"Did you see when I smashed his face in and almost knocked his body into another dimension? Huh? Did ya?" Natsu asks, pestering Lucy.

Lucy only rolls her eyes at his behaviour. "Yes, yes Natsu."

"Natsu you dipshit, you did nothing." Gray argues. "I was the one to get the treasure in time before you could send it into flames."

"What was that ice cube?" Natsu asks, jumping to Gray's side.

The two bud heads. "I'll take you on any day, mini-oven."

Erza punches both of them individually on the head. Lucy jumps and takes a good couple of steps back. "I don't want to hear any of you guys arguing when we're so close to the guild. At least walk in nicely and greet everyone before you decide to fight."

Natsu crosses his arms and pouts. Gray rolls his eyes and sticks his head up in the opposite direction. Lucy comes up from behind and pats their backs. "It's alright guys! We're almost there anyway, so you two can get back to your bickering in about five minutes."

"Not soon enough." Natsu mutters. "I'm ready to turn him to ashes."

"What was that curry?" Gray asks. Erza takes a menacing look over her shoulder, sending a shiver down all their backs. Gray clears his throat. "I mean, good to know, Natsu!"

Erza smiles slightly and continues leading the group to the entrance of the guild. Happy flies over their heads. "Say, Natsu, that was a pretty tough fight there, hey?"

Natsu looks up at the blue exceed. "Huh? Oh yeah, it was pretty difficult."

"Is that why Lucy didn't do anything?" Happy jokes, snickering behind his hand.

Lucy freezes. Time stops for her. It's true, she had done nothing while on the job. She was just a liability. Erza even had to save her once. But these dark thoughts can wait until later. Lucy forces a smile and a little giggle. Natsu just shakes his head at his friend.

"Happy that's nothing to joke about." Gray says angrily. "Especially when you almost got hit by Natsu's flames if it weren't for me."

Happy scowls. "I was just kidding."

Gray looks as if he's about to continue defending his blonde friend until he feels a soft hand on his bare shoulder. He takes a look over at Lucy who gives him a warm and sincere smile. "It's alright, Happy's only kidding. Let's just leave it."

"See, Lucy understands!" Happy says.

After a moment of silence Natsu speaks up. "Even if she understands, you need to understand that it's not okay to say stuff like that."

"Natsu." Lucy says with a shake of her head.

"We're here!" Erza announces. "Now go greet everyone so you can get back to your stupid bickering."

Natsu and Gray charge in, immediately announcing their arrival. They make sure to greet every member as fast as possible. Happy dashes in to find Carla. Erza herself heads to the bar to get a slice of her cherry cheesecake. The now forgotten about blonde turns away from the guild doors. Deciding on spending the night in her house alone quietly would be nice.

As Lucy takes each step her shoulders sink more and more. So do her mood and thoughts. Happy's comment rings in her head over and over again. "That was a pretty tough fight, so of course Lucy did nothing." Lucy mimics. "Because I'm weak, hey? Because I'm useless and have no purpose, right?"

The blonde enters her apartment. One thought crosses her mind. Razors. Where are my razors.

Their last mission had taken four days. Four days of suppressing the evil thoughts in her head. Four days of suppressing the urge to find something sharp to slice her wrists with. Four days of having to eat. She ate three meals a day with her friends. It made her feel disgusting and fat. It took a lot of effort to keep the food down.

Lucy takes impatient steps to her washroom. She pulls a drawer open and grabs for one of her many razors in the little box at the back. Before she can take the blades to her wrist, oh how bad she wanted to, she fills the tub with water. As the water rises Lucy hunches over the toilet, sticking two fingers to the very back of her throat.

The vomit comes up. It racks her body and leaves her dry-heaving. The taste is both disgusting but satisfying. She does it again. And again. Until the bath has risen to a good height. Lucy turns off the water and strips down her clothes revealing the plenty of scars left around her body.

She sinks herself into the hot water. Once settled she takes the first cut in a while. A hiss escapes Lucy's lips. She sees red and goes for more. Two cuts lead to six. Blood drips from her wrist and into the water, creating a bloody color. Lucy sinks her arm into the water and allows it to rinse the blood out.

Her head lies back on the bathtub as she takes deep breaths. A sinister smile graces her lips. All the pressure leaves her body and she's left happy, even for just a moment. But after a while, the pain comes back. Then the hatred. Lucy takes a look at the new and old scars. It's ugly. She's ugly. Each cut brings back a terrible memory.

Lucy stands and drains the water from the tub. She rinses herself off and takes a proper shower before heading out and dressing in her pajamas. With winter nearing, Lucy has been wearing long sleeves day and night. She's always grateful for winter. It means she can her wrists without suspicion. During hotter seasons she's forced to cut her thighs and hips instead.

With a towel pressed against her fresh cuts, Lucy exits the washroom and heads to her laptop. She spends the night looking up thinspo and reminding herself why she wants to lose all the weight. She can't give in to the pleasure of food. No matter what.

If she does, how can she expect Natsu to like a fat cow? Tears fill Lucy's eyes as she realizes Natsu will never love her. He's too good, with girls at his feet. Girls who are prettier, more deserving, skinnier and worth a lot more. Even dreaming about it is setting her up for heartbreak. But yet she can't stop. She loves him.

"Natsu..." Lucy croaks, shutting her laptop. She flips off the lights and crawls under to many covers, surrounding herself in darkness. This is where she lets her cries go unheard.

A/N: I'm not a cutter but my best friend was. I know plenty of people who do. I suffered depression and more than half my friends and I myself have had or have eating disorders. This is a pretty sick and twisted chapter but trust me it won't be this dark later on.

Note: Depression, self-harm, anorexia, bulimia, suicide, etc is nothing to EVER joke about. Talk to someone if you're suffering.