A/N: Hi guys! Well, here's the first part of my Snape POV drabble. I'm not planning on making this a long story, probably just 2 or 3 chapters. Well...enjoy!
They're hiding it. Or trying to hide it at least. Potter's pining doesn't even surprise me anymore, it's been going on for so long, but I still feel that litte tingle of hatred everytime I catch the longing looks he sends her.
No, it's not his stares that make my blood boil. It's hers.
She thinks she's being discreet, thinks I don't see the way her eyes light up everytime he enters the room. How happy she is whenever he's she doesn't seem to mind him touching her. Because he's always touching her somewhere. It's like her skin is a drug he's addicted to. His hand is always there, on the small of her back as they walk down the corridors. On her arm when he laughs with her. On her thigh when they sit at dinner together. And what's worst is that. She. Lets. Him.
Oh, she thinks nobody notices the little smile that plays around her lips whenever she feels his hand somewhere on her body. But I notice.
And it's slowly but surely driving me insane.
Obviously, it all started with that fateful afternoon by the lake in fifth year. That one day. That one word that changed everything!
So many nights since then, spent awake in my bed thinking of the "what if"'s... what if I had apologized more...what if her mind hadn't been poisoned by all those filthy Gryffindors...what if I hadn't said the word in the first place...what if it hadn't happened at all, if Potter had just kept his wand to himself, just this once...? Oh, what I wouldn't do to have those times back...the days she still laughed with me, sat with me in class...those times I could close my eyes and for a short moment I couls pretend she wasn't just my friend... but it was all no use!
For in that moment, that awful moment I let the word slip past my lips and into her ears, she turned away from me and hadn't returned.
The summer after fifth year passed slowly, awfully so. I used to spend at least three days a week with Lily in the holidays, days that had always seemed too good to last. And it turned out that they were.
The first three weeks, Lily went on holiday with her family. I walked by her house every day, waiting for her to return. When she did, she barely ever came out. How I know this? Well, I spent my days hiding in the bushes across the street from her house, waiting...for what, I didn't know, because every time she did exit the house, I was too cowardly to try and talk to her.
Even though the days passed excrutiatingly slowly, the time I spent lying in those bushes in the summer heat still beat the times I actually spent at home.
Finally, by the time I feared it would never arrive, came September 1st.
It was the happiest moment of my summer, getting back on that train.
I was sitting in my compartment, looking at the people on the platform saying their tearful goodbyes, when I saw him. Potter. The name crossed my mind in a flash of red hot loathing. But there was something...different about him somehow.
His hair was still the same black mess, on top of that same bespectabled head. I noticed he had grown a bit, and was now more filled out. But still, something had changed...
Try as I might, I just couldn,t put my finger on it, despite my thorough inspection. It was weird, he was just standing there, alone...
That's when it hit me. For the first time ever, I saw James Potter all on his own.
Not just without his posse, but also without his old, Auror parents. Loath as I was to admit it, I had always been jealous of the adoration in his mother's eyes as she saw him getting off the train, or the pride in his father's voice as he said his name. But now, they weren't here...I wondered at that, until another person on the platform caught his eye and ripped him from his thoughts.
I watched as she made her way from her parents, who turned away and left the platform, straight through the sea of people until she was standing right in front of Potter. She was so small next to him, she had to crane her neck slightly to see his face.
Potter seemed as shocked as I was by her sudden appearance, and only smiled at her slightly. She started talking to him, and he seemed even more surprised by this but he answered and they continued their conversation. I couldn't help but wonder what had changed during the summer that made Lily be so abundantly friendly with a boy she had proclaimed to loathe, not three months ago.
But before I could dwell on these contemplations, the whistle sounded and the two boarded the train along with everyone else.
As the train sped out of the station, a thought crossed my mind. This was going to be an interesting year...
What an accurate feeling that had been, I noticed as sixth year progressed…
I watched with deep chagrin as Lily and Potter formed a tentative friendship.
I soon found out that Potter's parents had been killed by Death Eaters during the summer. That explained why Lily had suddely softened to him. Pity. That was all that drew her to him. She was just blinded by the fact that he was now and orphan. I wondered idly if she would act the same way with me if my parents suddenly passes away…somehow, I tricked myself into thinking 'yes'… but Potter was weak, that was all. He was weak and she was blind, and if she wasn't careful, she was going to get hurt.
And that was something I just couldn't let happen. Not now and not ever.
But there was't really anything I could do about it, as she still refused to talk to me or even get near me. In the corridors she walked straight past me without so much as a glance my way. In class,she refused to even acknowledge my existence. It was aggravating, but I cintinued hoping that it was just her holding a grudge…that it would blow over with time…
But in the meantime, her and Potter got ever closer. Lily's best friend Marlene had transferred to another school, as her parents had moved, fleeing from the ever-nearing war. This left Lily lonely, and it seemed that Potter had every intention of filling the sace Marlene's move and my betrayal (as she called it) had left in her heart.
The two of them spent so much time together, it was starting to make me sick. I used to always look forward to seeing her, but latelyseeing her meant seeing either Potter or occasionally Black or Lupin too. It seemed like she was never alone these days.
So when I saw her walking alone one night in the corridor from the library, I took my chance. I approached her silently and tapped her on the arm from behind…..which, admittedly, wasn't one of my brightest ideas, as she spun around with a wild look and her eye and her wand drawn on me. When she realized who I was, she relaxed slightly, but didn't lower her wand.
"What do you want, Snape?" she nearly hissed. The use of my last name stung, but I didn't let it show.
"Just to talk" I assured her.
She glanced at my hand that was wrapped around her upper arm, "If I say yes, will you let go of me?"
The relief I felt at her acceptance was dimmed by the fact that it was conditionnal. So I detached my hand from around her arm and took a step back. She seemed to relax at that.
"Okay...I repeat, what do you want?" I was surprised at the coldness still in her voice.
"Yeah.." I began "I just...I miss you, Lily..."
I couldn't help but be disheartened by the fact that she only raised an eyebrow at this.
"So, um...how..." I shuffled myfeet in discomfort "How are things?"
"Fine" she said icily.
"Good, that...that's nice..." was all I could think to say. When the silence grew, I suddenly groaned in frustation. "God Lily, what the hell happened to us?"
She flinched a bit at my harsh tone but just scoffed at my words, "Are you kidding? You dare ask me that after what you did?"
"Oh my God, Lily, it was one word! That's it! And I get that I shouldn't have said anything, but come on! We've been friends for 15 years! You can't just throw that away because of a moment of weakness!" I yelled at her, three months of pent up frustration bursting out.
"A moment of weakness? Is that what you'd call calling your so called friend a... a-" but she couldn't even bring herself to say it out loud. She just let out a frustrated breath.
"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?" I asked desperately "How many times until you believe me?"
"You meant it. When you said it, you meant it. I saw it in your face, Severus. And you just can't apologize for that. Not when you spend your time with people who would kill me if they got the chance. Not when Muggle-borns are getting killed because of their blood, and you don't even care." her voice got higher and higher until she was yelling at him again. She turned away again and started to leave, but I wasn't done talking yet. I grabbed her arm again and spun her around once more.
That fire I so loved about her was blazing in her eyes. I could see she was about to shout again, so I cut her off before she could:
"That's different! You're different Lily, I can protect you! Please let me-" that's when she did cut me off.
"No I will not! You're such a hypocrite, Severus Snape! You can't just pretend like-"
"I'm the hypocrite? I'm not the one spending all my time with a boy you said you'd hate forever!" I spit out hatefully.
Lily was slightly taken aback by the sudden change of topic. "What does he have to with this?"
"You're seriously asking? He's got everything to do with this! He's in the fucking center of all this mess! If it weren't for that bastard we'd still-"
Her eyes narrowed at this. "Don't blame James for all of this! He's not the reason you're a fucking son of a bitch!" she screamed, and her voice echoed around the stone corridors.
"Oh, he's James now, is he?" I spat out.
"Don't drag him into this fight, Snape..." she sounded tired as she said it.
"He's a jackass, Lily. You used to know that...you used to know better than this! I understand that Marlene leaving makes you feel lonely but that's no reason to start running around with Potter and his gang!" my voice had finally returned to normal.
"Oh, don't you dare bring Mar into this, too! And don't pretend like you know me or anything about me!" I was taken aback by the acid in her voice and took a small step back. "You wanted to talk. Fine, we talked! Are you happy?" I scoffed inwardly. She knew I was as far from happy as I could possibly be! Once again Lily turned to leave and, once again, I tried to hold her back. This time though, she snatched her arm out of my reach as soon as it made contact with my hand.
"Go to hell, Severus Snape!" she spat as she walked away from me - from our friendship - for good.
I walked back to my dormitory slowly, thinking of how the talk I had wanted so badly from Lily had turned to such a disaster.
A/N: Sooo...tell me what you think, and I'll try and hurry up posting the rest! :)
XO XO Anna