Part 17: Ashes (When Angels End)

The week dragged without Meg. Castiel found himself staring at doorways, looking at shadows, going to old seedy bars around the town the safe-house was near. With Dean and Sam slowly recouping and his own Grace still exhausted, he was stuck in how to find her.

Even when his power recharged enough to let him travel, he couldn't use his power to feel her. It was like four years ago, when Nyx's power had hid her, but this time there was no shadow of her even lingering. No angel knew where she was, the few that had returned his call shrugging over it. The demons were in such disarray without leadership that the angels were using it to their advantage to send as many back to Hell as possible. It was chaotic. None of them cared about one demon.

He did though.

Nyx's birthday came and went without ceremony. Castiel remembered vaguely and when Dean had suggested getting her a cake, it was Nyx who had refused. She didn't want a birthday, she had cried, she wanted her mother. She was unhappy as Castiel was and despite the way the brothers tried to help her, she missed her mother too much to give in.

At night, when the safe-house was silent, Castiel lay on their bed and stared up at the skylight. Any minute now, he thought as he pictured it. She'd sidle in, brace herself overtop of him with her smug grin and her darkness showing just under the surface of her skin. She'd touch him while making fun of him for missing her. His demon would be late, it would be just like her. But she'd be alive and he could forgive that. She had to be alive; it had to just be Meg's twisted sense of humour to make him miss her. Castiel clung to that with a desperation he had known before, knowing that without her his faith would fall further.

Why would he be given her again only to lose her when things looked their best?

It wasn't only his grief he felt now. Nyx would slip into bed beside him at night and cry, and Castiel resigned himself to his new duty of protecting only her. Reading his books to her until she fell asleep. Watching the days pass and waiting so patiently wore on his nerves.

There were the shadows though. Always the shadows. He searched them for her in hopes that soon he would be able to see her staring back at him.

Why hadn't she fallen out of the Lethe with the rest of them?

On the seventh day, when his anxiety became too much, he left Nyx with Dean and Sam and finally flew out of Colorado to look for her. He went everywhere they had been recently: the bunker with its now destroyed interior, the motel near St. Louis, the bars, the diners. But no imprints or trails were left behind.

He wasn't sure how he found himself in New Hampshire, on the same beach where he had had his first dream of Nyx. There were no reasons to be there except for a tiny bit of pressure at the back of his mind that maybe if it had let him glimpse his daughter in the future, then maybe it would let him glimpse his demon.

Castiel was barely aware of retrieving the supplies and the bowls, everything he needed to call her. He was still in a grieving haze when he struck the match and began calling for her. It would hurt her to be summoned so powerfully but better that than anything else.

"Ad ligandum eos pariter eos coram me." He had to fight to remember the words as the seconds ticked by without her. "Nahara. Veniat ad me."

But there was no crackle of power, no shift in the air to show that she was coming to him. Only emptiness and shadows though that pressure that tormented him continued. Castiel overturned the bowl and scattered the herbs to the icy wind.

The New Hampshire beach was cold in the early spring, the beach slippery under his shoes as he paced its length. Castiel didn't see anyone else through the rain and knew that using his exhausted powers to stretch out and find Meg would be impossible. But he knew he'd felt her here. Where was she?

Castiel stopped walking and stared out at the water. Sheol had thrown them all out and for some reason had separated Meg from him; it was terrifying to think that Meg had disappeared. Each small wave that was lapping at the shore made him wonder what if she had been left there.

"Meg, where are you?" he asked aloud. "Please."

The rain soaking through his coat felt cold the longer he stood but he didn't move from where he stood. He'd been brought here for a reason, he was sure of it.

What if that reason was to have his faith broken again?

"Meg," he whispered.

Then he felt it. Like a shadow lingering beneath the brilliance of his Grace. Something shifted behind him and his entire being stilled as he heard someone breathing.

"Took you long enough, Clarence, to summon me like that. Ordinarily I'd be pissed but you saved me from having to walk all the way across the States to find you."

Closing his eyes, he exhaled and fought to breathe again when he turned to face her. With her hair hanging in wet tendrils and her skin so pale it was luminescent, Meg was ghostly in appearance. She was soaked, her clothing sticking to her, and revealing not only patches of skin but the healing marks on her sides and neck. Her bruises were an ugly yellow and the longer he stared, the more she fidgeted under his eyes.

"Say something, Clarence." She managed a half-smile. "A 'Hi, Meg' would be nice."

"I'm not sure what to say." He stepped closer and saw her shivering. "You're hurt."

"Give me a few hours of sleep, some good booze, and I'll be okay," she answered, eyeing his face curiously. "What about you?

She gasped when he reached out and grabbed her by the back of her neck. His other hand slid around her waist as he pulled her in. When she was tight against him, he bent her backward a little and covered her lips with his own. Meg gave a pleased hum as he kissed her, shuddering when his hands gripped her so tightly. Her body pushed against his as if desperate for his warmth to overwhelm her, her hands sliding under his coat as his own found the bare patches her torn shirt revealed. The quick search found her wounds, some festered by her lack of care, but he dropped his hands to the exposed skin above her hips and pressed her into him.

Moaning, Meg's mouth searched his so they both tasted rain and he shuddered as the hands under his coat took a more intimate turn when she found his skin. The kiss felt good with all of its passion and he thrilled in how alive she was, at how she moved her mouth in time with his to keep the kiss lasting.

By the time he pulled back, they were both out of breath and soaked by the crashing waves and rain. Dripping water curling on her eyelashes and cheeks, Meg's arm slid down from his neck a little, though she was still pressed into him. Castiel watched her recover her breathing and felt her fingers tugging on his wet hair gently. She gave him a surprised look and he smirked at having caught her so off-guard.

"Really were worried about me, huh?"

"You have no idea," he murmured, thumb smoothing over her cheek. "Come home."

She grinned. "Never thought I'd be so happy to hear those words."

Dean and Sam were on the porch, the overhang protecting them from the sleet, when Castiel fluttered them back in. The brothers were shoulder to shoulder and staring at them both incredulously. Dean gave the demon an awkward nod and she stared at him appraisingly.

"You look like you're carrying less weight, Deano."

"Yeah?" He looked down before he realized she meant the souls. "Nice, real nice."

"Where did you find her?" Sam asked Castiel curiously.

"North." He hadn't released his hold on her hand and both brothers noticed. "How are you both?"

"Alive and kicking." Dean shrugged and then smiled at him. "Thank you." Grudgingly he looked at Meg. "Both of you."

"No problemo. It was fun." Meg swayed a little and Castiel looked at her.

"What part?"

"The near death experiences? Such an aphrodisiac," she offered flirtatiously and he rolled his eyes, ready to argue with her when he saw her smirk. Catching on that she was half-joking, he gave her a scornful look that was betrayed by the light in his eyes.

"Much more than I needed to know, thanks," Dean muttered. "Benny's just cleaning up after dinner."

"Where's Nyx?" Meg asked and Dean and Sam pointed up behind them.

"She's been crying but I put her to bed," Sam said. "She's cried herself to sleep."

Castiel watched Meg leave them, headed into the house, and he stopped by Dean and Sam. "When are you thinking of going back?"

"Soon as…" Sam began but Dean hit him in the ribs with his elbow.

"Whenever you're ready. Go on and send Kevin down here." He waved his hand. "Sam and I are going into town, have a few beers with Kevin and Benny, and reminisce. You can take care of Nyx tonight. Get some sleep."

Castiel shook his head. "Very well."

Sam waited for him to go into the house before he gave Dean a look that had his brother looking too innocent.

"What?" Dean asked.

"Sleep?" Sam rolled his eyes. "You really think he's going to sleep?"

"Nope. He just found her and judging by the looks they were giving each other…" Dean made a face. "I'd rather not think about it. Let's go drink 'til we're unconscious just to forget it."

"Good idea."

Kevin was still in Nyx's room when they snuck in, and expressed no surprise when Meg murmured a greeting. The demon crouched by Nyx's bed, staring at her in obvious fascination. Castiel, watching them both, wondered what it was she was seeing as Meg stroked Nyx's face.

"She's not changed," he whispered from the doorway and Meg didn't say anything for a moment.

"Not that you can see." She pushed dark curls out of Nyx's face and smiled. "It's kind of weird. We did all of this to keep her safe and she found ways of keeping us safe."

"She was created to be a solution," Kevin said suddenly as he stood up and began to feel his way out of the room. "That's what I think she was doing. Solving this the only way she could."

The cryptic words made Castiel shake his head as he helped him down the stairs to the Impala. Meg still crouched, fingers tracing over the small nose and the parted lips before touching Nyx's pulse. It beat strongly and Meg realized how much in the past week, as she had wandered alone and lost before Castiel had called for her, she had needed to touch this part of her. It didn't matter that in reality her body was stolen. The soul in this little girl was connected to hers.

Nyx's eyes opened a little and she reached out to touch Meg's mouth. "Mommy?"

"Hey, monster." Meg smiled at her. "Did you take care of them?"

She was still too sleepy to do more than smile. "Yep."

"Good girl." Nyx's arms moved up and Meg leaned down, letting Nyx wrap herself around her for a hug.

"Knew you'd be okay. Missed you," Nyx whispered and Meg smiled.

"Missed you too."

When she pulled back, Nyx gave her another sleepy smile and then finally fell back asleep. The flutter behind her made Meg look up to see Castiel, his hand held out.

"Come on, you need some attention."

"Flirting with me again, Clarence?" she asked even as she took his hand and stood up. He led her back to their bedroom, hearing Dean shout out a goodbye before the front door closed and locked.

Meg took a seat on the bed, removing her jacket and wincing as she did it.

"You're still too weak to heal?" he asked and she shrugged, watching as he tossed his coat over hers. There was already a bowl of water, washcloths, and a first-aid kit beside the bed, and she chuckled at the sight. Murmuring to himself, Castiel set the kit on the bed and began to set what he needed on the side table. He helped her out of her shirt, noticing the scar tissue already forming. Moving her bra straps to the side, he splayed his hand on her shoulder and checked the depth of the wounds still not closed. His touch was gentle but he noticed how badly she winced as he catalogued what was wrong. Muttering for her to stay still, he leaned over and pushed her straps lower.

He kept his eyes lowered as he wrapped and began to gauze and tape the marks he was most worried about. She was quiet for a while as he worked before it became too much and she reached over to grab the washcloth.

"I saw how bad some of your wounds were before the Lethe. How're you doing, feathers?" Meg asked as she gingerly began to clean her arms and shoulders. He moved so he was sitting at her back and took the cloth away from her. Slowly, he used the rough terrycloth to wipe the grime, blood and sweat from her skin, fingers gentle when he touched an injured patch. Submitting herself to it, Meg leaned into his care and closed her eyes.

Castiel realized she wanted an answer when she repeated her question after he had cleaned her entire back.

"I'm healing. The Lethe seems to have some aftereffects and it is making it hard for me to heal." He leaned forward over her shoulder to reach the antiseptic. "Meg, I… realize now." His hand smoothed down her skin as he cleaned the last of the marks. "What it was like."

"Do you?" Her head tilted to let him check the bruise below her ear. "I kind of get what happened to you now too. Being alone and knowing you were all able to continue on without me. It was strange."

"Yes." Castiel touched the nearly healed marks on her back next, aware of his own scars that now ran the length of his spine, before he turned away to set the kit away.

When he turned around Meg moved to straddle his legs and he helped her move into his lap. She looked down between them before her fingers began plucking open the buttons of his shirt. He stared at her bent head and then helped her as she pushed it over his shoulders.

His hands were on her belt when he felt hers brushing them away. She nestled close as she undid his clothing, hearing his heavy breathing when she started to reach for his trousers.

"I was doing this to heal you," he muttered in amusement as she stroked his chest, turning the skin hot as she touched him the way she knew he enjoyed.

"You did. I feel a lot better." Meg took his face in her hands and held him steady to kiss him, tongue stroking against his when he parted his lips. Castiel let his hands creep up her back and pulled on her hair to expose her neck, his mouth sliding over her skin next. Meg groaned and held him close as he undid her bra and then her hands went to his shoulders. She pushed him as she lowered herself over his hips and he fell back with a thud. Meg smiled and pressed a biting kiss against the tattoo on his side, peeking up at him when he touched her hair.

"Now shut up and let me make you feel better."

Sam and Benny were struggling to match each other drink for drink, though the vampire was hard up to hide how much he didn't like the cheap liquor. Dean was struggling to finish his two beers, the liking for it gone since his sobriety had started. Kevin listened to them more than anything else, and when Sam leaned across for the pitcher, his head tilted.

"Your phone is vibrating."

Sam blinked, not having felt it. Still eyeing the prophet in a puzzled way, he checked the number. "It's… I don't recognize the number."

Dean polished off the last of his drink and shrugged. "Put it on speaker."

"Yeah, good idea." Sam laid the phone in the middle of the table and pressed the button. "Hello?"

"Sam Winchester?"

"Yeah. Who's this?"

"My name is Glen. One of the hunters who went into hiding after Oklahoma." He sounded harassed. "Look, did you find Dean?"

Sam nodded, eyes on his brother. "Yeah. He's okay now."

"Good. Look, we need you guys. There's things wandering the midwest. Monsters. The same kind we thought we exterminated."

"Describe them, okay?" Sam asked, reaching into his jacket for his tiny note pad as he took the phone off speaker. He wrote down the details quickly, having to struggle to hear through the loud bar. "I'll get back to you. Might be a new species. Stay calm."

Dean was staring at him when he hung up. "Sam, did you - did you just 'Bobby' someone?"

Sam blinked and stared at the chicken-scratch notes. "Yeah, I guess I did. Get this, something is going through the same areas we were seeing some monsters a few months ago. You know, the midwest areas. People are getting bit and…"

"Turned." Dean's eyes were harsh. "Eve's infection."

"It survived." Benny shrugged a large shoulder. "Hate to point it out, boys, but there's a reason monsters spread so quickly. We're a hardy bunch."

"Glen's got about ten young hunters. All very new, and they need our help to start tracking these things down before they start infecting more people, because, Dean," Sam stopped. "I don't have to tell you what this is looking like."

They both thought past to Lucifer's grand plan and Sam swallowed hard, noticing Dean's stoic look.

"We need to get to the bunker. Tell them that's where we're based."

"We're opening the bunker up?" Sam asked, aware of Kevin and Benny both listening. Dean looked at his empty bottle and sighed.

"I don't know." Reluctantly, he looked at Sam, holding his gaze for a long time before he nodded. "Send them the address. Maybe it is time."

Meg heard the change in the weather before she even opened her eyes. Exhausted to the core, the patter of rain on the skylight had lulled her to sleep and the warm body she was lying on had helped. Then the roaring winds stopped, the rain had turned to a mist, and she felt the hand tracking up and down her spine was still continuing with its caress.

It felt good enough that she merely pressed her head against his chest and closed her eyes again. "Feelin' okay there, Clarence?" she asked.

"Everything has healed," he agreed. He paused to circle the scar on her back. "You?"

"Well." She lifted up a little to stare at him, narrow chin pressing into his chest. Castiel eyed her. "Bit better."

The hand on her back turned over and she felt him tug on the ends of her hair. "What do you want to do?"

The demon knew he wasn't referring to more playful sex.

"It's early," Meg said, rolling off of him. She shakily moved to her feet, still trying to hide the long wound gauzed heavily on her calf. His hand captured hers and he pulled her down roughly, tossing her onto her back without a word. After pulling off the gauze, his hand slid down her calf muscle and brought with it a warm sensation.

"It won't hurt you to let me take care of you."

"De…" Her breath hitched as his mouth slid over her knee. "…mon."

"I know, I know." The skin was healing fast now, the tongue on her leg tracing the new pink flesh, and his eyes darted up to her face. "Doesn't matter."

When he rested his chin on her stomach, Meg saw how tired he was. Something she should have seen before if she hadn't been so caught up in touching him again.

"What's up, tall, dark and broody?" she drawled, dragging her nails over his scalp. His eyes closed but he didn't answer. He breathed out and pushed his face against her stomach, the hands on her thighs still moving up and down in absent-minded caress.

"I left your journal in the dresser," she blurted out, not sure why she said that. He didn't say anything. "I just… knew you'd regret leaving it behind. You might need it."

"I don't need it. It served its purpose." Castiel's breath felt hot on her belly and she glanced down to see him feigning sleep.

"Nyx might." Meg crooked her head to the side. "Something's wrong. You're thinking, I can tell."

He only touched her and didn't answer her right away. She nearly thought he was sleeping until Castiel pulled away to say, "Azazel's words about you."

"What about it?" she asked and he pulled himself up to sit across her as she sat up against the headboard.

"With him stuck in the Lethe, you will never know why he chose you."

"I never wanted to know why, not really." She pushed her hair over her shoulder and stared at him as he moved beside her and put his arm around her shoulders. "You never know why some things happen, Clarence." Meg shrugged and felt his lips against her temple. "When you're born without a family, you assume you're just scum that no one would want. You assume you do what you have to do to survive"

Castiel stroked the back of her head but said nothing. There was nothing to betray his thoughts but he was struggling to figure it out for himself. What if there had been something special about her, something that was lost because she had been destroyed in Hell first? Whatever she was, whether it was just a human, a child with ability like Sam or a child of an angel, she had been ripped apart until her past meant nothing. Meg knew nothing because she had given up those memories during her time in Hell. She had raised herself to be a human and had believed she was a demon to the core of her.

Belief was a powerful thing.

"What's past is past," Meg said as she leaned into him. "It doesn't change much, Clarence. I still spent thousands of years in Hell, I still became what I wanted to be at the time. You believe a lie long enough, it becomes you."

Castiel felt her fingers tracing the new scars on his chest. "And now?"

"I don't want to remember." She frowned. "Does it matter that much?"

Castiel decided to keep his thoughts to himself; maybe it was time for a lie. "No. Not at all."

His hand pulled her over into his arms and she chuckled as he turned her over beneath him, her arms going around his back to hold him against her.

Two weeks later…

Castiel knew that the Winchesters wanted back home and Benny was as openly ready to leave as well. He wanted to be sure his great-granddaughter was safe. They had promised Nyx they'd get her a late birthday gift when she came to the bunker again, but then it had been another week before the need to do something finally overcame their exhaustion. The brothers were packing up to go when Castiel realized that it was time and he set about helping them get ready.

Dean licked his dry lips and sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck. He hadn't minded the mini-vacation; his heart felt good, the nightmares were slowly starting to leave and Sam seemed to be better as well. Everything seemed to have fallen back into place. A loud giggle made him turn after closing the Impala trunk to see Nyx and Castiel on the front porch. With her arms around Castiel's neck, Nyx was grappled neatly to him and refusing to let go. Castiel walked around, seeming to be oblivious to what she was doing as she chattered in his ear. The peace of the safe-house felt so strange to Dean after the terror of the past weeks and the sight of them made him smile.

With nothing else to do until Sam woke up, Dean joined them on the front porch. Nyx had crawled into Castiel's lap and was asking about the stars again. Castiel answered her with a few constellations but his eyes were on Dean instead.

"Did you know that she saw the angels?" Castiel asked when his friend sat down beside him.

"Yeah. Anna… and the others, they stayed close to me. I knew for a while."

Castiel grunted as Nyx shifted around in his lap and scrambled off to go into the front yard. Dean watched her play in the thin layer of snow for a while before he looked up. Castiel lifted his own gaze to stare at the stars as well.

"You know the phone calls I've been getting, Cas."

"Eve's infection is spreading. We did what we could to stop it but maybe it wasn't enough." Castiel watched Nyx try to make a snowman in the small amount of snow left. "So we continue to do what we must."

"Yeah," Dean said. "Yeah, that's right."

There was something off in his voice that made Castiel look over at him, eyes searching his profile curiously.

"We ready?" Sam asked as he and Kevin came out, Benny just behind them. Dusting off his hands, Castiel called to Nyx and Dean was startled how she bypassed Castiel to hug him instead. He lifted her up, pressing his face into her small shoulder.

"Love you," she whispered against his ear. "Best friends."

"Best friends," he agreed, not sure why he felt so hollow at first at the thought of doing this. The longer he held her, the more he realized he was starting to feel better and he knew she was trying to heal him. He'd miss her not being around in his shadow and Dean hugged her until she finally pulled back

"Miss you," Nyx said very seriously, looking into his eyes before she turned to Sam. "Love you."

Sam looked startled as she repeated the words to him, but he hugged her as tightly as Dean had. Then she moved on to Kevin and this time didn't say anything but his name. Benny looked sheepish when she at last hugged him but he affectionately put his cap on her head and tweaked her cheek.

"Looks better on you anyway, sprite."

"Nyx." Castiel crouched next to her when Benny put her down, and he lifted Benny's cap just a little so he could look into her eyes. "Stay with your mother. No matter what."

The words caught Dean's attention and he looked at Sam. He was staring hard at Castiel as well.

But Nyx only smiled, giggling when the hat slid down over her eyes. "Okay."

Then she was gone into the house and in the next moment, Castiel flew them away from Colorado.

The bar in Louisiana was loud and jumping, the locals celebrating some birthday judging by the banners overhead. The minute Dean stepped into the bar with Benny and Sam, he saw Elizabeth and put on a winning smile that Benny almost growled at when he noticed. But when she bypassed him to giddily say hello and press a kiss to Sam's cheek, Dean turned to pouting.

"Famous Winchester charm, eh?" Benny asked, nudging him as Sam smiled at Elizabeth and exchanged a few words. Whatever he said worked as she slipped a piece of paper into his hand.

"Why aren't you upset about her kissing Sam?" Dean snapped, narrowly avoiding having his ass grabbed by a female biker.

"Well, because Sam's Sam and you… well, you, Dean, are big trouble for a girl like her," Benny said affectionately. "You need someone to make trouble for you for a change."

Dean shrugged. "I guess.

Castiel watched the people around them, half-afraid it was a trap. Everyone seemed friendly, too friendly, and it made him nervous. But he could smell the alcohol reeking off all of them and he was jokingly grabbed and hugged just as much as they all were, the party too caught up to notice they didn't quite belong. It was almost impossible to talk until Benny calmed Elizabeth down enough to take her to the back room to explain he wanted to stay.

When he came out beaming, it was obvious that she'd been happy to have him around.

"She'll keep me honest," he said. "I know it."

"See that she does," Castiel threatened and the vampire eye-rolled.

"Come on, angel. You know I'm on your team." He leaned in. "What's Meg's number anyway?"

Dean jostled him to shut up and his friend chuckled, looking at him. "Benny, man, you came through for me, like I knew you would."

"I won't lie, it was dodgy." The vampire smiled fondly. "Worth it though. I know how to survive out here now, what I'm meant to do. Despite the hungers and everything."

"I know. Thanks still," Dean said, voice gentle with his sincerity. The two men hugged quickly, even Sam joining in as he thanked Benny. Kevin fidgeted a little and then his head turned around.

"I'd like to stay here," he blurted out loud.

"What?" Both men looked at him.

"I need a break, away from everything. Maybe this is a good place. If Benny will have me here," he said, head turning in his direction. Benny blinked, startled by the prophet's offer.

"Yeah. I mean… sure." He shrugged. "Could always use a helping hand."

"Just for a few weeks," Kevin said. "It will give me some time and I have some money saved up. So I can decide what to do, now that I'm not getting visions."

"No rush. Any family of Dean's is family of mine," Benny said. Kevin dodged the Winchester's hugs blindly and turned his head in Castiel's direction.

"Take care of Nyx, Cas. She's special," he said before he turned away from them all. Dean tried not to seem hurt by it but they all understood. What had happened to the prophet had made him almost beyond saving and it really had only been Nyx at this point he had felt was worth holding onto. Dean and Sam exchanged looks, and Dean shook his head a little; let Kevin rest and try to find something he was still searching for.

Benny gave Dean one last handshake before they left the bar and stepped outside. Dean sucked in a lungful of air and sighed, and he felt Castiel's hand on his shoulder. The angel looked at him, and then Sam.

"Are you ready?"

"As ever," Sam said and Dean nodded as well.

Fingers tight on their arms, Castiel winged them off to Kansas next and when they landed before the hatch door, he stepped back to let them go in first. First Dean went to hug his car gratefully, muttering about the mud on her body and the dirty wheels. Sam only rolled his eyes and opened the door. Castiel gestured for Dean to proceed him and as they went in the overpowering smell of sulphur, algae and blood was so strong Sam had to hold his hand over his nose.

"It's going to take a cleaning crew to get this done," he muttered as they stumbled over the toppled shelves and slippery floors to get to the heart of the bunker. The main library section was all but destroyed. Books were strewn across the floor, some so damaged they'd be unsalvageable, weapons were scattered and the archives themselves seemed ready to collapse at just a touch and saw the damages.

"Our home, Sam." Dean shook his head. "We'll get it fixed."

Sam went to prop up a shelf and it teetered for a second before crashing to the ground. Kicking it to the side, he looked in disgust at the ground. "What happened to the bodies?"

"The angels would have taken them to burn," Castiel explained.

"How'd the Eve thing go, getting her back into Purgatory?" Dean asked as he picked up one of his broken katanas. The angel's silence drew his attention and he quickly glanced over. "Cas?"

"They haven't said much to me. The Garrison lost good soldiers doing it. But she is back there and the rear door to Hell has been warded against her and against demons. They'll be kept apart."

"Let's hope so," Sam said as he picked up a book and checked its soaked pages. "This is going to take a lot of work."

Castiel looked around. "How long until the first hunters arrive?"

"Not long." Sam ran his thumb over the book spine. "They seemed pretty desperate."

"Good. Then I have time to talk to Meg, to explain…"

Dean had his back to him and the sound of him re-sheathing another sword was loud. The leather scabbard made a hissing sound as the metal slid over it. "Explain what, exactly?"

"That we're going to hunt the monsters." Castiel looked around. "Without the angels, it will be difficult but I can…"

"Hunt. Right," Dean said. There was a loud clatter as he fixed an overturned chair next. "Sam and I will but not you, Cas."

The angel stiffened. "I am not about to let you both go without me. You'll need my help."

"You don't get it. These are monsters. We were raised to hunt them and we are good at that. There's going to be hunters needing leadership and maybe this is the time to change things." Dean looked at Sam who nodded his agreement. "You're our friend, you're like family to us. But we can do this. We have to, because if we don't, then we'll just die doing the same thing we always do. This way we can raise the next hunters to learn from our mistakes, so the same mistakes aren't repeated."

"So everyone can be safe, if we can help them," Sam said. "The demons are without any leader, the angels want nothing to do with us. The infected Eve left behind, they will never stop."

Castiel looked at them both. "You're sending me away."

"We're letting you go, Cas," Sam said. "You helped take care of us. Rough times or not, you were always trying to help us. And it destroyed your life. As much as doing this job has destroyed ours."

"Not all of it was terrible."

"Yeah, we know." Dean stared at him and finally reached out to put his hand on his shoulder. "Cas. You lost three years. Take it back. We're giving you that, if you can make it last."

Castiel stared at him. "We were friends."

"We still are."

"I thought friendship meant helping protect you both."

Sam smiled. "It's just time, Cas. Once upon a time, you were going to return to Heaven, remember? And you still came back to help us. But right now, something needs your protection more than us and we finally see that. The hunters won't understand you any more than they will us not hunting Nyx or Meg. They don't know how things change."

"We might never get that chance, Cas. Take it. As screwed up as it is, you and Meg, Nyx… maybe it is there for a reason," Dean finished.

Castiel's blue eyes were sad. "I see." He looked away and around the bunker, remembering when it had once been his home. "You want me to protect her."

"You'll be doing us a favour, Cas. Because you being there will keep Meg from killing hunters who go sniffing around," Sam joked though he couldn't find the humour in this.

"If I do this," Castiel said and he looked at them both with now glittering eyes. "I… won't return at first prayer. You will truly be without any Heavenly help."

"I know." Dean eyed Sam. "No offence but we've lived like that before, Cas. Maybe we need to go back to how things were, for a while." Reaching out, he affectionately clamped his hand on Castiel's neck and held him still. "That little girl? We want to see her grow up. See what good she can do."

Castiel nodded, eyes locked on his. "I'll do my best."

"We know you will," Sam said and then pulled him in for a hug. Castiel froze, not expecting that, and Sam sighed. "I know I'm not Meg but you know how to hug, I know it."

Tentatively, Castiel hugged him back until Sam gave him a hard pat on the back and let him go. They both looked expectantly at Dean, who grumbled about touchy feel-y moments.

"You even picture I'm Meg for a second, and I'll kill you," he said but he was smiling as he went in for a hug. Castiel held him back, aware of Dean's tension.

When he leaned back out of it, both brothers looked sheepish. "You will be careful?" he asked.

"Scout's honour," Dean said with a smile before he turned away to look around at the mess. "But I mean, before you go, you can help us clean…"

When he turned again, it was only Sam. Dean was aware of a faint sadness suddenly, that his friend had left so abruptly. Sam looked at him, equally as affected.

"Yeah well, you know him," Dean said, coughing to hide the break in his voice. "He hates goodbyes."

Sam nodded and noticed the chair. Castiel had left his cellphone on-top of a black book and he flipped it open, puzzled.

"What is it?" Dean asked.

"His journal, the one I gave him years ago. Lots of notes on Heaven, Hell, spells, everything. Enochian translations. Basically anything that crossed his mind over those three years." Sam slapped it on his hand and smiled at Dean. "I'm going to add it to our archive."

Dean nodded. "Do that. Cas would like it."

Neither brother wanted to talk about having lost their best friend and Sam slunk away to see what damage had been done to his security system. Once he was out of sight, Dean closed his eyes and prayed,

"You better take full advantage of this, Cas. We wanted you to stay but… well… maybe it was time."

He half-expected Castiel to show up again, as he always did with prayers, but the bunker remained empty when he opened his eyes.

"All right then," Dean whispered and he sighed as Sam came back into the room. "Good luck, Cas."

"I'll miss him too," Sam admitted as he went to hand Dean a broom. His brother took it and then pulled him in for a hug. He was startled then by how tight Dean hugged him, as if he had expected him to be gone as well. But he didn't say a word to tease his brother about it.

"Are we interrupting something?" a woman asked and they both turned to see a group of people coming through the aisles. All were were carrying heavy duffel bags and were of all ages. Both brothers knew these were the hunters they'd been waiting for.

"Dean, Sam." A heavy-set man came from beside the first woman and held out his hand. "I'm Glen. The guy at that called you. This is the first group I could get together to come here. All hunters, all seen what we're up against but we need your help."

As Sam shook Glen's hand, Dean stared at the hunters and nodded in silent approval. Okay, he thought to himself, you can do this. You have to do this. When he glanced at Sam, he knew his brother was with him on this. He cleared his throat and grinned.

"Welcome to base camp, ladies and gentlemen."

Castiel didn't return to Heaven. At first angels had watched him wander but they quickly lost interest. He knew they would; he was to them now just a fallen brother. To be pitied and mourned. Whatever happened in Heaven, he knew he wasn't to return. He could feel a small throb in his Grace, an urge to go to Heaven to see what had happened. But with the Angel Radio gone quiet, as if no angel needed to communicate with him, he wandered a little, using time as his ally this time to travel the distances he wanted to cover.

The knowledge of what he had to do, what he had the choice of doing, was something he needed to think about.

When it became clear that there were few angels left on Earth and even fewer demons wandering unchecked, Castiel was truly left with nothing to do but think about his own choices. When everything was said and done, he knew, it would come down to his choice. This time there were no gods using him, no human friends who needed his help, and no agents of Heaven to hold him. He was truly free and for the first time he realized how intoxicating that was. No wonder Meg had fought so hard for it.

After two days of being on his own, he found let himself rest on a secluded beach and sat on the stones and sand, watching the edge of slowly lapping waves just nibbling at his feet. He'd stuffed his old tan coat in his rucksack to cover the three heavy tablets he'd stolen from the bunker, tablets that Michael had left behind. With the bag safely at his side, he had loosened his tie and collar and kicked his shoes off before he sat to watch the water.

For a long time, that was all he did: sit on the beach with his toes digging into the sand, feeling the grit on his bare skin. But as still as he was, he was already thinking about what he had to do next.

The safe-house had been empty when he had gone to it and he knew it would be. Knew Meg was doing what she thought was needed. Like he was. Castiel reached out, checked the tablets again, and then looked back out at the water.

Letting go would be so hard.

The wind ruffled his hair up and he closed his eyes, enjoying it. He leaned his head back and felt the warmth of the sun, absorbed it almost hungrily. Eventually, he had to smile as he felt it go through all of his forms, both true and vessel, because that warmth was not just from the sun.

"Thank you," he whispered as the breeze caressed him. "I think I understand now."

He heard the choking sound of cars passing on the distant road but thought nothing of it. He could enjoy this for a fraction of time as the weight of Dean and Sam's decision forced him to look at the world differently. He knew Meg would keep Nyx safe but he just needed a moment, perhaps to mourn a little a life he had come to know.

He had never been here before, at the brink of something so altering to what he had been for over seven years, and yet he was so at peace. He'd made a choice, perhaps before the Winchesters had.

Finally, a choice purely for himself and what he needed to do.

Suddenly, Castiel was hit full force from behind and he opened his eyes just as small arms looped around his neck.

"Found you!" Nyx's voice was sweet and excited in his ear, her familiar scent and touch making him smile as she held him playfully. "I found you, Daddy."

"You did." He lay back on his elbows a bit and Nyx crawled onto him. "That's my girl."

She nodded. "Mommy said I had to find you, said we could visit the beach. Just like she said," Nyx chattered. "She said you said okay."

"I did. It's why I wasn't worried," he said with a smile, and Nyx began to tell him all about the long drive here as she turned around in his lap. As she chattered, she began to draw happy faces in the sand and stick figures, and Castiel touched her hair gently. It was very early in the morning still but her energy seemed boundless, touching him and making him smile to see her so happy. But the nip of air was cold and Castiel let her nestle down in his lap to keep warm, still talking a mile a minute. When she shivered, he removed his suit jacket and draped it over her.

"Better?" he asked and she nodded as she slipped her hands into the sleeves. Despite the cold, she happily kicked her shoes off and wriggled her bare toes into the sand.

"This is a beach," he said. "What do you think?"

"Pretty." She looked up at him, eyes trusting him to stay right there. "Want to play."

"You can. Just not too far," Castiel said, watching the way she pointed at the waves. Her delighted giggle made him smile, and when he touched her hair again she moved between his legs to take his face in her hands.

"Love you," Nyx whispered before she kissed him between the eyes and then laughed at his expression. Castiel let the words, such words that an angel would have never once expected to hear, soothe him.

"I love you too, Nyx."

She nodded once more before looking over his shoulder. "Told you he loved us, 'member?"

"No one likes a bad winner, Nyxie."

Meg's voice behind him made Castiel smile in relief and he saw Nyx smiling at her mother.

"Go play. We'll be right here."

She laughed again and ran off, the bottom of the black jacket dragging on the sand as she went towards the waves. Even though he tried to focus on her, it was almost impossible when Castiel felt Meg so close behind him. He didn't look up, not even when her fingers carded through his mussed hair.

"Ever miss the apocalypse, Clarence?" she asked, the words husky and achingly familiar.

"No." Reaching up, he touched her hand and pulled her down beside him. "Do you?"

"Not sure anymore. I don't think I do."

He still watched Nyx. "What took you so long?"

"You know Nyx, Castiel," Meg said. She pulled her boots off and put her feet beside his. "Always an adventure."

When he finally looked at her, Castiel let himself linger on the sight of her thorns and darkness. She seemed less restless than before; still volatile, he knew, and the sharp edges were still there. But she was still his demon, he thought with a grin and then looked away before she could see it.

"I missed you," he said bluntly.

She fluttered a hand in the air. "Missed the devil on your shoulder, huh?"

"Something like that." He noticed her staring at him but kept his eyes on the beach. Nyx was running towards some seagulls who were flying away from her, but she wasn't too far away.

"Love's a funny thing," Meg whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"Just funny, you know?" she asked. "Maybe it was meant to happen, maybe it wasn't."

He nodded, his sandy fingers reaching out to lay over hers. He noticed that her skin, finally, felt warm.

"Still was unexpected," she finished when he didn't say anything.

"By now, I thought you'd know not to guess about things like this," Castiel said, blue eyes sparkling.

Meg snorted. "Not an omniscient god, Clarence. I just play one sometimes." She tapped her temple. "Or have one in my head."

He finally chuckled at that, and they both watched Nyx as she lifted her hands and the waves pushed back a little lower so she could dip her toes into them without getting soaked. His jacket was ruined, Castiel knew, and he couldn't care less.

"So." Meg's voice snapped him out of it and he looked over at her. "What do we do now?"

"Protect her." He let his eyes roam over her profile. "Among other things."

"Other things?" she asked coyly and he smiled. The flirtatious grin slowly fell to a frown. "Castiel, things don't… they don't stay quiet forever. Especially when it comes to us."

"We have time. That's all I ever wanted."

Meg finally turned his head. "Telling me to stay, huh?"

"Asking you." He let her fingers go as if to give her a physical choice. "Asking you. Neither of us can do this alone."

She sighed and scooted closer to him for warmth. "I know. I just bet if I did run that…"

"I'd follow you." He smiled to himself. "Seems we follow each other regardless of what happens."

"We do. What happened with the Winchesters?"

"They did what I thought they would do. It didn't make it hurt any less. The hunters will gather there, they'll train them. They'll hunt. It is what they were destined to do." Castiel felt her fingers slip through his again, comforting him. "It wasn't easy."

"I'm sorry. I mean we weren't crazy about each other, the boys and I but…" She shrugged. "I think I get it."

When he turned his head, she pressed a kiss against his mouth and he sighed, taking the comfort he could from her. Meg pulled back and shuddered again, head turning to look away at Nyx.

"So. You, me, and the little Abomination against the world, huh?" She sighed as he cupped the back of her head and she looked at him. Something in his eyes made her say smugly, "You are so lucky that I…"

Before she could finish, he kissed her again. Still the same spark, he marvelled as she kissed him back. Despite everything, he still felt that pull between them that had held him here all this time.

"I am," he muttered after he broke the kiss. "Do I need to say it in return?"

She grinned. "I'll let you off the hook, Clarence. I already know."

"Good."

Meg looked back out and let his hand grip tighter around hers. She debated on saying something more but stopped herself. They both fell to silence, and they looked simply like two humans watching their daughter play in the waves. Under the surface though, his Grace wrapped around the darkness she held. It pulled at the smoky power as her darkness turned and hissed within the shade of his Grace, settling down within one another as if content.

All the angels and demons, the hunters and monsters, the gods with all of their plans, hadn't been enough to stop this from happening.

It always had been about choice, hadn't it?

Just one choice had changed everything.

~~The End~~