Law, Disorder, Murders, and SHSL Stupidity

act 1: (ab)normal days

prologue: old faces, new places

- WELCOME TO THE ROOM [SKEKL]! Message of the Day: 'the reason why we don't have girlfriends is because we're all secretly pining away for each other. swoon.' - Kenny, describing our non-existant love lives -

Kenny: oh hey, look who finally showed up.

Cartman: Kyle. Good of you to come in this hour of triumph and glory.

Butters: - (^w^) hiya kyle

Cartman: Butters, what did I say about the emoticons?

Butters: (;w;) that they're super faggy

Cartman: Exactly, so stop it.

Stan: help me kyle i'm trapped in idiot hell

Kyle: Nice to see you all too. What did you mean by triumph and glory, Cartman?

Cartman: Ohohohoho.

Cartman: Hohohoho.

Cartman: Ohohohohohohoooo.

Kyle: Stop the typed out evil laughter and just spit it out already.

Cartman: Fine, fine. I, Eric Cartman, have managed to get into the most prestigious academy in the whole US. Saint Charles' School For The Gifted And Talented.

Kyle: ...

Stan: ...

Butters: ...

Kenny: oh so it's not just me that's a beacon of light amongst my darkened peers a-fucking-men

Cartman: ...Waitwaitwait. What.

Kyle: Yeah, they sent me a letter a few weeks ago.

Stan: Same here.

Butters: (-w-);; my parents signed me up for it

Kenny: i didnt even apply or apply myself to jack shit and i got in

Cartman: Then what the fuck are your titles?!

Kyle: We'll just have to see on our first day, now won't we, fatass. ;)

Cartman: Shut the hell up, jew.

Kenny: does anyone know where the fuck this place is because google maps is giving me fuckall and they didnt include an address

Butters: my mom said it was on the outskirts of south park? kinda near denver but not exactly.

Cartman: I HAVE TO GO BACK THERE AGAIN. WHY IS IT NOT IN FUCKING CALIFORNIA. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO FREEZING MY BALLS OFF EVERY MORNING GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT I LIKE THE WARMTH.

Kenny: y'know i'm seeing underskirts of a conspiracy there's gotta be something up with the fact that it's near south park

Kyle: I wouldn't think so? Then again, a lot of weird shit does happen around here.

Stan: It's kind of like a filter. I don't know what it is about South Park, but it makes everyone stupid and makes weird shit happen. When you haven't been there for a while, it wears off, but the minute you get back in the weirdness sticks to you like a magnet.

Cartman: Stan's kinda right there. And that's why I fucking hate this now. I'm going to go bury my head into my pillow, scream, enjoy whatever hours of heat I have left, and then start packing.

Kenny: i thought blubber conserved warmth

Cartman: You do remember that I was liveblogging my diet like, a few months ago?

Kenny: yea and that's why you were even more hostile and annoying than usual :)

Cartman: I hate all of you, going to go do what I said I was going to do, fuck all of you, see you first day of school.

Cartman has left the channel.

Butters: (;w;)/ sorry eric

Kenny: don't be sorry he's a prick and it's fun to get at him when i can since he got at us so many times before

Kyle: I'm sorry, I was laughing my ass off at Cartman being told off, did I miss much?

Kenny: no but we missed you, all the homo possible

Kyle: Flattered, but I'll have to pass that one up.

Kenny: one day kyle, one day you will be mine and that day will be fantastic for you

Kyle: Uh-huh. So Cartman's moving back from California, Stan, you're moving back from Washington?

Stan: Mmmhmm, my mom's not letting me pass on this, so yeah, I'm coming back.

Kyle: And Butters, you're coming back from...

Butters: \(^w^)/ texas \(^w^)/

Kenny: i shouldve never taught you about emoticons

Kyle: Sweet. It's been pretty lonely with it just being Kenny and I.

Kenny: dont tell me that you dont miss our intimate time kyle us getting all close and personal

Stan: Close and personal time and I'm not included?

Kenny: a threesome can be arranged

Kyle: Let's save the threesome for after we get to school, alright? Besides, it's a boarding school, we've all got to pack.

Kenny: oh yes let me pack my absolute nothing that i have

Kyle: You have a laptop and clothes. Plus, that 3DS I got you for your birthday.

Kenny: that was the gift that won my heart

Butters: aw, hamburgers! i probably really should pack or my parents are gonna be mighty sore. i'll see you all later (^w^)/

Butters has left the channel.

Stan: Right. I'm gonna start packing. I'll send a group text message to meet in front of the school. It's really good to be able to see you guys again. Slight homo.

Kyle: Same here. Slight homo.

Kenny: mmmhmm all the homo have all my homo dongs and schlongs and all of it anyway kyle im probably gonna spend the night again at your house w/karen

Kyle: Your parents are fighting again?

Kenny: yeah

Kyle: Sorry 'bout that. Come over here whenever ya want.

Kenny has left the channel.

Kyle has left the channel.

Stan has left the channel.

SEPTEMBER 11th

9 AM

Well, today's the day. I don't know if that's a bad or good thing, but it's...a thing, at least. I laid in my bed, eyes open, trying to work up the urge to move. It was at that moment that my mom, being the...well...the motivated woman that she is, barged into my room.

"Kyle! Why aren't you dressed?! We need to get you to the school in half an hour, and I don't know how long the drive is!"

"I'm sorry, mom. I'll get dressed now."

"Alright, just hurry. I've already got Ike in the car."

Ike was in the third grade now, and it was kind of a miracle that mom managed to push him into the car. He's pretty hyperactive, but that might have something to do with the fact that he's Canadian. Which is how he also gets away with farting so much. But yeah, typical stuff, orange jacket, green hat, bluejeans, green mittens...alright, I'm ready. Taking a few steps down the stairs, I nabbed my backpack, and dashed out to the car.

Ike snorted as I hopped in and buckled myself in. "Mom, did you terrify Kyle again?"

"Not terrify. I just...made him hurry up a bit." Well, I can't say it's surprising at this point - and then Kenny ran outside, waving his hand as we were about to take off. "Oh, Kyle, does he need a ride?"

"Yeah, I'd expect so." I opened the door for Kenny, and he and his sister hopped in. Kenny's a nice guy, despite his many...many...many quirks, and his habit of flirting with nearly everyone. His sister, Karen, is pretty quiet and she gets sick a lot, but she's smart. I think Ike has a crush on her.

"Thank you." Kenny said, then squeezed himself between Karen and I...considering we only had three seats back here, it wasn't exactly prime seating and someone had to be left without a belt. Clearly that someone was going to be Kenny. Mom started the car, and we began to ride off to St. Charles'.

When I got the letter from that school, it was pretty odd. I know my mom had sent every document she could find of me to any and every charter school from here to Denver, but this one was really official, like it was a government document or something. At the top of the envelope was a logo of a shield with what looked like a staff going through it, and this curvy line over it. It simply read 'high school' at the bottom of the logo. Typically, an ominous logo in black-and-white was a sign to turn back, but I didn't.

The letter had this to say:

Dear Kyle Broflovski,
Congratulations! You have been accepted to be part of the beginning class of St Charles School for the Remarkably Gifted and Talented. We are a sister school of Hope's Peak Academy in Japan, a school founded with the exact same mission: to find children who are best in any certain field and help their growth so that the world may have a more hopeful future. You have been accepted under the title of Super High School Level (SHSL) Basketball Player, as we have seen your talents in this field and believe that you are far beyond average in this field. If you would be interested in joining our opening class, please write us back, and we will include a letter with the directions.
Sincerely,
St Charles School for the Remarkably Gifted and Talented

As much as I doubted that my skills in basketball were that good, my mom nearly fainted when I showed her the letter, and she outright stated that this was the one I was going to. No objections. And if there's one thing about my mom, it's that when her mind gets set on something, there's no turning back. So she immediately wrote them back while I took to looking up information on Hope's Peak Academy online.

There wasn't much about it, but according to the posts I found on image boards, almost everyone who went there went on to be remarkably successful in their fields, from baseball to computer programming to even swordfighting. It was interesting, but how did they do it? That was the question that kinda dwelled in the back of my mind. How? They can't guarantee success for anyone unless they have massive ties with...everywhere. I couldn't exactly wrap my mind around it, but at least I knew I was in good hands...or so I guessed, actually. I couldn't exactly know for sure.

It was a bit of a drive, so Kenny and I started talking. "So, what'd you get in on, Kyle?" He asked. A typical starting question.

"Um, they said I was the Super...Super? Super High School Level Basketball Player. I don't really see how, but, hey, there it is."

"Damn, you got in the easy way, sports." He shook his head, putting his hand over his mouth.

"What'd you get in on?"

"That, my friend, is my little secret." Kenny stated, and then hastily moved onto another subject. "Think there'll be any hot girls here?"

"...Maybe?"

"Y'know, I really hope they have one talent in particular..." Kenny smirked, then mouthed the words 'Super High School Level Porn Star'. That wasn't unexpected.

"I wouldn't think so." Kenny's mind went back and forth from sex, to drugs, to mischief, and then finally correcting whatever he did wrong. I don't know, he's always been a bit odd, but he had the most empathy out of pretty much anyone I knew. If anyone that he cared about was hurt, he took it upon himself to make sure they were alright. He kinda built upon that from when Butters was around, but he's gotten a lot better lately.

Karen coughed into her palm, and Kenny looked over, wrapping an arm around her. "Hey, ya gonna be alright when I'm gone, kiddo?"

"Mmhm...Ike said he'll take care of me." Karen smiled. Ike sunk into his seat as Kenny looked at him with a knowing smirk.

"Right. Take it slow, make sure that you're both alright with it, and use protection."

"Protection for wha-"

The car finally stopped in front of an imposing building. It almost seemed like a cathedral, the tips of it reaching up to poke the clouds above. Kenny whistled as we hopped out, shaking his head. "Damn." He said quietly. Karen waved her brother goodbye, and Ike nodded at me, atempting to say goodbye in a 'cool' way. I nodded back - and took off before mom started crying. Not gonna deal with that today.

Immediately as we walked into the courtyard, I saw a familiar face. "Stan!" I called out, waving my hand. He looked over, then grinned, shouting behind him that Kenny and I were here, and then he dashed over.

"Hey! You two haven't changed." He commented. "But...hey, I really missed you both."

"I missed you too, Stan." I really did. He was almost like another brother to me, and it kinda hurt to be too far apart from him.

"Still super best friends?"

"Still super best friends."

"Well, if you two are done fagging it up over here-" Of course, that was Cartman. I looked over and- wow, he really did lose weight. He hardly looked like himself, to be honest. But it was still obviously him, I could tell by that voice. No one in the world sounded like him, and that was probably a good thing.

"...Y'kinda said that you were really excited too, y'know." Butters spoke up. Still the slightly-feminine blonde-haired boy that was shorter than pretty much everyone here. Cartman gave him a piercing glare, and he gulped, chuckling nervously.

"..." Cartman sighed, tapping his foot as Butters ran over and hugged all of us, which got a pout from the former fatass.

"Get the fuck over here." Kenny said cheerfully, and dragged Cartman in by the coat into the hug. Cartman twitched a bit, but allowed it. Oddly enough, I think I saw him smile just a bit. "Aww, yep, this is how it feels to be in a harem." With that, Kenny ruined the moment, earning him a flick on the nose from Stan. "Ow. Okay, not a harem, fine..." He paused. "Not yet, at least..." He added under his breath.

Once we all pulled out of the hug, we looked at each other. "Well...let's go ahead and start the school year." Stan said, and we all nodded. With that, we all took off in a race towards the front door...

And the world went black.