposite sector, which in included our property. Jacob apparently thought that she might try to hide out there because the area was still saturated with 'vampire stink,' including her own scent."

"That's an excellent deduction on his part," I say. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"That's okay," Carlisle says.

I guess this is a good stopping point to let her consider what I have told her so far.

"I guess that you can see that while Ephraim's excellent analytical genes bypassed Billy," he adds. "At least they have shown up in Jacob."

"Jacob and Embry took out Victoria," Bella says suddenly. "And then they burned her right away and came back to Emily's house to tell them."

"That's almost exactly what happened," Carlisle says. "Except that they didn't immediately go back to Emily's. How did you know?"

"My nightmare, remember?" she says. "The one where Quil and his grandfather tricked me into getting caught by Sam, Jared, and Paul. They were going out to destroy Edward when he crossed the line, but Jacob and Embry beat them to the punch."

"Yes, of course," Carlisle says. "This makes sense. We disappeared from Forks, so they captured Victoria instead of Edward. You protected Edward when you needed to come here to escape your fear of being a threat to the safety of others."

"How pissed off are Emmett and Jasper that the wolves destroyed her and they didn't?" I ask.

"Pretty pissed off," he says. "I asked them to stay out your listening range so that I wouldn't have to compete with their mental voices to tell the story."

"That was a good idea," I say. "Tell Bella how it happened."

I already know how the attack went down, but I want to let him tell it.

Thanks, Edward.

"They were on patrol this morning near the river at our place cease they picked up her scent in the woods and followed it in," he says. "And they caught sight of her red hair. They could smell the stronger scent over all the old ones, so they gave chase.

"It's rather difficult to believe that she didn't just cross the river, but she went up into the trees. At least they were expecting that move. As they were running, Sam was watching and giving them directions."

"Smart move," I remark.

"Jacob's idea again, he called Sam through the telepathic connection," Carlisle says. "He said that Paul and Jared were watching too as they raced over to help. Jacob admitted that he didn't know what the hell he was supposed to do out there.

"The wolves have superior speed to a vampire. They kind of chased her out to the edge of the woods where there was nowhere left to go but down, and she wanted to keep moving. I guess that she didn't like the idea of being treed by the dogs."

"I could tell from her thoughts that she had a rather scathing view of the wolves," I say. "So did she underestimate them?"

"Yes, but any vampire would have except for you," Carlisle says. "Sam had a multidimensional view of the chase because he could watch through both Jacob and Embry's eyes. And because he wasn't running himself, he could focus on directing the action. That was an amazing edge that even we didn't have up here."

"That's amazing," I say. "What an incredible strategy. I never saw anything like it in the minds of the older generation. And Jacob is only a pup. Imagine what kind of strategic thinking he will have when he fully matures! He may end up as Alpha after all."

"Sam ordered Embry to go for the kill, going in from behind her," he continues. "When she was stunned, Jacob came in and further pinned her down, by leaping over and around her. When they finished tearing her apart, Sam wanted to leave her no opportunity to regroup, so to speak. He ordered them to burn her right there. Then he and the other two ran up to see it for themselves."

"And they knew it was definitely her?" I ask.

"Well, it was definitely a female vampire with red hair that had Victoria's scent," Carlisle says. "Jacob was in pain by the time they got there. And the smoke was thick and purple, the way their great-grandfathers had described it."

"So are they going to just give up their precautions?" Bella asks.

"They can't," Carlisle says. "It's not like they can just go over to the police station and tell Charlie that he has nothing left to worry about because they caught the vampire responsible for the disappearances. And after Billy's initial remark about having it covered, they have to keep up the patrols and living carefully."

"I guess not," Bella says. "I don't think that Charlie could stand the shock of hearing about vampires and werewolves in the area."

"Sam is pulling the wolves' patrols back to their boundaries," Carlisle says. "And he asked when we were returning to Forks. I told him mid-January when the second term starts. In about a month, Bella, we will tell Charlie that you are returning to start up the second term and graduate with your class. We will say that you have made excellent progress, but we want to make sure that you have fully recovered."

"Can I go back for a visit at Christmas?" she asks hesitantly. "Just for a couple of days?"

"I hadn't thought of that," Carlisle says. "We will think about it. I know that it would mean a lot to you both."

"That would be great," she says. "And then we can tell Dr. Weber the same thing. We can have our wedding in June like we planned. We can go to the Christmas service and maybe even bring Charlie. I would live to see Angela again."

"Yes, that would also be nice for you. After the wedding, then you and Edward can leave for an extended honeymoon in an undisclosed location," he says. "And we will 'move east' to be closer to the other three, who will be there working at internships."

"I thought Rosalie wanted to go to Europe," Bella says.

"It doesn't matter where she goes," Carlisle explains. "We are telling everyone that she is going to take a summer internship somewhere."

"How about the Ford Motor Company?" Bella asks.

"She'll like that idea," he says. "And the rest of the family likes the idea that we can now relax and enjoy the rest of our time here. There is one decision that you may have to make when we get back though, Bella."

"What is that?" she asks faintly.

"If Charlie accepts the engagement, he will want you to return home," he replies. "That choice is obviously up to you, but I think that you should. If he wants to make amends, you should let him. It will be best for both of you. But that's only my opinion. It's a choice that only you can make."

"What do you think, Edward?" she asks me.

"I think that you should make your own choice based on what you want, not on what I want," I reply.

"Oh," she says. "It's just that I've gotten used to living with all of you. I like it."

"You obviously won't have to make a decision until you know what he decides regarding the engagement," Carlisle says. "But you should think about it. And I wouldn't recommend taking a poll of the family. You are likely to get thirteen conflicting opinions."

"I'm sure that I would," she says. "This feels kind of weird to think that after all these months of living in fear, she's really gone."

"Yes, you are going to take some time to adjust to that," Carlisle says. "And now that that trauma is over, you can start to think about the good things in your life. You will be returning to school in January, graduating in May, and getting married in June. For the rest of the time you are up here this winter, you can enjoy it more and have more freedom in going out, but you will be limited by the severe cold."

"I know," she says. "But why can't you just change me into a vampire? Then I wouldn't have to worry about the cold. And I could do everything that everyone else can do."

Okay, it looks like we are going to have to directly deal with this issue once and for all. Otherwise she's going to be fretting over it for the rest of the time we are here.

"Edward and I have discussed this," Carlisle says looking at me. "But he wants to tell you about it himself."

Bella turns and looks at me expectantly. My heart sinks a little bit because I know that she thinks that she has won. But now how I have to explain all the angles and why it's not as simple as she thought.

She has to know that this is her choice and that you are willing to not just accept it, but also embrace it. Now that she no longer had the threat Victoria hanging over her head, she can make it freely and without fear.

"Bella," I say carefully. "I have discussed this with both Eleazar and Carlisle. Not because I want to leave you out, but because they are my two respected mentors. As you know, I have been reluctant to change you because you were afraid of Victoria. But now that she is no longer a threat, I feel that I should not make this decision for you any more."

"What decision?" she asks slowly.

"The decision about whether or not I change you now or in June," he says. "If you want me to change you now, then you are making a choice to cut all ties with your family and friends in Forks. Once you are changed, we will not go back there."

"Why can't I go back?" she asks, her voice trembling. "What would so hard about it?"

"We have talked about this," I say. "And I believe that Carmen has given you a detailed description of the change and what happens after. I am not talking about the burning. I am talking about the differences in your appearance when you wake up."

"How do you know what she said?" she asks with an edge in her voice. "Were you eavesdropping?"

"No, but she was thinking about it last night," I reply. "And she was hoping that she hadn't frightened you."

"She didn't," Bella says. "It was interesting to hear her talk about what happened when she woke. And she didn't see herself until she looked into the water and saw her reflection."

"What was her instinctive reaction when she saw herself?" I ask.

Bella thinks for a minute and then looks down.

"She said that she knew that she had to hide," she admits. "She knew that she no longer looked normal and was afraid of what the humans would think. She was scared that they would kill her."

"How did she describe her new appearance?"

"The first thing that she noticed was her pale white skin shining in the moonlight," she replies. "Then she saw that her eyes were bright red and her hair was longer and thicker. She said that that her features had smoothed out and perfected, like a marble statue. And she noticed the ringing in her voice when she screamed. It was like a church bell."

"So these are the changes that you will see when you are turned," I say.

"But won't my eyes turn gold from the animal blood diet?" she asks.

"It has taken Laurent's eyes eight months to cool down, as we say, to the point where they are amber-colored," I say. "And that's not just because he cheated a few times. As a newborn, your eyes will be a brighter red than you've ever seen, it took the rest of us about twelve months before they cooled to their present color."

"Oh," she says. "Couldn't I wear contacts?"

"You would be putting in new ones several times a day," I reply. "The venom destroys the lenses."

"I can handle that," she says. "What else?"

"How do you know there's a what else?" I ask.

"Your tone of voice," she says.

"You would not be able to touch anyone," I say. "Because of the cold and hardness of your skin. Now you could cover that by saying that you are uncomfortable touching people. But then you have to remember that, and not give way to an impulse like giving Angela or your father a hug. And we would have to pretend not to be married. That is going to more difficult than you realize once you are a vampire."

"We could wait and get married in June," she suggests.

"Have you seen the way that Irina and Laurent look at each other, not to mention how often they disappear because they can't control their appetite for each other anymore?" I say smiling at the thought. "That level of adoration, there's no other word for it, lasts for a good ten years. In the case of Emmett and Rosalie, I don't think that they ever have gotten past it."

"I've noticed," she says. "I've always thought that it was kind of sweet."

"But it also took them a few years to figure out how to control it in front of the humans, or anyone else for that matter," I reply. "It's not as easy as it looks. Your capacity to love your mate deepens in ways that I cannot even begin to describe to you. You will only know it after you have changed and are a vampire."

"I thought that you weren't going to try to discourage me," she says as she begins to pout.

"I'm not," I say. "I am giving you the facts. Once you are changed it cannot be reversed. Since you are choosing this existence, you actually have the opportunity to prepare for not only the transformation, but the transition."

"What do you think?" she says. "Stop thinking about what's good for me and tell me what you think. What do you want?"

I pause for a moment. I have never thought about this issue in terms of my own wants and desires. It has always been in terms of doing what is best for Bella. But as I told her early on in our relationship, I am essentially a selfish creature. And just as I didn't want to stay away from her then, I don't want to stay away from her any longer.

I love her and want to begin our eternal existence as soon as possible. With Carlisle here right now, I could bite her and do it. But there is something more. I also don't want to return to Forks and play our human charade there any longer. I enjoy being up here with the family where I can be myself. For the first time in ninety years, I finally feel comfortable with what I am. I don't want to lose that. Then Carlisle interrupts my thoughts.

Whatever it is that you're thinking, Edward, you have to be honest and tell her. If you are going to be honest about the impact on her life, you must also be honest about the way that it will impact yours

I give him a little nod.

"Bella," I say taking a deep breath. "If you are ready to change right now, then I am ready to change you. We can get married after the transformation is complete. I love you more than anything and I want to be your true mate right now. But I also don't want to go back to Forks. I don't want to have to pretend to be your boyfriend. I don't want to even pretend to be human for a long time."

"So then I won't be able to have my cake and eat it too," she says, her face falling.

"That's oversimplifying things too much," I say. "We aren't talking about cake. We are talking about a permanent change that affects both of our lives in different ways. I am putting the decision in your hands because I want, more than anything else, for you to be happy. And I don't want to mar the early days of our new life together because you have regrets about the timing of your change."

"But what would I say to Charlie?" she asks.

"This isn't about Charlie," I answer. "It's about you and me. It's always been about us. If you don't feel ready because you are leaving unfinished business behind you, then don't change. And there is one more thing that really makes it impossible for you to go back to Forks after you've been changed. Something you avoided in your description of Carmen's transformation."

"The thirst?" she asks.

"The thirst," I reply. "I was hoping that you would realize it on your own, but I see that you've been ignoring or evading it. Once you are changed, you will realize that the thirst for human blood is impossible to control and is insatiable. The only way for you to truly manage it is to stay away from humans completely. I know of no way that a newborn can fight it, even if they love someone very much."

"The only newborn that I have seen fight it," Carlisle says. "Apart from myself, is Rosalie, but her determination to kill without tasting human blood came from the deepest well of hate that I have ever seen. In a million years, I do not think that you would be capable of such hate. When she killed her murderers, she inflicted enormous suffering upon them, without ever being tempted to feed."

"I can attest to that," I add. "I saw what she did in her mind and it stimulated my own thirst. Bella, the choice is yours. I have told you what I want, but I only want you to consider what you want. And if you wish to return to Forks, then we will."

She sits very quietly beside me.

I will leave you two alone. I'm very proud of the way you handled yourself. She needed to know the truth on both sides of the issue. I am going out to the building site. Let me know what she decides.

I nod at him, but Bella doesn't even notice that he's gone. For a long time she sits very still, not unlike a vampire. Finally she speaks.

"Will you play for me?" she asks. "The new song?"

"Of course," I say softly and begin the piece.

I wrote the song as I was thinking about how Bella was like a sun that had burst into the darkest night of my soul. Until I met her, it felt like I was walking in darkness, especially since I had to hide my true self from the light. But the afternoon that we spent on our meadow was the turning point. It was the true revelation of who I was. And she accepted it.

Now as she sits beside me, pondering our future I can't help but inwardly rejoice. After all these months of begging me to turn her, now that I have acknowledged it as my true choice, surely she will agree. The composition crescendos as I transition from the darkness into the light. And now perhaps we can live in the light here together as equal partners. As I complete the piece, the note I end on is hopeful.

We sit in silence for another long time.

"Could you play my lullaby?" she asks. "The other song you wrote for me?"

"With pleasure," I say happily.

The mood of this composition is different. The beginning is sweet and tender, written in honor of the lovely girl sleeping in her small bedroom, black hair falling around her head on her pillow. But rather than end on a high note, this piece ends on a sad note. For the sleeping girl must remain asleep. She will always be distant from me, my new moon, not my sun.

"I love your playing," she says and softly kisses my cheek.

Then she stands up and walks around the room. She goes over and sits on the bed and stares into the distance. Then a smile slowly creeps across her face and she relaxes. She stands up, walks over to me, and takes my hands.

"I've made up my mind," she says. "I want to go back to Forks as a human, finish school, get married, and say goodbye to everyone as I originally intended."

I swallow hard and try to hide the disappointment on my face, but I don't succeed. I do, however, resist the temptation to ask if she is sure.

"I know that's not the answer that you were expecting," she says. "And I'm afraid that you aren't thinking that I'm just acting like some silly woman who can't make up her mind."

"No, I don't think that," I say. "I just thought that you had already made up your mind. You've never wavered from the position that you wanted me to change you. Ever since you woke up in the hospital in Phoenix, that's all you talked about. Why are you changing your mind now?"

"I'm not sure that I am," she says. "I think that before, part of the reason why I was fighting you was because you were so determined not to change me. And no matter how many times you said that you would, I never quite believed it. I thought that you were going to just keep delaying it and finding more excuses not to do it."

"But what I am offering proves that delay never had anything to do with it," I say.

"I know that," she says. "But early on, Carlisle said something about not wanting me to feel any regrets or leave unfinished business behind. And until you told me just now that you would change me right away, I never really had to face the facts about what that change would mean for me.

"It's probably why I wasn't really able to think about Carmen's story in light of what my transformation would mean. I didn't want to think of all the hard choices that my decision would mean. It didn't seem real until now. So this is my choice. We will go back to our original plan. But I have one thing to ask."

"Anything," I say.

"Can I change my mind if I decide that I really want to be changed sooner?" she asks.

"Absolutely," I say. "It's all in your control now. But I also have one thing to ask."

"Anything!" she says with a laugh.

"As long as you are going to remain a fragile human for awhile longer," I say. "May I please be just a little bit overprotective? I don't want to risk anything happening to you before I can change you."

"I think that I can agree to that," she says. "But if you start to go overboard, then I'm going to tell you. Okay?"

"Okay," I say reluctantly.

I really thought for a minute there that I might get away with giving her a nice, new sturdy SUV to drive when we get back to Forks. Oh well, there's always Christmas. She wouldn't say no to a Christmas present I hope.

So I can see that we're going back to Forks! For a minute there, I was afraid that the present wedding plans would have to be changed.

Alice is running up from the building site. She shows me the kaleidoscope of changing visions that she had just been watching. Within seconds, she is dancing into the room.

By the way, Charlie hasn't started the truck once since she left. It's dead as a doornail. I see you giving her a nice, big, safe Mercedes SUV for Christmas.

I give Alice a smile.

"Here to gloat?" I ask.

"About what?" Bella asks.

"The future," she says. "For a minute there, I saw you waking up from your transformation and having a "quickie" wedding up here."

"I never decided that," Bella says.

"Oh, you considered it seriously enough for it to shift your futures for a few minutes," Alice replies. "But now your future is just the way it should be."

"According to you," I say.

"According to me," she answers smugly. "And don't forget . . . "

"Never bet against Alice!" Bella finishes, laughing.

Author's Note: The original New Moon title was based on the fact that when Edward left her, Bella thought that her life had become as dark as the night of a new moon. I shifted metaphor in order make the title work.

Epilogue

I walk into the old warehouse that I am using as my hideout thinking, "You've done it again, Victoria! Look who's going to have the last laugh!"

Hah! Those fools! Did they really think that I would let a couple of gangling puppies capture me after I have already escaped three times from the best tracker in the vampire world? Of course, what do those ridiculous wolf-boys know? I guess to them, one redheaded vampire is the same as another.

They were just too easy to fool! I knew that since the Cullens were away that had the run of the area. And I also saw that the two junior patrol dogs were assigned to the sector where the Cullens house is. That little girl I turned, Sherry or Cherry or some stupid name was perfect for my purposes. And the set up was too perfect.

She drives the car out to the Cullen while I run up through the woods. I show by running out, exactly where I want her to swing through the trees by going across them and back. She's too dumb to realize that when she gets to the end, she has to jump. Then they'll take her down.

The mutts take the bait and chase me until I leap into the trees and then Sherry takes my place. She follows my path up there perfectly. She's going so fast that she doesn't even hesitate before she jumps and the pull her down. Things are moving so quickly that the dogs don't even realize they've got a different redhead.

They're so excited by their kill, that they've got her burning up in purple smoke before the older dogs get. The smell of the smoke permeates their noses so that they don't realize that the scent of the redhead they caught is wrong. While they are celebrating my demise, I hit the ground and go for the garage. The car is ready to go and I am off. The car might be slower than running, but at least it leaves no scent trail.

Now all I have to do is wait for these two yahoos to finish turning so that I can begin to build my army. I'm really not overly thrilled with Seattle, but it gives me access to water and land. I know I have to bide my time, but I can wait. I have all of eternity to wait.

And little did those arrogant Cullens know that it was one of their own that gave me my perfectly brilliant idea. That stupid, blonde dude was bragging to that traitor Laurent about his days training and commanding those newborn armies. It was just fascinating listening to him go on (I even picked up a few training tips), and then I had that long swim down back down to Port Angeles to connect the dots.

I'm sure that they will hear of my destruction, and just as sure that they will return to Forks. That poor little helpless human will want to say goodbye to her daddy before she joins the coven. Yes, they will come back, and this time, I will be ready for them.

The End

Another Eclipse

Author's Note: This is a very brief preview of the continuing revision of the Saga. The full chapter will be posted tomorrow under this title.

Chapter 1: Return to Forks

Prologue

I have been looking forward to this day for almost two months now. Since the moment we got the news that Jacob and Embry killed Victoria in the woods out the back of the Cullens' house in Forks, I couldn't wait to go back. I could see Charlie again, and all my friends. I could finish high school with my class and graduate.

I have completed all my college applications and sent them in. I had missed the deadlines for Early Decision, but I didn't care. I could wait until April 1. Besides, I wasn't going to college anyway. We were all going to return here after the wedding, now scheduled for June 21. It was our own inside joke. We would be married on the day of the summer solstice.

All the Denalis are coming down. It really feels that they are more like family to me than my real family. Especially since Renee and I have still not reconciled. I suppose that I should be sad about that. My only family at the wedding will be Charlie, who will walk me down the aisle. Angela's family will be there too, and Ben. But I don't want anyone else, except Renee and Phil if she changes her mind. Edward doesn't care. He just wants to get married.

While we were up here, Alice had gone on a fashion design spree, designing dresses for all the women, including my wedding dress. The only problem is that she has had to be very careful about designing it when Edward was anywhere nearby. Of course, he can't see it in my mind, but he can in hers if she's looking at it.

She's very old-fashioned about not letting the groom see the dress before the wedding. And course, since Edward is very traditional, he is totally playing along with her. The dress is very traditional also. She has designed it in the Edwardian style with a few modern embellishments of her own. She is working with some fancy designer, whose name I can't pronounce, in Paris. It will be shipped by May 1, just to be on the safe side.

A couple of weeks ago we made a brief visit to Forks for Christmas. We stayed at a local motel. Luckily it was a white Christmas, so there were no sun issues. Charlie was happy to see me. He has decided, much to Edward's disappointment to accept the engagement. When we get back, I will move back in with him for the remaining five months, rather than living with the Cullens.

However there won't be any curfews. I can come and go as I please. When we got back on Christmas Eve, Charlie made the sad announcement that the truck had died due to neglect. It was no longer in front on the house. Billy and Harry had borrowed a flat bed tow truck and brought back to La Push where Jacob wants to try to resurrect it again.

I should have known that Edward would take advantage of this to buy me a new and safer vehicle, a Mercedes SUV. But he assured me that I would only need it until the wedding. When we leave Forks, he plans on giving it to Charlie so that he doesn't have to drive around in the police cruiser all the time. And when he saw it, Charlie totally approved.