Changing things up with Eleven/Cumberbatch!Master. Because is the idea of Matt Smith and Benedict Cumberbatch making out (and other things) not incredibly hot? Beware of nosebleeds, children. ;)

PS, should I just compile all my D/M shorts into one convenient oneshot series?

"Doctor? Where are we?" asked Amy Pond, looking curiously outside the double doors of the TARDIS.

"On one of the jungle moons of Solonoid-Centauri Seven," said the Doctor, scrutinizing the monitor intensely.

"And why are we here?" inquired Rory, her husband.

"Don't know, really," said the Doctor, puzzled. "According to the TARDIS databanks, this moon is devoid of complex life. She just…dropped us here."

"What do we do?" said Amy.

"Hmm," said the Doctor, rubbing his extraordinary chin. "Better stay here while I go out and investigate."

Rory started to protest, but Amy cut in and said, "Alright Doctor, we'll stay here."

The Doctor made his way over to the door. "Oh, where have you brought me, you sexy thing?"

Sonic screwdriver gripped in hand, the Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS and closed the doors behind him.

"Come on," whispered Amy, waving Rory over to the door. "Let's follow him." But as soon as she opened the doors, they promptly shut themselves and would not reopen.

"What the-?" Amy tugged at the doors, frustrated. "We can't get out."

"Um, Amy," said Rory, glancing nervously up at the ceiling. "Maybe she doesn't want us to follow him."

"She? The TARDIS?" Amy too, looked up at the ceiling of the room. "Why not?"

The Doctor had strayed away from the TARDIS, and was now hiking through the forest. There was a thick layer of fog blocking out any and all sunlight. The Doctor had the urge to cry out, to see if anyone was around, but stayed silent.

The Doctor stopped and looked around to get his bearings. But every direction looked the same to him. He was lost. The Doctor swallowed and nervously straightened his bowtie.

Suddenly, he heard a noise over his shoulder, like footsteps through a pile of leaves. He whirled around, pointing his screwdriver in the direction of the disturbance. "Hello?" he called out. "Who are you?"

Against his better judgment, he followed the noise.

About forty paces later, the Doctor came across a tall tree, with a rope ladder suspended from a higher branch. But when the Doctor looked up to see where it led, his sight was constricted by the opaque mist.

The Doctor cautiously approached the ladder to inspect it, but he stepped on something on the ground. He lifted his rather large foot to find a simple red rose, slightly crumpled now by the Doctor's giant clodhopper, with a note attached to it.

Do come up, my dear.

The Doctor sighed. "River Song. Of course."

So he climbed up. And it was a long way up, too.

Finally, when the Doctor reached the apex, he found himself standing inside a huge tree house. Actually, it was more like a tree mansion, what with the size of it. It was almost too big to be perched in this tree. The room was dimly lit with several candles, and the whole room smelled of roses like the one he'd found at the base of the tree. And of course, in the center of the room, there was a large queen sized bed, dressed in elegant and comfy looking linens and down.

"Hello?" the Doctor said again, gazing around the dark room for any signs of life. "Is anyone here?"

He gasped in surprise as suddenly, arms wrapped around his chest from behind. "River, please don't scare me like that," he admonished.

There was a dark chuckle that was most certainly male as the Doctor's assailant gently kissed his neck. Then a deep voice murmured in the Doctor's ear. "Who's River?"

The Doctor gulped. "Who are you?" he whispered.

The man chuckled again and nipped playfully at the Doctor's ear. "Who do you think?"

The Doctor spun around to face him, green eyes wide. "It's impossible. You're dead."

"Not so, my dear Doctor." The Master leered down at him. He had regenerated again, the Doctor noticed. He was taller than the Doctor, which was rare, and quite slender. He had long, delicate fingers, which he was using at the moment to tip the Doctor's own wide chin up, and high cheekbones, like a model. His eyes were icy blue, and his hair…

"Ah," said the Doctor, stroking the Master's auburn curls. "Ginger. How utterly unfair."

"Quite," smirked the Master, leaning into the caress a bit. "What do you think?"

The Doctor raised his nonexistent eyebrows in consideration. "Handsome," he decided. "Devilishly handsome."

"Why, my dear Doctor, I could not have put it better myself." And with that, the Master bent down and soundly kissed the Doctor, continuing to run his thumb across that astounding chin. The Doctor moaned into the kiss, not having felt his touch in such a long time. Over two hundred years, he should think.

The Master broke off the kiss and smiled down at his lover. "And what do you think of the tree house?"

"Amazing," he said, looking around. "Did you build this place just for me? How ever did you get a structure of this magnitude lodged up here?"

"Bigger on the inside," said the Master, extremely self-satisfied.

"Ah," said the Doctor, lazily tilting his head to one side.

"And I built it for us," the Master corrected, lowering his tall frame to plant a trail of kisses onto the Doctor's jaw line, which he had found simply fascinating ever since the Doctor had come up here.

The Doctor stifled a gasp and clung to the Master as he continued down to the Doctor's delightfully sensitive neck. He felt the Master gently pushing off his tweed jacket and toying the collar of his shirt.

"A bowtie?" the Master said, surprised, pulling away from the Doctor's throat. He fingered the silk thing curiously. "You haven't worn one of those in a while."

"You're right, I haven't. I decided to bring it back. It's cool, isn't it?" The Master dramatically rolled his eyes. "Yes, it is, it's cool, bowties are cool!" defended the Doctor.

"Well, as charming of an accessory as it is," said the Master, swiftly kissing the Doctor's pouty lips, "it's not of any use up here." His long spindly fingers smoothly undid the bowtie and dropped it to the floor with the jacket. "Is it?"

"Yes, well…I suppose not." The Doctor swallowed. "Tell me…how did you escape the Time Lock?"

"Shh, shh, shh," said the Master, pressing a long, pale finger to the Doctor's lips. "Don't worry about that now. Just let this moment last for now."

The Doctor glared at the Master slightly and sneakily popped the finger in his mouth, sucking on it lovingly.

"Eager, aren't we?" smirked the Master, raising an eyebrow as he pulled his finger out of the Doctor's mouth. "Well, by all means…let us begin."

The two Time Lords dove for the bed.