To Have, To Love

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, obviously. Otherwise quite a few things would be different.

Warnings: This story contains Femslash otherwise known as Lesbianism so if you don't like it then don't read it. Please click the red 'X' at the top right hand corner of the page or hit the back arrow. I have zero tolerance for flamers. Also, this story does not exactly follow the movie or the book but the key points are there. It also contains; swearing, violence, character death, suicide, drug usage, sexual content, angst, dark humor, and anything else I have forgot.

Thank You To: All the people who have followed or reviewed this story. I live off the encouragement.

Chapter 3: To Have, To Love – The Date?

Leah and I set our date for today, that was roughly a week ago and I haven't physically seen her since though she does call me every night and we chat for roughly three hours every time, I never got tired of her voice. In my dreams I picture us holding hands, cuddling, and even sleeping together though I always woke up before things got too steamy, it was disappointing and frustrating simultaneously.

"So, you and Leah are going on a date?" Mara exclaimed, standing in the middle of my doorframe as I decided what outfit to wear. She's been freaking out ever since Seth told her two days ago and she still couldn't get passed it. I figured out that Mara simply believed that Leah was just going to apologize for her actions, she never thought it would evolve into a date.

"Yes, for the hundredth time!" I heard my mom chuckling downstairs before the sound of the front door opening and closing echoed throughout the house. I suppose she was going to her nursing job in Forks.

Seriously? You're just going to laugh, not discipline her, and then leave? Way to go, Mom.

"It's just…I don't know. I thought you weren't ready for that kind of commitment." She pouted, crossing her arms, a look of disdain and anger flashed across her face. I sighed, - Mara, at times, was more protective than an older brother and father combined, and I'm not exaggerating.

"It's just to get to know each other, Mar," I rolled my eyes while grabbing a white leopard printed summer dress from my pile of possible outfits, "nothing serious."

"Noah, you're not ready for this," she shook her head, "I know you to well, you're freaking out inside."

Great, is my internal dilemma so easy to recognize? Than again Mara could read me like a book so it wasn't that surprising.

"Weren't you the one who said I needed to get out more?" I raised an eyebrow with a mischievous smirk, "You basically called me a hermit who only talks to animals and takes pictures all day." Unfortunately, she completely ignored my attempt at teasing and went deadly serious.

"You do know that they are all shape shifters, wolf shifters, right?" There was a hint of sorrow and fury beneath her words, the ninth word almost sounded like a hiss coming out from her mouth, as if it was poison. I winched. While Mara had no problems forming friendships with shifters of any type, she had reservations towards forming romantic relationships due to the past, my past and pain.

Instantly, I was frozen with fear and sadness as the old memories and emotions rushed through my mind. So, I immediately placed them back in the black box, locked it, and shoved it so far back from my mind that I almost forgot it was there, almost.

"Please, please. Don't bring that up." I pleaded with her, squeezing my eyes closed tightly before snapping them open to look back at her. Remembering was only going to yank myself back into the bubble I created. I could feel that panic, my bubble of protection was calling out for me, begging me not to put myself back into a situation I could get hurt again. She was looking down, as if she was ashamed and I could see her small frame shaking.

"You were so hurt, so fragile," her teeth digged into her lower lip, I was starting to worry that she would bleed "and I couldn't do anything to help you. I felt so useless, Noah. He hurt you so badly, you were damaged for years."

"Mara, I'll be fine. I was fine then and I'm fine now. You, mom, our friends, our family, it was because of all of you that I'm okay." I reached out, wrapping my fingers around her wrist before giving her a gentle squeeze, "I know you worry about me because of that but she isn't like that but I think you already know that." I smiled, she blinked up at me, tears collecting in her eyes but she stubbornly refused to let them fall.

"Yes, but I still get this feeling, that she's going to hurt you somehow," she confessed, wrapping her small arms around my neck, burying her face into my neck. I froze Mara was never wrong about her feelings, never ever. I felt my heart clench at the thought of being hurt once again but for Leah, I wanted to give it a chance because she was like me; broken but functioning, healing but hurting.

"You'll still be here when that happens, right?" I asked, trying to brighten the mood. She pulled away from me instantly.

"Of course, you idiot! We're sisters! You're part of my soul, Noah!" Her crocodile tears were flowing down her pretty face, I used my thumbs to wipe them away with a small smile on my face.

"Then what's the problem?" I questioned, titling my head to the side. She actually looked speechless as she stared at me then she blinked.

Ah, she's got it now.

"Fine, but if she hurts you, I'm going to hex her to hell." She agreed reluctantly with a serious look on her face.

"Deal." I couldn't help but laugh though I was afraid for Leah. Mara was pretty notorious when it had anything to do with destruction.

"Let's get you looking even more beautiful!" She exclaimed seconds later, jumping to her feet before raiding my closet.

"Don't go overboard." I warned, meaning every word of it.

I really don't feel like being her life-sized Barbie doll today.

Two Hours Later

I was nervous...terrified with nerves. What if I made a complete fool of myself? What if she decides to ignore the imprint? But, wait, wouldn't that hurt both of us? No, we just had to take this slow. Maybe I should ask my uncle for advice? After all, he's with a feline shifter so it had to be a similar, right?

My thoughts were interrupted when Seth opened the door, a half eaten muffin shoved in his mouth. I blinked comically, it never ceased to amaze me how much shifters can eat.

"Noah! You're here early." I tried not to vomit when bits of food fell out of his mouth, reminding me of torpedoes; luckily, I angled my body away from the line of fire.

"Yes. But really? Eating with your mouth full is so attractive, Seth," was my sarcastic reply as he allowed me to enter the house. He actually looked embarrassed as he swallowed.

"Sorry, I haven't eaten since this morning." He apologized, sheepishly but I waved him off.

"No harm, no foul."

"Well, look who it is. You clean up pretty nicely. Trying to impress a certain short-tempered woman that we all know?" Paul teased from his spot on the couch. I didn't even try to stop myself from rolling my eyes as I plopped down beside him, crossing one ankle over the another.

"Not all of us are attracted to the opposite sex, Paul." I drawled which earned a few "oohs" from the guys. Paul's been teasing me about my sexual orientation since Mara spilled the beans that I'm pansexual though in his eyes, he sees me as being bisexual. It makes no difference to me, Paul would probably be one of the last people I choose to date if the World ended.

"Whoa, how about we test that theory," he inquired, wiggling his eyebrows, "I'm quite a lady's man, maybe I can change your mind." I slapped his hand away. Gross.

"So, NOT interested," I answered.

"You're so stubborn." He replied with a teasing frown on his face.

"Noah?" My breath hitched as I stared into her chocolate brown eyes and I felt my body shivered in longing. Damn, she's beautiful.

Apology: It's been almost a year since I've last updated this story and I'm sorry for that. I've lost too many people this year so I lost my inspiration and my muse. But I've been getting therapy so hopefully I won't leave you hanging for another year. I hope you enjoyed this short chapter.