Part V: But I Already Have a Soul...

2:45pm in the Sunnydale High School Library...

Xander stared incredulously at Giles, for once actually and completely unable to believe what had just come out of the older man's mouth. And it had been said with utter and absolute seriousness, too. And sincerity and a deep concern, which made it all that much worse.

"You're kidding me," Xander said, finally. It had taken several minutes after the Brit's statement for his speech centers to reconnect and words to be possible for him.

Time that Giles had spent looking at him with first concern, and then with increasingly quizzical puzzlement.

"No, absolutely not, Xander," Giles said, carefully. "I would never joke about such a thing – not after my earlier and long ago gaff of refusing to take such a concern with all due seriousness."

Xander stared at him again.

Finally, he closed his eyes slowly, and let his head fall forward and then topple down, taking his upper body with it, until his forehead hit the solid teak surface of the research table with a meaty thunk!

Damn.

That felt so incredibly good in a bad sort of way, that he raised his head slowly and let it fall again, with the same results.

And again.

And again.

And again.

Thunk! (beat) Thunk! (beat) Thunk!

Xander was kind of vaguely aware of his girlfriend entering the library from the swish of the doors opening briskly, and the smell of her perfume wafting ahead of her, along with the distinctive clatter of her high heels on the library floor.

"Hey, Giles! How's it – uh... "

Xander was also aware when she stopped dead in her tracks, probably completely nonplussed. He could just picture the puzzled frown slowly spreading across Cordelia's lovely features...

"Giles!" (pause) "What did you do to my boyfriend? Why is he beating his head on the table?"

Thunk! (beat) Thunk! (beat) Thunk!

Giles made an ahem sound, and began to splutter something... Cordelia cut him off in mid splutter, striding forward rapidly.

Thunk! (beat) Thunk! (beat) Thunk!

"Oh my God! Is the world ending again? Tell me the world's not ending again? Because we so had plans for this weekend!" (pause) "Tell him, Xander!"

Xander raised his head slowly, and turned it to look at Cordelia. Who was scowling at him with her eyes wide in alarm. He turned it to look at Giles with equal slowness, and a dead serious expression.

"We did. Plans, we had." Then he let it fall forward again with his eyes closed. Thunk! (beat) Thunk!

"See?"

"Ah... Cordelia," Giles said, carefully. "The world is not ending, not to the best of my knowledge. I merely told Xander... "

Ah. Xander could tune this part out. He'd already heard it. Just wait a minute and skip ahead to the part where –

Yup. Right on cue. A long moment of shocked silence followed by Cordelia's voice in full on incredulous outrage mode saying:

"Buffy said WHAT?!"

And we're off and running, boys and girls.

Thunk! (beat) Thunk! (beat) Thunk!

Meanwhile, down at the Sunnydale High Sentinel...

Freddy Iverson was staring at her incredulously again.

Gettin' to be kind of a trend there, Faith reflected.

"You did what?" he said, finally, both eyebrows ascended nearly into his hairline. Faith opened her mouth, and he held up a hand, palm out, in the age old Stop! gesture. "No, wait – I heard you the first time," Freddy said. He leaned his head forward and pinched the bridge of his nose tightly with his eyes squeezed shut, looking so much like Giles that Faith nearly had hysterical kittens. "You – "

" – Accidentally arranged a photo shoot with Hominy and the Cordettes for Monday, yup."

"A lingerie photo-shoot. In the Quad. Here at school," Iverson said, staring at her.

"Yeah!" Faith beamed at him, nodding like a bobblehead while grinning from ear to ear. "Ain't it grand?"

"That's a word for it," Freddy agreed, slowly, "Not the one that I would use, but it's a word." He looked like he wanted to pound his head against something hard. Repeatedly. "Michelle... "

"Faith," Faith corrected, scowling at him.

"What-ever." Iverson closed his eyes and obviously counted to ten, twice. Faith watched him, finding it thoroughly entertaining. He opened his eyes, and sighed. "You remember when I had a herd of cows because Morriseth had, ah... "

"Nookie pics on the school camera?" Faith said, waggling her eyebrows and holding up the camera in question.

"My camera!"

"Mine, now," Faith said, sticking her tongue out.

"Mine. It's on loan to you for the duration," Iverson said, glaring.

"Mine," Faith stated, glaring back. "'Cause you so ain't getting it back – it followed me home and I done fed it."

"Whatever." Iverson threw up his hands, visibly giving up the Battle of the Nikon. "Point is... " he trailed off, looking like he was having problems remembering the point. Faith seemed to have that effect on a lot of people, she reflected. "The point is, Snyder will kill us! And expel what's left! Along with expelling the Cordettes, and then – "

"Their parents will kill what remains, yeah yeah, heard the routine," Faith said. "Fine. I'll tell 'em it's off when they show up in their nighties."

"Thank you – wait!"

"Whu?"

Faith blinked at him. Iverson looked like he'd been struck by a sudden inspiration. Or maybe a bolt of lightning... or a semi.

"Don't do that," Iverson said, mildly, starting to grin like an idiot.

"And again, huh?"

"Snyder wants a school newspaper Special Edition Extravaganza," Iverson explained, looking at her like she was suddenly dim or something.

"Well, yeah. I kinda remember that, on account of it's how I ended up all staff photographer and shit," Faith said, shoving her hair back with both hands.

"Girls of the Homecoming Pageant," Iverson said, holding his hands up and spreading them like he was framing a marquee. "Nothing say circulation like tits and ass."

"Nothing says expelled like T&A, I'm thinking," Faith said. She shrugged, "But hey, your funeral. I don't go to this school."

"You do now. You're transferring, remember, Michelle?" Iverson smirked at her, waggling his eyebrows.

"From Grant," Faith said, "Which I don't go to either," she reminded him.

"Details, details."

"You're insane, you know this, dude?" Faith said, shaking her head. Iverson grinned at her.

"It's contagious. I think I'm catching it from you," he said. "Crap," Iverson added, blinking. "We need Chase."

"Huh?" Faith stared at him. "Cordy will never go for posing in her undies in the quad."

"She won't have to," Iverson said, smiling weirdly. "Tor Hauer has a primo restored and customized Barracuda 450SS Ghia. Convertible. 383 CID SonoRamic Commando, RB-Series, Magnum. Move that part of the shoot to the front parking lot... "

"Becuz nothing says expelled like 'sex and hot rods', right," Faith said, nodding vigorously while eying the grinning lunatic across from her.

"In fact," Iverson said thoughtfully... Faith could practically see the gears spinning behind his eyes. "In fact, SoCal is the home of the classic hot rod. There's more high dollar automotive goodness here per square foot than you can shake a cheerleader at."

"And you want Cordelia to pose in her scanties on some of it." Both of Faith's eyebrows went up. "Dude. What happened to 'Xander Harris will kill me'?"

"It'll be worth it," Iverson said, grinning at her. He cocked an eyebrow, and gestured wildly, "Look, Faith – "

"Oh, now it's Faith."

"Fine. Look, Michelle, Queen C runs this school. Period. Not even her status dropping because she started dating Harris changes that," Iverson said, scowling earnestly at her. "Because Xander Harris really isn't all that low on the school totem pole. Seriously."

"Right... " Faith said slowly, nodding. She shook her head, "And you kinda lost me on the hairpin there, guy."

"Well, hang with me on the sudden curves if you can. Cordelia Chase is the daughter of Randall Chase, who is one of the richest men in Santa Barbara, Sunnydale, and the Santa Ynez valley area," Iverson said. "And a major, major contributor to the school alumni fund."

"Right... "

"And the Mayor really, really wants to get him to be a contributor to the Mayor's Campaign fund."

"Right... ?"

"Snyder is not gonna expel the daughter of Randall Chase. No how, no way, ain't gonna happen. Period. Not ever," Iverson said. "Richard Wilkins the Third would eviscerate him. Possibly for real, but I'm not sure about that yet."

"Uh huh."

"And, every single male in this school and two others has been trying to get into Cordelia's designer panties since Junior High. And most of the attached ones, too."

"Which Xander did, thoroughly," Faith said, nodding. "Although there wasn't so much in the way of panties by that point."

"And once the word of their little, ah... romantic interludes starts to trickle out farther around the school," Iverson said –

"Which I'm thinking won't take long now that Cordy went all phone sex on Harm and the Cordettes," Faith said, nodding. "Especially with them having about three interludes a day around here."

"Harris will become a freaking God," Iverson said. "And Cordelia will be his goddess."

"Ah. So if we get the Cordelia Chase seal of approval on this little photo junket – "

"Snyder will roll over and wag his tail," Iverson said, grinning wildly.

"I still think you're insane," Faith said, grudgingly, "But I'm starting to think that 'crazy like a fox' is real appropriate here. But you're still not gonna get Cordy to pose in her skivvies out in front of the school."

"I know. You are."

"Me!"

"And you're going to use your special rapport with 'Roddy' to grease the skids for this whole project," Iverson said, nodding.

"Me?!"

"You."

"No fucking way!"

"Then gimme my goddamned camera back!"

"No!" Faith clutched her camera to her chest, giving him a wounded glare. "Fine," she huffed.

"I knew you'd see it my way."

"Asshole."

"Flattery gets you anywhere," Iverson said, smirking.

Faith smirked back, and then stopped, her mouth falling open.

"What?" Iverson blinked at her.

"I'm having an idea."

"Well, don't scare it – it has to be terrified all alone in there," Freddy said.

"Oh, ha ha. You a funny guy," Faith said, scowling at him. "No, wait," she added, brightening, "I'm having a plan. Listen up, dude... "

Meanwhile, back in the school library...

Cordelia stared at Giles with her arms folded across her chest, and her mouth falling open. Having heard the full spiel from Giles over the previous several minutes, she was reacting about like Xander had.

Only with more incandescent rage and less banging of head against table.

Cordelia looked like she was contemplating banging Giles' head on the table instead.

Xander was tempted to help her.

"You're kidding me!" Giles opened his mouth, and Cordelia held up a hand, cutting him off. "No. Stop. Waitaminnit here... okay, now, let me get this straight. Because Buffy somehow has gotten it into her pointy head that... "

"Sounds like?" Xander said when she trailed off. Cordelia glared at him.

"Help me out here, dork," she suggested. "Words fail me."

"Wow." Xander blinked up at her. "Is that even possible?"

"Oh, hah hah," Cordelia said, rolling her eyes. "Very funny."

Giles was polishing his glasses furiously, scowling downward and looking everywhere except at Xander's furious girlfriend. "Yes, well, ah – "

"Oh, shut up." Giles' mouth snapped shut with a click and he glared at her. Cordelia paced back and forth, gesturing furiously while ignoring him. The U.S.S. Queen C at full sail, guns primed and run out the gunwales... "You mean that Buffy wants you to cast a spell on Xander – and me!"

"Willow, actually," Xander interjected.

"Willow," Cordelia corrected herself, nodding, "Because... because... I don't know what... and you agreed to help her? Giles!"

"Well, ah... " Giles paused, and when another "oh shut up" didn't materialize, continued, "I was rather dubious at first, and dismissive of Buffy's concern, but given that last time I– "

"Oh shut up," Cordelia said, tossing her hair and rolling her eyes. "I've heard enough." Xander began falling forward to thunk against the table again and she caught him by the collar, yanking him upright. "Stop that. I know there's no vital organs up there, but that bruise is gonna be unsightly."

Xander glared up at her, and Giles rolled his own eyes, huffing. "Cordelia, believe me, I can understand your– "

"Giles. Your office. Now." Cordelia cut him off with a glare again, pointing at the doorway behind the counter. "Xander. You're with me. Giles. We need to talk. Now."

"Ah... " Giles looked around the completely empty library, apparently a bit befuddled. So did Xander. "My office?"

"Your office, Giles," Cordelia said, very slowly as though she were speaking to the completely deficient. "Because it has a door. With a lock. And even if she does have a class, I so don't trust Buffy not to wander in and I so do not want to deal with her right now."

"Or Willow," Xander said, nodding vigorously.

"Or Willow," Cordelia said, agreeing.

Giles shuddered, looking a bit nonplussed. "Yes. I must confess that I wasn't looking forward to that little conversation myself."

"I should say not!" Cordelia looked outraged. Still. Or more so. "Willow would freak! And for once I'm in full agreement with Willow."

"Very well," Giles said, nodding. "If both of you would walk this way, please?"

"If I could walk that way... " Xander began, starting to smirk.

"Oh, shut up."

That time, it came from both Cordelia and Giles.

Meanwhile, down at the Sunnydale High Sentinel...

"That's brilliant," Iverson said, staring at Faith with undisguised admiration.

"It is?" Faith blinked at him, and then a broad smile broke out across her lips.

"No. It's inspired! Wow," Iverson shook his head slowly. "I'm in awe."

"Really?" Faith's grin got a bit bigger, and her dimples, ah, dimpled on her. "Dude. You're making me blush."

"I didn't think that was possible," Iverson said, grinning back at her. He tossed his head, flipping hair back from his eyes. "It looks good on you."

"Really?" One of Faith's eyebrows went up.

"Really."

"Enjoy it. It doesn't happen often."

"I'm sure."

They stared at each other, and then both broke out snickering.

"Huh." Cocking her head, Faith studied him for a moment.

Not really a Goth, she supposed. He didn't have the pale makeup, black lipstick and bruised eyeshadow look to go with it. The all black thing just kinda suggested it. So... huh.

Dark blonde/light brown hair, blue eyes, slightly too long hair in need of a trim. Black t-shirt under a black sports jacket, with black slacks. Ah well. The tee shirt was sporting a Catwalk logo. Hey, at least he had good taste in bands, even if it was a bit retro.

Not a bad looking kid, all in all. Tall. Really good hands, looked like. Full lips, especially the lower one. Great for nibbling on...

Faith's smirk turned slightly feral and she licked her lips.

"Uh... why are you looking at me like that, all of a sudden?" Iverson turned a slightly nervous expression upon her and leaned back in his chair.

"Huh? Am I?" Faith blinked at him.

"Uh huh," Iverson said, nodding a bit jerkily. "Like you suddenly wanted to eat me all up or something. Without ketchup."

"Huh. That sounds like a wonderful idea," Faith purred.

"Uh... "

"I shoulda thought of it."

"Uh... " Iverson edged his chair back a bit, until it hit the wall of bookcases behind his desk. He jumped slightly at the thump, and Faith grinned, tossing her head and shaking her hair back.

"So... whatcha got behind that door over there?" she said, pointing at the wall to the right of his bookcases while eying him hungrily.

Hey. Long dry spell. Xander and Cordelia induced inspiration, not to mention Cordy and Xan induced sexual frustration...

"Uh... " Iverson glanced where she was pointing, looking as if he was contemplating bolting through it. "The morgue?"

"You keep dead people in there?" Faith blinked at him, derailed completely for a moment.

"Huh?" Iverson blinked back. "Oh, no. No! Newspaper morgue. We keep dead issues in there. Uh... filing cabinets..."

"Ah." Faith nodded energetically. "Cool." Doorknob had a lock on it, too. She stood slowly, making him look even more nervous.

Faith picking up the heavy metal desk by one end and casually moving it out of the way probably didn't help. Wah. He'd get over it. She sauntered over to him as he shoved his desk chair backwards. Or tried to – it done run outta room to back up.

Cool. Trapped.

She kinda liked that in a guy.

Placing a hand on each arm of the desk chair, Faith put one knee on the seat next to Iverson's leg and leaned forward slowly.

"Uh... Mich- Faith! What're you doing?"

Faith finished leaning in and captured his mouth with her own, killing that line of inquiry in its tracks. Gee. Figure it out, guy. We have little diagrams for the short bus students.

Pulling back slightly, Faith looked into Iverson's eyes from nearly nose to nose distance. His almost crossed trying to focus on her.

"Furthering my education."

"Uh... you are?"

Ah, how cute. His voice cracked part way through. Faith smiled slowly, licking her lips.

"Yeah," she said huskily. "Mom always said that school was important if'n you wanted to make something of yourself... "

Leaning forward, she caught his lips again, working her tongue deeply in between them.

Iverson kissed her back hungrily, and then somehow got his hands up, pushing back on her shoulders until he managed to break lip lock.

"Faith! We can't do this!" Iverson's eyes were wild, practically. And kinda flushed and dilated.

"Huh?" Jeeze, what was his problem? "Why not?"

"Because!"

Faith blinked at him.

Okay... let's see. Hot girl. Hey, Faith knew what she looked like. Lotsa curves. Skin tight hip hugger jeans. Bare midriff showing navel and a goodly slice of tanned skin. Halter neck blouse in a red and black snakeskin pattern that left her back bare all the way to the waist ties and with a cleavage window showing a nice slice of inner and upper breast curves. No bra. Perky nipples, obviously gone all hard and shit...

"What, you're gay?"

"Huh?" Iverson blinked at her, going all startled looking. "No! No, I'm not gay! Uh, not that there's anything wro- "

"Cool," Faith said, nodding and licking her lips. "Then you gotta girlfriend or something? That brunette in the front office?"

"Uh... no! No girlfriend."

"Cool! Then no problem, dude. I'm on the pill." Faith peeled one hand from a chair arm and dropped it into his lap, squeezing him through his pants. Nice.

"Yipe!" Freddie boy nearly jumped out of his skin.

Faith tossed her hair again, dimpling at him cheekily while her fingers made stroking movements. "I get it – you're shy. That's cute!"

"I am not shy!" Iverson blurted out, wriggling in his seat with his eyes widening up at her.

"Virgin? 'Cause hey, I can steer you around all the curves– "

"I'm not a virgin either!" That one came out kinda strangled sounding...

"Great! Even better!"

"We can't do this, Faith!" Iverson hissed out. He scooched down and tried to wriggle out from under her so he could slip out. Faith lifted her other knee onto the seat and sat on his lap, killing that plan in its tracks. Iverson groaned as she wriggled her denim clad ass down onto him.

"Sure we can," Faith said, nodding enthusiastically. "I can tell that Little Freddy is all over this idea."

"But Faith!" Iverson was starting to look panicky. More panicky. Which was kind of at odds with the enthusiasm he had going at the other end. "We're at school!"

"Yeah? And?"

"Uh... " Freddy blinked at her.

"Look. Guy. I just spent an hour listening to the unnn... ungh... oh... Oh! God! fuck me! Xander! show," Faith said, leaning in until her nose tip was touching his and looking him dead in the eyes. "And that's after we stumbled over Xan taking the laser guided Cordy tour in the graveyard the other night, with sound effects. I'm worked up enough that I'm ready to scream."

"Uh... " Freddy blinked at her again, looking a bit dazed. "An hour?"

"Did I mention that I'm a screamer?"

"Uh... "

"I swallow, too," Faith said, licking her lips lasciviously.

"Uhh... " Okay, make that glazed, not dazed. As in: fully glazed eyes now, with a kind of a distant and fascinated expression to 'em. Cool. "But we can't have sex in my office!"

"Cool. I agree," Faith said, nodding with her nose rubbing the end of his. "That's why we're gonna use that morgue room there."

"We are?" Awww... his voice cracked again.

"We are."

"This isn't, ah, uh... appropriate!" Iverson kind of babbled out. Good Lord.

"Seems appropriate to me," Faith said, licking her lips slowly. "Roddy said we were gonna be working closely together. I'm thinking: real closely."

"But Faith!"

Sigh. Faith slid off of the chair and stood up. Bending over, she grabbed him by the belt and a lapel and threw him over her shoulder in a fireman's hoist.

"Yikes!"

"Call me Michelle," Faith suggested to his rump. "I plan to do some investigative reporting, with like exposés and in depth probing and shit. Or hell, call me Mae West if you want to."

"Mae West?"

"Even better – call me Lauren Bacall," she said, heading for the morgue room door. "'Cause when we get in there, I'm gonna put my lips together and blow."

Meanwhile, back in the school library, err, in Giles' office...

Giles had his glasses off again. Not unusual. The thoroughly flustered look was, kinda. Xander suppressed a grin. He didn't think it would be appreciated.

"Okay. Now, let me make sure I have this perfectly clear in my mind, Giles," Cordelia said, folding her arms and glaring at him. "Because, honestly? I'm having a hard time believing it even for something that comes out of this place!"

"I, ah, well... it does seem a bit odd," Giles stammered, "Until you consider the events of Sophomore year when – "

"I was possessed by a hyena and ate a pig," Xander put in, rolling his eyes.

"Right. Got the memo," Cordelia said, her voice arid, "Makes perfect sense – if you're Buffy!"

"Well, ah, given the circumstances and the ah, behavioral changes... "

"Oh. Right." Cordelia began tapping her chin with a manicured fingernail thoughtfully. "Because no one in this zoo we go to school at ever acts out of character or strangely without being demon possessed or turned into one!"

"Ah... well, I... "

"Although that would explain how I ended up dating Xander of all people... "

"She does have a point, Giles," Xander put in. He registered the last comment fully, finally, and his head snapped around with an outraged glare. "Hey!"

"Arrgh!" Cordelia glared at Giles, ignoring him. "I mean, seriously? Just because Buffy and Faith walked up on us while Xander and I were in the middle of wild, hot, screaming, anal monkey sex on a park bench – "

Giles' eyes bugged out and the glasses hit the top of his desk with a clatter.

"Oh." Cordelia's scowl became a smirk. "I see Buffy left out that little tidbit, huh?"

"Which, hey, Giles," Xander said, his voice and expression earnest. "We know already that it wasn't the brightest idea or place in the world for that."

"We got the memo, honest," Cordelia said, nodding. "We so didn't need the lecture series and documentary."

"I-I-I ah, uh... "

"And just because I popped off with the first thing that came into my sex and orgasm melted brain to derail Hurricane Buffy from making landfall," Cordelia said, causing Giles' eyes to bulge again...

"Which is where she got this whole idea, I'm thinking," Xander added.

"Because I so didn't need to hear Buffy going on and on in full rant mode on us right then," Cordelia said, nodding furiously. "And because Faith was ah... "

"Less than sympathetic to Buffy's outrage?" Xander suggested, cocking an eyebrow at her.

"Right," Cordelia said, tapping her nose. "More like practically rolling on the ground laughing her ass off, but... "

"Well Buffy did, ah – "

"And Faith had already had 'the talk' with us," Xander said, earnestly with Cordelia nodding agreement. "Pointed out how idiotic it was and risky and all."

"Not in those words," Cordelia said, "But yeah."

"Well, ah... "

"And because when she finally did decide to get past ignoring both of us," Xander said, rolling his eyes, "And give me the lecture tour – "

"Just because Xander went off on her and into full on snark mode – "

"I really can speak for myself, sweetheart," Xander said, huffing.

"Oh. Of course you can. Sorry," Cordelia said, nodding. She patted his arm and said, "Go ahead," followed immediately by, "Oh! And then because Xander had the gall to bring up Buffy's less than stellar track record with sex – "

"Which I'm thinking didn't help," Xander said, nodding and cutting smoothly into Cordelia's diatribe. "Oh. Buffy didn't mention that part, either, huh?"

"Well, ah... " Giles huffed and threw his hands up. "No. I'm starting to get the impression there was rather a bit that she left out."

"Arrrgggh!" Cordelia glared at him, tossing her hair again. "So obviously because we're having sex and Xander doesn't want to hear Buffy's opinion on it and neither do I, well, obviously I have to have been turned into a demon somehow – you weren't clear on how that happened – "

"Ah, I really hadn't had a chance to ah, inves– "

"And you're not getting one," Cordelia said, glaring again. "And so obviously I must've what? Possessed Xander? Enchanted him? What?"

"I, ah, Buffy actually wasn't very uh – "

"Stole my soul with the power of wild hot Cordy Lovin', I'm thinking," Xander said, starting to smirk.

"Yeah. Just fucked it right on out of him," Cordelia said, rolling her eyes and leaning back against the doorframe.

"Well, if anyone could, it'd be you," Xander said, grinning at her. She grinned back and stuck her tongue out.

"I, ah, oh... oh dear Lord," Giles said, picking his glasses back up. "I give up."

"I'm sorry, Giles," Cordelia said. Her smile was pure honeysuckle. "Did we head off into the too much information zone?"

"Ah, quite," Giles said, nodding. "Deeply."

"Don't go there," Xander warned, aiming a forefinger at him. "I have tons of horrible puns and bad jokes saved up that I haven't mined yet."

"Because he knows I'll kill him if he uses them on me," Cordelia said, nodding.

"I'll follow your lead in that, Cordelia," Giles said, glaring at Xander.

"Oh. Ouch." Xander rolled his eyes again, huffing. "Fine."

"And now she wants you to get Willow to check, and to use the soul curse to put his soul back in?" Cordelia said, looking completely scandalized.

"It'd get kinda crowded in there, I'm thinking," Xander said, rolling his eyes. "Seeing as how I already have one."

"Oooohhh... " Cordelia squeezed her eyes shut. "I cannot believe this! Seriously? I am so tempted to grab one of my daddy's shotguns and turn Buffy into a puff of dyed blonde hair and a vacant expression." (beat) "More vacant."

"Sweetheart?" Xander said, giving her an alarmed look. "Not doing much to kill the whole demon theory, I'm thinking."

"Oh please," Cordelia said, waving airily. "Demons don't use guns. Any reasonable moron will just figure that some human got tired of Buffy's crap and decided to take her out of the gene pool before she could breed."

"I, ah... " Giles gave Cordelia a piercing look. "Really, Cordelia."

"I'm just kidding. Mostly," Cordelia said, sighing. "And exasperated. And seriously? If I do, I promise I'll only shoot her in the head: there's nothing vital to really damage up there, obviously."

"Ah... " Giles began spluttering. Xander couldn't blame him: he wasn't in much better shape.

"I, ah... " Xander finally stopped spluttering and trying his best not to laugh, and said, "I can't say I really blame my girlfriend here, really. Not really that happy with the Buffster right now myself."

"Really! I mean, seriously? I'm having sex with my boyfriend, for crying out loud! That's all! Honest!" Cordelia said, gesturing for emphasis with every word. "Arrggh! And hey, it was great. Fantastic – if I'd known this, I would have dragged him upstairs on Halloween when he was all sexy and take charge and – "

"Cordelia!" Giles broke into her current rant, finally breaking off her diatribe and causing her to blink at him. "I get the picture," he said. Xander thought Giles looked like the picture was making him ill... "I really don't need the testimonials to go with, please."

"Oh. Okay. Sorry."

"Well, I must say that I am relieved," Giles said, shaking his head slowly with his lips twitching at them. "I had honestly hoped that there was a reasonable and rational explanation for the behavior that Buffy described – "

"Of course there's a rational explanation, Giles!" Cordelia exploded. "Xander got laid and his balls dropped finally!"

"Hey!" Xander turned his best outraged glare on his girlfriend.

"Uh? I said that out loud, didn't I?" Cordelia said, her eyes going wide. "I'm so sorry, honey."

"No you're not!" Xander said, rolling his eyes.

"Ahem!" Giles was looking suffused again. And bright red. "Ah... if we could just... ah... "

"Yes, Giles," they both said in unison. "Sorry, Giles."

"Thank you. Now... It really is just a very simple mystical procedure," Giles began –

"No!"

Both of them said it at the same time, and in the same tone, and then exchanged startled looks. Cordelia grinned at him, and then glared back at Giles.

"No, Giles."

"Nope."

"But, ah – "

"No. Buffy is just going to have to grab a clue and figure out that not everyone is going to want to hear her crap," Cordelia said.

"And they don't have to get all demonized to get to that point," Xander said, folding his arms and glowering at the older man.

"Fine," Giles said, rolling his eyes. "Although it would easily set Buffy's mind at ease, but– " he held up a hand, forestalling another exclamation, "I can see why you would not be amenable to the idea right now."

"Or ever," Cordelia said, huffing again.

"And maybe a day, after this," Xander said, rolling his eyes again. "Seriously: if I eat another pig – or worse, Snyder – feel free to test me."

"And use a stomach pump on him," Cordelia said, looking ill. "Snyder?"

"Quite." Giles nodded. "I shall speak with Buffy and do my very best to get her to see reason on this."

"Thank you," Xander said, simply and very sincerely. "And good luck."

"Yeah. Seriously," Cordelia said, nodding.

"Oh, quite all right, believe me," Giles said. Putting his glasses back on, he looked at them over the tops, and added, "Given what you've both stated, I believe that I don't need to point out that what you were doing and where was extremely, ah... foolish and risky?"

"No. Honestly," Cordelia said. "We really did get the memo. Nearly the hard way."

"Definitely," Xander said, nodding and giving Giles his very best serious look. "Never again."

"Definitely not," Cordelia said, nodding. "No more public sex at night. I put my foot down on that."

"I'm working really hard on getting her to not put it down against public sex at school," Xander said, "Here in the daytime."

Glancing sidelong at him, Cordelia dope slapped him smartly upside the back of his head, huffing. "Don't push your luck, Jerk."

"Ah... a-at school? Here?" Giles blinked at them, looking, ah, slightly suffused. Again.

"Sorry, Giles." Cordelia's lips were starting to twitch a bit, though, despite the sincerity of the apology...

"Oh, quite all right, Cordelia," Giles said, his lips twitching slightly at the corners. "Ah... as hard as it might be to believe, I have actually had sex a time or two in my, ah, misspent youth. And I am aware that young people in the throes of passion can... get carried away."

"Oh, brother, can we," Cordelia said. She flushed and began turning slowly red from the cleavage up.

"Still wonder how that shoe got hooked onto that whiteboard," Xander said. She huffed and dope slapped him again.

"Ow, honey."

Giles shook his head, his eyes dancing behind his glasses. "Well, ah, do at least attempt to be discreet."

"Think we blew that one out of the water already," Cordelia said, grinning at him.

Meanwhile, back at the newspaper offices, err, newspaper morgue...

"Oh, God... "

Man, that sounded heartfelt. Intense even. Cool. Iverson's hands tightened around her hips and Faith grinned like a cat spotting a bird bath.

"Ungh!"

Hands gripping her thighs just behind the knees and bent forward slightly, Faith threw her head back and let her eyes close. She rose up slowly, swiveling her hips in a spiraling motion and worked her way down again the same way.

She paused there for a long minute, grinding herself down into him harder. Unnhh. Day-um, that felt good. Faith's head went forward and down, flipping her hair over her face. Shit. She clenched herself down around Iverson, hearing him gasp and then groan again. His hands gripped tighter on her hips, threatening to leave imprints...

Good thing there'd been a comfy leather seated rolling chair with a reclining back and arms in here. Much, much better than the floor or up against a metal filing cabinet. Great for having the guy sprawl back while you straddled him facing forward and rode up and down. Yeehaw.

Idly, Faith wondered if she should get a tattoo... nice little tribal tramp stamp to match the one around her biceps.

Naw. No need to give the guy pictures to look at while he was screwing you. Either looking at the real deal and that fine ass rising and falling on him was good enough, or he could go screw himself.

She rose again, shimmying her way back up and hung there for a bit, working her hips and swiveling just onto the tip and last inch or so of him.

Damn.

Nice tool. Not huge, but nice. And hey – it's not the size of the drill, but the way the motor runs. Seriously.

Working her head around in a slow circle, Faith felt her neck muscles pop and loosen up. Uhhh... damn. All that tension going out. Way good. She smacked her lips, and then grinned, thinking back a short while with images running through her mind's eye. Yum.

During one of the times that Faith had actually bothered paying attention in class, she remembered a sex ed teacher saying something about how male cum was mostly sugars. She'd always wondered why it tasted salty, then...

Never did get a good answer for that. The teacher had just turned bright red and started stammering. And everyone else in class had laughed, which had kinda pissed her off – she'd been honestly curious for once, not cracking wise.

Ah well. Time past and good riddance.

"Unngh... " Faith let herself slide down again, seating herself – and himself – solid and deep. "Unh, oh, goddamn fuck, man."

Heh. For all the stammering and wide eyed panic, and the protests, once they were actually in here with the door slammed and the blouse had come off, he'd gotten downright enthused.

Of course, having Faith yank his pants open and wrap her lips around the head of his cock had probably helped –

It was like George Carlin always said: one thing you never ever heard was, "Hey! Stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police!"

Working him back up again after working him off was fun, too. Like she'd thought: the boy had good hands.

She hoped the sound proofing in here was a lot better than it was in the room Cordy and Xan had taken over earlier was. Didn't need to wake all the neighbors.

Hoped the little brunette up front wasn't a prude, either. That first screaming explosion had damned near taken the top of her freaking head off...

Yeaaahhh... Maybe Cordy had the right idea... find someone talented and nail him down good and solid. Screw a lot of bed bouncing.

Okay, yeah, bounce the damned bed good and hard, she thought, rising up and down on him faster. Or the chair, or the desk, or whatever. Not that kind of damned bed bouncing, dammit.

Faith slid up again, leaving just the head and a couple of inches in, and swiveled her hips slowly – savoring the feeling. Oh yeah.

And... oh, God damn guh –

She slammed down, grinding her hips into Iverson as it felt like her entire insides went all hot and wet and clenched up from the inside out. Oh, God...

"Augh... aiiiiiiii... ahhhh... auugh! Damn! Fuck!"

Kinda vaguely aware, she felt Iverson's hands slip up from her hips along her waist and up under her breasts. Faith wasn't really sure if he was groaning or screaming too, but damn.

Iverson cupped a breast in each hand as Faith's head arched backward, long dark hair flying everywhere, and he pulled her back to lie against himself.

She let him, concentrating on the arch of her feet lifting her up on her toes and her legs stiffening up with her thighs quivering...

One hand gripped a breast and began playing with a nipple and the other slipped down between her legs, finding the wet slippery space between her lower lips and beginning to slide a finger rapidly up and down along it.

"Ahhh... ah... ah... anghhh... oh God damn fuck! Annnnggh!"

Both of Faith's feet came up off of the floor and her legs came up with her knees back against her shoulders. She arched her back, slamming her hips down and grinding her ass into Iverson's hips as wave after wave shuddered through her.

Half not-quite-pain, but something near it, half... something else. Not quite intense pleasure... just... explosions, like little detonations going off between her legs and inside of her. Building, building, and then –

Damn.

Faith went limp all over, breathing hard, with her feet hitting the floor again on either side of Iverson's legs and her legs spraddled out wide. She could feel her abdomen undulating in slow rippling motions and her hips jerking and twitching slowly.

Wow.

She was kind of vaguely aware of him working his hips and shoving up into her and then clenching up himself all over with his fingers biting into her tit and nipple and crying out and –

Hey, good for him. Why should she have all the fun?

Guh.

Damn.

Never again.

Never again gonna go that long and just play voyeur on Cordy and Xan. Because man, those two were way too hard on her frustration levels. Yeesh.

"Oh, holy crap, Freddie," Faith said.

His lips and mouth found hers as she turned her head on his shoulder and she melted into the sensation again.

Finally, he pulled away and said something that sounded vaguely like, "Glub."

"Yeah. Glub. Definitely glub. Glub all the way, dude."

Iverson snickered into her mouth, and groaned. After a long, long set of minutes, he broke off panting heavily long enough to say, "Uh, Louie? I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful working relationship."

Faith's eyes snapped open, finally, and fastened on his blue ones from way too close.

"Dude," she said, and then dissolved into spluttering laughter. "Now you're gonna try and tell me you're shocked that there's gambling in Sunnydale, huh?"

A few minutes later they both fell out of the rolling chair and onto the floor, laughing hysterically.

Ow.

A short while later and back at the doors to the library...

Cordelia squeezed Xander's hand where it was wrapped around hers and hugged his arm to herself with her other hand. He shoved the doors open and headed out with her firmly attached to his arm.

Okay, got that bit of idiocy the hell out of the way.

Sheesh.

Freaking Buffy.

They were so gonna have words.

Ummm... Cordelia wiggled her hips as unobtrusively as possible, making it look like a better than normal sexy walk, instead. Damn. That ache between her legs would hurt if it didn't feel so good...

She glanced sidelong at her boyfriend, and frowned slightly. "New shirt?" Cordelia asked, curiously.

"Huh?" Xander blinked at her, looking startled. "Oh. Ah... " he shrugged. "Donation from Tor and Kyle."

"Oh?" Both of Cordelia's eyebrows went up.

"Don't ask," Xander suggested, sighing. "Really. Just... don't."

"Oh-kay,"Cordelia said, slowly, nodding. "Ah... " Further delving into that was suddenly curtailed as –

"Hey! Cordy!"

She and Xander both snapped their heads around at the sound of the familiar voice shouting from down the hallway at them.

Faith came skipping up like an eager Rottweiler, all bouncing wavy dark hair and ear to ear grin. Still with that damned camera dangling around her neck, and wearing that Grant High letter jacket.

Faith.

Skipping.

That just didn't compute.

Cordelia blinked at her, her mouth falling open. She was kind of aware of Xander gaping at the sight too, from next to her.

"Just the gal I wanted to see! Coolness!" Faith bounced to a halt in front of them, practically quivering up on her toes. "Hey! Xan."

"Hey, Faith," Xander said, nodding cautiously.

"I am?" Cordelia blinked at the other girl.

"Well, yeah!" Faith grinned, bouncing on her toes again as the bell rang. The hallway started flooding with students almost immediately as classes let out and the front lounge and Quad emptied. "Girl, you gotta meet me up here later."

"Uh... okay," Cordelia said, nodding cautiously. "Uh, when?"

"Crap." Faith blinked like she hadn't thought it through that far ahead. Shrugging, she brightened and said, "Oh! Okay, Sunday morning. Early – but not too early."

"Ummm... Sunday? Morning?"

"Yeah! We're going shopping, girl," Faith said, nodding like a bobblehead doll and grinning maniacally.

Damn. Gonna have to wean her off of the caffeine, stat.

And... Cordelia opened her mouth to ask, just as she spotted Rosenberg, Oz, and Buffy coming down the front staircase. Crap.

Faith apparently spotted something past Cordelia's shoulder in the other direction, for she brightened even further and her head swiveled around tracking like a gun turret.

"Hey, great, gotta go, bye!" Faith said rapid fire and scooted around them. She took off – skipping again – and headed off down the main hallway. She spun around again, and called back, "And bring Xander!" and then spun back and skipped away.

Cordelia and Xander turned slowly to watch her go, their mouths falling wide open.

"Hey! Yo, Hominy! Youse just da uddah gal I wanted ta see. Wait up!"

Xander made choking sounds in his throat as Harmony gave Faith a deer in the headlights look and said something inaudible that looked like it might have been, "Oh my God! Help!"

"Did Faith just call Harm 'Hominy'?" Willow's voice said off to one side. "And get away with it?"

"In a New York accent?" Buffy said from alongside her.

Faith spun back around, obviously at the sound of Willow's voice, for she lit up like a glowworm and called back, "Willow! Girl! The otter gal dat I need!"

People scattered out from behind her like a school of minnows to keep from getting backed over by Faith the bulldozer. Willow's eyes widened and she yelped, "Eeek?"

"We need to talk, girl! Soonest! Ciao, baby!" Faith spun back around and headed off again, calling out, "Hominy! Don't you move!"

Cordelia blinked slowly as Faith skidded to a stop in front of Harmony and the gaggle of former Cordettes, her hands waving energetically and talking a mile a minute.

She turned to Xander, who turned to her, and both of their eyebrows hit their hairlines. They each mouthed, "Ciao, baby?" silently to each other at the same time, and shook their heads, feeling kind of dazed.

Cordelia shook her head again as she turned back and watched Harmony freaking Kendall light up like a thirty watt bulb – about all the wattage she was good for – and squeal excitedly, bouncing up and down. Harm started chattering back energetically, gesturing frantically.

Whoa.

Wait.

Buffy.

Slowly we turned... step by step... inch by inch...

"Hi there, Buffy!" Cordelia said in her very best and cheeriest voice, megawatt smile turned up to around incandescent levels. She heard Xander gulp and turn pale next to her. "Girl. We need to talk."

"We do?" Buffy blinked at her.

"We so do," Cordelia said, hugging Xander's arm tightly. "But not today. Have your people call my people – we'll do lunch."

"Uh... " Buffy blinked again. "Okay... "

Cordelia clamped down on Xander's arm as he started trying to wriggle loose and back away and dug her fingernails in. He froze.

"Because I so have plans with my boyfriend right now," Cordelia said, chirpily. "And for him, too," she cooed.

Xander gulped.

"Oh-kaayyyy," Buffy's eyebrows went up all the way. "When?"

"Oh, don't you worry about that, Buffy," Cordelia said, her voice dropping into dangerous – and downright frozen – registers. "You'll know." She smiled again, at about a million watts. "Ta! We really must do this again. Bye!"

Still clamped down on him so that he couldn't escape if he had wanted to, Cordelia turned them both and began leading Xander out through the front doors to head to her car.

"Oh!" Cordelia said, brightly, half turning back and smiling broader, "Giles wanted to see you about something. Bye!"

Behind her, she heard a thoroughly confused sounding Willow ask plaintively, "Did I just miss something? I missed something, didn't I! I always miss things. Buffy?"

Snerk.

Let her explain that to Willow.

Cordelia would almost pay to be a fly on the wall for that conversation...

But not tonight.

"Uh, Cordy?" Xander said, in a tight and kind of pained sounding voice.

"Yeah?"

"Not that I'm not with you all the way here," Xander said, tightly, "But could you pull your claws back in, please? And out of my freaking bicep, sweetheart?"

"Oh! Sorry!"

Cordelia unclenched her hand hastily.

"Ow. Thanks." Xander snickered, and said, "Yeesh. I'm gonna need an emergency room if you keep shredding me, honey."

"Aww. Poor baby. I'll have to make it up to you," she said, grinning over at him. "I did tell you my parents are leaving again tonight, right?"

"No... "

"They so are, late late," Cordelia said. "For Long Island. And they're taking Deirdre with them. We'll have my house to ourselves all weekend starting Saturday."

"Groovy," Xander said, nodding at her and his grin going all lopsided. "And mine are heading to Rory's place, ah... about now. We have mine all to ourselves tonight."

"Oooh baby," Cordelia said, letting her eyes widen provocatively at him.

"Oooh baby?" Xander blinked at her.

"Mrrrowll?"

"Ah. Let's go grab some food and get home."

"Mrrowll."

Xander dug into a front pocket and came up with a roll of bills, waving them with a manic looking half grin. "And thanks to our good friends from the Xander and Cordelia betting pool, I can afford something nice for my girl." (beat) "Steak and lobster!"

Cordelia let her eyes widen dramatically, her lips twitching madly in an effort to not break out laughing. "Mrrrowwwlll!"

"And maybe a litter box."

Cordelia snorted, meeting his eyes and grin with one of her own, and then they both broke out in hysterics.

"C'mon, Lover Geek," she said, wiping the tears from her eyes, "Let's go feed you and build up your strength."

~ The END ~

(For now)

Next! Return with us in the upcoming installment for more thrilling adventures in role playing and hanky-panky!

.