III. (eighteen years old; August)
Reaping Day
Gale says a silent prayer of thanks to whoever's listening that this is his last year.
He's evaded the Capitol's grasp for the past six summers, and he's hoping with everything in him that this year is kind to him as well. He's painfully aware that this is both Prim's and Rory's first year, though, which makes his slight smile even smaller as he gets dressed. As he's buttoning up his shirt, there's a knock on the door.
"Come in," Gale says as he turns around.
It's his mother. "Hey, Ma," Gale smiles.
"Oh, Gale," his mother rushes toward him, placing her hands on his chest. "You look so handsome. I wish your father could see you."
"I think he can," Gale says quietly, wrapping his arms around his mother. "Hey, don't cry."
"I'm just nervous," Hazelle admits, wiping her cheeks. "For Rory and even for Prim."
"Me too," Gale nods. "But nothing's happened yet, okay?"
"He likes her," Hazelle says quietly. Gale raises an eyebrow, so she elaborates. "Rory. He has the biggest crush on Prim." Seeing her son's mischievous grin, she jabs a finger into his chest. "Don't you dare give him a hard time about it."
"That'll be difficult," Gale remarks, "but I'll try not to."
"You won't," Hazelle stresses, though she's smiling a little. "If you're going into town, be careful about it."
"Okay," Gale calls as his mother exits the room.
Once she's down the stairs, Gale turns to the mirror, studying himself. His scowl is permanent, he's come to realize, but what's there to smile about anyway? Sighing, he runs his fingers through his raven hair, reminding himself that Katniss wanted him to trade something with her this morning. She wouldn't tell him what, but she sounded excited. After this is over we'll go into the woods and forget about the damn Capitol, he muses to himself.
Sighing again, he goes down the stairs two at a time and rushes out the door.
. . .
"Sorry about the deer," Gale remarks as he and Katniss sit down. "I've got something to make up for it."
"Do you now?" Katniss rolls her eyes, clearly still a little upset that Gale scared her deer away.
"I do," Gale raises an eyebrow, pulling a still-warm loaf of bread out of his bag. Katniss' eyes go wide, and then she laughs out loud at the arrow stuck through the middle. "You shot this," she laughs, taking it in her hands. "Your skills are improving."
"Right in the eye," Gale jokes, taking the half Katniss broke off for him. As they eat, Gale gazes off into the distance. "We could do it, you know," he says after a while.
"Do what?" Katniss asks. She knows this is the tone of voice Gale uses when he's about to say something ridiculous. Ridiculous to her, anyway.
"Take off, live in the woods."
"We wouldn't make it five miles," Katniss tells him. Gale's talked about running away before, but never like this.
"Oh, I'd get five miles," Gale says, pointing off into the distance. "I'd take that way."
Katniss rolls her eyes, but she's smiling a little. "Happy Hunger Games," Gale says as she leans into him.
"And may the odds be ever in your favor," Katniss finishes.
He hopes so.
. . .
"So what was it that you found?" Gale asks Katniss as they walk away from the fence.
"Oh! Thanks for reminding me," Katniss says. Reaching into her bag, she pulls out a cardboard box. "My mom told me to put them in here. It's a morphling box."
Gale nods, eager to see what's inside. "I found them the other day," Katniss says. When she opens it, Gale wants to groan. The box is filled with bright red strawberries. "What's wrong?" his friend asks him, looking concerned.
"Nothing," Gale says quickly. "I've seen the strawberry bush before."
"And you didn't tell me?" Katniss asks in disbelief. "Gale, these go for a lot."
"I didn't think of it," he lies. The truth is, the only time he'd ever picked strawberries was when he did for Madge, and he couldn't bear the thought of going back again. Especially not now. He'd never known anyone else who'd even had strawberries before, except maybe a few of the merchants, but most of them wouldn't bat an eye before turning him in.
"Okay," Katniss nods skeptically. "Anyway, I'm sure you know someone we could sell these to before we go to the square."
"Sure I do," Gale says gruffly. "I think Madge likes them." Thank God Katniss doesn't know about the kiss. She raises an eyebrow at him, but they continue to walk in silence until they're in town.
"Alright," Katniss sighs. "To the Mayor's, then."
. . .
Madge nearly jumps out of her skin when she hears the knock on the door. The house is dead silent; her father's gone to the square and her mother passed out this morning, like she has every year on this day, even before she had Madge to worry about. Her fingers were floating above the ivories of her piano, her mind wanting to play but her nerves numb in response.
The knock is persistent. "Coming, coming," Madge grumbles. She fusses with her skirt, with her hair ribbon, with the bangs swept across the side of her forehead, and finally with the doorknob. Her heart nearly stops when she opens the door.
"Hi," she says immediately. She knows Gale is staring at her, hell, she knows it, but she won't stare back. Can't stare back.
"Hi?" Katniss responds, obviously confused. Madge has never looked so uncomfortable around her - she's not even smiling.
"Yeah, hi," Madge repeats. "Can I help y -"
"Pretty dress," Gale says suddenly. Her eyes flicker over to his, narrow and sullen, and she matches his gaze. She wants to punch him, she wants to scream at him and cry and kiss him. The one remark that stuck in her head for days just a few summers before, the one remark that made her turn pink with elation has now made her blush red with anger.
"Well, I want to look nice if I end up going to the Capitol, don't I?" she suddenly spits out. Stupid, she tells herself. What the hell was that?
"You won't be going to the Capitol," he tells her. She can see the little flickers of pain in his eyes. She knows he's sorry, on the surface, but that isn't good enough for her. "How many entries can you have, anyway? I had five when I was just twelve years old."
"That's not her fault," Katniss suddenly says. She's confused, understandably. She knows Madge and Gale don't exactly get along, but this? All she can sense between the two is hatred, like they are one another's prey.
"It's no one's fault," Gale shrugs nonchalantly. Ah, yes, trying to play the good guy. "It's just the way it is."
"Anyway," Katniss sighs tiredly. "We brought strawberries. Gale told me you like them." She holds up the basket, and Madge peers in skeptically. Gale revels in the fact that her jaw drops just the slightest bit.
Straightening up her back, Madge stutters, "My father likes strawberries."
"Great!" Katniss grins. She turns to Gale, hoping he's happy as well, but she sees his gaze on something else. Following it, her eyes land on the circular gold pin Madge wears. Katniss sighs again at the unfound resentment Gale must be holding.
Madge turns soundlessly through the open door into the kitchen, grabbing a jar of coins off of the counter. She carefully counts out the correct amount and turns to Katniss. "Thank you," she nearly whispers, taking the basket. "Good luck, Katniss."
Katniss sighs again. "You too, Madge."
She looks at Gale again, hoping to find something in his eyes, but he's blankly staring past her. Wanting to scream, to cry, to give up, she turns away, shutting the door softly. She wants to slam it in Gale's face, but that would be impolite. Just like making out with a girl who wants you while you're drunk.
So impolite.
Without hesitation, Madge throws the berries, basket and all, into the sink. She's cried every year on Reaping Day so far, her nerves flaring up and her stomach twisting more than usual, but today it's not because she's afraid of the Capitol's power.
She's afraid of the Capitol's enemy.
. . .
Madge doesn't even register when Gale nearly knocks her down on their way into the Justice Building. She knows Gale should get to say goodbye first, she knows he deserves it even after everything he's done to her, but mind over matter carries her feet swiftly past him and through the heavy, dark doors. She shivers knowing that her own mother walked through the same doors ages ago to say goodbye to her aunt Maysilee. Madge hates the name, because that's what her mother calls her whenever she's under morphling.
Katniss is turned toward the windows, squinting into the early afternoon sun. Her knuckles grip the sill tightly, and her lip is between her teeth. "Katniss," Madge pants, pushing the door shut behind her.
"Madge," the brunette breathes, briskly turning around. She wipes her sweaty palms on her blue dress, sighing shakily.
They embrace quickly before Madge nearly tears her mockingjay pin off of her dress. "They let you have a token in the arena," she sputters. "Something from home." Her fingers shaking, she pins it onto Katniss' breast.
"Wait," Katniss grabs Madge's wrist. "I can't...I can't take this, Madge."
"Yes you can," Madge asserts, her voice wavering. "It was my aunt's. She wore it into the arena, too." She can't cry now, dammit. She's not the one being delivered to a death sentence on the fastest fucking train in existence.
It all happened so fast, Prim's name rolling off of Effie Trinket's lips, Katniss' selfless scream, and the silence that followed.
And then Peeta.
She can't think about Peeta. Her best friend, her one confidant, so good with words that he could unravel any doubts she'd repeat to herself, sobbing in his arms as her mind took over her body in the worst way. She knows what each shade of blue in his eyes means, she knows how his hand feels in hers, she knows his favorite food and where he got each and every scar his mother gave him. She knows what upsets him and she knows what makes him smile and she knows who he loves: the trembling girl in front of her.
Suddenly the dam breaks and the tears are streaming down her cheeks. "I'm s-sorry," she cries, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "It's just... you, you and Peeta... were my only f-friends."
"Madge," Katniss takes the blonde in her arms again. "I can try to win."
"One of you is going to die no matter what happens," she says quietly. She should be the strong one, she should be the one holding Katniss tight. But she isn't and she never will be.
"I'll do my best to make things alright," Katniss whispers, pulling away. "You're strong, Madge. You don't think you are, but you're the strongest girl I know."
"Really?" Madge asks, inhaling deeply. "Katniss, I -"
"You are," Katniss repeats, her tone rising. "You are."
Then the doors open and Madge is immediately rushed out, making eye contact with her friend one last time. Gale collides with Madge again as they both rush in opposite directions, he to see Katniss and her to see Peeta.
"Sorry," Madge squeaks pathetically. Gale nods, and she knows there's apology in his eyes, but she can't bear to show acceptance in her own. Concentrating on the lines between each floorboard, Madge makes her way to the males' visiting room, pushing the door open as though her life depended on it.
"Madge -" Peeta exclaims, but Madge immediately wraps her arms around him and places a quick, chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth.
When she pulls away, Peeta looks shocked, but not angry or repulsed. "Madge," he breathes softly, running a hand through his flaxen hair.
"I'm sorry," she cries out, more tears beginning to flow. "Just...just in case I never got to see you again. I-I know about Katniss, and I'm sorry -"
"No," Peeta assures her, wrapping her in his embrace again. "No, I understand. Hey," he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm not upset."
She nods desperately, leaning against his chest. "I'll miss you," she whispers.
"Next time it happens," he begins soothingly, and she knows what he means by it, "take deep breaths, okay? Lay down and breathe, and think of the sunset."
She smiles a little. That's always what Peeta had told her, to think of a sunset. To imagine the colors growing in intensity and vastly expanding over a late evening sky. "Pretend I'm there," he says, "and I'll be thinking of you."
"You can do it," Madge supplies weakly. "You're strong."
He pulls away, blue eyes colliding with blue eyes as a teary-eyed sea. "Madge," he sighs, "don't."
"But you can!" she exclaims. "Peeta, I know you can. Try, try for me."
"Okay," he says softly, hugging her once again. She breathes in his scent, of flour and dough and sugar and honey and spices, trying to memorize every layer, every note.
"Promise?" she sniffles.
He nods, though she can't see it, and she doesn't press further. They stand in this embrace until the doors open and the men in white take away a piece of Peeta that he'll never be able to get back.
"I believe in you," she whispers against him before walking out. He manages a watery smile and watches the doors close.
He watches them and watches them until it's time to go.
. . .
Gale sighs angrily, pacing back and forth in his bedroom. The sun is setting and Katniss isn't here. Katniss isn't here.
When the memory plays back he only hears the rush of the blood in his ears, the beat of his heart, his shaky sigh. He only feels her against him, the rough fabric of her dress below his palms. Every time he closes his eyes even to blink, she is there, and he can't take it anymore.
Rushing to the front door, he's stopped by his mother.
"Where are you going?" she asks gently, not a drop of suspicion in her voice.
"The meadow," he sighs, and Hazelle nods. He gives her the tiniest smile of appreciation and thanks as he bolts out into the evening air, the pink sky, and the coal dust.
. . .
Madge has been screaming and crying since she arrived home a few hours ago, a kaleidoscope of memories flashing through her mind and behind her eyelids. Some may find it cruel or cold the way her father pointedly ignores her, but it means the world to Madge. She can't explain the pictures in her mind, the distorted sound, the images and the crushed hopes. She wants to battle her demons alone.
She lays on her bed, breathless, every bit of her clothing on the floor except for the slip she had worn under her dress. She's burning and freezing and just wants to sleep and never wake up.
Suddenly she gets an idea, an escape she's only used a few times before, and hurriedly puts on her jacket and some suitable shoes.
"Daddy," she calls as she bounds down the stairs, "I'm going for a walk."
. . .
Gale is startled to see someone else among the grasses as he stalks into the meadow. Someone else grieving, breathing, he supposes. He decides to just keep his distance until he sees who it is.
"Madge," he chokes out. He wishes he could be selfish and arrogant and ignore her, but he can't, not after today. He'll be civil to Madge, if not only for an hour.
She turns her head toward him, her eyes rimmed with pink, her lips a brilliant shade of red, her cheeks flushed. She only nods slightly before returning her gaze to the sky. "Gale."
He sits down a few feet away from her, unsure of what to say. He's about to open his mouth when she says, "Needed to breathe?"
"Yeah." He clears his throat, nervously scratching the back of his neck. "I...I didn't even know you knew how to get here."
"'Course I do," she says, keeping her eyes locked on the sky. "I've lived here my whole life, Gale."
They sit in a brief silence before Gale cracks. "Fuck, Madge," he sighs, "I'm really sorry."
"I know," she crosses her ankles nonchalantly, still not looking at him. "You said you were."
"But I really am," he says. "I meant it."
"I know."
He doesn't know, and she doesn't know, what else to say, so they sit in silence for what must be at least a half hour. He's settled so that he lays an arm's length away from her, and it's almost nice.
"Peeta was my best friend," Madge croaks. Gale turns to face her, a battle raging inside of him. He will not develop any sort of feeling for Madge Undersee, whether it be platonic or romantic, but he supposes he doesn't have any other choice but to listen.
"Everyone thought we would get married," she continues. "We spent all of our time together. He never really understood the attacks, but he did a wonderful job fighting them away."
"Attacks?" Gale wonders naively.
"Panic attacks," she says softly, and he curses himself. Of course, what else could they be? "He would hold me until I stopped screaming."
Gale swallows thickly. "Katniss knew me better than anyone."
She actually looks at him this time, a small smile playing at her lips. Even after everything, it can be safely said that they are suffering the most in District Twelve tonight. Well, perhaps after Prim and Mr. Mellark and Mrs. Everdeen. Or maybe their pain is just as great. All Gale knows is that he has this one last shred of anything, a best friend, in common with Madge, and for that he's grateful.
"Everybody thought we would get married, too," Gale says, feeling like he's sharing some big secret. "Even I thought so."
"Did you want to marry her?" Madge asks.
"Did you want to marry Peeta?"
"Maybe a little," the blonde relents. "But he loves someone else now."
"Who?" Gale is curious.
"It's not important," Madge shakes her head. "So did you? Want to marry her?"
"Yeah," he confesses. "Yeah, Madge, I did. And now she's gone."
"You have me."
The silence is long now, and Madge fears she's said too much. She softly begins to cry, trying to keep it down until she just can't anymore. Her sobs grow louder, and she rips fistfuls of grass out of the earth. After what feels like eternity, she feels Gale move a little closer to her. He could put his arm around her if he wanted to. "Shh, Madge," he says softly, "it's okay." He wraps one arm around her shoulder; all the unpleasant feelings he'd had toward her are now gone. Madge is still human, still fragile, and it would be cruel to ignore her while she cries. "I really am," he breaths shakily, his fingertips dancing over her collarbone, "sorry."
"I know," she stresses, subconsciously leaning into him. "Stop saying it."
"Okay," he whispers, leaning up on one elbow and looking down at her. "I might've still kissed you if I wasn't drunk and we didn't hate each other."
Her lip quirks up in the corner, and she meets his eyes. "I never hated you," she says, her voice watery.
"I never hated you, either," he smiles. "I just resented you."
"I can't blame you," she shrugs sadly, sniffling. "But do you still?"
"I can feel it going away," he grins now, and so does she.
"You're not drunk and you don't hate me and I don't hate you," she blurts. "So what's stopping you?"
"From what? This?" he asks innocently. Before she can respond, he leans down and kisses her as softly as he can. Her tongue traces his bottom lip and he shivers, bringing her closer, so that he's nearly on top of her. She sighs his name into his mouth and he moans, pulling her closer, closer, closer. "You don't have to love me," she shudders.
"But we've only got each other now," he says, completing her thought. They pull apart, smiling, and he cups her cheek. "You can talk to me if you need to."
"Okay," she whispers, closing her eyes. He plants another kiss on her forehead and leans back down onto the now cold grass, pulling her close. Their bodies are aligned but not completely touching, their lips still tingling with one another's taste.
"I'm going to need you," Madge murmurs.
"I'm not going," he says. "They can't take me."
"Me neither," she murmurs, burying herself into his side. "Wake me up when it gets late."
"I promise," he whispers, gently grabbing her hand and kissing her palm. He can't bear to say any more.
. . .
Gale doesn't know what's changed inside of him, but he doesn't like it. He wishes he'd never even talked to her, but he can't go back on his word now. He'll just have to give Madge a chance, he supposes.
He hates the way she changed him so quickly, caused him to melt with her words. But maybe this is what he needs, someone to relate to. And she knows that once this is all over that he's not going to fall in love with her or something. She knows, and he knows. It's a comfortable arrangement.
So far.
. . .
They both know that this is crazy, uncharacteristic, incredibly confusing and utterly ridiculous. But as the day has proven, stranger things have happened.
. . .
a/n: not sure if I really like this, but for the most part it's okay. The next chapter will likely be somewhat like this except a bit more in depth and not as...fluffy? I don't know. This was a totally random plot bunny, so I apologize for any continuity errors or plot holes. (Is this too OOC?) I hope you like it! REALLY appreciating the reviews!