Chapter 1

Pleasure

Normal POV

"What a freak."

"I know right? I can't believe she thinks she's actually pretty."

"Exactly! I mean, come on, look at her skin. It's orange and I'm positive she dyed her hair like that. Did you see her eyebrows?"

"Everything about her is hideous looking, and as if it's not enough, she's fat."

"Poor thing. If it was me, and I'm so happy it's not, I would just kill myself."

"Am I hideous looking?" Starfire asked herself meanwhile looking in the mirror in her room. She was modest about it but she always thought she was pretty. But now, she was unsure.

It all started when she had to go to the grocery store and get more food for the Titans and other necessities. When looking for a specific item on her imaginary list, two jealous teenage girls were talking a few feet away from Starfire thinking that they were out of hearing range. She saw the two girls off of the corner of her eyes and acted like she couldn't hear them but picked up on what they were saying. They started talking about her, saying things that were untrue, and somehow Starfire endured it all. She believed they were experts on earth girls since they were from here so if they were calling her ugly and fat, then it must have been true.

Multiple times Starfire heard from other people in the city saying she was beautiful but now that the two teenagers claimed she wasn't, Starfire assumed that the citizens were merely lying to her and trying to be nice. What would she prefer: a beautiful lie or the ugly truth? Either way, it would be painful and she would just have to accept it for what it was. Who could ever love an unattractive person like me? Robin surely couldn't, wouldn't, and doesn't. Starfire kept filling her mind with these untrue thoughts and the more she thought about it, the more it became true to her. Without thinking of the consequences, Starfire punched her mirror leaving multiple shards on the floor. She grabbed one carefully but took a minute to examine to sharpness of the piece. She knew exactly what she was would do with something this sharp and dangerous.

"If I do this, then how will I hide the scars? What would my friends say if they realized what I may do? Would they care or act as though nothing happened?" Starfire thought outloud meanwhile her grip on the glass tightened. Meanwhile she was pondering this, the small shard was cutting itself into her hand drawing blood.

"Perhaps I shall not do it today." Starfire walked over to her desk and pulled out the bottom drawer. But as she placed the glass in the drawer, she noticed all the blood dripping from her now scarred hand and almost yelled before placing her free hand over her mouth. Did I truly do this to myself? Eyes wide with shock, Starfire slowly backed away from the desk and to her small bathroom. Entering the room, she closed the door and examined her hand. Another person may have been scared and regretted this inactive decision but for some unknown reason, Starfire didn't. As a matter of fact, it pleased her.

Before she could think about doing it again, the alarm sounded making Starfire quickly rinse her hands of the blood and putting a few bandages on the long cut. Perhaps no one will notice. She then flew away to the ops room to see who or what caused the trouble this time.

"What's the trouble Rob?" Questioned Cyborg meanwhile running towards the main computer where Robin was typing.

Robin paused and only muttered one word so it was silent but loud enough so the rest of the team heard what he said. That one word sent chills down every one of their spines and brought back memories that they wished to forget. "Slade." Robin felt his eyes narrow behind his mask and tried to keep his calm for the sake of his team. The last time he only thought about taking down Slade, he ended up hurting Starfire which was the last thing he ever wanted to do.

"Uh, where?" Beastboy couldn't help but keep the worry and slight fear in his voice since he knew what this madman did to Robin and what could happen.

"Abandoned warehouse, 68th avenue. Titans. Go!" After that one command, the entire team left without hesitation in the direction to stop the villain.

Once they got there, Starfire had a feeling that this wouldn't turn out so good. Something inside of her told her that this battle would change her, and everyone else. Starfire wasn't able to continue her thoughts however when she faintly heard a voice calling out her name. It sounded familiar so she turned to the direction of the voice and came to realization what they were supposed to be doing.

"Starfire! Pay attention!" Starfire nodded her head and tried not to be upset Robin further.

"I am sorry. Please continue."

As Robin explained the plan and what to do and what not to do, Starfire's mind continued thinking about what could change everyone on her team. It may not be that important. Pay attention Koriand'r. Shaking her from her thoughts once again, Starfire luckily heard the part in which she would participate in which was always the same. Don't attack Slade, just any obstacles in Robin's way from fighting Slade. She had no idea why he was so important to Robin but everyone knew they shouldn't ask. It was somewhat a delicate subject for him, just as his past and Batman.

"Remember what I said and obey it. Let's go." Determination and what he made out to be almost a threat was heard in Robin's voice. He started the walk into the warehouse and used his miniature flashlight to help guide himself throughout the corridors. Although Starfire's starbolts and Cyborg's light from his shoulder provided a way to see, Robin felt as though he had to use his own weapons and tools. When it came to Slade, he felt like this was a war he had to fight on his own. Truthfully, Robin had no idea why he was so stern and not himself whenever Slade was in the picture. Maybe it was because he felt like he had to make the villain pay for what he did to himself and the team. Whether he helped them or not, Robin could feel that none of them wanted anything to do with Slade.

"He's here. Looks like he's past this door." Cyborg pointed out and that was when Robin became angry at himself for getting lost in his thoughts. He also knew that the madman was behind the double doors that were a few yards in front of him. Let's hope that today is the day where we can end this. Once and for all. Robin turned around to see if the team was ready for the battle that was coming in a few moments. Once they all gave a nod of approval, Robin faced the doors once again, took a small breath, and entered.

Preparing for a fierce battle that was soon to come, Raven scanned her eyes across the room to see what she could use as weapons. There were a few broken pipes, shards of glass that appeared to be just about everywhere and a large amount of wooden crates. Just as she was about to look for anything else to use, a dead panned voice filled the room.

"Nice to see you once again Robin." Her hands illuminating with darkness, Raven searched where Slade could be. But a yell from Robin telling Slade to show himself brought a sudden surge of emotions that, not surprisingly, came from the leader himself. Hate, determination, and revenge clouded the young man's mind which the empath had actually grown accustomed to. Raven didn't know what made him act like the way he did when it had to deal with Slade but she and the rest of the team didn't like it.

Appearing a few yards in front of Robin, he let out a frightening laugh which seemed to anger the Boy Wonder furthermore. As everyone got out their weapon of choice, Cyborg using his cannon, Beastboy turning into a lion, Starfire lighting her hands with starbolts, Raven mentally prepared herself for anything that could happen to anyone there. Robin didn't seem to take out his staff, bird-a-rangs, or smoke bombs yet but his fingers were slightly twitching with anticipation.

Before Robin could say anything to Slade, about one hundred Sladebots surrounded the team making them feel a little uneasy. Robin however, felt impatient and wanted to hurt someone so badly. He made an oath to Batman to not kill anyone but seriously injuring someone wasn't part of that promise. As long as it was for the greater good then he assumed it would be okay.

Once a robot moved towards them, Robin started the battle. Using his staff to jam into the machines in his way of the prize, he quickly cleared the way and soon enough was face to face with the criminal mastermind. The other Titans were a different story.

Beastboy took out a few robots one at a time and took up most of his energy transforming into the animals he chose to work with. The lion didn't seem too successful on the robots meanwhile a dinosaur, especially a T-Rex, would probably have been too dangerous. He remembered a time when he used a T-Rex to take out multiple enemies at once but almost stepping on Starfire earned him a fierce lecture from Robin and some cold and sorry looks from Raven and Cyborg. Being the person she was, Starfire apologized to Beastboy for apparently being in his way which she felt she shouldn't have done. One hug, two laughs, and some more apologies later, everything seemed to be back to normal. Just as he was about to go into another mistake-filled memory, a brutal punch striked him in the gut which sent an oomph from his mouth.

Doubling over and trying to regain the air that escaped him, a shadow came over him which turned out to be the robot that made him this vulnerable. Struggling to get up, Beastboy saw a flash of black appear and disappear in front of him. One blink later, Beastboy saw the robot in pieces and looked around to see his savior. Cyborg was flailing his sonic cannon all about shooting anything that came into his path, Starfire was up in the air shooting her starbolts down below her making the ones that fell from the attack, become replaced by a new robot. Robin was attacking Slade using what looked to be nearly every tactic he knew, but when his eyes landed on Raven, he saw her giving him a quick look and returning back to her fight. Before he could think of anything else, he was interrupted with a fist that punched the air a few centimeters in front of him. Returning the gesture but actually making contact, Beastboy turned into the next animal he could think of that could damage the robot, and attacked.

Although Cyborg was destroying Sladebots, faster than usual, they never stopped taking the broken robots place. It seemed like he didn't even make a dent which scared him a little. Maybe Slade made them tougher so they could be more of a challenge. Cyborg continued reassuring himself with these thoughts and then realized that there was a beeping noise coming from his left arm. Never stopping using the sonic cannon, he checked his arm and saw that the blasts he was creating was drowning his battery quickly. Transforming his cannon back into his robotic arm, Cyborg was forced to turn to hand-to-hand combat. His fists never stopped making contact with the enemy which meant that there was always something to hit. That was both good and bad.

"How many are there?" Cyborg asked no one specifically in between punches. This was starting to get troublesome and was wearing him out. Out of the corner of his human eye, he could see that Beastboy was starting to breathe heavily from shape-shifting and attacking too much. Raven continued using her powers to bring objects to her command and using them to her benefit, but Cyborg knew that this must have been exceptionally tiring for her. Starfire was slowly coming back to earth and started throwing less starbolts. After learning that Starfire's powers were based on her emotions, he would keep an eye on her during battle just in case. In most cases if Starfire was hiding something but continuing to fight, then it would be nearly impossible to spot. Little did Cyborg know that this was one of those moments.

Starfire didn't stop fighting. She couldn't. Over the past years of people hurting her, she was getting exceptional at hiding her emotions and not letting anyone know how she really felt. Unfortunately for her, this one battle seemed to throw her off now more than ever. For some reason, the events of earlier that day continued replaying in her head which caused Starfire to weaken her fight. Feeling herself decreasing in her flight as her happiness was starting to fade, she saw the Sladebots hitting her feet and trying to grab them but continuing to miss. Starfire was growing exhausted and decided to quickly look around to see how everyone else was doing. She planned that if one of them needed help then she would be able to finish off her share of robots and help one of her friends.

Cyborg was flashing in between colors of gray and regular sky blue which covered his robotic body. Raven seemed to stay intact but seemed to be able to continue for a little while longer. Beastboy took a little bit more time transforming into animals but didn't seem to be in too bad of condition. As soon as Starfire's eyes landed on Robin, she was scared to see him battling Slade and he looked like he was losing. There was an obvious injury to his right leg and you could tell since he was limping meanwhile trying to back up or kick. Starfire winced at how Robin was still going through with this and imagined herself in his position. But she seemed to feel even worse when she saw that Slade had kicked Robin at his side making him bend over, his head unprotected practically begging for Slade to hurt it in some way. But Starfire wasn't going to let that happen any time soon.

Seeing that Robin looked barely conscious, she lowered herself close enough to a Sladebot so it wouldn't be able to touch her, but she could touch it. Therefore, Starfire grabbed the robot's arm and swung it in a circle around her, where the other robots were. One by one they all fell and the plan was to knock them down then throwing the robot she had in her hands, and rocketing it towards Slade which would, hopefully, stop him long enough so she would be able to attack him. Everything had to be correct if she wanted this to be just right, but what Starfire didn't see was that Robin had recovered himself and was standing in the exact spot where Slade was previously. Making the move that would plunge her into her new life, she threw the machine.

Everything was perfect, the timing, the strength held within it, and it even hit someone, it just wasn't her target. Robin was knocked back to the side and laid on the ground struggling to get up and fight Slade. Unfortunately for Starfire, Slade took the opportunity of Robin's fall and got away-with his minions close behind that weren't destroyed in battle-, laughing at the Tamaranian's mistake. When Robin stood, he realized that Slade wasn't there but saw Starfire with her eyes wide and looking guilty.

"Robin! I am most sorry! I meant to hit Slade but I did not see you there!" It was then that Robin had understood why there was a broken robot's "body" next to him, Slade was gone, and why she and the other Titans had looked scared. It had taken Robin a lot to not do anything that he knew he would regret, but sadly, it wasn't enough.

"What did you do?!" Robin yelled letting the anger get to him.

"I-I was aiming to hit Slade, n-not you! P-Please understand!" Starfire's eyes were starting to fill with tears but she refused to let them go any farther.

"You idiot! Because of your stupid mistake Slade got away! Why didn't you just handle your own battle? I was fine until you came along!" Robin was never one to hurt or yell at Starfire but there's always a first time for everything.

"I-I am sorry." Starfire's voice had gotten so low that it was barely a whisper and she had felt ashamed. Hanging her head down, she shut and tightened her eyes, preparing for what insult might come to her.

"Look at you. Pathetic. You don't even have it in you to look at me," Turning towards the other Titans that were just standing there watching the entire scene unfold, Robin said, "Let's go." Not giving another look at Starfire, he left and got on his R-cycle speeding off into the night.

Starfire had gone to her room, acting like what Robin said back at the warehouse didn't affect her in any way. She was being a tough girl like always. Raven had gotten a headache when she rode in the T-car with Beastboy, Starfire, and Cyborg since everyone's emotions had flooded her head. Sensing the empath's pain, Starfire had apologized and taken the blame for what happened which the remaining Titans replied with an "It's not your fault," and "He didn't mean it." She could tell that they were trying to comfort her but it didn't work, it never did. The entire car ride had been filled with those excuses and Starfire had acting like she believed them but had had enough. So when they got home, she made an excuse that she was tired and said she would see them in the morning.

There she was now, lying on her bed, thinking about what Robin said to her. Questions on whether it was true or not entered her mind and the more she heard it, the more she believed it. How I wish there was a way for me to feel better.

She turned her head to the side and had noticed that the band aid from earlier had disappeared. She saw the scar that was starting to heal even though she practically set the bandage on fire with her powers. Whatever pain she felt when her hand was protected by the adhesive medical strips, she blocked out which seemed to help. Remembering what she did to feel better, Starfire got up and walked towards the drawer that held her future. The shard of glass.

Opening her drawer, she felt around it until she felt a small amount of pain at her finger. Carefully pointing it again to see where it was safe to hold, Starfire became satisfied when she was able to take out the glass. Re-examining it to see if it had gotten broken into pieces, Starfire quickly thought about the ups and downs if she did this.

A positive thing would be the fact that it would rid of her pain. When an edge picked at her finger, she couldn't help but feel excited at what could occur next. Another advantage would be that no one would be able to notice. Tamaranians were fast remarkable creatures who also had the ability to heal faster than a regular human so a mark that she left behind could be gone in a couple of days. Three at the most. She would also be able to put make-up on the healing scars to match her skin tone, which would hopefully not make the other Titans notice. Then she remembered what Robin had said and she continued telling herself that this was her escape. She deserved this, after all that she has done, she needed this and badly too.

Taking the glass in her hand, gripping it tightly but enough so it wouldn't open up her hand, she pointed the sharp end at her wrist and let the end of it land on her unmarked skin. "Pathetic… Ugly… Fat… Freak…" X'hal, I am in need of this. Not letting her conscience talk her out of it, she dug the crystal into her wrist and slowly slid it across her skin leaving a trail of blood. She couldn't help but smile. The feeling was…exceptional. It felt like all her troubles were leaving her and as soon as it started, it ended just as fast. She looked down and saw blood trailing on both sides of the wrist, dripping onto the floor and starting a puddle.

I will stop for now. Starfire walked to her bathroom, washed off the glass and her wrist, in case someone entered. She didn't care about getting an infection because as she thought about it, she said to herself, "The more pain, the better."

She placed the glass back in its place and stood there with her hand on the knob. A gently smile crept onto her face as she whispered, "See you tomorrow." With that small goodbye, she closed the drawer and laid back on her bed where she fell asleep with a smile on her face.

For the sake of the story, Starfire will sometimes speak or think in "normal" English. I know that I may have gotten too extreme with what Robin said, but remember that he becomes a completely different person when it comes to Slade. Let's just say that this wasn't one of his best moments. I'm unsure with how I did the battle scene but I hope you could understand what I pictured and followed along. This will be a Robin/Starfire fanfic, since they are my favorite couple and there's too many Robin/Raven fanfics going around. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I hate the people who believe in the couple, I just think that Robin and Starfire go together very well. Therefore, I am making as many stories as I can think of to ease myself and those of you who might think the same thing. I apologize for this chapter taking too long to update but I am a busy girl. A lot of things are happening-but for some reason I like being busy-but since Spring Break is coming, I think I'm going to mainly work on the stories I have to update. I will never give up and move on, I don't do that nor will I ever, so stay calm. I am here to comfort you. Please review, follow, fav, and all that other good stuff! I don't own anything but Warner Bros. and DC Comics do!

Always yours,

light is in the dark

P.S. I have decided that I will write poetry, just to show how Starfire feels and I'll try to make it sound like she wrote it. With her grammar I mean, and no promises that it won't be dark. I once again am sorry for any grammar mistakes.