A/N (Original): Okay. I said that this was going to be a short multi-chapter story but it's starting to feel like more than that and, to be perfectly honest, I just don't have time for it at the moment. So, that being said, rather than leave you guys (and girls) hanging for weeks or months at a time while I try to find time to update, this will be the last chapter of this story. However – there will be a sequel/continuation of this. Anyways, hope you all enjoy!
Empathizing
Chapter Five: A New Beginning
Bella's Point of View
I woke feeling more rested than I had in a long time. For once, the memories were fresh on my mind, but I didn't feel alone with it anymore. After telling my true mother and my sisters about my past, I felt… relieved, happy even. Because no one had ever comforted me like that before.
I sat up, yawning as I did so, and took in my surroundings. Immediately, I was aware of a cool hand gently rubbing my shoulder, but I disregarded whoever it was for the moment. I didn't recognize the room I was in even though it seemed vaguely familiar. I didn't think I'd ever been inside it before now, actually.
Turning, I saw Rosalie smiling at me softly and it clicked. I was in Rose and Emmett's room. I returned her smile hesitantly, suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious for sobbing on her yesterday evening. I instantly opened my mouth to apologize but Rose shushed me.
"It's okay, Bella. Alice told me that you were going to apologize but I want you to know that it's okay," she said seriously and I nodded tentatively, making her smile. "Now, Esme has breakfast waiting for you downstairs and we were all hoping that you wouldn't mind spending some time outside with us this morning – it's sunny so you won't have to worry about being cold," she explained and I nodded.
"Sure," I agreed, standing from the bed and heading downstairs with Rosalie following me. I was greeted almost immediately by Alice, although she didn't instantly pounce on me like usual which I appreciated. Still, she looked a little distressed so, once I got to the table where Esme stood waiting for me, I turned and gave her a loose hug which she returned as soon as my arms were around her. "Good morning, Alice," I chuckled quietly and she grinned at me when she pulled back.
"Morning, Bella," she greeted me, her eyes a little brighter now that I had let her hug me.
"Good morning, darling," Esme said warmly, waiting for a nod from me before drawing me into her comforting stone arms. I returned her greeting before taking a seat and digging into the warm omelet that sat before me.
"Thanks, Mom. It was delicious," I said as I finished and Esme beamed at me. As I went upstairs to get ready for the day, I was already feeling more normal after my usual morning routine. My walls were rising safely back into place and my defenses were intact once more for the most part.
Having finished with my preparations and dressed in a pair of well-worn jeans, a black tank top, and a slightly too big for me hoodie, I was ready to spend some time outside. I was now much more stable than before, having had years of practice with this sort of thing.
Yes, it helped to talk to them last night. Yes, it felt unbelievably good to have someone comfort me. Yes, I loved feeling so loved and cherished and protected.
But did I expect it to keep happening if I kept whining about what happened to me? No, no I didn't. No, I didn't expect them to keep me around forever regardless. They had already left once, after all.
Yes, Edward proposed. Yes, they had agreed to turn me into a vampire after I graduated from school. Yes, they had all apologized for leaving me and promised not to do so again. Yes, Edward had assured me a thousand times over that he had been lying that day in the forest.
Did I believe him? Yes and no.
Yes, I believed that he wanted to protect me. Yes, I believed that he loved me, along with the rest of our family. Yes, I trusted them to love and protect me. And, no, I didn't trust myself to be enough. No, I didn't trust myself to be worthy enough to hold their love for eternity.
What was that old cliché? "It's not you, it's me"? Well, in this case, it was true. It wasn't them that were the problem, it was me.
I wasn't good enough. I wasn't worthy of their love. I was worthless. I was no good for them. I was nothing. Weak. Broken. Used. Unlovable. Undesirable. Useless. I. Was. Nothing. And I knew it. I always knew it.
So, yes, I believed that he meant it for now, for whatever reason. No, I didn't believe that it would last.
I thought of what would happen when they left again, as I was sure they would, and my mind instantly flew to what happened the last time they left me. I shuddered. I had been to hell and back and yet, there was nothing more terrifying to me than the thought of them leaving me.
I decided, then. I decided that, no matter when they left or how long it took. When it happened, I wouldn't be forced to live without them again. I would find a way to end my life because I wouldn't, I couldn't, endure that torment again. But how would I do it? The Volturi? Antagonizing another vampire? A bonfire?
It was then that Alice screamed. I realized that I was at the bottom of the stairs and Alice, Rosalie, and Esme were waiting for me on one of the long couches in the room. Without thinking, I moved quickly, thankfully without tripping, to her side at the same time as my mother and sister.
"Alice, what is it? What do you see?" Esme asked worriedly, taking her daughter's hand in her own while I knelt in front of Alice.
My sister shook her head as though come out of a daze. "Bella," she choked out, looking down at me in horror.
I was confused now. "Alice, what – " I started to ask before I froze. Of course, I forgot about Alice.
Rosalie looked between the two of us suspiciously. "What? What did you see, Alice?" she asked, eyes narrowed while she waited for one of us to answer.
Alice was the first to break our silent connection. "I saw Bella as a vampire," she said tersely and the other two vampires appeared confused.
"I don't understand, dear. Haven't you been getting visions of Bella as a vampire for a long time, now?" Esme asked, frowning slightly.
Alice shook her head. "No, Esme, you don't understand." She ground her teeth and a small growl slipped through. "I saw Bella, as a vampire… committing suicide," she hissed the last two words out, her eyes falling shut while our mother and sister gasped at her words.
"What?" Rosalie hissed, looking between us with a horrified, furious, and terrified look at her face. The three emotions flickered her features as she glared between the two of us before fear seemed to win out and she looked at me like I was about to disappear any second.
Esme was frozen by the news, a small whimper escaping her unmoving form. Shame washed over me and my eyes fell shut, my body falling forward just slightly so that my forehead lay against the front of Alice's knees.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, hot tears welling up in my eyes for the pain I had unthinkingly caused them, and I felt a pair of cool arms slip around my waist from the side. Alice was still sitting up from what I could tell and Esme was on my other side. So… Rosalie.
"Bella, please…" Rose begged, her voice sounding strained for the first time since I had met her. "Why would you do that?" she pleaded with me to answer her but I just… didn't know what to say, so that's what I told her.
Another pair of arms wrapped around me from the other side. Esme. "Just tell us however you can. We're here. You can talk to us. Just say whatever you need to," she soothed me and the tears spilled over.
I stumbled and stuttered through an explanation of my thoughts from before, shame filling me further at their small, almost inaudible whimpers of pain at my explanation. I shivered. They thought that they were monsters? Ha! What kind of a monster was I to cause them such pain? Such trouble?
I didn't realize that I had spoken my thoughts aloud until I felt that final pair of stone arms wrap around me as best they could and a pair of cool lips press a soft kiss to the top of my head. Alice. "Bella, you're not a monster. You're a part of our family and we could never leave you again," she shushed me gently.
"You're one of us and you will be with us forever, Bella. You're my sister and we all love you," Rose told me, sincerity ringing in every word.
"Bella, my daughter, I want you to listen to me. You are worth it. You are worth everything to me. I will love you until the end of time and beyond. You are safe and loved, and I will never let you go," Esme spoke softly but with a strength that I had never known could exist in anyone.
I couldn't respond and they didn't speak anymore. They just held me. I think they knew that they couldn't change my views on myself and the way that I saw the world and everyone else in it in just one day. Because they couldn't. After all, like I said before, I could trust their words for now but not for forever. I could trust them, and I did. But I couldn't trust myself.
But… maybe that could change. Maybe they could help me change. It would take a lot of time and hard work, but maybe, together, we could do it. Maybe this could finally be a true change for me. And an end, as well.
An end to his domination of my mind, emotions, and heart. An end to my fear, my hopelessness. An end to that nagging voice deep down inside of me that said that I didn't deserve to be here with them.
And, above all, it would be a beginning. A good beginning. A true beginning. A new beginning.
`~ The End ~`
A/N (Original): Okay, everyone, that's the end of this particular story. However, as stated in the above author's note, there will be a sequel/continuation of sorts. So, this is really more of goodbye-for-now type of thing. I'm not sure when that will happen but it will happen eventually. That being said, I am always up for letting someone take over that sequel for me as long as they're willing to let me Beta it for them.
Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! Now, reviews please! Let me know what you think and any ideas/requests that you have for the sequel! I also want to thank all of my readers – you all make my day whether you review, follow/favorite the story or not! So, thanks for reading everyone!
- Katharine
A/N: I intend to make good on that promise, and eventually I will write a sequel to this story but it will be a long while. Just bear with me!
Your Dark Archangel