Part 11

"You're late." Espo quickly looked over Kate and he knew exactly why she was late but she wasn't one of the guys that you could bring up sex with and make a joke. He just watched her smile and let it be. But she really should have redone her hair.

"Yeah. Sorry. Traffic jam." But she couldn't hide the smile from her face. She finally got her old Rick back. Long gone was the separated love that started to make her scared. Now was the fun of seeing if she was pregnant already. She had to pee and all she needed was an excuse to carry her bag with her without everyone acting all suspicious.

"Gates wants to see you first thing." Ryan took one long look at her and knew something was up. She wasn't nervous or upset to see Gates. But he also knew that with Kate, you can't push or pry because then she'll close off from the rest of the world.

"Um ok." Kate had no choice. She dropped her bag and knew that the pregnancy test in it was burning a hole. Let alone, it was making Kate nervous as hell. She needed this, they needed this. Ryan was lucky, he had a wife who could get pregnant. She couldn't stop from feeling like a failure to Rick. And if she could tell him without him getting all hurt himself, she would. He never made her feel that way and if she told him, that's what he would think right away. But it's not him, it's her.

"Kate." Gates emerged from her chair and immediately ran to hug her. "How are you honey?"

"I'm doing ok. Sorry about being late, it's just well, when a time…" Kate stopped herself from finishing that awkward sentence. Instead, she busied herself with sitting down.

"Don't say no more. I get it. Got it. I know, um… So, are you happy to be back? We sure are happy to see you." Gates couldn't stop herself from smiling at Kate. She was always fascinated with her, whether Kate knew it or not. Kate was always one step ahead of everyone else and the game. And on top of all that, she never faltered. Sure she fell apart but that never stopped her from being her best at her job.

"I'm glad to be back, yes. While it's been fun with my husband and all, I missed this. It's the normalcy of it all. I know that if I get pregnant and all goes well, then there will be a lot of that. It doesn't change… I don't know how to say this." Kate almost gritted her teeth when she said "if", and that she hoped all would go well this time. The truth was she wasn't sure she'd make it through losing another one. Where would that leave her? How would that make her feel? She still felt a little broken and if it happened again, what else would be left of her to break?

"It doesn't take away from how you feel about being here, I get it. Honey, you don't have to explain yourself to me. I understand what no one else does, that little piece of shattered glass that seems to rip through your very core. And you're not sure when that will go away but after awhile, it stops hurting. You just go numb. I get it. Ok?" Gates reached her hand out for Kate and once Kate slid hers back to her, she knew that all would be ok. Sure Beckett could break and move on but Kate, she got to break and hurt and it was ok.

"Thank you. I can't thank you enough for opening up to me. You didn't have to tell me that it happened to you as well. It meant a lot to know that you care so much that you shared your pain with me. I thought that I was alone, I didn't know anybody who went through what I did. I just thank you." Kate removed her hand so she could wipe away the tears that had silently stained her cheeks.

"No need to thank because honey, I love you and I care." Now it was Gates's turn to wipe her cheeks. "Great now you're making me cry."

"Sorry. Um, I kind of need to check something. No one knows that I'm checking again, not even Rick. So, would you mind?" Kate slowly rose from her seat, feeling the cold, nervous sweats already breaking out across her skin.

"Of course not. Just let me know when you need me to talk or just to sit with you. Ok?"

"OK. Thanks again." Kate left the room feeling a lot better about still hurting inside. She couldn't tell Rick that she was checking because giving herself false hope hurts enough, she couldn't put him in anymore pain. Especially since she was pretty sure that he was still writing letters to the baby. She didn't sneak a look at any more of them but she knew they were there. And that made her warm inside, he still was the soft sensitive type she found a long time ago.

She grabbed her bag and made a quick sprint to the bathroom. Here we go, she thought. This is it. She counted that minute down like the time where that bomb threatened to go off, the time he pulled the cords, the time she wished she could have him as her own. But now she does, and then it hit her. Like seeing a deer in your headlights and stomping on the breaks, he wasn't ever going to let go again. He wouldn't pull the cords on anything, she was his, Always. And just at the thought of the man she loved so much, sitting at home, she wanted to call him. Right now. But nope, that minute still had to tick down. It was the longest minute of her life, or so it felt.

Her phone beeped, time is up. She took a deep breath then when she viewed that little window in the pregnancy test, her chest leaped. It was a +. It worked. Sure it wasn't fair that she lost her first one, or the way this new baby was conceived but she was pregnant again. She couldn't contain herself.

"Hey lover. I know you're busy writing and all but guess what? I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to get excited over nothing but guess who's pregnant again?"

"Wait what?" He dropped the baby journal he had started when all of this began. He never did stop writing their future baby letters, he already had half the book full. But now, he had someone to write for, someone who was growing inside his wife's belly.

"I bought a few pregnancy tests and stashed them and well I had this feeling that I should test it, I did and it says I'm pregnant. And well, I had to tell you!" She was practically yelling in the women's bathroom.

"Seriously?" Rick tossed his pen aside and began to bounce in place. He was just happy that no one was here to see it because he sure looked like a little girl at a One Direction concert.

"Yes! And when I get home, we have to celebrate, I'm winking even though you can't see it." She dropped her positive back into the box and tossed it back in her bag to show him the proof. She felt the nervous tingles slide down her body and she welcomed them this time.

"Oh, well, I'll be happy to participate in whatever festivities that you're offering." His underlying tone led on to exactly what he was talking about. "And I think you know already…"

"Yup. I'm good and I'll be glad to do just that. How about an all night sexathon? Does that wet your appetite?"

"Um well, of course, um, great now I have to have the naked image of you in my head all day and not be able to do anything."

"Just wait and I'll make it up to you. I promise. Ok, now I have to get back to work. I'll you soon babe."

"Ok, talk later honey." When Rick hung up he couldn't contain his excitement. He ran right out into the living room and watched as Alexis changed Michael. When she saw him and his giddy expression she knew it involved Kate.

"What's new with Kate?" She quickly buttoned up his onesie and put him back on the ground to crawl around.

"She took a test and it's positive. I'm sure she wanted to tell you but I couldn't hold it in, don't tell her I told you. Ok?" He grabbed her hands in his and began to rock them back and forth.

"OK. Deal. And congrats!" Alexis wasn't the one to ever let her emotions run rampant but with this, she wanted to, so she didn't fight it. She dove right into her dad and squeezed him tight. This was different, she was allowed to be happy for her dad. She needed to be. And Kate, she couldn't wait till she got home. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Michael trying to stand.

"Look! Go Michael." She began to clap and soon Rick had his phone out and began recording. But the minute he hit the button, Michael fell.

"Better luck next time."

Kate allowed herself to touch her stomach. But what she didn't do was begin to freak out. She vowed herself to not get stressed out. She lifted her shirt and gently rubbed her stomach.

"Hey little buddy. Your momma is talking to you right now. It's just you and me. Hopefully you're alright in there. But I wanted you to know, you are about to have the happiest home in the entire planet. Your dad is so funny and he already loves you, as do I. I love you baby. Just be ok. For me? Please." She kissed her palm and firmly planted it on her thin abdomen.

She prayed that this time, all would be ok.

MORE TO COME…

I know it's been too long. I get it, and I'm so sorry. I'm trying and I just thank you for hanging in there with me. This story is very important. So thank you all, I love you, Always, ChelseaMarieC