Let Your Heart Hold Fast

Chapter 43

After everything that had happened to the Burkes since Neal had come into their lives, one would think that they were deserving of some smooth sailing for a change. Kidnappings, shootings, stabbings, car accidents…..what else could possibly go wrong? Elizabeth had always thought that she could handle anything, as long as Peter was by her side, but as she stared at her phone for what seemed like hours, she wondered just how much more they could possibly be expected to handle.

Peter was having the exact same thoughts, but he was quicker to react to what was going on. As Elizabeth stared at her phone, he stood up and threw enough money on the table to cover the bill.

"El, let's go, hon," he said as he gently grabbed her arm.

Elizabeth stood up without saying anything and grabbed her purse. Several minutes later, they were in the car, once again racing away, praying with everything they had that Neal was okay.

The drive to Neal's school was mostly made in silence, broken only by the occasional swear word that escaped Peter in response to the New York City traffic. Once they were within two blocks of the school, they could see the flashing lights of a multitude of emergency vehicles. Peter reached into his jacket pocket, readying his badge to show to the officials on scene.

He was able to drive the car within a block of the school by flashing his badge, but eventually he was forced to pull over. Once he had parked, he and Elizabeth made their way closer. Eventually, they got to a point where Elizabeth was made to stay behind, a fact that made her extremely unhappy.

"El, I promise I'll be back as soon as I can." Elizabeth looked like she was going to argue, but Peter wouldn't let her. "As soon as I can, I promise!"

Elizabeth couldn't do anything but watch as Peter walked off.

Peter walked as quickly as he could, his badge held out for anyone who tried to stop him. After speaking with several officials, he made his way to the man who was in charge of the situation. The man looked annoyed to be interrupted, but Peter wasn't about to back down.

"My name is Peter Burke and I'm a Special Agent with the FBI White Collar Division. I need to know what's going on here."

The man looked at Peter in disdain, wondering what the White Collar division was doing there.

"Agent Burke, I've already talked with someone in the FBI. Your services aren't needed here. We have this under control."

Peter looked at the man as if he had totally lost his mind. "Our services aren't needed? You have an armed assailant inside a school full of children and you don't think you need the services of the FBI?"

"Agent Burke, the assailant has been isolated and none of the kids are in immediate danger. We are in the process of evacuating the students, class by class, and as you can imagine, it's a tedious process. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to the situation at hand."

Peter stepped back from the man, not at all pleased with the outcome of their conversation, but knowing when to just walk away. He was relieved to hear that the situation was under control, but until he actually held Neal in his arms, he wouldn't be satisfied.

Standing back a little from the obviously annoyed man in charge, Peter watched as some of the students started trickling out of the building, noticing that most of them looked terrified. He searched each face as it left the building, but quickly realized that these were obviously older students.

Suddenly remembering that his wife still had no idea as to what was going on, he called her and explained the little that he knew, knowing that she needed to know that the situation was contained, even if he couldn't tell her for sure that Neal was okay. He could hear some relief in her voice, but he could also sense continued fear.

Noticing that there was some increased activity at the front of the school, Peter quickly hung up the phone. With his attention focused on the students streaming out of the school, he almost missed the increase in activity on the side of the school. Peter watched as several SWAT team members rushed inside, wondering what the hurry was if the situation was truly contained like the police officer had insisted. What he was witnessing did not look like a contained situation, at all. The worst part of it all was that there was absolutely nothing he could do but sit back and watch.

Neal had been having a good morning when everything suddenly went completely crazy. He was sitting with his reading group, listening as Mr. Parker's assistant showed them all the new books they would be reading. Neal could hardly contain his excitement at being placed in a higher reading group that morning and he couldn't wait to tell his Mommy. He figured that she would be so proud of him that she would probably bake him his favorite cookies.

Just as Miss Ashley told them that they could each pick out a book to read, they heard two loud bangs, followed by screaming. Neal watched as Mr. Parker immediately ran to the door and engaged the lock at the top. Seconds later, he was ushering all of the children into a corner of the room that was hidden by two tall bookcases. Neal immediately ran to Leah and grabbed her hand, pulling her into the corner. As they all crouched down, some of the kids started crying as Mr. Parker and Miss Ashley tried their best to calm them down. Most of the kids were scared because of the way their teachers were acting, and not from the fact that they really knew what was happening. Neal, on the other hand, who had heard the sound of gunshots quite recently, knew immediately what he had heard. Someone had a gun.

Neal quickly stood up and ran over to where Mr. Parker was trying to calm a few of his classmates down. "Mr. Parker," he whispered. "I know what's happening. I heard gunshots, Mr. Parker!"

Mr. Parker motioned for Miss Ashley to take over for him before turning to Neal. Pulling Neal away from the other students, he knelt down in front of him. "Neal, you and I know that those were gunshots, but the other kids don't know that. Let's keep it to ourselves, so they don't get scared, okay? Do you think you can help me try to keep everyone calm? Maybe you can show them some of those magic tricks you were talking about."

Neal's eyes brightened at that, eager to help Mr. Parker out. "Okay, Mr. Parker, but I need my backpack and it's in my cubby."

Mr. Parker glanced at Neal's cubby, spying his backpack. "I'll get it, Neal. You stay right here."

Neal watched as Mr. Parker slowly walked over to his own desk and grabbed something before walking to Neal's cubby and grabbing his backpack. A minute later, he handed Neal his backpack and reminded him to be as quiet as he could be. As Neal pulled out the bag of magic tricks that Mozzie had given him at his party, Mr. Parker dug his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed 911.

The kids were all seated on the floor, watching as Neal tried to perform a few magic tricks. For the most part, they were all a little calmer, but there were a few that were still crying softly. Neal tried to get those few students to watch him, hoping to take their mind off of what was happening. Mr. Parker's heart just about melted when Neal looked at him, giving him what could only be considered a conspiratorial wink, followed by one of his notorious grins. The kid was a natural leader and the kids all responded well to him.

The 911 call had been answered quickly and Mr. Parker had told the operator what little he knew. She instructed him to follow the school's active shooter protocol, which he of course was already doing. Now, all he could do was sit and wait and watch as Neal worked his magic.

Fifteen minutes into the lockdown, Mr. Parker's terror intensified at the sound of someone trying to get into the classroom. As the door handle jiggled viciously, they could hear someone yelling out in the hallway. The students all huddled closer to the two teachers, who were trying desperately to keep everyone quiet, and eventually, much to everyone's relief, the handle stopped moving.

Almost twenty minutes later, they heard voices again in the hallway, but this time the voices identified themselves as being NYPD officers. According to the school's lockdown protocol, classroom doors were not to be opened unless the appropriate password was given. This password was changed weekly and given to each teacher at the beginning of the week. Mr. Parker was consumed with relief when the correct password was given by whoever was outside of his door.

Still standing outside, Peter watched as the SWAT team that had entered the side of the building, came back out of the school with a man in custody. The man, who looked to be around thirty years old, didn't look familiar to Peter. He watched as they placed the man into a police car and drove off. Now turning back to the front of the school, Peter realized that more students were leaving the building. Walking forward, Peter was stopped by the one of the officers.

"Sir, are you a parent of one of the students?" the officer asked.

Peter flashed his badge at the young man before answering. "My son is in Kindergarten….Mr. Parker's class."

"Sir, all of the students are being taken to the gym. Parents are being directed there to pick up their child."

Peter wanted to run to the gym, but he knew that Elizabeth would never forgive him if he didn't take her with him. Quickly backtracking to where he had left her, he updated her on what was going on and they made their way to the gym as fast as they could.

The gym was in a state of controlled chaos by the time they got there. There were several police officers guarding the doors and several school officials were running around in a state of somewhat controlled panic. The parents were all being checked in at the front door, so Peter and Elizabeth pulled out their identification and had it ready. Minutes later, they stepped into the gym and followed crudely made signs that directed them to where the Kindergarten students were.

Elizabeth figured that everyone around her must be able to hear the erratic pounding of her heart as she walked through the crowd of equally terrified parents. She felt as if she were walking through a nightmare, filled with uncertainty and fear. Even though Peter had reassured her that no students were harmed, she wouldn't be able to breathe again until Neal was safely in her arms.

Elizabeth heard Neal's voice before she saw him, and her knees nearly buckled. Looking wildly toward the direction that it was coming from, her eyes landed on the mop of dark hair that she loved more than life itself.

"There he is," she shouted as she jumped forward, pulling Peter with her. "Neal!"

Neal looked up from where he was sitting, a huge smile spreading across his face. Seconds later, he threw himself into Elizabeth's arms, squeezing her as hard as he could.

"Mommy! Did you hear what happened? Did you arrest him, Daddy? He was a bad man!"

Elizabeth buried her face in Neal's hair, giant sobs wracking her body. Peter pulled Elizabeth and Neal into his arms, not caring that the people around them could see that he was crying, too. He felt as if he never wanted to let his family leave his arms. How could he protect his family in such a crazy world? How could he ever let either of them out of his sight ever again? What kind of world did they live in when your child wasn't even safe in school? When he was in danger every time he left your house? Hell…when he was in danger even inside your own house?

After several minutes of hugging, Peter pulled away to find Mr. Parker standing next to them. Peter felt a sudden urge to pull the young man into a hug, wanting to thank him for being there for Neal when he himself couldn't. In fact, this young man had protected Neal several times over and upon realizing this, Peter surprised the man by pulling him into a fierce hug. When he finally released him, the young man just stared at him in shock.

"Mr. Parker, thank you! Thank you for making sure that Neal was safe!"

Mr. Parker looked over at Neal, who was trying to break his way out of Elizabeth's tight embrace. "Mr. Burke, I just want you to know that Neal was so brave today. He knew what was going on…knew that there was a shooter in the building, but he stayed calm and he was an immense help to me. He helped to keep the other kids calm. He even did some magic tricks to get everyone's mind off of what was happening."

Peter and the young teacher talked for several more minutes before they were interrupted by the parents of another student. Peter turned back to his family, gathered them up, and took them home.

Once they were at the car, Elizabeth insisted on riding in the back seat with Neal. Peter was surprised that Neal wasn't more scared than he was, and he wondered if the boy was just holding it all in. Instead, the boy kept up a constant stream of conversation, explaining to Peter and Elizabeth how he had performed magic tricks in front of his classmates and he had tricked them all. He also explained how he had been moved up into a different reading group, looking particularly proud of himself.

Arriving at home, he asked Elizabeth to take Neal into the house, while he talked with Hughes. It was obvious that he wouldn't be going back into work, so he also placed a call to Diana, explaining everything, and pointing her in the direction he needed his team to go in the cases they were working on. The last call he made was to a friend of his at NYPD, who filled him in on what had happened. Apparently, the estranged husband of the school secretary decided to declare his disdain for the divorce papers he had been served that morning. Luckily, he was a terrible shot and no one had been hurt.

After all of his calls were made, he walked into the house, anxious to talk to Neal about the events of the day. Elizabeth had quickly put together a snack for Neal and brewed coffee for herself and Peter. As they sat at the table, both of them kept their eyes on Neal, taking in everything about him.

"Hey, little man…..why don't we talk a little more about what happened today at school?"

"I already told you, Daddy. I showed everyone my magic tricks today and I helped Mr. Parker when the kids got scared. Mr. Parker and Miss Ashley said that I was really brave."

"You were brave, sweetie, and Daddy and I are really proud of you," Elizabeth answered.

Peter took a drink of his coffee as he studied Neal's face and decided to just come out and say what he wanted to say. "We're really proud of you, buddy. Mr. Parker said you were a huge help to him today. Were you scared?"

Neal looked thoughtfully up at Peter. "I was a little scared at first, Daddy, but then I knew that you would come and take care of the bad man and save us all. I even told Mr. Parker that, too."

Peter suddenly felt like he would never live up to Neal's expectations of him. He understood, of course. When he was Neal's age, he thought that his dad could do anything, too. It wasn't until he was a few years older that he realized that his father was fallible, that he was only human. Even knowing that, though, he felt like he was destined to let Neal down again and again.

Not knowing what to say to the boy, Peter looked up at his wife and begged her to take over. Elizabeth knew what was bothering her husband and tried desperately to make him feel better.

"You were right, sweetie. Daddy did come to save you, but by the time he got there, the other police officers had taken care of everything. They're really good at their jobs, too. Just like Daddy."

"That's okay, Daddy…..everyone already knows that you're the best daddy in the world, so it's okay if you didn't get the bad man. I know you will next time."

Peter laughed at that, but he also felt the weight of his responsibility as a father bearing down on him again. "Hopefully, there will never be a next time, kiddo. I don't know about the two of you, but I've had my fill of bad men."

Neal giggled and, unfortunately, spilled his glass of milk, sending it cascading down into Peter's lap. He looked up in surprise at Peter and before anything could be said or done, the little boy burst into tears.

"Neal, buddy, it's okay. It's just a little milk," Peter said gently, as he took the towel that Elizabeth gave him and mopped up the milk.

Neal jumped out of his chair and dove into Peter's arms. Peter dropped the towel and just held onto Neal, knowing that he wasn't just crying about the spilled milk. He knew that the day's events had finally caught up with the little boy and all he could do was let him cry it out.

Neal had cried for quite a while and by the time the poor boy had fallen asleep, Peter and Elizabeth were exhausted. Without a word, Peter took Neal up to their bedroom and gently put him down on the bed. He and Elizabeth climbed in next to him and within minutes all three of them were sound asleep.

Peter had only been asleep for thirty minutes when he woke up to the sound of someone crying. Looking over at Elizabeth, he realized that she had tears streaming down her face as she stared at Neal.

"Hey, hon," he said gently. "It's okay. Neal's right here and he's safe. Did you have a bad dream?"

"It's not okay, Peter. We could have lost him today. How many times do we have to go through something like that? Why do these things keep happening to us? What did we do to deserve this over and over again?"

Peter reached across Neal's small body and cupped his wife's face, gently drying her tears with his thumb. "El, I don't know why these things keep happening to us, but I do know it's not because of anything we did or didn't do. Some things are out of our control and trust me, that's a really hard thing for me to comprehend. The only thing I know for sure is that all we can do is take it one day at a time and cherish every single moment of the time we have together."

"I'm just so scared, Peter. I don't want to let him out of my sight. He's just a little boy and there's just so much evilness in this world. How are we supposed to protect him from everything?"

Peter nearly lost it at the look of desperation in Elizabeth's eyes. He knew that she just needed time to come to terms with what had nearly happened that day. "I don't think we can protect him from everything, El. He's going to get hurt. He's going to get his heart broken someday. He's going to fail at things. We can't protect him from everything. All we can do is make sure that he knows how much we love him and I think we're doing a pretty good job of that, don't you?"

Elizabeth smiled through her tears, amazed at the words of wisdom that were escaping her husband's mouth. When did he get so smart?

Neal woke up several hours later and was surprised to find his parents sleeping on either side of him. Crawling out from under the blanket as carefully as he could, he made his way out of the bed without waking them. Walking as quietly as he could, he went downstairs and into the kitchen. His growling stomach had woken him and he remembered that Elizabeth had made him some cookies earlier. He was hoping that she had left them on the counter and was disappointed to see that they were nowhere in sight. Just as he was pulling a chair over to the counter, Peter walked into the kitchen.

"What are you up to, kiddo?" Peter asked, eyeing the chair and the guilty look on Neal's face.

"Um…I was….I was bored, Daddy. I was just playing."

"Oh, really," Peter answered. "You were just playing with the chair?"

"Um…yeah," Neal said.

"Oh, well that's good. I thought maybe you were planning on climbing up on the chair to get to the cookies that mommy made, which is against the house rules. I'm glad to hear you were just playing." Peter watched as a flush crept up Neal's neck. He knew the boy really was planning on climbing up onto the chair, but he didn't feel like having to deal with something like that at the moment. He knew he shouldn't be letting Neal get away with his plan, but he didn't have it in him to scold the boy.

"How about I get us some cookies, kiddo?" Peter almost laughed at the look of relief on Neal's face.

He placed several cookies on a plate and poured two glasses of milk, hoping the whole time that his wife wouldn't wake up and find out. He didn't think she would appreciate the fact that he was giving Neal a snack so close to dinner. Neal, on the other hand, was perfectly okay with the idea.

As they sat at the table, Peter munched on a cookie as he watched Neal dig into his. His heart surged with the love that he felt for the little boy sitting in front of him with a milk mustache. He knew that he couldn't have loved Neal more even if the kid was his own flesh and blood and was somewhat surprised by the strength of his feelings.

His life had changed so much in such a short time and he was once again amazed at where they had ended up. A little less than a year ago, he and Elizabeth had been resigned to the idea of never having children. Now, they were the parents of a very precocious five year old who thought that he was "nearly all growed up."

"Hey, little man…..I need to talk to you about something, okay?"

"Daddy, I was just playing….."

"I'm way past that, Neal. I want to talk to you about Mommy. She was really scared today when she thought that something had happened to you."

"But, I'm okay, Daddy," Neal said.

"I know, buddy. And Mommy knows, too. I think she's just a little sad about everything and I think that she could use some extra special attention tonight, okay? Just give her a little extra love, even if that means she keeps hugging you over and over again. Can you do that for me?"

"I'm good at giving extra loves, Daddy. Mommy says I'm the best."

"Well, good, because she really needs it today. Now, how about you take that napkin and clean off your mustache."

Neal giggled at that. "I don't have a mustache, Daddy. I'm only five, remember?"

That night, the three of them stayed close to each other. Peter and Neal helped Elizabeth with dinner, although Elizabeth didn't really think they were much help. The three of them cleaned up the kitchen, too, although again Elizabeth didn't really think they were much help. Once the kitchen was cleaned to her satisfaction, they all moved to the living room, prepared to watch a movie. For the first time ever, Peter was actually excited to watch Frozen, looking forward to hearing Neal sing every song and say every line.

To Peter's surprise and unbelievable dismay, Neal informed them that he wanted to watch a different movie. He was pleasantly surprised when Neal went to their DVD collection and picked out one of Peter's favorite movies, Field of Dreams.

"Daddy, can we watch this one?" he asked.

"Are you sure, buddy? I thought you didn't like that one very much."

"It's kinda boring, but I like it at the end when the man plays catch with his Daddy."

Neal curled up on the sofa with Elizabeth, making sure that the blanket he had was covering her, too. "Mommy? Guess what?"

"What, sweetie?"

"We had a contest at school and you won!"

"Really?" Elizabeth answered. "What kind of contest?"

"We had a contest on who had the prettiest mommy and you won, but I told them all that you weren't the prettiest. I told them that you were the beautifullest."

"Oh, Neal, that's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. Thank you, sweetie."

"You're welcome, Mommy," Neal said. And then, "You know what else, Mommy? You smell the best, too. Like flowers and sunshine."

Elizabeth hugged Neal closer to her.

"You know what else, Mommy?"

Elizabeth threw a look at Peter, wondering what had gotten into Neal. "What, baby?"

"You have the beautifullest hair and the beautifullest smile and the beautifullest nose."

"Well, Neal, you are full of compliments tonight, aren't you?"

Neal gave her a puzzled look. "Nope, I'm full of pasghetti and meatballs, Mommy."

Elizabeth could only laugh at the look on his face and suddenly she knew that they were all going to be all right. No matter what happened in the days and years to come, they would all be just fine. No matter what happened, as long as their hearts were filled with love, they would all be just fine.

Just as the movie started, Neal looked up at Elizabeth again.

"Mommy? Guess what….."

Author's note: I know this ending might seem a little anti-climactic, but it seemed like the most natural end to this story. I have to admit that I'm really going to miss little Neal. I think he wormed his way into my heart, just like he did to Peter and Elizabeth.

I hope you all enjoyed this last chapter and I really want to take this time to thank all of you for reading. You will never truly know how much I appreciate each and every one of you for sticking with the story and for all of the lovely reviews. You are all amazing and lovely.

Now that this story is complete, I'm ready to start a new one. I have a few ideas running around in my head, but I would love to hear from all of you, too. Do you have any ideas for me? I was thinking of maybe trying a story about Neal and Ellen. Or I could continue on with one of the one shots I've posted.

Anyway, I want to thank all of you again. It's been such a fun ride!