"Ja, dat am goods. . .just likes dat. . ."

Skwisgaar's fingers crept into shoulder-length brown hair as he congratulated himself on such a good idea. Already, the tightly wound ball of stress laced with sexual need undid itself. Not too long now, until it disappeared completely.

His door slid open, freezing Skwisgaar and distracting his stable slut. Toki juggled a pile of envelopes and junk mail. "Nathan gives me the job of deliverings mail and you got some guitar magazines—oh, I's sorry!"

"Gets out of here!" Skwisgaar pulled the blanket over his waist. "Leaves and don'ts come back!"

"Sorry, I just puts your mail—"

"Forgets de stupid mail, gets out!

"Fuckings hell." Prospective orgasm forgotten, Skwisgaar stood up and fumbled with his belt. Just because Toki left, that didn't mean this was over. "You too. Leaves."

He tore down the hallway after Toki, sure the he'd retreat to his room. Even if he had somewhere else to go, Toki was a habitual creature. Sure enough, the heavy wooden door snapped shut just before Skwisgaar rounded the corner toward it.

"Toki, opens up." Skwisgaar rapped his knuckles against it, then tried the knob. "Unlocks dis and lets me in! I needs to talk wit' you."

A pause denoted Toki's consideration. "You starts yelling or something, though, and I push you rights back out."

Now that Toki appeared before him, Skwisgaar had no idea what to say. He wanted to make sure Toki hadn't noticed that a man situated between his legs, but how suspicious was it to ask? Skwisgaar remained in the hallway when Toki held the door open for him. "I guess it wasn'ts really all dat importants if I forgets. Sees you later, bye."

"What, you nots gonna make sure I don'ts tell the other guys what I sees?"

Skwisgaar halted in his retreat. Really, out of all his bandmates, Toki would be the easiest to be level with about this without repercussion. None of the others could keep a secret to save their lives. That didn't at all mean Skwisgaar was relieved Toki stumbled upon this. If he didn't handle this perfectly, he'd ruin everything for himself. "You won'ts, right?"

"Oh. . .maybes. Maybes not."

Skwisgaar faced Toki, though didn't eliminate any of the space between them. "Dat amn'ts fair. You can'ts tell dat to nobodies. It ams my private t'ing!"

Leaned against his door frame, Toki inspected his nails. "It isn'ts like no one suspects it, anyway."

"Whats you mean by dat?"

"I dids, anyway."

"And how woulds you know what I likes?" Maybe Skwisgaar let his guard down a bit too much since Toki came back home. Sure, they palled around quite a bit more, but he'd been careful, hadn't he? Just like the past eight years they'd known each other? The last nine, for everyone else?

"You don'ts exactly keep you sex life a secret. Everyone know you sleeps with anything, and it isn'ts no stretch of the imaginations that problies include guys. I nevers ask, because I know you gets mad."

"I can'ts tell if you am goings to go runnings to tell dem or nots. You goes ahead and lords it over me, but don'ts tell no ones."

"What aren'ts I telling them?" Toki asked. "Just that you likes getting blow job from dudes?"

Skwisgaar would much rather Toki get all the teasing and name calling out of his system. The sensitive subject matter forced the blond to move closer, so that their raised voices wouldn't attract any unwanted attention. "Ams you asking me because you cares, or because you tryings to get informations out of me what to tease me wit' later?"

"I maybe tease you a bit," Toki admitted. "But I won'ts tell no one, since you ask so nicelies."

"I woulds appreskate dat." Skwisgaar cursed himself for giving Toki such a harmful weapon against himself. Whether or not they were friends, this had so much potential for disaster. Shit like this was the reason he kept to himself as much as possible.

"Why you takes it so seriouslies?" Toki chuckled. "It isn'ts that big a deal. So whats, I already kinds of knews. It don'ts change nothing. But you's kind of cute when you all off balance."

That disarmed Skwisgaar even further. "What's you say?"

"I saids you cute. So you gonna stands in the hallway all day, or are you gonna take you mail so I cans go give Pickle and Moidaface theirs?"

"I takes it, I guess." Skwisgaar narrowed one eye at Toki as he sifted through the pile of stuff on his bedside table. "T'anks."

Skwisgaar wasn't sure what to think when he returned to his room. He and Toki took the odd shot at one another about prospectively encompassing men into their sex life, since Skwisgaar suspected him and every other member of his band at one point or another, in turn. He always dismissed it as projecting his own secret outwards, though what if Toki deserved that suspicion? It unnerved Skwisgaar, because Toki unwittingly poked at an unfulfilled portion of his sexuality. Skwisgaar assumed a straight face whenever Toki got aggressive with the others or generally abused their servants just for fun, all while squirming inside. Guilt ate away like acid the first few times Toki crept into Skwisgaar's mind when frustration reached its pique, but he eventually accepted it as a fact of life. Fantasies didn't hurt anyone, nor could they leave concrete evidence behind.

While staring at the ceiling after extinguishing the need, old apprehension about such thoughts reemerged. Sure, Skwisgaar considered it, but the reality of the situation was that so much as putting himself out there could cause a catastrophe. He'd have to live fifty feet from Toki with that embarrassment for the rest of his life, should he be turned down. And then what if the band found out? Who said Toki was gay enough for that anyway?

A disturbing aspect of this afternoon was how Toki seemed to know exactly how to throw him off guard. But that was just the way he behaved, wasn't it? Calling Skwisgaar cute came out so naturally, much like how he told the band to stop suffocating him so much a few months after they got him home. Toki really wasn't a kid anymore. He'd been through too much shit to see the world so naively. While once he required their guidance to navigate through the day, he now rebuffed their insistence. If not for Toki's steadfast affinity for palling around, Skwisgaar would almost assume that their overdue rescue left him bitter. Assertive and lewd after a couple drinks, it turned out.

A knock came at Skwisgaar's door a little while later, after redressing and pulling his guitar over to his lap. "Who ams it?"

"Toki."

"Whats you want?"

"Lets me come in."

"Is unlocked." Skwisgaar kept his gaze on his instrument, suppressing a burn in his cheeks. Ugh. He still couldn't believe this. "What's you wants?"

"I's bored, figureds I come see what you ups to." Toki landed on his stomach on the bed, causing Skwisgaar's fingers to jumble the scales he practiced. "What's you playing?"

"Not'ing, reallies."

"Just notes?"

"Ja." Used to Toki watching him play, Skwisgaar took a deep breath and commenced ignoring him. A quiet titter distracted him again, though. "What so funny?"

"Just thinking."

"Do I dares ask abouts what?"

"You givings hand jobs."

Skwisgaar's playing ended with a twang. "Toki!"

"Whats?" He rolled onto his back and peered at Skwisgaar upside-down. "You problies has then, rights?"

"I don'ts even t'ink dat am any of you business, whats I do! Quits being so nosy! Keepings t'ing quiet means you don'ts get to ask t'ing like dat!"

"Holies, calms down. I's just curious." Toki paused. "Whats about blow jobs?"

Skwisgaar fixed him with a hard glare.

"I takes that as a ja?"

"I t'inks you should leave."

"Why? Is an easy quetskin to answer, you just says ja or no. Or you nods or shake you head."

"You ams being so rudes right now! What de fucks you so curious for anyway?"

"Why can'ts nobodies be curious arounds here for just that reasons? You talks a lot about all the ladies you get, so what's different about the guys?"

"I don'ts get wit' guys all dat much. I gots one what comes up here from my stable, and dat ams it. I don'ts do not'ing to him, he do it to me. Dere, ams you curiosities satisfied?"

"So you's never sucks or whacks a guy off?"

Skwisgaar rolled his eyes and turned away again. "You am so indecents. Go away."

"Oooh, you totalies has!" Toki gasped. "Dids you like it? What it like, anyway?"

"You needs to stop dis rights now. You ams making me uncomftable."

"I thinks you like getting teased. Otherwise you woulds has hit me with you guitar alreadies."

"Is dat what I gots to do to gets you outs of here? You ams invadings my porsonal space, in all de wrongs way. I wishes for you to leaves me alone and nevers bring dis up again. If you cames in here like a friend, rat'er dan a porvort, I mights talk wit' you about t'ing since you ams obsvisly de big gay."

That should've sent Toki away in a gust of refutation, but Skwisgaar didn't hear his door shut. Chancing a glance over his shoulder, Toki still lounged on his bed, fingers folded over his stomach and expression contemplative.

Skwisgaar raised an eyebrow when he didn't say anything. "Whats?"

"Maybes I curious."

"I don'ts know what you t'inking, but don'ts expect not'ing from me, nots when you walks in here like a caveman what hasn'ts learn no fucking manners."

"When you knows?"

"Abouts what?"

"That you was gay."

Skwisgaar narrowed his eyes. "Looks, I levels wit' you. For whatevers reason you my friend, so if dis am reallies a t'ing you t'inks about for yourself, I talks wit' you abouts it. But you gots to promise dat you stops saying and asking inappropriates t'ing. Gots it?"

"Ja, sure." Toki rolled over again, feet in the air and head propped up on his elbows while he waited for an answer to his previous question.

Still, Skwisgaar hesitated. "Ams you just pretendings about dis, to get more informations about me?"

Toki shook his head. "Is a thing I thoughts about a long time. Since befores I come to join the band. I keeps quiet about it, because I didn'ts think there anyone to talks with. I didn'ts want to ask you, just in case you tease me forevers."

"Likes you has been doings to me today?"

Toki smiled guiltily.

"I don'ts completely believes you. I admits dat I has suspect you of dis befores, but I still t'ink you fuckings wit' me."

"How woulds I convince you?"

"I don'ts know. Anyt'ing you say coulds be a lie. Has you even beens wit' a guy before?"

"I nevers got the chance, back home and here. And I was too busy gettings by when I liveds on the street between."

"Hm." Skwisgaar's eyes remained narrowed.

"You don'ts got to tell me anything you don'ts want to, I guess. I's just curious. I don'ts think I alls the way gay, if I am. I still likes ladies. I just don'ts really care, if I honest."

Skwisgaar could empathize with that. He boasted such a wide range of taste, undiscerning of age (so long as they were of age), race, sexuality, or gender. Thin, fat, clits that looked like dicks or vice versa, none of it mattered. "I promise whatever you likes, however specific, dere ams a name for it. You don'ts got to be all straights or all gay. Dere ams like seven differents t'ing you can be, nowaday."

"Actuallies?" Toki raised an eyebrow. "Likes what? There gay, straight, the one with both. . ."

"Bisexuals," Skwisgaar confirmed. "Asexuals, means you amn'ts attracted to peoples at all like dat. Transexuals, like you identifies as a sex differents from de one you gots at birth. Dat one ams different dan de ot'ers because you cans be more dan one. For examples, if you feels like a woman inside but am a man on de outside, you can stills be a lesbian. And den dere ams polysexual, which mean you don'ts want to identifies as bisexual because you believes dere am more dan womans and man for gender. Then pansexual, which mean dat gender ams completely irrelvant to you. You just sees de porson."

Toki's legs moved back and forth in the air as he pondered that. "Is it appropsrate to ask what you are?"

"I has gone through a process of eliminations, over de year." Skwisgaar shrugged. "I understands dat dere amn't a sides you pick in de whole man or woman t'ing, so I amn'ts straight or gay. Asexual am simplies out of de quetskin. I ams comftables wit' having a dick and I acknowledges dat dere am ways more dan two genders. I comes to de conclusion dat I amn'ts attracted to peoples for any specsific reason, so I calls myself pan."

"How many differents kind of gender are there?"

"I couldn'ts even tell you off de tops of my head. Dere ams pretty much anyt'ing. You cans even be a t'ing like a man what ams attracted to lesbians, like you a lesbian in a man's body but you likes having a dick. Pretties much anyone cans be more dan one gender when it gets dat speksific." Skwisgaar smiled at Toki's mystified expression, calming down with an earnest breach on a topic of great interest. "It gets a bit complicateds, ja. Dere am also a t'ing like romantics orientation. You cans have feeling for a person but not wants to sleeps wit' dem, t'ing like dat. Or for anot'er examples, maybe you reallies sexually attracted to ladies, but you would rat'er be romantics wit' men."

"I think I goings to leave here more confused than when I comes."

"Being confused ams part of de fun. Dere ams a lot to figures out and onlies good way to do it." Skwisgaar plucked thoughtfully at his guitar. "Don'ts even gets me started on sexual behaviours, like what peoples do wit' de peoples what dey am attracteds to. I woulds has to just writes you a book."

"You probablies could. How you knows all this? You saids you hasn't done much wit' guys. Is it just a thing you reads about?"

"Ams interesting to me. I likes to learns about it."

"Sometimes I wonders if you got hobbies other than the guitars. This would maybes count." Toki chuckled. "So what's this thing about behaviours?"

"You reallies want to gets into dat? Ams like gender, I couldn'ts tell you everyt'ing what peoples am interested in, though I coulds probably tell you why if you gives to me an example. Dis ams a t'ing what no one can escapes in dey life if dey likes to has sex, since everyone naturally want to do t'ing what gets dem off. Dere ams different degree, likes vanilla, kinky, or fetishes. Vanilla mean t'ing like what peoples find standard. A man and woman in a monogsmous relatesingip what only has sex in de missionaries way am de most vanilla t'ing I cans t'ink of. You cans make it kinky by maybes she take it in de butt instead of de usual way, or maybes he take it in de butt wit' a strap-on dildo. If dere am a fetish involve, for examples a foot fetish, den maybes one of dem can'ts get off unless what dey doing am gots feet involve somehow." Toki hung off Skwisgaar's every word, mouth slightly agape. "Ands den of course dere am de BDSMs, and all de t'ing what falls under dat. You cans be a person what likes to dominate or be dominate, or boths. Same go for people what likes to be hort or hort ot'ers, wit' deys consent, of course. Dat ams a very broad descriptions, but BDSM am where power really come in. Although, you don'ts even has to have sex when you do some t'ing what people who practice BDSM do."

"Wowie," Toki quietly said. "I didn'ts know there was so much to all this."

"Human sexuality ams a big t'ing. Dere amn't evens close to just one ways to be. So I don'ts feel bad about whatevers I am or likes or does except when I gets tease for it." Skwisgaar cast him an indicative look. "I won'ts be put down for it, and de other guys am pretties bad about t'inking outside de box, nots dat I reallies want to talks about dis sort of t'ing in de hot tubs or de sauna anyway. But I knows dey would has t'ing to say, so maybes you appreskate more now why I woulds rat'er dis keep quiet."

"Ja, I gets it." Toki nodded. "Is a thing you cares a lot about, huh?"

"I guess. Is just an interesting t'ing to me."

"That mights be so, but then on the same notes you tell me that you don'ts do much with guys. Just ladies. If it all a thing you interested in, why nots play around mores? You's figured out how to gets a guy up here without us knowing, so is it just likes even though you know a lots about it, you don'ts do it yourself? Kinds of like I now knows people gots the foot fetish, but I wouldn'ts have that for me?"

Skwisgaar hesitated, struck nervous again given the nature of what his sex life lacked and Toki's association with it. "You know what it am like beings in Dethklok. You says it yourself. What kinds of a chance you gots to do anyt'ing around here what amn't just humps into a lady and gets it over wit'? Dere am such a stigmas about doing anyt'ing outside de box dat de teasing and whatnots amn'ts even wort' to try."

"So there are things you don'ts get to do what you woulds like to."

"Is problies true for everyones, but until somet'ing give, dere am no chance for anys of us."

"You's the most opens about this kind of stuffs out of all of us. If anything's gonna give, is gonnas be you. So if anyones wait for anything, there it is."

"You has a points," Skwisgaar conceded. "But I amn'ts comfkable just tellings everyone ja, I likes guys, sucks it up, you knows? I am stills a private porson about dat."

"Hardlies! Everyone know you gots a good string of ladies coming and goings."

"Is pretties easy to fools everyone, when dat am just what dey expects. Dids you ever t'ink befores today when you walks by a hoodeds porson in de hallway dat he ams acklies a guy what comes to my room?"

"I—noes, not exactlies. . ."

"Den deres you go."

Toki moved his feet progressively faster, the longer they spoke, and now he gazed at an indiscernible spot on Skwisgaar's blanket while he thought everything over. "I think peoples don't give you credits for being smart. Maybes you dumb about most things—we all are—but what you knows about, you knows pretty much everything. I woulds come for you advice agains on this, if I needs it. If you don'ts mind."

"So longs as you remember what I say. I don'ts want you comings in here beings rude. You knows now if you ask nice enoughs, I tells you t'ing wit'out a problem. You starts being lewd, I gives you not'ing."

"Ja." Toki paused. "So whens did you know you nots completely straights?"

"I hads dis friends when I little, maybes about eleven. We nevers did not'ing because we too young and I doubts he t'ink de same way anyway, but t'inking abouts him woulds keep me up late because I wouldn'ts be able to sleep. I didn'ts get den why I t'ink about hims like dat de same ways I might t'ink about how nice a girl look, but den my moms and I was drivings to Göteborg one day when it comes to my head I had to be bisexual. It made so much sense, I had to stops myself from tellings her. I figures it out better laters on, ja, but dat am when I thoughts I had a name to puts on it."

"You nevers felt ashame?"

"I was nevers taught to be ashame, so it never occureds to me untils I move away from Swedens, and by den it was too lates for me to care."

"You's lucky."

Skwisgaar shrugged. His mother was never ashamed either, about her sexuality. He always wished she could've been, just for his sake. "Once you learn dere amn't anyt'ing what ams acksly weird, it ams a lot easier t'ing to deals wit'. Why ams de t'ing what ams our deepest porson and what makes us feel so good such a taboo t'ing?"

"Seems kinds of dumb, huh?"

"Dere amn't no shames for me in sex, because I likes to feel good. What am de crime in dat?"

"I don't sees one, from you perskektive."

"So long as you amn'ts being stupid abouts it, like sleepings wit' people to makes dem likes you or pushings boundaries and t'ing, sex amn'ts dat big a deals. It ams in it own way, but nots big in a way likes how people am scandalsized when dey finds out ot'er peoples do it too. And dat dey likes it."

"I felts kind of likes that when I first comes to be in Dethklok," Toki admitted. "Just 'cause you guys was pretties open abouts it. I never saws that before. I relax enoughs to have it now, but I's like you where I don'ts try different thing because I scareds what everyone else say or think. But this also what I means about waitings for something to gives with you. I wouldn'ts has ever asked you befores, if I didn't sees you earlier. I woulds has never known all those things. So thanks for talking with Toki."

Toki stretched when he stood, then bid his goodbyes. Skwisgaar could have gone on, as always whenever someone breached a topic he enjoyed discussing, but keeping people longer than they wanted was an easy mistake for him to make. None of the annoyance and discomfort he boasted when Toki first popped in his room lingered, making it easier to mirror how Toki laid before and study his door.

While Skwisgaar fantasized once in a while that Toki bent his assertiveness toward him, he never considered such a thing feasible. After today, he'd almost hazard deeming it otherwise. But whether or not he and Toki were sensible enough to handle such a thing, nothing was possible without in-depth discussion beforehand. Although Toki displayed curiosity, he required experience before dealing with what Skwisgaar needed.

Skwisgaar sighed and rolled over onto his back. Despite some forbidden burgeoning of anticipation in his gut, he couldn't help but think things were a lot easier when their respective secrets remained as such.