Author's Note: Hi everybody, this will be the last chapter. So now I will be solely focusing on Deeper Connection until something new pops into my mind. Lately I've been working more so on original little stories and poetry of my own, but I'm sure I'll figure out another one or three Metalocalypse fics in the near future.

The nightmare started the same way every single time and it wasn't as if it were all that long of a nightmare either. It was just the context and how real it was that filled his very being with this fear and panic he couldn't remember ever feeling before in his life.

It started with them finding the building where Toki and Abigail were being held captive, it went the way it had in real life. They managed their way through until they reached the room where they should have found their two friends tied to those crosses, still alive, and barely conscious. That's what they should have found, but not in the nightmare. In the nightmare they entered the room to find Abigail kneeling on the floor weeping, a thick metal collar around her neck, but the chain lead nowhere that they could see. There was a body attached to the cross, but it wasn't alive. Nobody spoke, Abigail's crying and the dripping of something possibly blood hitting against the concrete floor. Skwisgaar felt his mouth go dry, his throat tightened and his heart constricted in his chest. He didn't know if he wanted to drop to his knees and start to scream or break down crying, he couldn't look away and he wasn't sure he wanted to, because he didn't want it to be real. He found himself moving closer to the crucifix; it wasn't that much of a distance, but it felt like it took forever. He didn't know where the Assassin was or Magnus for that matter and he didn't care about them, not right now. He stared at the body nailed to the cross, rail road spikes going through blood soaked palms. Toki's lifeless eyes stared ahead at nothing, his face and hair was matted from the blood still pouring from his slit throat. Skwisgaar didn't really think about it, he couldn't think about anything; he wasn't there he was on autopilot. He pulled the spikes from his friend's hands doing his best to not pay attention to the wet crunch then the clatter of metal against the floor when he dropped them. He didn't allow his body to drop to the ground, he gently lay him down on the floor. Skwisgaar sat on the floor cradling Toki's body, he ran his shaking fingers through his bloodied hair remembering how soft and thick it used to be. His skin was cold, but it still had enough warmth to it to let him know that they had been so close and yet they had come late. He thought he heard Abigail whispering "I'm sorry" over and over again like she could have done something or like this was her fault.

How could she think that this was her fault? Skwisgaar had put him in the band back when he'd been a kid, he should have been the one always looking out for him, and taking care of him instead of teasing him. He had loved him though, he cared about him, and he knew that. Just not this past year, this past year he'd been in this Godless place. He'd been chained up like a dog and now...

Skwisgaar held the body close to him, as close as he could; he didn't think about the blood quickly seeping through his shirt making his skin grow sticky. He expected somebody to tell him to let him go, tell him that they needed to leave now, but they knew better than that.

"I'm sorry, please forgive me; I'm so fucking sorry. Wake up, why can't you just wake up? I came for you."

No matter how much he begged or cried there was no intake of breath, no heart beat, and no returned embrace.

Skwisgaar woke up crying, not as intensely as he had been crying by the end of his dream, but crying all the same. He sat up in his bed, despite the lack of clothing he felt hot and sweaty. He rubbed his hands over his face and groaned, he felt a cold shiver go up his spine and this split moment of panic. He looked over beside of him to find an all too familiar body lying next to him. Toki was alive, sleeping as usual he was curled up, his fingers twitching and a pained look on his face. Skwisgaar looked away from him relieved that he was alive, but a left over feeling of guilt was blooming in his chest making him feel like shit.

He hated that dream so much, he knew it was made of an old doubt. He used to think about it a lot before they had gone; what would have happened if they had been too late? It was always a possibility just like it had always been possible that they'd already been dead. It was one of the things that kept him from wanting to go find Toki, he didn't want to find out for himself. He would have preferred living a life full of guilt, misery, and drug addiction never knowing if his friend was alive or dead. He knew that was selfish and that was horrible, but it would have been better than that. The dream was too realistic, too terrifying for him to really be able to handle.

"Skwisgaar?"

Toki sat up looking at the older man with a look of concern on his face. He gently brushed the older man's cheek wiping away stray tears that were still falling from his eyes.

"Why are you crying?"

His voice was so soft and concerned, still laced with sleep. Skwisgaar felt a chill when the younger man touched him, he remembered how his skin had been cold in the dream. Toki had for the most part in the past months forgiven him, there were still times he wouldn't talk and times where he would yell and scream. It was understandable that he was upset, God who could blame him?

Skwisgaar had learned more and more about what had happened in this period of time. Enough to make him hate himself when he realized while Magnus had been telling Toki he deserved to be there, that it was all his fault, and that nobody could love something like him; while that had bee happening Skwisgaar had been getting stoned off of his ass. While that sick bastard had been touching his friend he'd been touching any woman in sight.

"I had a nightmare you died, we didn't find you quick enough." He answered

The answer was simple, but the words felt so strange on his tongue. Toki took hold of his hand lacing their fingers together. Skwisgaar looked at him and feigned a smile, looking at him was hard. He looked better, healthier now and mentally he was working his way to being okay or some resemblance of the word. He was becoming more and more comfortable with being touched, only by Skwisgaar so far. He felt some comfort when Toki climbed onto his lap, Skwisgaar wrapped an arm around his waist. His body was warm and heavy the opposite of the cold light dead weight from his nightmare. Toki still held onto his hand now busy with tracing his index along the palm of his hand.

"That was my biggest fear that we'd find you too late. I didn't want to find you like that."

"Magnus used to say the different ways he'd kill me, he said he wanted to wait for you guys to show up so he could make you watch."

"I kind of near the end wanted him to just do it already, everything hurt so badly, and I didn't think you guys were coming. I just believed him when he said you wouldn't, I didn't think you'd want me back after everything he did to me."

Skwisgaar ran his fingers through thick brown hair a small sign of comfort, it was the best that he could manage. He wasn't good at comforting or mending broken things; he wanted a way to make it better but he couldn't. He wanted something to say, something to let him know that it wasn't his fault and that it didn't matter what Magnus did to him, because he still wants to be with him.

"I have nightmares too, kind of the same really." He smiled sadly, he pushed his own hair back out of his face.

Skwisgaar felt a warmth fill him when Toki kissed him, it was gentle and longing, and he loved him so much. When it ended the two men smiled at each other, for a passing second everything in the past was forgotten. They kissed again, longer and deeper; Toki pushed him back onto the bed climbing on top of him. Fingers went through blond hair tangling and tugging slightly, lips trailed across the side of his neck, and hands moved from hair to his torso. As much as he wanted more, as much as he wanted to kiss and touch and worship every inch of him he was perfectly fine when it stopped. When Toki was back to lying by his side, holding his hand again.

"I love you" He whispered breath warm against the older guitarist's skin.

"I love you too"

The nightmare was far forgotten, he idly touched scars knowing without looking which were from what part of his life. There was a better chance of Toki forgiving him completely, forgiving all of them than there was of them forgiving themselves. There was always a shared but never spoken about guilt between the four of them for how they had so easily abandoned their friends. They could never explain it or excuse it, doing so made them feel more like shit than anything. Skwisgaar didn't even try, didn't want to; he accepted that he had fucked up horribly. He used to always wish that Toki could just be like the rest of them, but time and age hadn't really corrupted him that way. He was still young, much younger than the rest of them, and no matter how much they told him not to feel or get attached or to trust nearly anybody he came across it never stuck. It seemed to stick better now; he was shyer and more prone to depression than he had been before all of this happened. Skwisgaar missed how he used to be, but he could still see that in him. He loved him no matter what, he'd always had this overwhelming need to be close to him and to take care of him the best that he could. He would complain, he'd always complain when he'd have to watch after Toki; it didn't help his maturity level was never all that much higher than the younger male's. He didn't complain as much now when he was in charge of him, he didn't complain that the rhythm guitarist needed to sleep in his bed with him every single night. At firs the others had joked about it and said it was killing his sex life. Looks would be given by their band mates when they would see how close the two sat now, half of the time holding hands or Toki's head resting on Skwisgaar's shoulder. Nobody made fun of them, they realized how much comfort their young rhythm guitarist found in his friend, and left it at that.

Now lying in bed both of them wanting and trying to fall asleep, but sleep was evasive. Nightmares and bad memories were shoved away to allow the both of them at least a moment or two of sanity. They would kiss and talk, when they kissed and touched it was like they were trying to remember each other. When they spoke it was in Norwegian; it was nice talking in a language they both understood but nobody around them got a single word of. It brought them closer and amused them to no end how much it would anger and annoy their friends.

Skwisgaar kissed and touched scar coated flesh, the younger man shivering and occasionally moaning under his touch. He whispered to him how beautiful he was; he knew he hated the scars. He'd always hated his scars even when nobody knew what they were from, they used to tell him back when he was a teenager that the scars looked brutal. They made him look metal and tough, it seemed to have helped him even if just a little bit. Skwisgaar knowing the memories attached to each jagged mark knew it ran so much deeper, knew that he was afraid people would know what had happened to him. They would know what his father did to him, they would know what Magnus did to him. Skwisgaar wanted to make it hurt less, he wanted to make it all easier and better for him. He even found himself telling him that, telling him so many things. There used to be too many things he kept to himself, too many things he didn't tell him, because it felt stupid or he was afraid it would sound weird or dumb.

Some of the dumber comments made the younger man laugh, but he'd kiss him and whisper he loved him. Skwisgaar told him how he didn't want to lose him again and how missed how things used to be. They spent nearly an hour laying in bed kissing and sharing thoughts they kept to themselves for reasons that on evaluation seemed so fucking stupid now. Skwisgaar promised him they'd stay together this time, nobody would hurt him, he would get better, and he didn't want anybody else. He only wanted him.

Toki ended up falling asleep first; he fell asleep with his head resting against Skwisgaar's chest. The older musician continued playing with strands of brown hair then touching scars stopping at the dip of his back. He thought about it, thought about every single fucking thing in their lives. He waited to wake up back in their old dingy home they all shared back before Toki joined the band. He waited to wake up and realize this was a dream, years that never happened, and he wondered if the day of the audition if he'd still put the baby faced sixteen year old Norwegian kid in their band. He was pretty sure that he still would.