A/N:

Honestly, I have no idea where I'm going with this story.
I just want to write something light and inappropriate.
Let the crack begin.

Chapter 1 - No Rest for the Wicked, No Sleep on the Weekend

Mei was no stranger to disappointment, but it was downright devastating when she did not make it into SOLDIER. She practiced so hard, she studied for so long and in the end, she was rejected. Bad reaction to Mako, they said.

Being a girl, everything was much harder from the very beginning. Making up for her lesser physique, dealing with the constant mockery and tease from the guys, being truly lonely as she was the only girl among the trainees. And she failed in her last test.

It felt like her world was falling apart, her heart had broken and her dream was crushed. It felt awful, depressing, demotivating and totally like self pity. So she did the most reasonable thing to do, and joined the Turks.

She never regretted this decision.

She still had a lot to make up for, she still got plenty of teasing, she still had to work harder than the rest. She was still lonely, because being a Turk means trusting no one. But the rejection was replaced with a sense of belonging, and the bitter tang of failure was washed by the sweetness of successful accomplishments.

And damn, she could taste that sugary flavor right at that moment.

Mei smiled slightly as she squeezed the trigger, hands steady and aiming for her target. The secret was the smooth, controlled motion of pulling the trigger, and not jerking it. A hasty press would cost a high price of accuracy, not a price a Turk can allow himself to pay. Her finger moderately wrung the trigger, sending the last bullet on his way, to the heart of the target. Mei lowered her weapon, once it was unloaded and the chamber was checked, and engaged the safety. Even before she viewed the paper target, Mei had a satisfied smirk on her face.

She turned around to see Reno leaning against the wall, hands crossed over his chest, looking very much not amused.

"I think you owe me dinner." Mei said with a wide grin, shoving the practice results in his face.

Reno grabbed the paper target and angrily crumpled into a ball. "So eager to go on a date with me?" He replied acidly.

"I wouldn't call it a date though, we're going with Tseng." Mei informed him lightly, making her way out of the shooting practice ground.

"Tseng? Tseng?" Reno cried out after her, "Is this your idea of fun?"

Mei indulged in a long shower, enjoying the privacy of her own bathroom, and allowed herself to hum a cheerful tune. Outperforming Reno definitely contributed to her high spirits, and the rewarding feeling for long hours of practice washed over her, along with the hot water. She got dressed, not wearing her normal Turk suit for a change, instead choosing a casual jeans with a dark dress shirt.

It was quarter to eight and she made her way to the slums of Midgar, heading for the Wall Market pub. Naturally, Tseng was already there, probably after he checked, double checked and triple checked the place for anything suspicious. She greeted her commander just as Reno showed up.

Tseng averted his gaze from Reno to Mei. "You're an unlikely pair." He said curtly.

Mei smiled wolfishly. "Reno lost a bet, he is only here to pay my bill."

Tseng gave her a stern look. "The Turks look askew on gambling."

"Even something harmless as shooting competition?" Mei pouted, "There's nothing like a good challenge to increase ambitiousness and performance."

They walked inside and found a quiet table at the corner, when Tseng replied. "Ambition can be dangerous, if not deadly."

His remark made Mei shudder, and her mood darkened immediately. Reno noticed and engaged himself in the conversation."So what are we celebrating?"

Tseng's eyes never stopping to dart around the pub. "After Mei's last successful mission, the Shinra management discussed her status and decided to grant her with this." He said, pulling out a platinum card from his pocket and handing it to Mei.

"QMC+ card." Mei breathed out with appreciation.

"No fucking way!" Reno whined. "She's a total rookie. I'm a veteran, and I only got mine last year."

"Technically Mei is with Shinra since she is four years old." Tseng mentioned with the slightest trace of humor. "She's a Turk for five years, and has been in the infantry before."

"Five years..." Reno mumbled, staring dully into his palms. "Time flies."

The waitress attended them and they were forced to practically yell their order to be heard over the ruckus. Nearly every Turk that was not on duty was present, as well as some of the higher ranked SOLDIER men, and they were a noisy crowd. Mei even detected Strife, a young infantryman who was her sparing partner. He was no more than a private, and it was odd to see low ranks in the pub, but since he was friends with Second Class SOLDIER Fair, it was not as surprising. She gave him a tight smile and a nod when their eyes locked. He grinned in a goofy way.

"A bit young for you, don't you think?" Reno teased. Curse his Turk senses for noticing everything.

"I know him from the army." Mei said between bites, "You know I don't go for blondes anyway."

"And not for redheads either." Reno replied bitterly.

Tseng looked at her with a thoughtful gaze. "Strife. He's from Nibelheim."

It was a long time ago, that Mei had stopped being shocked by the infinite knowledge of her commander, and the ingenious connections he made between seemingly unrelated facts. But she was still very much impressed.

Reno looked puzzled between the two of them. "Nibelheim was my hometown, although I have no memory of it." Mei explained, her voice void of emotions.

Reno was about to speak when suddenly the noisy tavern turned alarmingly quiet. A tall man, with long silver hair and vibrant green eyes stood at the doorway. He was the general of SOLDIER, but even the Turks, not in his chain of command, nearly stood in attention. He was an entity of pure strength and authority and he was marching towards their tables.

It was common among females to faint when in close proximity to him, But Mei was above such silliness. Well, not exactly. Since the Turks kept tabs on every superior in Shinra, it was well known that the general have taken only male lovers, so Mei had no reason to fuss over him. She was quite intimated by him in the past, but after joining him on a mission and narrowly escaping death, her fear was replaced by respect. Perhaps some awe, because he was a phenomena.

The cat-like eyes swapped over Reno and Mei, and she doubted he remembered her. The general focused his gaze on their commander. His eyes were frighteningly intense, and the tension between the two was overwhelming. "Tseng, a moment of your time."

"Of course, Sephiroth." Tseng rose from his seat, retreating to an isolated corner with the general.

Mei watched them with great interest, as they were discussing something urgently but quietly, glancing back to the table repeatedly. She was fascinated with the interaction, that was always charged with so much suppressed emotions, between those two inhumanly imperturbable men. She had many wild theories regarding their emotional sediments, and some of them were downright filthy.

"This is awkward." Reno said, shifting in his chair uncomfortably.

"What? That Tseng and the general are so obviously discussing something that involves us?" Mei asked, with slight dread. Surely it could not be a good sign.

"That, and the fact that we are alone." Reno remarked with unease, "You have no idea how much you make men uncomfortable."

"Do tell." Mei deadpanned.

"You always have to best us, and revel in it. It is so ...emasculating." Reno retorted.

"Oh, so you would like your woman submissive and inferior." Mei stated flatly, giving him a loathing glare.

Before Reno had a chance to escalate the discussion to a verbally violent argument, a sickeningly cheerful voice was heard. "You look so somber, you could probably use a delightful company like mine!"

Mei did not even need to raise her eyes, she knew for certain the voice of Zack Fair. On an ordinary occasion she would chase him away with her bitchy attitude, but Strife was escorting him so she decided to hold back. The pair sat down at their table and Fair started talking about something, that she quickly and efficiently tuned out. Reno, however, was listening and even participating in the conversation, and so she was left to chat with Strife.

Mei was fond of him, as much a Turk was fond of anyone. She would kill him without a blink given the order, but until then she was enjoying his company. He was a few years younger than her, not even a man, but he was hard working and devoted and she appreciated it. Strife was also significantly talented in swordplay, especially considering his small size, and she had made tremendous progress while sparring with him.

Tseng was heading back their way, as the general made his way out of the pub. Mei was tense, sensing bad news. "Reno, Mei, you should head back. You go on mission in four hours." Tseng informed them.

"Seriously man?!" Reno groaned, throwing his hands in the air.

"Do you know me to make jokes?" Tseng raised an eyebrow, looking at Reno severely.

"No, but I have never seen the general set a foot in a pub either, so there's a first for everything." Reno said grumpily.

Tseng almost grinned, but Mei was not sure he was capable of actually smiling. "He asked for both of you specifically."

"What? Does he even know I exist?" Mei inquired with amusement.

"Of course he does. He reported to me after your mission, and graded your performance." Tseng replied casually.

"What did he say?" Mei asked with horror, her fingers digging nervously into her thighs.

Tseng furrowed his borrows for a few seconds, recalling the exact quote."Not a hysterical female – already outstanding. Stealth – excellent, combat skills – very good. Not sure if she can speak."

The whole table roared in laughter while Mei blushed slightly, shooting them death glares. "Very funny. You'd be wetting your pants too, if you shared a three hour ride with the general while he is sharpening his seven feet Katana and looking absolutely murderous."

"I'd definitely wet my pants if I saw our sexy general taking care of his long, hard shaft..." Reno joked, elbowing her in the ribs.

Mei groaned. Dealing with chauvinistic pigs on daily basis was rather exhausting. She did not dignify this provocation with an answer, allowing her to channel her attention to observation. Fair was borderline hysteric with laughter, acting like the dumb fuck she knew he was. Strife however, was extremely quiet, and violently blushing. Using the most basic defense tactics, she redirected the attack to the weakest link.

"What has gotten you so flushed, Strife? I didn't know you were a member of the general's fan club." Mei teased, grinning like a predator.

"You have no idea. Spiky nearly fainted when Sephiroth entered the pub." Fair blurted out before the private could defend himself. Strife shot the SOLDIER a murderous glare, but the older man was completely oblivious to that. "He absolutely worships him."

Mei looked curiously at Strife, waiting for his reaction. "He's a really inspiring figure. I see no shame in admiring him." Strife mumbled quietly, his cheeks still rosy.

"I see no shame in being gay." Reno pointed, smirking at Strife. Apparently he caught on the same thing Mei noticed.

"What are you implying?" Strife's embarrassment abruptly turned to anger, his body tensing and preparing for an battle.

Mei was quite certain Reno would rail him up enough to start a fight. Reno loved fights because their reminded him of that filthy neighborhood in sector 7 he called home.

"I'm going to leave you gentlemen to defend your sexuality with some very masculine, albeit homo-erotic, wrestle." Mei said flatly, standing up.

"Ohhhh." Fair cooed, sounding fairly drunk. "You're leaving so soon?"

Mei simply sneered at him like an A-grade bitch until all his cheerfulness evaporated. She turned her gaze to Reno. "Don't fuck with the country boy, he'll beat the shit out of your ugly freckled ass."

Mei left behind Reno's protests, Fair's sniggers and Strife's defiance. It was time to go back to her dorms and basket in three hours of rest, and have an one-girl pity fest over not sleeping a whole night for the past two weeks. She laid awake in bed, wondering what Tseng had planned for them. Reno and her rarely worked together, as their expertise were vastly different. True to his red-head fiery nature, Reno had a knack for explosives, and could cast Fire like no one else. Mei was assigned mainly for stealthy assassinations, and occasionally VIP protection.

Mei sighed deeply, recalling how she spent her last weekend securing the Shinra heir on his vacation. Naturally, the spoiled brat had chosen Costa del Sol, completely ignorant of how difficult it is to guard him in the crowded urban territory. It was damn hard trying to come up with ways to ensure his safety while he was sunbathing butt naked on a public beach, but Mei nearly puller her hair in frustration when the self-proclaimed Shinra prince demanded that the security should be subtle enough for him to feel unwatched.

Very much like the next mission, Rufus Shinra had requested her services specifically. 'Sick and tired of those sweaty, testosterone-dripping gorillas hulking out constantly', if she remembered his quote correctly. Mei inwardly sniggered at that comment, Rufus was as gay as they come, and she bet he would die to have a fat SOLDIER cock up his ass. She had no doubt Rufus did not ask for her because of he gender, but mostly it was the case. VIPs were ecstatic by the thought of having a female bodyguard.

There were a few other female Turks. Most of them much prettier than Mei, but all of them less capable in battle. Take Cissnei for example, who was gorgeous and had the naive charm that cracked the shield of the most guarded men, gaining their trust and stealing their secrets. But under attack, Cissnei was a burden more than anything since her cute Shuriken act was...cute, and nothing more. So while Tseng could not deny the request of a superior for a female Turk, he would never compromise his professional integrity by assigning an inept personnel. Thus, handing the task to Mei.

Motherfucking joy.

Her alarm clock displayed the hour in neon red digits, and Mei realized her bitching session consumed the better part of the three hours she had before heading for the debriefing room. Reluctantly, she dragged herself out of her bed, mentally preparing for long hours of putting up with Reno.

The universe definitely had a way of tormenting her.