It's downright cold.

The wind is blowing relentlessly against my body, leaving me shivering despite the two shirts and thick pants I'm wearing. It's funny because as a child I used to find the sound of wind calming, now that I'm older it's more of a sign of rain than anything. It's fall though, so I suppose that's unsurprising.

I shiver again, resisting the urge to go inside and curl up under my sheets like I do all winter, the only thing stopping me is the inevitable scolding I'd receive.

My mother has always nagged me about acting inappropriately; if I got cold I would curl up tightly even in public or if I got too hot, I'd pull my hair away from my forehead. My mother told me that wasn't "normal" so I wasn't to do it but I don't get it. If you're cold, why should it matter what you do to warm up? I've come to accept that the world I live in isn't the same others live in where appearances, behavior and status are everything. Where I am there are no hairstyles or colors or different types of cars, or even decorations for a room. A room is a room, a home is a home, a pair of pants is a pair of pants. It sounds simple in theory...except I just don't fit in.

I pull my legs up to my chest, ignoring the girly giggle from right next to me. Unlike my mother, my sister Isabel finds my behavior funny and cute. I grunt in annoyance at her obvious you're so cute, big brother. I can't see shit, but I somehow doubt I'm cute.

"So," my mother's voice is accompanied by the clacking of heavy footsteps, she'd been showing her new shoes to Isabel earlier when I showed up. "Do you have a date yet? Or no luck last night either?"

Forget cold, cold is an adjective that no longer applies to me, I feel a burning in my chest all the way up my neck and my cheeks.

My mind conjures up memories from last night. Although I was drunk-which makes everything fuzzier-I can still clearly recall Eren who had stumbled into my path with the grace of a full grown elephant. He was there to watch his friend make a fool of himself, not to meet anyone-obviously, he wasn't exactly being smooth or charming, just awkward as hell-just so happens I find the latter more attractive. Go ahead, try and flatter me but I hate it and I'll most likely tell you to get away from me.

Something about my expression must be enough for them, though god only knows why. "No way!" Isabel shouts suddenly, "big brother! Who is it?"

I groan, burying my face into my knees. The last thing I needed was for my nosy family to find out about Eren. Until this moment he has sorta been this dark little secret I'd wanted to hold close since I've rarely kept anything from them. Especially dates.

For instance, a couple years ago I met this guy and I really liked, Erwin Smith. He had this really deep sexy voice, was super tall, broad and he didn't runaway when I told him I was blind-and that I had been all my life. He asked me out with the promise to take me someplace fancy and I went straight to them only to get humiliated when, after two dates, he tried to come onto me. I could tell he didn't want to see me again if I wasn't going to put out-which I had no intentions of doing. It bothered me even though I didn't know him, another date that was a total waste of my time. Since then I've been picker about dates, which was why Isabel had me join , I guess I have her to thank for last night.

"Levi!" my mother cries in distress. "What's their name?"

I relent with a sigh, there's no hope of keeping this to myself now that it's out, I need to find out what exposed me and fix it immediately. "His name is Eren Jaeger." I feel myself getting hotter again just by saying his name-I love the sound of it and how it rolls on my tongue. It's German, I know due to my never ending curiosity of other cultures. He told me he grew up somewhere in Ohio which is pretty interesting, maybe his family moved from Germany somewhere along the line.

"Is he tough?" Isabel growls the word "tough." I think back, well his shoulders were definitely broader than mine and he had impressive biceps, even his abdomen was covered in muscles so...I know my mother refers to men in magazines with toned abs to be badass. Magazines, I have concluded, must be some high order for only exceptionally attractive people.

"Well, I dunno he's taller than me and really handsome, so yeah-I'd say so." There goes that heat again in my face, I press my fingers to my cheeks where it's most prominent. I don't really understand what this sensation is and I've never asked anybody, it must not be noticeable though? I always get hot when I'm feeling shy or embarrassed, which is pretty uncommon with the exception of today. And last night. Most people just ask me why I'm short so last night's compliments on my appearance were strange and awkward. Although to answer why I'm short, I dunno, fuckface.

"That doesn't help! Everyone's taller than you!" I put my palm flat against the top of my head as if to compare heights, the soft strands of my hair are pleasant against my skin.

"Not you." She give up on this train of thought with a disgruntled hmph and I can't resist the urge to smirk. My mom explained height to me using an example: that it helps you reach things, she put cereal on a high shelf and told me to get it and when I couldn't she demonstrated height by bringing it down to me. Her only flaw was that I had been nine and only wanted to eat some Fruit Loops.

"What's he do for a living?" Leave it to my mother to ruin the whole thing. She's always more concerned with finances and having someone to take care of me when she dies than whether or not I actually enjoy Eren's company.

I frown as I realize he didn't tell me anything of the sort, in fact I told him far more about myself than he was willing to tell me about himself. I don't talk much usually; except when I'm drunk, then everything goes out the window and I let people boss me around or whatever else they want. I sincerely hope that doesn't put him off, because looking back we really got along beautifully-a term I use to describe things that make my heart race. Beautiful is perfect for Eren.

"I don't know," I admit. If only I hadn't been drunk I would have the down low on him already, I'm good at that when I'm sober. Although apparently pointing out the reasons people are lying to me is a huge turn off, so maybe it was for the best.

The silence that follows is enough to tell me she's displeased, she doesn't think it's okay for me to push his profession to the back of my mind. It's dumb as hell, I make enough money to provide for myself and another person, but my mother has always been this way. As a teenager I resented her for it and these days it's not really all that different. I can't help feeling insulted that my own mother thinks I'm an invalid who can't take care of myself. Just because I can't see doesn't mean I can't take care of myself just as well as everybody else, even if doing so is more complicated. I don't want Eren to treat me like that either, I want him to believe I'm just as capable as him.

"It's fine! I'm sure he's got a great job, right Levi?" Isabel, as always, is trying to placid our mother with false reassurances. Personally I don't give a shit if she thinks Eren is a loser because I know he's not, even if he has a shitty job. He's only 21, what can you really expect from someone that young? I'd just recently graduated myself and I'm new to my job, new to my apartment and new to living alone and I'm 25.

"He's 21, so he's probably in college." I clasp my hands together since they're beginning to get stiff from the cold.

I make a mental note to ask him about it tonight so my mother can get off my back. Honestly if I'm lucky enough to meet someone I love, it doesn't matter to me what their job is, I could support two people anyway. Eren seems responsible enough to be studying something sensible, maybe he's going to be a teacher, I had wanted to be one until my mother told me I couldn't, because I'm disabled. Speaking of which, disabled is a fucking dumb word-it's a nice way of saying someone requires special care. Which I fucking don't. One time in middle school I beat up two boys in the playground when they thought they could pick on the "short, creepy blind kid." I got detention but it was totally worth it to prove I could hold my own.

"Just be careful, your father was younger than me and look-"

"I know," I snap, avoiding talking-or thinking-about my shitty father since I'm still in a decent mood. Think about something else like...Isabel once told me I get caught up too early and scare people off but it really can't be helped, I've wanted to fall in love since I was thirteen and grasped the topic. I've read books that make me feel warm inside. The characters in those stories are so happy yet I doubt books do the feeling any justice. I want to fall in love and I have for so long I get caught up and fall easily. It's really a vicious cycle.

"Is he taking you out?" Eren had seemed excited when I asked him to take me out to dinner, his words were tripping over each other in excitement, it was so human that I could tell he was trying to be cool. No matter how endearing he is I won't take back calling him a brat, I love how he gets flustered when I call him that. I can tell from the tone of his voice he was flustered rather than annoyed, though other people might have just assumed he didn't like it I have amazing hearing and I'm used to deciphering feelings from sound alone.

"He's going to take me to dinner tonight." I'm looking forward to it even as I'm anxious. In the back of my mind I keep telling myself we were drunk and could meet up today only to find we don't get along at all. I don't plan on pretending I'm nice either since putting up facades for dates doesn't make sense to me, if he can't handle my real personality then he might as well move on. I'm always just me, I can only hope he's the same way.

"I'm so excited for you! You have to tell me everything when you get home!" I pull my open jacket closed to begin buttoning it since I'm freezing my ass off. I hear a timer begin dinging from somewhere inside, a creak and then the clacking of my mother's shoes.

I'm taken from my vigorous work of getting the buttons through their respective holes when Isabel speaks up, "You think he wants to have sex with you?"

"What?" I say in chagrin.

God Isabel! She is almost as bad as my mother. For fuck's sake, sex is the one thing I try to avoid thinking about. Even if trying is the only thing I tend to succeed at doing when it comes to sex.

"Hey, I know guys and most guys only want one thing..." I bury my face in my hands, I can't believe she's talking like she thinks that's all Eren wants. Hell are there verbal cues that's all someone wants? With Erwin I didn't suspect a thing until he made a psychical move to kiss me while attempting to grope me.

Or I'm horrible at detecting sexual tension.

"Don't do it honey! You're not ready!" I can hear my mother's footsteps approach and clinking as she serves us our lunch.

Totally not ready: I'm only 25 years old, graduated from college and settled into my own home. Read with heavy sarcasm.

I've read smut so I sorta know how it all works and the insinuation Eren might want to have sex with me is strangely arousing. The temperature in my body is hotter than before so I let out a huff to help cleanse my thoughts. Though I can't "see" I can find people attractive too and his fit physique makes me fucking horny, so yeah. Them worrying about him making a move is probably dumb.

I can feel a light breeze followed by heat near me, my mother's close, I can smell her lilac perfume. "Honey you're so handsome, I bet this Eren guy won't be able to keep his hands off you, make sure you remember your pepper spray and knife."

I groan outwardly at the sheer ridiculousness of what she's just said. "Holy shit just stop! He's not a rapist and I'm not going to fuck him; alright?" He could try to rape me but I doubt he could, although I'm blind I make up well for my lack of sight with strength and keen intellect. Don't get me wrong I never let my guard down around strangers but I also don't ready my knife at every occasion.

"Just be careful and don't underestimate him." Unfortunately I'm smart enough to acknowledge she has a point, it's better I don't ever get into that kind of position in the first place. I just really, really hate distrusting someone who doesn't deserve it. Eren has been the nicest person I've ever met-could he really make a 360 and try to rape me? I sigh quietly to myself, my self defense instructor told me I shouldn't trust anyone I haven't known for at least a month. My other blind colleagues say they have a family member or friend drop them off and pick them up so it's obvious if anything's wrong. God I hate giving into the fear that overtakes me during normal situations, I break into a sweat when I have to cross the road or pay with cash and it pisses me off.

"Can we please just eat?" My mother ruffles my hair and I huff in annoyance. I love my mother but she has a difficult time thinking of me as an adult. I guess it's tough for all parents but for her it's even harder because she's convinced I'm going to die on my own.

Which I won't by the way.

I'm thankful when we start eating as it finally occupies my mind for a little while.

"Wait, so let me get this straight: we go to a bar so I can pickup chicks and instead you get a date? What the fuck?" Jean's understandably pissed and I'm sure I'll never get sick of it. Okay, so Jean's sexy but his personality is shitty and if he gets a date-which he won't-it's highly unlikely he'll keep them interested for long. His voice is so easy to tune out and it isn't like he ever says anything important anyway.

I can sense him glaring daggers into my face so I put on the cheekiest grin I can as his glaring intensifies.

"You're a bastard," he growls.

We're sitting in the McDonalds closest to my dorm room, he's eating nuggets, a Big Mac and stuffing his face with a monstor-ish coke. Even the lady working here looked at him like he'd lost his mind, and some dude had offended me by asking if we were going to share. Let's see: cut off my own tongue or exchange possible saliva with Jean? Sorry tongue. At least some choices aren't hard.

It isn't too busy right now since they just started serving lunch ten minutes ago, we always hang out now if I decide to grace him with my presence for a few hours. We even sit at the same table, the sunlight is just right, nobody comes over here so I don't have anybody breathing down my neck and Jean's face has a shadow over it so I don't have to look at him. Yeah, it's pretty much perfect.

I ignore him most of the time but today is accidental. I keep spacing out when my mind wanders back to Levi. I keep telling myself to quit acting like some lovestruck teenage girl but I've just never met anybody that I connected with so well. We talk so easily and he's fucking gorgeous...meeting and chatting with him last night was really amazing and I can't stop daydreaming about how tonight might go. If it's even half as great as last night we'll definitely be going on a second date.

Jean is getting pissed off when I talk about it because he doesn't understand how I could get a date without trying. I think Jean is trying way too hard, if he's going to meet someone they're just going to walk into his life out of nowhere. I mean, for fuck's sake you can't force it, but he can't seem to understand that. Yeah I can understand looking but he's been going through the singles in town with a fine toothed comb, which is just creepy.

"So," my thoughts are interrupted as Jean sucks loudly on his soda, "what's this poor sap look like anyway? Must be pretty ugly to date you." It's my turn to glare. Thankfully he doesn't seem cocky about it, he's just sitting there with a frown.

Levi is the opposite of ugly. He has flawless pearl skin-seriously I thought only airbrushed models looked like that?-his jet black hair is styled perfectly and his clothing was really flattering, god just don't get me started on his eyes. Even though I know he's blind they're really pretty, gray-blue like crystals. Damn he's sexy and to be perfectly honest while he has a great personality; I'm already completely blown away by his looks alone. I grit my teeth as I remind myself to think straight, I don't need this kind of distraction! I have shit to do! Actually...I'm about as busy as a retired seventy year old man and probably about as smart as Connie, except that's mainly because I'm high on sugar and hungover.

"Dude." Jean snaps his fingers in front of me, startling me out of my reverie.

"He's hot okay? What the hell do you want me to say? You want a poem? He's fuckin' hot you're fuckin' not."

I smirk at Jean's scoff. "I'm serious dude, what's he look like? You get a pic?"

"Why would I take a picture of him?"

I legitimately don't get why Jean and his buddies do half the shit they do. Their mindset is so self consumed it hurts my head, like who takes pictures of someone they just met? Jean, there are tons of selfies of him with ladies he randomly met and his Facebook page is lit up with tagged photos from selfies others took with him. Mostly these people barely remember his name the next morning. Honestly, I don't think Levi would have liked me taking pictures of him, on top of being creeped out I doubt they hold much value to him. Personally I think it's creepy to have pictures of acquaintances on my phone. Although a photo would be nice to look at—and sexy, damn-but I wouldn't have asked him, even if I'd foreseen this conversation.

Jean is looking at me like I'm from another planet. "He has black short hair, he's uh, really thin, pale and he-"

"Dude," he leans forward, intruding in my personal space, "it sounds like a male version of Mikasa!"

My eyes must widen in shock. What the actual fuck? No. Levi is much hotter than Mikasa would be if she were even male to begin with-which she isn't. Levi's key descriptions would give that kind of idea though, but his features would beg to differ. He's way hotter.

And sexier.

And smarter.

...and shorter.

I better keep that last one to myself.

"He's only five two and he's way hotter you fuckin' freak!" I shove him and he lands roughly back into his seat.

What a jackass! Bringing my sister into a conversation involving a potential date? That's sick! Only Jean-who wants to sleep with my sister-would do this to me. Jean fucking Kirschtein is the biggest creep I know and on top of that he thinks he can get into anybody's pants. One time Connie bet him he couldn't get into my pants so he reached into my pants and grabbed my ass.

Then we started punching.

"Aww, Eren found a miniature date, that's so cute." I kick his shin under the table but he merely grunts and offers no other reaction. Levi is short but I'd get my ass kicked if I called him miniature.

"Shut the fuck up, Jean." I spitefully mispronounce his name as Jean rather than as John to get on his nerves. He glares at me. Supposedly he's "European" and the correct pronunciation isn't Jean but "John" but us "nonsensical American fucks" always assume Jean. Because of this when we first met I actually had only heard his name so everything was cool until I wrote out his birthday card and misspelled his name as John. I actually felt bad because back then Jean was really just a nervous exchange student. Now he's just a pretentious asshole.

"What's he like? He blush a lot?" I frown. He does strangely enough, I don't really know why, he seems like such a cool, composed person and then on his blank face you'll get these cute pink cheeks. I honestly am not sure he's even aware of it and with him being blind it would make a hell of a lot of sense.

I finish off my burger and wash it down with my ice water.

Well, now's as good a time as any.

"Uh, he's blind." Jean stares at me as if he doesn't get it for the longest time; I wait for it to hit him as I watch his blank expression. He's so fuckin' slow. He likes to mock me but in all truth he's got a lot to work on if he thinks he's smarter than me.

He raises a brow and crosses his arms across his chest, looking confused. "Hah?" He sounds so damn obnoxious.

"He's blind," I point two fingers at my eyes, "as in...he can't see?"

"Oh." I can see the judgment in his eyes as he processes it. I kick him in the shin again, temporarily breaking his concentration.

"It's an impairment, like yours. You know, where you don't have a brain. Doctors were lucky to have saved your life." He glowers heavily at me but I stare back expressionlessly. I swear if he says something negative I'm going to shove my fist into his face. I get it if he doesn't date blind people, that's fine; but it doesn't bug me so he needs act like an adult for once and try to accept that. He can keep his opinions to himself.

Of course he opens his big mouth, "So you gotta hand feed him and hold his hand everywhere he goes, huh? Sounds like a lotta fun Eren, escorting an old lady around." He's trying to piss me off, although I think he means it too even though he's partially only saying it to get a rise out of me. I'm not in the mood for it either way.

I stand up abruptly, ignoring his shouts of protest as I head for the door, throwing out my trash on the way. We're friends, Jean and I but sometimes I can't stand him, he's a pretentious shithead who thinks he's above everyone else and that his opinion is superior. The type of guy who thinks he knows the best for you even about what you should have for breakfast.

I hate him, I really do.

But I also enjoy hanging out with him, he introduces me to cool people, convinces me to do new things and is always there to challenge me into finishing assignments when I get lazy. Even though I hate him, I also kinda don't, it's confusing as fuck.

I flop into the driver's seat of my car and turn on the ignition just as my phone starts jingling in my pocket. Fuck, he's so lazy he can't even come get me? I pull it from my pocket and blink in surprise at the number on my screen; mom? Why would she be calling? I answer since she only ever calls me to invite me to have dinner or because something's wrong, either way I don't want to miss out. "Hey Mom, what-"

"Oh my god, Eren guess who's coming over this weekend!" she sounds like those girls on television who just got to meet their favorite celebrity.

There are two people I can think she'd get this excited over, my father or my grandmother. I'm willing to bet my life's savings it's my dad since my grandmother was here a week ago. I brighten up at the prospect of seeing him, even if I don't get to talk to him much I love it when I get to see him regardless. My concern over Jean's opinion is melting away quickly, I can go see my dad as soon as he arrives and spend awhile at home like I'd planned in the first place!

"Dad! When is he-"

"No silly." I deflate like a popped balloon, sinking into my chair. Who could she possibly be so excited over? "Armin is coming home for the summer! You guys should try to reconnect. I'm having him over for dinner." Armin.

I stare out my wind shield at the gray clouds forming in the distance as I struggle to form an appropriate reply.

It's been years since we last saw each other in person. Even when we broke up we only talked over the phone once. Though it was a neutral decision that we both thought was for best of both of us, it was still a breakup. We haven't hardly talked since then, except he emailed me once a year ago to ask me how I was and after I told him I was fine, he let me be. I thought my life would feel empty without Armin, but it doesn't. I still have friends, I even have a date tonight, there's really nothing for me to miss—well, except his constant company but I guess in a sense I was relieved to have all my free time to myself. For awhile at least.

I haven't been tempted to get in contact with him since then, except the occasional stray thought reminding me it's easier to come crawling back than to be strong and move on. Nobody wants unfamiliar things to go away, even if it's better if they do. Mikasa stayed in touch, she told me Armin handled our breakup well and I'm secretly hoping he has somebody so my mother will drop the notion immediately.

"Mom," I finally manage as she's getting ready to ask if I'm okay. "I can't, I have a date."

She perks up even more, "You have a date? With who?"

"His name is Levi, um..." I glance over and Jean is exiting the McDonalds to come over and irritate me, I don't have time for this, plus I'm in no frame of mind for this type of conversation. "Oh, Mom I gotta go, my boss is calling. I'll call you tomorrow, alright?"

"Okay but-"

"Bye." I hang up and rest my face on the steering wheel as Jean raps on my window.

This is my life, just when I think I'm going to have a normal summer some weird shit has to happen.

I ignore Jean until he climbs into the passenger's seat and pokes me about thirty times soundlessly like a toddler. I'm tempted to bite his finger off and punch him in the face but that would take too much effort. "What the fuck do you want?" I snap.

He scowls, eyes serious as he observes me for a long moment as if gauging my mood or trying to figure out what's bothering me. While he might not be particularly quick I know damn well that he'll figure it out, he's smart if given the time.

"Oh shit dude, is Armin trying to get you to go out with him?" Close enough I guess. He can read me better than my mom, she doesn't seem capable of sensing my distress. I take a minute to run over our conversation only for my train of thought to be derailed, "You could totally bang him."

"What?" I demand in shock. All my heat instantly abandons all other parts of my body to go to my cheeks. For a second he seems to consider his words before shrugging it off as if to say your loss. I punch him in the arm harder than intended, he grabs the hurt bicep with a wince.

"It was just a suggestion! Aren't you gonna bang shorty tonight too?" I put my head in my hands. Fuck me. Fuck my life. Why is Jean trying to convince me to lose my virginity to a complete stranger? And why the fuck is he calling him shorty when I told him specifically what his name was?

"Just, oh my god, shut up."

I can hear the smirk in his voice, "You've thought about it."

My embarrassment is so off the charts I start rocking back and forth in my seat, tempted to slam my face into the steering wheel.

"Urg! Go home, Horse Face!"

It's silent, when I look up to glare at him I'm instantly mortified by the way he's wriggling his eyebrows and leaning closer. If anybody was watching us they'd probably think he was suggesting he bang me instead. Oh shit, as much as I hate him he's fucking hot, I'd-

-I'd die.

Please I just want to disappear.

"Okay, okay I'll go." He exits but not before leaning in with a hushed, mocking tone, "Just be careful buddy, shorty might molest you."

"I'll fuck you up!" He shuts the door, laughing his ass off.

I'm seriously fucking tempted to run him over.