CHAPTER 1- HOMECOMING

HOME.

Just the word sounds surreal. It's a word that I had disassociated myself from...a word that for weeks I had not allowed myself to think...because I thought the only way I would return to it would be in a simple wooden box. But now, I can finally allow myself to think of it in another context.

GOING HOME.

Katniss and I both board the train following our final post-Games interview with Caesar Flickerman. It was somewhere during the interview when it really hit me. Katniss and I are both GOING HOME. It wasn't just my goal of doing whatever it took to ensure her victory...somehow fate itself intervened and, for the first time in 74 years, two Victors were crowned for the Hunger Games. Katniss Everdeen, the girl that I have been in love with since we were both five years old, and I, Peeta Mellark, were both victorious. And, to add to the unexpected joy of actually still being alive, Katniss actually feels the same way about me!

I feel the train begin to move and watch the Capitol cityscape slowly begin to recede as we begin the journey back to District Twelve...back to HOME. Even so, Katniss and I are both unconsciously tense until the train clears the mountain tunnel that marks the outer border of the Capitol. Once we emerge into the light again I slowly exhale and glance over at Katniss, and she flashes me a small, embarrassed smile while at the same time I see her tense body visibly relax. I return her grin as we both feel the tension ease from us.

I hear a low chuckle off to the side and glance over to where Haymitch was seated with Effie. Haymitch doesn't say anything, but the laugh had come from him...perhaps he was remembering how he felt after he had won his Games and was heading back home. I study our Mentors face for a moment but his features and smile show no trace of his usual jaded sarcasm. Instead, he looks genuinely happy...happy at finally bringing his tributes back alive instead of in that simple wooden box. And not just one, as was usual for the Games...but BOTH! I just shake my head slightly and return his smile. I notice that Effie has the same expression and toss my smile her way as well. Her eyes are glistening and for a moment it seems that the joyful tears are on the way...but she maintains her composure and keeps the tears in check. Her gaze softens as she looks at her two Victors, and it seems that she's not just happy about finally being a Victors Escort...could it be that she is happy for us as well?

A Capitol attendant appears and informs us that dinner is ready. We all file into the dining car where a typically huge Capitol dinner awaits us. After dinner, we all settle in front of the television to watch a replay of our interview. Each of us is lost in his or her own thoughts. A glance at Katniss tells me that she is thinking of the same thing that I am...HOME.

Katniss excuses herself to change from her interview dress to something more comfortable. I remain on the couch watching the interview replay and reflect on just how lucky I am.

"Mellark, things are definitely looking up for you," I say to myself as the interview continues to play, "You survived the Games, Katniss loves you, and you are set for life. A leg is a small price to pay for all that." I find myself starting to grin again as these thoughts run through my head. Katniss returns, having changed into a shirt and pants. She settles in next to me on the couch and I casually drape my arm around her shoulders...and quickly glance over at her as I feel her stiffen almost imperceptibly at my touch. Before I can say anything, though, she flashes a quick smile my way, and I relax and continue to watch the interview.

Shortly afterwards, the train stops for refueling. Katniss stands up and says, "I need some fresh air. Come on, Peeta, let's stretch our legs a bit." We step outside the train, unguarded now since we are now Victors returning home instead of tributes heading towards the Games...and almost certain death.

Hand in hand, Katniss and I slowly stroll down the track. She isn't talking, so at one point I stop and gather a bunch of wildflowers for her.

"For you." I say as I present them to her. For an instant I see something flicker across her face...an almost sad expression, but very fleeting, and it's quickly replaced by a warm smile.

"Thank you, Peeta." But, I see something behind the smile. Her lips are smiling but the smile doesn't reach her eyes. Those incredible gray eyes seem to project a deep despair that the smile can't hide.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Nothing." Katniss answers. Still clutching my clumsy bouquet, she turns and continues walking down the tracks. Following her lead, I take her free hand and walk with her in silence.

We are some distance behind the train when suddenly a low voice makes us both jump. Haymitch. "Great job, you two. Just keep it up in the district until the cameras are gone. We should be okay." He then turns and heads back to the train. Confused, I look to Katniss for an answer...some kind of explanation. Suddenly she can't look me in the eye.

"What's he mean?" I ask.

Katniss takes a deep breath. "It's the Capitol. They didn't like our stunt with the berries."

What?! That was no "stunt!" I fully intended to eat that nightlock and die then and there rather than be forced to have to kill this girl that I love so very much. But, all I can say is, "What? What are you talking about?"

Katniss takes another deep, shuddering breath before continuing, "It seemed too rebellious. So, Haymitch has been coaching me through the last few days. So I didn't make it worse."

"Coaching you? But not me..." How could they both keep this from me?

"He knew you were smart enough to get it right," Katniss answers. Suddenly, there was a roaring in my ears and a sinking, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach as the meaning of her words sink in.

"I didn't know there was anything to 'get right,'" I say, all the while feeling more and more light headed, "So, what you're saying is, these last few days and then I guess...back in the arena...that was just some strategy you two worked out."

Inside, I could feel everything come crashing down...all the positive, happy feelings melting away. I barely heard Katniss as she stammered, "No. I mean, I couldn't even talk to him in the arena, could I?"

I fought for my breath as I answered, "But you knew what he wanted you to do, didn't you?" I search her face for a sign...any sign...that somewhere inside she has real feelings for me. Instead, she looks down and bites her lip.

"Katniss?" I drop her hand and she stumbles a bit at the sudden loss of contact. The realization of what she has just told me hits me hard.

"It was all for the games...how you acted," I say simply.

Katniss looks down at the flowers that she was still clutching in her hand and replies in a small voice, "Not all of it..."

"Then how much? No, forget that. I guess the real question is what's going to be left when we get home?" Oh, why is this happening? How could I have been so blind? So stupid?

Katniss hesitates for a moment before replying, "I don't know. The closer we get to District Twelve, the more confused I get." I wait for a moment for her to continue, but instead she continues to stand there, silent.

Finally, mustering as much control as I can, I spit out, "Well, let me know when you work it out." I turn without waiting for her reply and begin to walk back to the train, cursing my artificial leg that prevents me from running as fast as I can, but instead limits me to this awkward, lurching walk.

I don't look back as I board the train, my mind whirling with everything that Katniss has just told me. All a lie...it was just A LIE! A way to get through the Games...a way to win...a way to live. I go to my room and slam the door shut, and only then, alone, do I let my tortured emotions out. The tears well up in my eyes and the first harsh, wracking sob tears its way out of my chest as I collapse on the floor next to the bed...clenching my hands, eyes tightly shut as tears freely stream down my face.

I think back to all the beatings I had taken from my mother over the years...especially the one that she gave me after deliberately burning those two loaves of bread that I ended up giving to a starving girl named Katniss Everdeen. I think about the burning pain of Cato's sword stabbing deeply into my leg when he discovered my treachery. I remember the pain of the mutts tearing a chunk from my leg as I scrambled up the side of the cornucopia, and watching Katniss...KATNISS...frantically tying a life saving, but leg condemning, tourniquet around my leg to save my life.

I think about all of this pain...and it pales compared to the pain of having Katniss Everdeen just admit that she used me and my love to survive the Hunger Games.

Finally, my mentally exhausted self collapses in a restless sleep on the floor of my room. I don't even remember awakening, showering, or putting on clean clothes, although I must have. I can feel the train start to slow and know that we must be pulling into the District train station. I take a deep breath, open my door, and stride into the lounge...where I see Katniss standing, waiting for our arrival...HOME.

I hesitate briefly, stop, compose myself, and when she glances my way, I simply give her a brief nod of my head. I don't trust myself to do any more than that.

I stand there next to Katniss as the station comes into view, and finally trust myself to speak.

"What happens now?" I ask.

Still looking straight out at the station, Katniss replies, "We try to forget."

"...But I don't want to forget..." I softly reply. Finally, as the train slows to a stop, I extend my hand to Katniss. She glances down at my hand quickly, then for the first time looks into my face. I can see her confusion.

"One more time? For the audience?" I say. There's no emotion in my voice. I left all that on the floor of my room last night. Katniss slowly reaches out and takes my hand tightly as the train comes to a stop.