08.06.2014

Syntrex: Why doesn't this have more reviews? This is so adorable I think I'm going to cry ;-; I shall be waiting impatiently for your next update!

That's what I keep saying! REVIEW YOU FILTHY SWINE!
(…) ( - ) ( ! ) I MEAN my lovely readers ^_^" hehehe

please don't leave me TT^TT

Disclaimer:

I do not own One Piece. I only own a post timeskip Chopper muff, the One Piece notebook I use to write these fics in, DIY Luffy clothes and my sexy new Chopper-esque heels.

Warnings:

Okay.., before you say "Well that escalated quickly!" Let me just tell you right now. I had the first 5 chapters of this plotted out and ready to write since day 1.., so if it's getting out of hand, blame my dirty filthy mind.., As you may have noticed, the first two chapters were sorta from Sanji's POV, the this and the next one are from Zoro's.

That is all. You may proceed.

Chapter 3 - Practice Makes Perfect

High in the sky, the afternoon sun beat down on rooftops with something no less than pure vengeance. Steam rose and stretched off the pavement, causing all to be seen ahead ripple and sway like a hazy dream. The nonexistent gas station at the corner with the giant four flavor slush machine a mere mirage of sweltering longing. Melting ice clinked together as Zoro took a drink from his condensing glass, the whirl of the air conditioning working overtime in the heat overlapping the sounds of the TV, three golden earrings chiming together as he fanned himself with a ripped off magazine cover. Not really watching, Zoro arched his neck, leaning his head against the low back of the sofa and stared blankly, mouth slightly agape as his panted to cool his lungs, at the unfocused image of the ceiling fan above him.

Lost in his heat induced summer coma, the young green haired teen doesn't notice the front door open, nor the call of the intruder; because really, that's all that person is. Intruding on his peace and quiet. Like he really gives three shits about having to entertain guests in the heat. Fuck them.

The couch dips beside him and a mop of golden tresses invades his blurred sight but chooses to ignore it. He realizes too late that this certain mop of blonde does not particularly enjoy being brushed off, as said blonde puts all of his sweaty mass right onto Zoro's shoulders and chest.

"AH! Get the fuck off of me!" he yelps indignantly, trying to shove the heavy thirteen year old off of him. "Egh! Why are you so fucking sweaty?!"

"Because I came from outside, assface." Sanji smiles sweetly to his best bud as he wipes off a thick sheet of perspiration from his forehead, and oh so lovingly wipes it onto the middle of Zoro's white shirt.

"Ah, shit! That's gross." He tries to rub the sweat off of him, but only makes it seep into his shirt more, soaking against his skin. Knowing a lost cause when he sees one, he huffs a breath and whaps Sanji in the shoulder.

"Woooh~ It's a fucking inferno out there. Ah~ this is nice." Sanji sighs in relief as he flaps his shirt collar from his place above the air vent, chilly air skirting up his belly, across his chest and fluttering his long bangs, effectively cooling the lingering wetness on his skin.

It takes no time at all to completely cool down, almost all the sweat dried up and no longer feeling sticky, Sanji makes his way to the kitchen and grabs himself a glass. He finds a large pitcher of what looks to be sun brewed lemon iced tea and quickly chugs down his drink before topping it off again and makes his way back to the living room. He finds Zoro in the same position he was in when he entered the small home, and sets his glass down next to the half empty one on the coffee table before leaning back onto the comfy couch, stretching his legs.

They sit in long comfortable silence together, both just enjoying the escape in the nicely chilled house, neither paying attention to the overly excited field reporter on the TV. Why was Zoro watching the news anyway?

Suddenly remembering why he even came the moss ball's house, Sanji jolts up, resultantly awaking the idiot from his open-eye nap - freak - and flops onto the young bastard's stomach.

"What now, fart cook?" Zoro gripes, looking down to the dopey, spaced-out faced oaf in his lap.

"Fart cook? That's the new name you came up with?! That's such shit!" Sanji laughs at the lame excuse of an insult, and the lame excuse of a badass right in his face. "That's so fucking lame."

"Whatever." Zoro shrugs as he settles back down, twisting his hips to adjust Sanji and get more comfortable. "Was just testing it out."

"Well, it was horrible." the blonde sneers, snickering at the irritable glare shot at him. "Anyway, I came by to remind you that it's Nami-swan's birthday next week. You should come with us."

"Not interested." Zoro immediately shoots down the offer before his friend could even finish the invite.

"Hey, come on. It'll be fun." Sanji insists. He sits up and gives Zoro the most disgusting puppy dog eyes the boy had ever seen, prompting him to smash his hand into Sanji's face and nearly topples him off his seat.

"I don't want to go, retard. You know I don't like Nami. Why the fuck would I want to go to her birthday." He avoids calling the redheaded bitch any names, knowing full well how the blonde would react. Normally he wouldn't think twice about it, but even in the cool serenity of being indoors, it was still too hot to get into a fight with the love struck idiot.

"Okay, okay. Fine. Don't go. How about you come with us to the rink later? Luffy said his brother Ace got a really big pay from cleaning pools last week and has decided to treat all of us to ice skating and pizza." Sanji beams a bright grin at the scowling boy, not noticing how the other's face softens before hardening into a deeper frown and pushes him off of his lap.

"I don't wanna go, Sanji." Zoro says sternly, crossing his arms over his chests, ending the argument completely.

Sanji slumps against the couch shooting the stingy bastard an irritated glare before turning his attention to the TV. They watch an anchor talk about the upcoming 4th of July parade. He tunes it out and twiddles his thumbs in his lap, going over the words in his mind as he tries to bring up the real reason why he came to visit Zoro.

Zoro stares blankly at the TV, half listening to the babble being drowned out by the high pitch hum of the tube and looks over to Sanji. He's been quiet for a while now and Zoro sees why, by the anxious look on his face, teeth worrying into his bottom lip, and fingers trying to knit themselves into an elaborate braid. Slightly -slightly- concerned Zoro turns towards the other and flicks him hard in his neck.

"Oi." thwack! "What?"

"What do you mean 'what'?! Why'd you flick me?!" Sanji hollers, rubbing at the red welt on his neck. Grass head asshole always was able to flick shit really hard. Him and his monstrous hands.

"What's your problem? Yer acting like Zeff went to the school and yer stuck sitting outside Baskerville's office."

Sanji sits there twiddling his thumbs, cautiously glancing at Zoro before ultimately giving in and voices his reason.

"I… wanttoaskNamitobemygirlfriend." He blurts.

"You what?" Zoro heard him, heard him pretty clearly, but he wasn't going to let the crap cook waste his time by spewing nonsense. If he wants Zoro to listen to him, he has to say shit slowly and clearly. More for Zoro's amusement than anything else. Sanji was obviously embarrassed and Zoro planned to rub it in.

"I…" Sanji pauses to take a deep calming breath before continuing with slow, confident words. "I want to ask Nami to be my girlfriend." He stares Zoro directly in the eyes, his cool face staring back, and continues.

"I plan on kissing her at the rink and then ask her." He watches Zoro's face for any hints of, well, anything really. Mockery, irritation, boredom, anything. But the bastard is just staring at him with a blank, unreadable face.

"I came here… because…" He falters then, not sure how to say the words, unsure of how Zoro would react, unsure if he's making a mistake, unsure if he's about to do the most embarrassing thing during their long friendship. Oh god, would this affect their friendship? Would they stop hanging out if this goes horribly wrong? Shit. Shit!

No. No, that would never happen. It's not like what he's about to say is anything new. It's not weird, and crazy and completely different from what they've done before. On the contrary, it's very similar to things they've already done. Things they - though would never admit - enjoy. Sanji steels himself and turns back to Zoro with a steady gaze.

"I've never kissed anyone before." The blonde mutters.

Zoro reacts then. His eyes narrow and his head turns a bit to the side in confusion. 'Never kissed.' They've kissed plenty of times. They've kissed hundreds, no, thousands of times. What the hell is this idiot saying?

"Now, I know what you're thinking," Sanji holds up a finger to block of the retort that he knows is forming on Zoro's tongue. "And that's not what I meant. I mean I've never kissed anyone before. On the lips."

Zoro's eyes widen then and his head tilts up, mouth slightly open. Sanji can practically hear the stretched 'ohhhhh~' coming from the idiot.

They stare at each other, expressions unchanged, Sanji still holding his finger up, stern look on his face from when he corrected the other, Zoro's still dawned with realization. It's a long moment and Sanji falters again, face scrunching up, ears turning red, eyes darting to and from between Zoro's. He huffs a breath and drops his hand, shoulders and head. He looks completely defeated and Zoro isn't sure why.

"What's your point, cook? I haven't kissed anyone either."

"I… I want to kiss Nami." Sanji confesses.

"Yeah, you said that." Zoro bites out irritably. This shit is getting redundant and it's stupid.

"And I don't want it to suck." His voice is low, like he's telling a secret he doesn't want to be known. He looks up Zoro who's looking at him expectantly.

"And what do you want me to do about it?" Zoro is getting pissed. This conversation is stupid, Sanji's problems are stupid, this summer weather is stupid and all he wants to do is take a nice cold shower and sleep.

Sanji's head is still turned down and as looks up at his friend. Big blue eyes seeming even bigger from the angle and Zoro suddenly realizes why the boy is there. He's asking him to…

"Wait. You what?" He's confused. He doesn't understand. Why? Why would Sanji…? Is this a sick joke? Is this supposed to be funny? Did Sanji find out? Was he exploiting Zoro with this… this tease?! Why that little piece of-

"Zoro. I…" Zoro's thoughts are cut off and looks to find Sanji's face hidden behind his hair. "I want to… I want to practice kissing… with you…"

"Okay."

Sanji's head jerks up at the almost immediate answer. Zoro said yes. He was willing to help him. He couldn't believe but he really did say it.

"Really? You will?!"

Shit. Zoro's mouth had voiced out an answer before his brain could even catch up with him. He was about to decline and say it was a joke. That he would never want to kiss the stupid ugly blonde. No less on the lips. But before he could even form the words, Sanji had pushed aside their empty glasses and sat on the edge of the coffee table across from him. Eyes wide and hopeful and expectant and even a little nervous, but excited all the same. Zoro swallowed hard at the display, Sanji sitting in front of him, waiting and ready, to kiss him. Something here wasn't right, but Zoro didn't really care anymore.

"Okay. How do we do this?" Sanji asks looking into Zoro's dark brown eyes. Zoro doesn't have an answer. How could he? He still didn't understand why this was all happening.

Sanji scoots closer, dragging the table with him until his knees were press into the couch, one of them in between Zoro's own. Zoro sat up and repositioned himself as well until his knees brushed against the table. They're awfully close, Sanji's big head blocking out the TV and pretty much everything else in Zoro's sight. Big beautiful blue eyes stare back at him and he leans forward.

Sanji catches the motion and closes the gap, lips pressing softly while noses smashed fully against each other. The kiss is short, too short if you asked either of them, but they separate and Zoro examines the careful look on Sanji's face.

"I didn't like that." Sanji says with a curt shake of his head. What the fuck is this? Some kind of retarded kiss off? Did the buttface have a clipboard somewhere to jot down notes and tally points for kisses he liked the most? "Our noses are in the way."

"Then tilt your fucking head, idiot." Zoro crosses his arms over his chest and gives Sanji an unimpressed look. He didn't like the kiss either, okay maybe he did, but he didn't like having his nose flattened. The other teen nods his head with a short 'hm' of agreement, like he just decided the neanderthal had a flash of brilliance and wasn't as stupid as the blonde made him out to be.

Sanji leans in once more, tilting his head to the side - a bit overly so - and presses his puckered lips against Zoro's. He keeps leaning forward, pushing Zoro back a bit with the force of it and smashes his face against his. Zoro bites back a gasp of surprise by the eagerness, but couldn't stop his lips from opening the tiniest bit and smears wetness onto Sanji's.

Sanji pulls back and wipes the back of his hand across his mouth, shooting Zoro a glare but the green haired teen merely shrugs and points at his shirt, as if reminding him of the sweat that had once stained the front of it.

"So what was wrong with it this time?" Sanji asks, he didn't like that kiss either, and he knew neither did Zoro. If this kept up they'd end up kissing each other all day until they finally got something even remotely decent done. The sooner they got it done the better. This was just way too awkward.

"Well other than the fact you tried to run me over like the bulldozer you are," Sanji clicks his tongue and kicks him in the shin for that. "Ow. You don't need to kiss like Desperate Aunt Lola visiting on Thanksgiving. That's just weird."

"Oh, so don't pucker too much. Got it." He files away that little bit of information and leans in again. Zoro meets him half way before pushing him off.

"Okay, now you're just doing it half assed!" Zoro snaps out. Yeah puckering your lips like a cat's butthole is fucking stupid, but just lazily kissing with limp lips wasn't any better.

"Then why don't you show me, Mister I'm-a-Fucking-Genius-when-it-comes-to-kissing!" Sanji yells, jabbing his finger into Zoro's chest. Zoro didn't want to take the lead, he knew what would happen if he did. It always ended up the same way when he would kiss his pillow or his palm, but if the jackass wants him to kiss him then so be it.

Zoro grabs onto Sanji's face and jerks it forward. Their noses brush lightly in a gentle, soothing way as Zoro slowly leans in and presses his lips against the soft ones waiting for him. Slowly and ever so timidly he moves his mouth, flexing it as he parts them by a fraction and brings the slightest bit of Sanji's chapped lower lip between his. He sucks on his own closed lips, making them purse and press tightly against Sanji's. He watches the other closely, wary of the blonde's reactions and moves his hands, one settling on Sanji's neck, the other's fingers combing through yellow strand, curving around an ear, thumb brushing along a soft cheekbone. He tilts his head up, bringing Sanji's down, and uses their position to push up against the blonde, deepening the kiss. Somewhere amongst all that Sanji had rest his hands on Zoro's upper arms and gripped onto them.

Zoro hears a low, pleased hum and he isn't sure just exactly who it came from. His heart is beginning to pound and knows he's getting a bit too excited. Reluctantly he backs away, hands sliding down Sanji's body until they rest on the cook's knees. Looking up, he finds Sanji panting hard, face tomato red, blue eyes big and shining. He's almost afraid the boy is going to lash out at him, yell at him. Maybe he went too far with the kiss. Maybe he should have just said now.

Sanji is still very close to him, his breath comes out in hot puffs and warms Zoro's face. He could just so easily lean forward, close those few short inches and claim those lips again. But he won't. Not until he knows how the other is reacting to it all.

"Whoa." He looks up again and Sanji's expression is one of awe. There's the smallest hint of a smile curving up on his lips and it grows as he continues to speak. "That… That was good. Fuck, that was great! How did you do that?!" He pants out. He can't believe that Zoro was such a good kisser. Did the swordsman just say he never kissed anyone before? How was he so good?!

Zoro blushes at the compliment. He didn't think he was that good, and it was just a simple press of lips. It wasn't like anything they've seen in thosE movies where people try to eat each others face and suck their tongues out of their throats.

"I… I just did what I thought I'd like." And that was the truth. He just let his own desires take over, didn't over think the process, didn't over think where to put his hands, how hard to press forward. He just did what he thought felt good.

"Well it was great." Sanji says breathlessly. Zoro blushed even harder, if that were possible. His neck and chest were heating up and he could only guess how bad he looked. Sanji doesn't seem to notice, or care, even though he's looking right at him. The blonde is focused on the great feeling of the kiss and how he could use those moves on his one.

Taking a chance, Zoro looks up and says something he knows he's going to regret later.

"Okay. Now you try."

Sanji looks up with big gleeful eyes. Had the mossy ape read his thoughts? "Yeah?" Zoro nods and Sanji's smile broadens. "Okay."

Sanji leans in, he does something different and places one hand on Zoro's thigh, the other on his shoulder. Tilting his head only a bit, he lets their noses brush together and oh yeah, they both like that. Sanji nods his head, nuzzling against Zoro causing him to let out a slow soft breath through his nose that could almost be classified as a silent moan, but it goes unnoticed by the young master chef as he presses their mouths together.

Sanji is very skilled in many different things, always has been. He's a great fighter, and excellent cook, and he's really smart too. He proves his quick learning skills in the kiss, brushing theirs together in a way that sends a shiver down Zoro's neck, nipping so lightly on his lips that he's not even sure if Sanji's is really even doing it. Sanji's hand moves up his arm and ventures to his neck, brushing the flushed skin and knocking against the earrings, making them chime lightly in their ears.

Zoro moves his hands to the coffee table and grips hard. He wants to touch the blonde, he wants to wrap his arms around him and pull him close. He knows he shouldn't be worried about something as trivial as a hug. They've done it hundreds of times. They've cuddled on the couch while playing video games, held each other tightly when they slept in the same bed. They are best friends and completely comfortable with each other.

But to touch him while they kissed? It just seemed too intimate. They had just hit adolescence and were starting to develop feelings for, well, everything. Hell, sometimes even the toaster looked good. They were starting to understand things about their bodies and he doesn't want to ruin everything, or nothing at all, by crossing a line he doesn't even know whether or not is there. He doesn't even know if these feelings he had for Sanji were real. All he knows is that this kiss is fucking amazing, it's blowing his mind and he just wants to grab onto his best fucking friend in the whole fucking world and just ravish him.

But he doesn't. He just sits there as calmly as he can, his murderous grip on the coffee table betraying his coolness, and returns the kiss as lamely as he can. He doesn't want to over do it. He doesn't want to scare Sanji off. He just wants him to stay and not go to the rink with the others and walk up to Nami and-

And he remembers. Why. Why Sanji is kissing him in the first place. He stops moving, just waits, and as quickly as it started, their short 4 second kiss is over.

Sanji looks at him with the biggest fucking smile he has ever seen him wear. It's gorgeous and it riles him up. Zoro's heart is still pounding and his nerves feel like they're on fire. He wants Sanji to stay and by whatever god he doesn't believe in he's going to at least try.

Sanji laughs and takes a deep breath. "Wow, that was fantastic, if I do say so myself." He's completely smug and proud of himself and Zoro takes a chance.

"Yeah… Sanji?" Sanji turns to him with happy curious eyes. "Can… Can we do that again?"

Sanji's smile drops, he hadn't been expecting that. He watches Zoro closely before a gentle smile raises on the corners of his mouth. "Yeah. Let's do that."

Zoro can't believe it. He fidgets in his seat and scoots closer. Sanji is willing to kiss him again and fuck it all, Zoro is going to claim those lips and he will get a taste of Sanji. He will make this the best kiss the blonde will ever have, ever want. Zoro leans in, tilts his head up and closes his eyes, he can feel the warmth radiating off of Sanji and he takes a deep breath in and holds it. When that mouth touches his, he's going to moan and sigh and make it known just how much he wants the other teen. He's going to kiss him just like in the movies, as stupid as that sounds and the thought alone makes his pants just a little bit too tight.

Sanji is right there, right fucking there, when a high pitch beep pings loudly in his ear. The hand that made its way onto his shoulder jerks off and Sanji backs away.

"Oh shit!" Sanji looks at his watch and scowls at the time. "It's already three! I'm gonna be late!" He vaults over the table and runs away from Zoro towards the door. "Zoro, you sure you don't want to come."

Zoro stares at the retreating form with a look on his face that says someone had just smacked him in the face with his pet hamster's dead body. He looks down at his hands and squeezes them into tight fists. So close, he was so close. Sanji was right there. And he slipped right through his grasp. He slumps against the couch, hands going limp at his hands, face devoid of all emotion and just sits there staring at the wall.

Sanji's face comes back into view with a look of concern staring back at his blank one. "Zoro?"

"No. I'll just stay here." His voice is so monotonous it almost sounds like it belongs to an extremely bored robot.

Sanji's curly brows - oh god how Zoro loved those brows - furrowed deeply as he set the jacket Zoro didn't even know he had left at the door and sat back down on the coffee table.

"Ya know Zoro," he starts out. He doesn't sound angry, or cocky, or even as-a-matter-of-factly. He just sounds… there, if that makes sense. "I know you were never very social before." Oh, now Zoro recognizes that tone. It's the I-Pity-You-But-Won't-Admit-It tone. Here we go again.

"Zoro, listen to me." Zoro looks at the stupid cook unimpressed. He really didn't want to talk about this again. Well, not that there ever did. Zoro always ended the conversation before it even started. But it looks like this time Sanji is finally going to get to say whatever he wants to say whether Zoro liked it or not.

"Zoro. I know you were never very social." he repeats. "but you've really been distancing yourself from everyone since the accident." Sanji holds up his hand to stop whatever smart mouth retort the idiot was going to make and levels him with a stern, yet soft, glare.

"They're your friends too, Zoro." Zoro ignores this and turns to stare out the window. It had been a while since he had been with all his friends, he just didn't feel like ever going out. He feels the couch dip and Sanji wraps his arms around him. Zoro is taken aback, wondering why the blonde is holding him, not that he minds. He's always enjoyed Sanji's company.

"I know you, it may not help but she's in a happy place now." Sanji mumbles into his neck, lightly twirling the ends of the black bandana Zoro always had wrapped around his left arm between his fingers. If the comment hadn't been so absurd, Zoro might have melted into the touch.

"Psht!" He scoffs, "Don't give me that bullshit, Cook."

"I know you don't believe," Sanji sits up and hold Zoro face in his hand. "but I choose to have faith. I choose to believe that she's somewhere up there, floating on clouds, looking more beautiful than ever…" - Zoro just rolls his eyes at the idiot's original description of heaven - "... and kicking Bruce Lee's ass."

Zoro tried, he really did, but there was nothing he could do to stop the laugh that bubbled in his belly and escaped his lips. Sanji always knew how to make Zoro smile. Zoro returns the hug, firmly holding onto his friends waist before releasing him, letting Sanji straighten up.

"I'll just stay home today. You go have fun." He says quietly, though he'd rather the blonde stay there.

"It'd be more fun with you." Sanji stands and turns his back to Zoro, picking up his jacket and never seeing the flustered expression that flashes across Zoro's face. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Zoro answers weakly. Sanji leans over him one last time, a soft press of lips to his forehead and he inhales deeply the scent of Zoro's hair. Sanji walks out the door, never casting Zoro a second glance and the lock clicks softly behind him.

Zoro sits on the couch, staring at the melting ice on the table, so lost in his own thoughts he doesn't hear the sound of the refrigerator door closing followed by soft retreating footsteps.

GUZS

Zoro's on the bed laying on his belly digging through his gym bag that was kicked underneath the furniture when his bedroom door is abruptly kicked open and a tense, uninvited blonde headed prick marches into his sacred space, drops onto his bed, stupid, obnoxious studded belt digging into the back of Zoro's knees and buries his stupid, ugly, curly face into Zoro's pillow. Groaning in pain as he tried to wrestle his legs out from under the bastard, Zoro finally gets free and sits up. Stupid invading curly alien disrupting his peace, asshole curls around his hips, pillow bound face nudging against his thigh.

"You're back early." Zoro pokes at Sanji's neck playfully. He's back really early actually. It's not even 5 o'clock yet according to the alarm clock on his dresser. But was that thing ever really accurate. "What are you doing here curly?"

Sanji fidgets against him, whether to shut Zoro up or him just being the stupid asshole he his. Man, Zoro is being really hateful right now. Zoro glares down at the blonde and almost misses the asshat's stupid muffled whiny voice, the words vibrating through the pillow and into his leg.

"Shmee mates me."

Zoro rolls his eyes and leans down, pushing the pillow away from the blonde's mouth. "Who da wuh?"

"She hates me." Sanji repeats. There's a mournful tone in his voice and the bastard has no right to come crawling to him in his pathetic time of patheticness, that Zoro can't help but make fun of the idiot.

"I am unsure of whom you speak of." Zoro voices most intelligently. "'She' can be almost anyone. For instance, Carmen hates you." Zoro starts counting out on his fingers as he speaks. "Perona hates you. Jessica hates you. Hancock really hates you. I'm pretty sure your mother hates you as well-"

A knee strikes the back of his head, cutting off the rest of his list of Women Who Hate Curly Cook. Zoro turns to find a smirking face, half hidden behind messy yellow hair and wipes it completely off with his rough calloused palm.

"Ah! Stop!" Sanji sits up and shoves the smirking brute off of him. "Like your mother loves you so much, fucker." Ah, mothers. Something they both shared a lacking of. Not like it mattered. Their adopted fathers did just a fine job raising them.

Zoro simply hums, not really caring. They could go into yo momma jokes all day and never know if any of them were true or not. "So who hates you now, Love Cook?"

Sanji's face drops again and stares forlornly at his hands. "Nami…"

"What did you do this time, idiot?" Zoro bemoans and rolls his eyes again. What the hell did Sanji see in that bitch. She's so stuck up and naggy. She tricks people into doing things for her for free yet charges per answer on exams and even though Zoro rarely asked for favors she already has a list of debts Zoro owes her. Bitch kept adding interest. He really wishes she would just move and go away. One year without her until she gets to junior high isn't enough.

"I tried to kiss her." Zoro gives him an expectant look, even though he really didn't need Sanji to continue. He already knows what happened. "But she shoved me away and called me a sicko." Sanji's form shrank with every word until he was bent forward and rested his head in Zoro's lap.

Zoro chuckles at the dumbass and puts a reassuring hand on the small of Sanji's back, rubbing soothing circles. "Oh Sanji. Didn't you know?" Curiosity makes Sanji look up at Zoro's happy smiling face. "You're a disgusting piece of shit and I wouldn't go near you with a ten foot pole."

"FUCK YOU!" Sanji shoves him away and leans against the headboard, pillow clutched in his lap. "But you know. I think I know why she doesn't like me. It's pretty obvious that she has a crush on Luffy."

"But that idiot has no freakin' clue because he was more than likely making out with Don Accino's famous pepperoni twists." Zoro fills in. Neither of them could blame Luffy. Lovely Land's pizza was one of the best pizza places in town. It being an ice rink only made the piping hot pies more delicious.

"Yeah." He agrees with a laugh. "But it's not just her, it's all of them. All of the girls." Sanji sighs and flops onto his side, his bulky belt buckle digging sharply into his hipbones and he pulls it off and throws it across the room, all the while kicking at Zoro's knees like he so rightfully deserved.

"All of the girls like Luffy?"

"No idiot! All the girls don't like me. I dono what it is but whatever." Sanji rolls onto his back and pulls a pack of Pall Malls out of his pocket, sticking a cigarette into his mouth but doesn't light it. He knows not to smoke in Zoro's house. "I think I'm done with girls. Maybe I'll have better luck when I'm older."

"Hey…" Zoro turns fully to him with an expression of deep concern that freaks Sanji out. "Since when did a pervert like you give up?"

"I am not a pervert!"

"Dude, I've known you for what? 6? 7 years? You're the biggest pervert I know." He points a finger at Sanji's face, stopping the retort. "And don't make me remind you why."

"Don't say it." Sanji grinds out. Zoro doesn't, only a cheeky smirk graces his lips and the blonde just leans back and crosses his arms. "Hmp whatever. You're just as bad."

"Maybe," Zoro confesses, Sanji doesn't realize how true that statement is. "But I'm not obvious like you." He grins evilly.

"Don't you dare bring that up!" Sanji jumps onto his knees and shakes a threatening fist at the green ape.

"I didn't say anything." Zoro holds up his hands in surrender.

"I know what you're thinking!" Sanji stands up on the bed and raises an even more threatening leg.

"I'm not!" He swears, but the shit eating grin betrays him. "I'm not thinking about the time you got a hard on during an assembly when vice principal Kalifa fell off the stage and gave everyone a panty shot."

"YOU BASTARD!" And with that Sanji leaps into the air and tackles the shit fucking asshole he calls his best friend to the floor. Screams fill the small room as pinches were exchanged, twitching fingers dug into ribs and hair was pulled. They roll across the floor in an endless battle for dominance, but thanks to his leg strength, Sanji came out on top, straddling Zoro's while his knuckles grind roughly into the grassy lawn sprouting out the bastard's skull.

Zoro's hands slowly move down his back and slip into the waistband of Sanji's now loosened pants. Both teens freeze.

"Give me a wedgie and I swear I'll kick you out that window." The blonde seethes out. Zoro smirks at him as his hands go lower into his pants, palming his ass through his underwear causing Sanji to blush. Hard. A shiver rolls up Sanji's spine, and he curses his young overactive hormones as he gets excited by the touch. Zoro's hand move deeper, truly he wishes he could make use of his hands in other ways but this opportunity would never present itself again so he takes his chance.

Sanji is staring at him wide eyed and Zoro gives him a feral predatory grin as his hands snap onto the hem around Sanji's thighs.

"Don't you fucking dar-AHH!" His warning falls on deaf ears as a wail cuts him off and Zoro pulls up hard, the fabric harshly rubbing against Sanji's tender flesh.

"FUUUUUUUCK! Aahh SHIT! My nuts! My Fucking Nuts! Oh my fucking god! You Shit Eating FUCKER!" With emphasis to the last word, Sanji raises a fist and slams into down onto the laughing bastard's crotch.

"Aaaahhh! Fuck!" Both boys clutch desperate at their scrambled eggs, crying and moaning in agony.

"I hate you." Zoro whines out.

"I hate you more!" Sanji spits.

Punches and kick are thrown once more until they tire out and lay sprawled out on floor laughing with their foreheads pressing together, one hand tangled in a death grip in the other's hair, the other hand trying to readjust their own balls.

Sitting up Zoro looks over his shoulder to watch Sanji twist and arch his back off the floor as he tries to pry his twisted briefs out of his ass. "Hey, you wanna watch Celebrity Deathmatch?"

"Hell yes!"

GUZS

They're curled up on the couch, laughing obnoxiously as Nick Diamond walks out onto the stage wearing a pink dress and heels. Johnny Gomez is indeed correct. That is a nice rack. Next to him, Zoro heard Sanji make a pleased 'hmp' sound. Like he had an epiphany and was completely okay with it.

"What?"

Sanji shakes his head, dismissing the question and settles deeply against Zoro's side. His hand slowly slides into the oaf's and laces their fingers together. Zoro looks down at their joined hands then to Sanji who's watching intently at the screen, completely ignoring him. Zoro turns back to find Pat Sajak punching Alex Trebek in the teeth and snickers. This show was always stupidly entertaining. He feels the grip on his hand tighten as Sanji nudges his head against his shoulder.

"Who needs girls when I got you?"

end

I ad-lib too much! This doubled in length! It got out of hand and I'm not entirely sure if I like this.

The beginning got dragged along too much.., Kalifa wasn't there either until a month ago.., the fight, however, went exactly as planned and I am very pleased with it..,

I also originally didn't plan for Zoro to be so eager to kiss Sanji (I was going to keep all of those emotions unknown to you all) or so skilled but, oh well.., there's nothing better than kissing the heel of your palm (except real lips.., and a neck.., oooh behind the ear~) so I made it that he makes out alone a lot..,

Even at 15, Ace is such a sexy little deviant.., cleaning pools so he can watch all the MILFs suntan and shit.., it's Stacy's Mom all over again..,

Nami's birthday is 3 July, so if they were all American, Nami's birthday would be pretty badass.., the day after the party would be nothing but barbecues, fireworks, parades.., that's great timing in my opinion..,

I needed a principal for their school so I went to OPwikia and hit random page. Principal Baskerville it was..,

Sanji was doing duck lips.., cuz he's a duck.., he's an adorable duck, so I'll forgive him..,

There's a hungry ghost in Zoro's house, rummaging through his fridge, eating his cheese.., hide yo cheese, hide yo wine.., sophisticated ghost climbin' in yo windows, snatching yo peanut butter up

Celebrity Deathmatch Episode: Cable Day - Season 2 Episode 9 Round 3

These two have gotten quite … nau~ghty… (you just read that in Freaky Fred's voice). As I've said, I want this to be realistic with how guys mature… (insert endless babble) ...ok too much info~! Anyway, back to my point. I'm thinking of posting a new fic as a side story to this. Full of smutty things that boys do (that Zoro and Sanji do). I think you get the idea. It will be rated 'M', if I decide to write it. I'm not all that confident in the idea, though, so if you all want some preteen experimentation let me know, aight? It probably won't be up until BIRTF is finished, if I decide to go through with it. If I do I am also include the camping trip, Kuina's fall, the talk Zoro and Koshiro had during this chapter (surprise!) and maybe my version of Sanji's accident on the playground as mentioned by BecauseThereIsOnePiece.

Thanks for reading! BIRTF will be updated soon! *maybe* Stay tuned for more GUZS.

Planned post date: 27/03/2014 (late by 2.5 months)

EiC Sinn: Is she gone? Good. Hi there folks! I'm Sinn, but you can call me Professor Wittmeyer if you'd like. As I have apparently gotten my PhD in "Why the fuck I am beta'ing so much gay porn for my girlfriend, I have no fucking clue". Anyways, I have dropped by to remind you all that: "WAIST" is the part of your body between your abdomen and your hips. Not "WASTE". Remember Writers, it's "wrapping his arms around his middle" not "his shit". That's just sick. That is all. Go Spurs!

(... I just used a gay writing example. -_- no more yaoi please)