Restart

Dr. Kim, the head doctor who was relatively younger than the rest of his group but with graying hair and a semi-permanent serious expression on his face, tapped his clipboard two more times before sighing again. He pushed his glasses back the bridge of his nose and flipped through his notes the nth time during the span of time they were talking. But that wasn't the reason why Yi Jeong was feeling so off. It was the fact that one of his best friends who was also part of team, Dr. Yoon Ji Hoo was looking at him with his hawk X-ray eyes. With his white lab coat, he looked even more nerve-wrecking.

"Tell me, Mr. So," Dr. Kim started after the whole while of staying silent when Yi Jeong spoke and the other moment of silence of digestion of information after that. "Why did you not tell us this crucial information before?"

It was Yi Jeong's turn to sigh. The interview had been going on longer than he wanted to, and had started out unexpectedly as well. He could have just stayed in his house like he intended to, but no, his urge to see Ga Eul was stronger than everything inside him, and was eating him whole so he had to visit her just in time to see her be rolled to the ICU for the fifth time the whole month. The doctors cornered Yi Jeong as soon as Ga Eul's vitals were stable, and had to tell them everything he found out the time Ga Eul spent with him.

"I thought you already knew of the information before I did," he said, which was half true. The other half had the back of his mind knowing that if they had found out, they would have told him, which they didn't.

The doctor was in the middle of another sigh when Ji Hoo spoke up, which made Yi Jeong jump more than anything else. "He was being selfish, which has nothing to do with anything." The look that he gave Yi Jeong told him that even though his statement ended the question from the doctor, the conversation was not over between the two of them. Yi Jeong dreaded a questioning from Yoon Ji Hoo ever since they were children, watching him talk to Woo Bin and Jun Pyo.

But there were other matters they had to deal with.

"Please review what you just said so we can take matters in hand," another one of the three other silent doctors said.

Yi Jeong closed his eyes, and Ga Eul's face popped in the darkness like it always did. Glowing. Healthy. Smiling. So unlike the last time he saw her. She was as pale as a sheet of paper, even her lips was drained of color. Her eyes, in contrast, were bloodshot, and her hands were limp and fingers where thin. But there was hope when she said "I will."

That hope was enough for him to push forward, even if it means starting over.

"There is a pattern as to when she remembers which kinds of memories," he began.

All the doctors, except Ji Hoo who was watching him closely, bent down to take notes.

"It depends on what she did for a day," he continued, the back of his eyes blurring with all the memories they spent with each other. "A day where she is making new memories will make the next day as regular as possible. No tremors. No trauma. No nothing. She will only remember her immediate past, like the day before, or even to a week before if she'd manage not to try to remember anything." Yi Jeong noticed his hands playing with the hem of his jacket. He managed to go on a week without Ga Eul going under trauma by lying to her. He had already made up a story of their wedding and their little house. He even moved to their family rest house just to get everything in motion.

He knew it was a feeble attempt to fix anything. But he had to try. He was willing to try anything to get Ga Eul back.

"A day of reminiscing memories would trigger her to forget that day and remember the past," Yi Jeong went on, he fingers successfully ruining the perfect ironing of his jacket. "Anything that would have pointed to anything in the past, especially just before or during her accident, would wipe out her new memories and revive the old ones." Those were his scary days. Ga Eul would remain in bed crying, refusing the company of anyone, even any kind of food or supplement. Worse days would lead to him calling on help from his friends, who would convince him to bring her back to the hospital, only to take her back in again after she recovers.

He was careful after watching this pattern. Careful not to touch anything from behind her. Careful not to make her remember anything and focused on making new memories always.

"But she's been having dreams lately," he said, forcing his fingers to stop whatever they were doing. He flattened them against his thigh as he spoke again. "They were unpredictable at first but I realized that when they shake her up so much that she cries afterwards, or even worse, the next day would be another day from the past."

Yi Jeong stopped, a bit out of breath. He closed his eyes again, wanting to see the smiling face of Chu Ga Eul imprinted in his mind before opening them to see the looks on the faces of the doctors. Some looked frustrated, he supposed because he told them a little late, some, still, looked relieved as if a solution was already on hand.

Dr. Kim, who was still taking notes then, finally looked up and pushed his glasses up his head like a headband. "This is a lot to take in," he breathes. "But this is progress. A pattern will definitely help the neurologists figure... something out," he considered after a while, probably substituting a deep scientific concept for the weak word he used."You know, this is a mental concept, but her memories are linked to the trauma she experienced that is also linked to her physical health. A solution would be easier to find if they understood this in medical terms," he sighed and placed down his notes and pen on the table. "I assume this would that be everything?"

Yi Jeong gave them a slight nod, even though everything the doctor said went in one ear and went out the other.

"Thank you," Dr. Kim said, stood up from him chair and lead Yi Jeong out of the door.

Yi Jeong would have went home immediately, and drowned his night on alcohol and crying, if Ji Hoo didn't follow him out. He didn't speak but he walked right passed Yi Jeong, which was his way of telling the latter to follow him, into the gardens of the hospital, where most of the people around were patients who were almost recovering.

They stood apart for a while, both sizing the other, although Yi Jeong's thoughts was far from where they were. They stood silent against the laughter and whispers of the people around them. Patients didn't take the presence of two F4 members too seriously, which was a good thing for both of them.

When Yi Jeong couldn't take Ji Hoo's personal dose of silent treatment anymore, he said, "You know, if you want to punch me, go ahead."

Ji Hoo only looked mildly amused. "You know I'm not the punching type."

"You have your tendencies," Yi Jeong told him, referring to one time Ji Hoo lost patience with Jun Pyo. But that was five, six years ago. Way back when. "And I know you're mad at me. And disappointed," he added when Ji Hoo crossed his arms, which was not really a good sign to where the conversation was going. "Can we just please get this over with?"

Ji Hoo smiled a bit. "You know, when I went into this profession, it's not because I wanted to use it to become a power against you three, but it seemed like it's working to that purpose. And anyway, yes, I do want to punch you in the face, that's why we had to go to a public place so I can prevent myself from doing anything untoward to you."

Yi Jeong frowned.

"But I do understand that you want to save Ga Eul," Ji Hoo said, uncrossing his arms to hold them together in front of him. "That doesn't mean you have to hog her to yourself."

"I'm not hogging her," Yi Jeong said defensively only to be met by one of Ji Hoo's glares. "Hogging is too grave of an accusation."

"My point exactly," Ji Hoo said. "Because you know what's going to happen when the neurologists discover the patterns of her brain waves and seek for the solution."

"When her dreams progress, she'll be stuck in the past."

Ji Hoo blinked at him, looking past his lousy lie. "You're smarter than that. Stop pretending like Jun Pyo. We're not kindergarten anymore."

Yi Jeong sighed. He knew exactly what Ji Hoo was talking about, and he hated that he knew about it. Because now that he knew, he would do everything in his power to prevent it from happening, even if it meant not giving Ga Eul back her past. Even if it meant Ga Eul would have to live in a lie forever.

"She is going to cure herself eventually," Ji Hoo said, knowing the exact thoughts going around his friend's mind. He took some steps to reach Yi Jeong and give him a pat on his shoulder. "Whatever you're going to do to keep her away from reality, she's going to remember. You said it yourself, she's beginning to dream about it."

"I know," Yi Jeong sighed. "I know, I'm just selfish. I just can't... I can't let them take her away from me." He closed his eyes again, not wanting to forget any part of the face he grew to love. "They're going to take her away from me. I don't want that to happen."

"It's only temporary."

"You can't say that," Yi Jeong shook his head. "You don't know how long it will take. Months. Years. Forever. I won't have her anymore."

It's so funny, that it was that which scared him the most. Not to have her. Not to see her. Not to be with her. It was so simple, and yet it meant the world to So Yi Jeong. The girl in the ICU, whose life was still in the balance of her memories, was his everything.

Ji Hoo was smiling at him. "You still grip on your toys too tightly."

"She's not a-"

"I know, Yi Jeong-ah," Ji Hoo said, looking outside the hospital, to the gardens where children were playing under the supervision of the nurses and their caretakers. "You know what I mean. But what I really want to say is..." He turned to look at Yi Jeong to make sure he was listening. "Remember when you had to go to Sweden?"

Yi Jeong nodded, unsure. How could he forget such an important detail in his life?

Ji Hoo was still looking at him with his steady gaze, the same gaze that held the F4 in place. "Remember how long you asked her to wait?"

Yi Jeong's mouth was open. "I... Four years," he said in a whisper.

"Wasn't she willing to take the shot? Wasn't she willing to wait? Wasn't she willing to bet everything for you?"

Yi Jeong was silent.

"Weren't you stupid enough to break her trust? And still she waited on you?"

Yi Jeong's eyes were closed, watching the face of his beloved Ga Eul-yang. Her eyes that conveyed her love and trust and hope on him.

"And she's still waiting for you right now, you know. She's waiting for you to trust her this time. Didn't she tell you she'll come back to you?"

"How did you-"

"But I'm right, aren't I?" Ji Hoo shouldered him, his own way of showing support and affection for his friends. It occurred to Yi Jeong that the three of them were scared of Ji Hoo because of his wisdom, and his devotion to delivering the truth to his friends, no matter how painful it may seem at first. In their group, he was the most honest, which made him an enemy to the three who always lied to themselves. Yi Jeong supposed he must have learned it the hard way. Only people who learn from experience grow this wise, and don't want other people to learn the way they did.

Yi Jeong was getting far off his track, and Ji Hoo had to pluck him out of the waters to give him a dose of reality. He was grateful.

"So?" F4's white knight asked. "What do you do now, Yi Jeong-ah?"

Yi Jeong paused. The answer was obvious to the both of them. It was obvious from the very beginning. But it's just now that he was going to take the chance.

"Wait," Yi Jeong said.

...

(A/N: Thank you to everyone who still read and reviewed the previous chapter. Thank you thank you thank you so much. It means the world to me to start the new year writing again. Haha. But thank you. Thank you so much.)